14.1.23: Prayer #2

As I was  beginning to surface from a bad dream early yesterday morning, I heard a voice call out my name: “Ruth!” A few moments later it happened again: “Ruth!” I felt disorientated and confused, too sleepy to respond.

Sitting on the edge of my bed (I have to stand up slowly), I tried to pray about what had happened, but I don’t think I made much sense. 

Even once I began to move about, it took me several more minutes to realise that I could have answered: “Speak, Lord, your servant is listening” (1 Samuel 3:9; NLT). I prayed about this, but felt sad that I had missed my chance to respond.

After breakfast it was hard to pray for others, as discussed yesterday (here is a link: https://wp.me/p45bCr-deo). Then a possible way forward suddenly came into my mind.

Introductory prayers
Using the first section of my five-decade rosary (the cross and the five beads which lead to the main circle), I kissed the cross, and used it to make the sign of the cross. Then I said five of my favourite morning prayers, one on each bead. Pausing at the centrepiece, I asked the Holy Spirit to direct my prayers, and to help me to pray.

First decade: Praying for others
Next, I held the first bead of the first decade whilst praying for the first person who came into my mind. After each bead, I moved on to the next, waiting to see who it was for, then praying for them, as described in the link above.

When I reached the fixed “Our Father” bead, I kissed it, and made the sign of the cross with it again, whilst saying: “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. Amen.” Then I rested for a moment with my arms crossed on my breast, wondering what would come next. 

Second decade: Giving thanks
Almost immediately, I saw that the next decade was for giving thanks, so that’s exactly what I did. On each bead, I waited to see what came into my mind, then gave thanks for it. I knew that this could include saying thank-you for “bad” things, as well as “good” ones.

Half-way through the second decade, I saw what needed to come next: asking God’s forgiveness. Pausing to write this down, I continued giving thanks, until the next “Glory be”, when I rested again.

Third decade: Saying sorry, and asking forgiveness 
On the next group of beads, I said I was sorry for ten different things I had got wrong, one at a time, including my long-standing flaws and weaknesses. I asked God’s forgiveness and help on each bead, as before.

Fourth decade: Forgiving others
By the time I reached this point, I was tiring, but could see that the next ten beads would be about forgiving others. In fact there was no one at all I needed to forgive, so I moved straight on to the last ten beads.

Fifth decade: Praising God
The final decade was devoted to praising ten different aspects of God, which was very easy to do.

Conclusion
I’m hoping that this way of using my rosary might be particularly helpful when praying with words feels like an unmanageable task, or I’m finding it hard to concentrate. Holding the beads one at a time will hopefully help to keep me centred and grounded. It also limits the number of prayers on each subject to ten, though obviously this shouldn’t be too rigid.

The prayer on each bead will be as short, honest and direct as I can make it, so it will hopefully be possible to develop a momentum that keeps me moving forwards to the next prayer, and the next, rather than getting bogged down, or feeling overwhelmed and giving up. Finally, I plan to try starting and ending my circle of prayer by holding the cross during a period of silence.

Rest

I have suffered from Chronic Fatigue since 2005. This means that my energy is always very limited. Exhaustion often forces me to rest, regardless of what I want, or need, to do.

Until today, I have always understood ‘rest’ as time spent sitting down, or being in bed.

However, to my astonishment, God has now shown me that rest can also be a state of mind, and even a way of life.

With this approach, whether or not I am active, living restfully means noticing my sensations, thoughts, and emotions as they occur, acknowledging their reality without judgement, then sharing them simply and honestly with God.

Hopefully, this process will teach me how I need to change in order to live more restfully, so I can be at peace with myself, with God, with others, and the world. 

References

My soul finds rest in God (Palm 62:1; NIV). 

New day

 

Thank you, Lord,
For this new day.

May I rejoice
Along the way,

Express your love
In all I say,

And never cease
To watch and pray.

 

References

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).

Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation (Matthew 26:41; NIV).

When I’m sick

 

When I’m sick, Lord,
Help me still to serve you.

When I’m hurt, Lord,
Help me to forgive.

When I sin, Lord,
Help me to say sorry.

Then, though I am dust,
I’ll fully live!

 

References

Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only (Luke 4:8; NIV).

When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too (Mark 11:25; NLT). 

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV). 

I am nothing but dust and ashes (Genesis 18:27; NIV).

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10; NIV). 

 

Tests

Hello, everyone. I want to let you all know that I’m in hospital with breathing difficulties, just in case there is some disruption to my daily posts. I was admitted on Monday, and am currently waiting to have a scan and, hopefully, a diagnosis. Love to you all, from Ruth XXXXX

 

 

Lord,

Whether my tests are great or small,
May I help those who stumble.

