Today’s prayer came to me most unexpectedly yesterday, whilst I was saying grace before breakfast.
Everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard (Romans 3:23; NLT).
We all have sins that shame us,
Behaviour we regret;
We all have faults and failures,
But Jesus loves us yet.
We know our inner darkness,
The things we can’t put right,
The evils on our conscience,
But Jesus is our light.
We all have guilty secrets,
We haven’t done God’s will;
We’ve judged and wounded others,
But Jesus loves us still.
We know that we are nothing,
Just grains of sand, or dust,
But through Christ comes forgiveness,
So in His name we trust.
Through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins (Acts 13:38; NLT).
There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12; NLT).
Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
References
I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark (John 12:46; NLT).
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life” (John 8:12; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
I am nothing but dust (Genesis 18:27; NIV).
There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent (Luke 24:47; NLT).
A reading: Romans 3:22-25; NLT.
We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.
Briton Rivière – The Temptation in the Wilderness. Wikimedia Commons.
Today’s blog is part two in a series of three short articles discussing the importance of facing and sharing the contents of the shadow-self in honest prayer.
Jesus’ shadow-self
Yesterday’s blog (https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu), was personal, but today’s will focus on how Jesus faced and expressed his shadow, both with God, and with people. We can have no better example than his.
Temptation (Matthew 4:1-11; NLT)
During the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ forty days in the wilderness, his shadow-self is represented as a being who tempts him to go against his conscience by disobeying God.
These accounts show plainly that even Christ suffered from temptation. Like us, he had to wrestle with, resist, and overcome, his seductive fantasies and impulses. He needed to do this in order to face the huge personal sacrifices his ministry would require of him:
We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; NIV).
Irritation (Luke 9:37-43; NLT)
At times, Jesus became exasperated, both with his followers, and with the Scribes and Pharisees. For example, when his disciples were unable to heal a boy suffering from epilepsy, Jesus became frustrated and irritated. Instead of concealing how he felt, he spoke to them very directly and honestly:
You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you and put up with you? (Luke 9:41; NLT).
Then, having expressed how he felt, he healed the boy, and gave him back to his father.
Anger (John 2:13-17; NLT)
When Jesus saw the established corruption and exploitation taking place in the Temple at Jerusalem he was filled with anger. He purposefully made a whip, using it to drive the merchants and money-changers out of the temple. Chaos resulted as he overturned their stalls, scattered their takings, and chased away their sacrificial animals, whilst crying out:
Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace! (John 2:13-16; NLT).
Anger, whether righteous or otherwise, is part of everyone’s shadow, however much we might prefer to deny and suppress it.
Grief (John 11:1-45; NLT)
When Jesus heard that his friend was very sick, he delayed visiting him and his sisters. Two days later, knowing that Lazarus had died, he set off to their house. There he experienced the anger and tears which so often characterise human grief. It’s inspiring to see Jesus’ human emotions shared so openly to those around him:
When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled (John 11:33; NLT).
Then Jesus wept (John 11:36; NLT).
Fear (Matthew 26:36-46; NLT)
After the Last Supper, Jesus went with his disciples to an olive grove to pray. Overwhelmed by the profound fear rising from his shadow, he could not conceal his anguish. Realising what he was about to undergo, he begged God to take his suffering away.
I find it oddly reassuring to know that even Jesus experienced and expressed dread, longing for it to be taken away. At Gethsemane, as always, his prayers were absolutely direct, unembellished by flowery language, honest, short and to the point:
He became anguished and distressed (Matthew 26:37; NLT).
He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:39; NLT).
He was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).
Looking ahead
Examining Jesus shadow-side has been a significant challenge for me, but I want to learn from him:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me (Matthew 11:29; NIV).
Tomorrow I hope to draw some conclusions from this short series on honest prayer.
You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life (Deuteronomy 28:66; NIV).
Introduction: Today’s blog is both personal and heartfelt. It summarises what I’m learning about a painful issue which has plagued me for the last 70 years. I refer here to my dread of being rejected and unloved, whether by a person or by God, as a result of my having done something wrong.
This fear started when I was very small. My mother never forgave me for anything I did which she considered to be wrong. Years later she would bring up issues from the past, still blaming me for whatever I had done that had offended her. With hand on heart, I can say that I never did anything on purpose to hurt her. I was far too afraid of her to even think of taking such a risk. In fact, I lived in mortal dread of her no longer loving me, and of her completely rejecting me.
Sadly, in parallel with this, I was taught at our local Catholic church that a recording angel noted down every sin I committed. No sin was ever forgiven, removed, or forgotten. They all went into the angel’s book, ready be held against me on judgement day.
It was clear to me that there was no escape from judgement, condemnation and rejection, either at home, beyond childhood, or after death. Perhaps it’s not surprising that I have struggled with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, phobias and dread throughout my life.
