A few days ago, when I was praying without words, I “saw” these verses. It took only a few minutes to make some notes, but the rest of the day to put them into words.
The Father loves his Son and has put everything into his hands. John 3:35; NLT.
Into your hands
I commend my pleasures,
Ending my time here on earth.
Into your hands I consign my darkness,
Leaving the land of my birth.
Into your hands I entrust my anguish,
Setting my life here aside.
Into your hands I commit my spirit,
Jesus, my Saviour and Guide.
Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last. Luke 23:46; NIV.
The LORD will guide you always.
Isaiah 58:11; NIV.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4; KJV.
This prayer burst upon me last Wednesday morning. It was an absolute pleasure to write and reference it.
Worship the LORD in the splendour of his holiness (1 Chronicles 16:29; CSB).
1. I worship you in darkness,
And in light;
I bless you, Lord, in stillness,
And in dance.
2. I follow you in solitude,
And crowds;
I honour you in anguish,
And in peace.
3. I sing your praise in silence
And in sound;
I trust you, Lord, in sorrow,
And in joy.
4. I give you thanks
For everything you send:
Rejoicing that you love me
Without cease.
He loves us with unfailing love;
the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever.
Praise the LORD! (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
References
Verse 1
– Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name (Psalm 103:1; KJV).
Verse 2
– Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me” (Matthew 4:19; NLT). – Honour the Lord for the glory of his name (Psalm 29:2; NLT).
Verse 3
– Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people; praise his holy name (Psalm 30:4; NIV).
– Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
Verse 4
– Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV). – I send good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things (Isaiah 45:7; NLT).
– Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice! (Philippians 4:4; NLT).
This prayer came to me early last Thursday morning for the lovely friend to whom it is dedicated.
God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).
May this narrow path of sickness
Bring some good to those I meet.
As you help me bear my anguish,
May they trust, and start to pray.
May this narrow path of sorrow
Bring some good to those I greet.
As you help me face my passion,
May they follow you each day.
May this narrow path of hardship
Bring some good to those I join.
As you help me sense your presence,
May they come to share your way.
I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News (Philippians 1:12; NLT).
References
Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it (Matthew 7:14; NIV).
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).
The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22; NLT).
Today’s article is the last in a series of three. It draws together what I have learned so far about honest prayer, including praying about the issues hidden in my shadow-self. If you would like to check out the previous two parts, here is the link to Part 1: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu, and for Part 2: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXD.
Then the Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39; NLT).
Following Biblical teaching on prayer, I want to:
Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
Pray simply (Matthew 6:7-13; NLT).
Pray truthfully (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
And these are the things I don’t want to do:
Pray about what I think I should pray about.
Say what I think God wants to hear.
Ask for what I think I should ask for.
Hide whatever is happening in my shadow-self.
My way forward in prayer is to:
Be completely honest, straightforward and direct with God.
Confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them, say sorry to God, then to the person concerned, and work towards reconciliation, if possible.
Tell God about everything in my shadow-self, especially the issues I would rather hide, ignore, or deny.
Jesus shared everything with God, so I can do the same. For example, I can:
Ask questions, express doubts, and weep.
Tell God about my self-pity, shame and regrets.
Express my frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anguish, grief, dread and despair.
Conclusions
I don’t want to “sanitise” my prayers by concealing my shadow-self. Neither will I say anything which is untrue. For example, I don’t recite prayers about being joyful or loving when these things are not genuinely present in my emotions and behaviour.
Rather, I want to speak the truth in prayer with complete honesty and openness at all times. Nothing I say will ever surprise or shock God, who knows everything about me long before I begin to speak. In fact, he is waiting for me to come to him and to confide in him, just as Jesus confided in him during his time on earth.
The LORDmustwaitfor you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).
Additional references
Beforeaword is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).
He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).
I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives (Jeremiah 17:10; ESV).
O LORD, you have examined my heart and knoweverythingaboutme (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).
In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).
Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).
As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).
We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
I took a few days off from making rosaries, following the completion of my largest project so far, and because my anxiety and depression are high. Today’s Fiat rosary is the first of a new order.
There they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread (Psalm 53:5; NIV).
Introduction
For the last few weeks I have been exploring my chronic sense of *dread (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dTm, for example). Today’s blog describes a way of handling it which came to me whilst I was praying a few days ago.
Psalm 74
My dread springs from the trauma and emotional damage I experienced when I was young. A passage in Psalm 74 accurately captures the toxic atmosphere in my childhood home:
Turn your steps toward these everlasting ruins, all this destruction the enemy has brought on the sanctuary. Your foes roared in the place where you met with us; they set up their standards as signs. They behaved like men wielding axes to cut through a thicket of trees. They smashed all the carved paneling with their axes and hatchets. They burned your sanctuary to the ground; they defiled the dwelling place of your Name. They said in their hearts, “We will crush them completely!” They burned every place where God was worshiped in the land (Psalm 74:3-8; NIV).