Whether my pain is strong or weak,
May I help others through.

Whether my tears fall fast or slow,
May I help those who suffer.

Whether my life is long or short,
May I, like Christ, serve you.

 

References

The Lord tests the heart (Proverbs 17:3; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

Mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15; NRSV).

Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:40; NIV).

8.11.13.

Hello, my name is Ruth Kirk, and I’m a liberal, Catholic, universalist writer. I live with chronic fatigue, chronic migraine, invasive breast cancer, neuropathic pain, sicca syndrome, chronic costochondritis and autonomic neuropathy. I also have extensive experience of panic, agoraphobia, depression and anxiety, both personally and professionally.

Whilst I’m waking up, praying, or carrying out basic tasks, I often have spiritual insights. I try to express these in my daily spiritual diary, praying for all who visit this website, and for all who don’t.

Recently I also started The Rosary Hospital, making rosaries from new and recycled materials. All the rosaries are given away free of charge. Donations of broken rosaries are always very welcome.

I very much hope you will find something on my site that interests or helps you.

✝️ May God bless you today.
With love from Ruth xxxx

http://www.ruthkirk.org

In your light

Hello, everyone. I woke at 5am today, and, to my great joy and relief, received the inspiration to start writing again. Thank you so much to those who sent messages of comfort, support and encouragement. So, here is today’s newly-minted prayer:

 

I hold my friends, Lord,
In your light,
Which streams into the world
Both day and night. 

I hold my neighbours
In your peace,
Which streams into the world, Lord,
Without cease.

I hold my foes, Lord, 
In your truth,
Which streams into the world
To end abuse. 

I hold all people
In your blood,
Which streams into the world
To bring us love.

 

References

I am writing to remind you, dear friends, that we should love one another (2 John 1:5; NLT).

God is light (1 John 1:5; NLT). 

See, see, where Christ’s blood streams in the firmament! (Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe, Act 5; Scene 2).

If you love your neighbour, you will fulfil the requirements of God’s law (Romans 13:8; NLT).

The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).

Love your enemies! (Luke 6:35; NLT).

The Spirit is truth (1 John 5:6; NKJV).

Supplement your […] brotherly affection with love for everyone (2 Peter 1:7; NLT).

He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ’s blood on the cross (Colossians 1:20; NLT).

God is love (1 John 4:16; NLT).

I long for you

My God, my God, 
I long for you, 
Though you are always here,
Within my body.

My God, my God,
I yearn for you,    
Though you are always here,
Within my mind.

My God, my God,
I thirst for you,
Though you are always here,
Within my heart, Lord.

My God, my God,
I search for you,
Though you always here,
Within my soul. 

 

References

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Mark 15:34; NLT).

I long for you, O God (Psalm 42:1; NLT).

You are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).

I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain (Psalm 143:6; NLT).

All night long I search for you; in the morning I earnestly seek for God (Isaiah 26:9; NLT).

He lives within you (1 John 2:27; NLT).

Contemplation

Father, 
When I come to you in silence 
My body can’t be left outside the door;
So I share my pain and sickness with you,
Then I find they trouble me no more. 

Father,
When I search for you in stillness  
Endless thoughts and fantasies hold sway;
So I share all my istractions with you, 
Then I find they slowly drift away.

Father, 
When I seek you out in private 
Painful feelings can’t be pushed aside; 
So I share my rage and sorrow with you,
Then I find they quietly subside. 

Father,
When I wait for you in darkness 
Terror sometimes shakes me to the core; 
But I share my fear and anguish with you,
Then I let them go, Lord, and adore. 

 

References

Be silent before the Sovereign Lord (Zephaniah 1:7; NIV).

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10; NIV). 

When you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private (Matthew 6:6; NLT).

Wait for the Lord (Psalm 37:34; NIV).

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed (Mark 1:35; NIV).

We adore you as the one who is over all things (1 Chronicles 29:11; NLT).

When sorrow comes

When sorrow comes
I long for you,
While you, Lord,
Comfort me.

When sickness strikes
I search for you,
While you, Lord,
Make me whole.

When life is hard
I cry to you,
While you, Lord,
Strengthen me.

When darkness falls
I beg your help,
While you, Lord,
Heal my soul. 

 

References

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

May the God of peace make you holy in every way (1 Thessalonians 5:23; NLT).

You encourage me by giving me your strength (Psalm 138:3; NLT).

He restores my soul (Psalm 23:3; NKJV).