Of course, I’ve known about God’s forgiveness for a long time, but have never been able to believe it included me. Nor have I been able to “feel” forgiven, and start afresh. Rather, forgiveness has always seemed to be just for other people, as I never deserved it.
Without any hope of forgiveness, my fear of condemnation, withdrawal of love and rejection together create a sense of dread, which is triggered whenever I offend someone. Once triggered, it becomes chronic. This is the heaviest burden I have carried throughout my life, and has always been impossible to put down. It is probably the underlying cause of all my other issues.
So, here is a summary of what I’ve learned so far in my search for a way out of dread, which is essentially a search for inner peace. Each of the five points is supported by Biblical verses I find particularly helpful.
Honesty: Inner peace comes from being honest about my sins, saying sorry to the person concerned, and being reconciled to them, if at all possible. When the relevant person is not contactable, or if they are dead, I whisper to them, addressing them by name, and apologising to them, with God as my witness.
References: You desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. Youwillnotreject a broken and repentant heart, O God (Psalm 51:17; NLT).
Trust: Inner peace comes from trusting God, who promises to forgive me when I repent, and never to remember my sin again. He also promises never to reject or abandon me. He is close beside me, and will comfort me, no matter what happens.
References: Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).
The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29; NLT).
I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins (Hebrews 8:12; NLT).
No one is abandoned by the Lord forever (Lamentations 3:31; NLT).
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18; NIV).
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).
Conscience: Inner peace comes from facing and dealing with my sins in the ways described above, constantly aware of my behaviour, and working hard to restore my relationships, in order to maintain a clear conscience.
References: I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people (Acts 24:16; NLT).
Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:22; NIV).
Confidence: Inner peace comes from being confident that God loves me just as I am, and forever.
References: Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God (1 John 5:14; NLT).
My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident (Psalm 57:7; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD‘s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
Peace: Inner peace comes from knowing that God will never stop loving me, or reject me, so I cling to my faith in Christ.
References: The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).
God sent his Son into the world not to condemn the world, but so that through him the world might be saved. No one who believes in him will be condemned (John 3:17-18; JB).
I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid (John 14:27; NLT).
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).
Conclusion: I don’t think I have reached the end of this journey of exploration and discovery yet, as I’m still learning a little more day by day about how to move from dread to inner peace of mind and heart. Until I reach that goal, the dread continues, so I must do my best to say “Yes” to it, and to thank God for it.
References: “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet Iwant your will tobedone, notmine” (Mark 14:36; NLT).
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).
He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people (Titus 2:14; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
A large Fiat rosary for someone with sight issues, or loss of finger sensation.
Over the last few weeks, since a dream reminded me of something wrong I did many years ago, I’ve been living with a constant sense of dread. Even confessing to the person concerned, and being forgiven by them has made no difference. Once my childhood dread has been re-triggered, it’s not under my conscious control, and seems impossible to shift. However, I’ve now begun working on this with my trauma therapist, and am hoping I can improve again.
Meanwhile, many of the prayers I’m given continue to explore the issues of sin, conscience, guilt, confession, shame, forgiveness and reconciliation.
I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people (Acts 24:16; NLT).
I close my eyes, Lord, Face my conscience,
And confess my sins
To you,
Asking you, Lord,
To forgive
The wrongs I think,
And say, and do.
Then I go
To those I’ve hurt,
Apologise
For what I’ve done,
And beg them, Lord,
To grant me pardon,
For the sake
Of your dear Son.
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).
References
If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).
Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:22; NIV).
LongShadows. Self-portrait of photographer with friend. Lackland AFB, San Antonio, Texas (November 2006). Photo by Peter Rimar; Wikimedia.
Today’s verses came to me yesterday morning as I lay in silent prayer shortly after waking up. They arrived with an involuntary groan, and struck me to the heart.
If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).
I can’t be whole without my shadow, Lord,
Without the parts I bury and deny.
For you know all about me, good and bad:
The sins I haven’t faced, which underlie
The guilt and shame tormenting me within, My sharp regrets, my cowardice and dread
Of being honest, Lord, with those I’ve hurt.
Please help me to confess at last, instead.
Accepting all the anger I deserve,
I’ll say I’m sorry, ceasing to defend
Myself against the truth of every wrong,
And then my shadow will become my friend.
With you, I’ll face the darkness in my soul;
My conscience will be healed, then I’ll be whole.
He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but Hishands make whole (Job 5:18; NKJV).
References
Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).
He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).
The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).
The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith (1 Timothy 1:5; NLT).
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
Yesterday evening I enjoyed making a long, chunky Fiat rosary, suitable for someone with sensory issues of sight or touch. Fiat rosaries don’t usually have a centrepiece, and in making this one, I discovered a way of managing without, which was new for me. I particularly like the heavy cross, which came as part of a donation of used and broken rosaries. My warm thanks to its generous donor.