Praying before my icon
Last Wednesday I stood praying before my icon of Mary. As I touched both her hand and that of the infant Christ, I was longing for my dread to disappear. Suddenly I saw a different attitude to living with my dread. Thanking her, I hurried to write it down.
My notes became a prayer which encapsulates this new way forward. Now, I am trying to say, “Yes” to my dread, and to thank God for it, in accordance with the charism of the Community of Our Lady of Walsingham (p10, The Book of Life, Community of Our Lady of Walsingham; 2022).
Saying “Yes” to dread
So instead of longing for my dread go away, I now pray like this:
Lord, thank you for my sense of dread. It kept me safe when I was young, never knowing when, or where, the axe of my mother’s fury would fall next.
Please help me to welcome and accept my dread, surrounding it with love and gratitude. I want to rejoice in it as my oldest friend: the primitive, instinctive part of me that has protected me since birth.
Healing touch
After saying a spontaneous version of these words, I lay my hand on my abdomen and whisper to my dread:
My dearest friend, you can relax now. You no longer need to be constantly vigilant, ready to make me freeze, run away, or hide, in order to protect myself. You and I are in God’s hands, and we are safe now, no matter what happens.
A final prayer
Then I end like this:
Lord, thank you for my dread. Please help me to surround it with love. I ask this in your dear Son’s name. Amen.
Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).
References
*The symptoms of Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), include “A pervasive feeling of apprehension or dread” (helpguide.org).
All your waves and breakers have swept over me (Psalm 42:7; NIV).
I am in the hands of the Lord, the Most High is my safe resting-place (Psalm 91:9; BBE).
God gave me this prayer today, so, although it’s late, it’s absolutely specific to Good Friday. I’ve never prepared a blog so quickly before, so please forgive its rawness, and any errors, which I will try to correct over the next few hours. Normally, you just receive the finished version.
God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).
Let me join your constant prayer
For all the world, with faithful care,
One mind with you, Lord, as you share
Our troubles.
Let me join your ceaseless prayer
For all the world, with tender care,
One heart with you, Lord, as you share
Our sorrows.
Let me join your endless prayer
For all the world, with steadfast care,
One soul with you, Lord, as you share
Our anguish.
Let me join your fervent prayer
For all the world, with loving care,
One flesh with you, Lord, as you bear
Our torment.
He took up our pain and bore our suffering (Isaiah 53:4; NIV).
He poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors (Isaiah 53:12; NIV).
Additions later in the day:
11.09am: Continuing to think about and work on today’s blog, this is how Isaiah 53:12 is translated in the Literal Standard Version of the Bible. I thought some of you might find it interesting, especially because of how the present tense is used in the final phrase:
“He exposed His soul to death, And He was numbered with transgressors, And He has borne the sin of many, And He intercedes for transgressors” (my emphasis).
11.17am: When we pray, we join in with Jesus’ constant prayer for all the world. It’s like logging on to a ceaseless Zoom meeting with Jesus leading, and with all the other people who are praying at that moment. So let’s not log off at the “end” of our prayers – let’s just stay logged in all the time!
The emotions surfacing in last night’s dream were loss, anger, distress and powerlessness. Once again, I woke up shouting, then began to pray.
It’s very rare for me to pray for myself, but facing the Breast Clinic tomorrow with a lump on my sternum, this is how I prayed today, writing it down immediately afterwards:
Lord, whatever this lump turns out to be, please help me through the whole experience.
Please help everyone who is suffering in any way to go through whatever they must face.
Even while I’m saying this, Lord, I know you’re always with every one of us, sharing our suffering, and longing to help us through it. Yet even you, our Creator, have to wait until we turn to you and ask.
Please help everyone who is suffering to come to you, so you can show us your love and compassion, while you help us to go through whatever we must experience.
I ask this in your dear Son’s name. Amen.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4, NLT).
References
Jesus told him, “Iamtheway, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6; NLT).
You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate (Matthew 7:13; NLT).
He became anguished and distressed (Matthew 26:37; NLT).
He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Mark 14: 35-6; NLT).
My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done (Matthew 26:42; NLT, my emphasis).
In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).
The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).
Sunrise over the sea, taken from my front door yesterday morning
Context: On Sunday evening I was reading about the Annunciation, and reflecting on how Mary freely chose to bear God’s Son. Then today’s question and answer dialogue came straight into my mind, all at once:
And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).
I want your will to be done, not mine (Matthew 26:39; NLT).
Will you accept this illness? Yes, I will, Lord. Do you accept this pain? Yes, Lord, I do.
Can you accept this trouble? Yes, I can, Lord,
And I’ll embrace my cross with joy
For you.
Will you accept this burden? Yes, Lord, freely. Do you accept this grief? Yes, Lord, I do.
Can you accept this anguish? Yes, Lord, gladly,
So I’ll give thanks, and bear my cross
For you.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).
References
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).
I am glad when I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ that continue for his body, the church (Colossians 1:24; NLT).
If we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering (Romans 8:17; NLT).
Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies (2 Corinthians 4:10; NLT).
Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34; NLT).
Rosary-making news: The Rosary Hospital (with thanks to J.W.)
On Sunday I finally hit on the best way for me to make Fiat Rosaries successfully. These rosaries help the user to explore all four mysteries in one cycle of prayer. The story of how they began is available here: https://associationfiat.com, in several different languages.
The same evening, a friend offered to send me some broken rosaries, to my great delight. I’ve already received a box of similar materials from a shop in Walsingham, and am recycling their usable parts to make corded rosaries.
My husband commented dryly that I’m now running a “Rosary Hospital”, which felt instantly significant. As I don’t charge for what I make, recycling rosary parts helps to keep my costs down. If recipients want to, they can donate to the Community of Our Lady of Walsingham.
Making rosaries is a spiritual exercise, and a form of ministry which brings me great pleasure and purpose, though I still have much to learn. If the Rosary Hospital idea develops further, I’ll post about it here.
Meanwhile, here is yesterday’s non-Fiat rosary (making one each day is enough for my arthritic hands). It’s extra large, chunky and tactile, made especially for an elderly lady:
Context: Today’s prayer continues my exploration of how God can use our willingly-embraced and gladly-offered suffering to help others. This thread started just a few days ago. Here is a link, in case you want to read that blog first: https://wp.me/p45bCr-cZE. I’m now numbering these linked prayers about suffering, as there is at least one more to come.
I am nothing but dust (Genesis 18:27; NIV).
I’m nothing but dust, Lord,
I’m nothing but sin;
I’m nothing but grief,
And I’m nothing, within.
Yet, Jesus, like you, I am ready to sup:
To share in your anguish,
And drink from your cup.
So I offer my suffering,
Sickness, and pain:
May your will be done, Lord,
Again and again.
I offer my life,
And I offer my death:
May I share your sorrows,
Then enter your rest.
Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:29; NLT).
God’s rest is there for people to enter (Hebrews 4:6; NLT).
References
He became anguished and distressed (Matthew 26:37; NLT).
He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:39; NLT).
Jesus told them, “You will indeed drink from my bitter cup and be baptised with my baptism of suffering” (Mark 10:39; NLT).
O LORD, I give my life to you (Psalm 25:1; NLT).
The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).
I am glad when I suffer for you in my body, for I am participating in the sufferings of Christ that continue for his body, the church (Colossians 1:24; NLT).
Since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering (Romans 8:17; NLT).
Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies (2 Corinthians 4:10; NLT).
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Romans 8:18; NIV).
Rosary-making news:
On Saturday I made a requested five-decade rosary for my priest, which for some reason proved very difficult, though I managed in the end. Today I’ve made one and a half rosaries, and am starting to feel more confident about my method, as it slowly evolves:
Context: Despite coughing and sweating my way through the night with covid, when I woke next day and began to pray, I received some insistent words almost immediately. The four brief, lifeline prayers included in this blog seem to be virtually all I need now, given my new highly isolated and simplified lifestyle:
“Why so dispirited?” I ask myself. “Why so churned up inside? Hope in God!” I know I’ll praise God once again, for you are my Deliverance; you are my God (Psalm 43:5; TIB).
When I feel alone and blue,
With dismal thoughts I can’t subdue,
This is what I say: I love you, Jesus.
When I feel ashamed and sad,
Full knowing I’ve done something bad,
This is what I pray: Forgive me, Jesus.
When I feel ignored and hurt,
Self-pity turned to high alert,
This is what I sigh: Forgive them, Jesus.
When you give, and when you take,
No matter how my heart may break,
This is what I whisper: Thank you, Jesus.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).
References
I love you, LORD, my strength (Psalm 18:1; CSB).
Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).
Rosary news
Yesterday afternoon I made a blue and white rosary, but the final stage (the attachment of the crucifix), failed QC. However, one of the best things about learning to make rosaries is the joy of taking them apart so I can re-use the beads for my next attempt.
