Whilst I was slowly waking up yesterday, this prayer came straight to me. I wanted to enjoy being warm and sleepy for a while, but the words were very insistent. It begins and ends with direct quotations from Psalm 139, which I have incorporated into the wording. The full references are below, as always.
Lord, you know everything about me: everything I experience, feel, think, say and do.
You observe all that happens in my body, mind, heart and soul, including everything of which I’m not conscious.
You perceive what I reveal to others, and what I conceal.
You discern all this whether I’m awake, asleep, or dreaming.
Sick or well, you are closer than my heartbeat and my breath.
You hold my life in your hands, loving me, and helping me through all I must face.
Lord, point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
References
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
The life of every living thing is in his hand, and the breath of every human being (Job 12:10; NLT).
The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life (Job 33:4; NLT).
Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:24; NLT).
Introduction The day before yesterday, as soon as I woke, I wrote down the emotions crowding that night’s dream. For the first time in years, this included some positive feelings alongside the usual negatives, although this blog will mainly focus on the negatives:
Positives: Briefly feeling wanted, joyful, loving, connected with a person, connected with an animal.
A learning opportunity Dreams are a learning opportunity. Writing down the emotions they generate enables me to connect with aspects of myself it would be much more comfortable to ignore, deny, or suppress.
As I began to pray, I saw that the emotions experienced during my dream were showing me how I feel about myself. Then I understood that throughout my life a lot of my waking behaviour and sense of self have been driven by the negative emotions listed above.
The origins of my fear and insecurity
The feelings I typically experience during dreams have their origins in my relationship with my mother. As a child, I had no way of understanding them or putting them into words. I instinctively concealed them, because expressing them in any way risked incurring my mother’s criticism, anger and punishment. It was made crystal clear that I was a burden, so, unsurprisingly, I grew up feeling deeply unacceptable to others.
However, I couldn’t hide the effect this had on me. My distress was revealed by behaviours I couldn’t control, including tears, anxiety, fears, lack of confidence, recurrent nightmares, headaches, stress, perfectionism, bed-wetting and sleepwalking.
As I got older, the origin of my fears was buried far beyond conscious awareness. However, my damaged sense of self continued to fester in my unconscious mind, surfacing as panic attacks which seemed to come out of the blue. Anxiety, agoraphobia, claustrophobia and depression went on to dominate my life for many years, until I eventually started to get effective help.
My emotional framework I see now that all my dreams essentially reveal how I have come to feel about myself as a result of how I was treated as a child. My negative experiences formed the foundation of my adult self-image.
However, alongside this realisation I’m beginning to glimpse that perhaps my feelings about myself don’t actually belong to me at all; they may simply be how I was made to feel when I was young. Hopefully, more will be revealed in the coming days.
Positive emotions Meanwhile, I haven’t forgotten those rare, positive emotions experienced during my dream. These have given me hope that if my unconscious mind, and therefore my dreams, can change, perhaps my conscious sense of who and what I am can change as well.
So, after that long introduction, here is today’s prayer:
Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).
Thank you, Lord God,
With all my heart,
For the secret riches
You give me
From the darkness
Of my unconscious mind.
Through Jesus’ name.
Amen.
I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).
God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds (Job 33:14-15; NLT).
Forgotten dreams
In prayer yesterday, I saw that when I can’t remember a dream, I can be sure that it contained nothing I need to know about or deal with at present.
The same is also true when I remember a dream, but no significant theme or emotion stands out. After thanking God for these quiet dreams, I simply let them go. Experience shows that any vague fragments I recall will quickly fade from consciousness.
Recurring dreams
Even if I miss or forget something significant, I’m confident that it will emerge repeatedly in my dreams until I’m ready and able to catch hold of what it has to teach me. This is because the contents of my unconscious mind (memories, traumatic experiences, hidden desires, buried emotions etc), are constantly present, even though I’m not conscious of them. They bubble away beyond awareness, constantly influencing all I feel, think, say and do. They affect how I understand and judge my past, how I react to events in the present, and how I approach the future. They help to determine how I experience life, and how I relate to others.
If I had to face all the contents of my unconscious mind at once, I’m sure I they would overwhelm me. I would become very disturbed, and break down. On the other hand, if I tried to avoid facing them altogether, I would be unable to change, grow and move forward in my life.
Gradual healing, through dreams
Given time, I believe that every significant unresolved experience, trauma and emotion buried in my unconscious mind will gradually be revealed in my dreams. This natural process will continue until I have remembered them all, named them, and written them down. This will enable me to face them one at a time, bring them into the light of my prayers, and asking God to heal them. Thus, through dreams, these issues will no longer remain hidden in darkness, until symptoms such as panic, loss of temper, or despair erupt uncontrollably and without warning, apparently from nowhere.
Cause for rejoicing
So when I check my notebook each morning, I rejoice to see what has been harvested from my unconscious mind during the night. Despite no longer remembering the dreams themselves, their major themes have been safely retrieved and made accessible, ready for prayer. This is all I need.
No surprises for God
Of course, there are no surprises for God in all that surfaces; only for me. This is because God already knows the thoughts of my heart and everything about me that is hidden from conscious awareness. With dreams as my way forward, it’s wonderful to know that even my unconscious mind is being healed.
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
References
I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).
Recently, I’ve been exploring my dreams in a new way – an approach which shows me the unresolved emotional issues hidden away in my unconscious mind.
Following what I learned a few days ago (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dph), the next night I began noting down the overall theme, or essence, of each dream. I did this every time I woke, whilst my memories were still fresh.
By the time I was fully awake next morning, I had a list of all the emotions which had surfaced from my unconscious mind into my dreams that night. For the first time ever, I could consciously connect with them, pray about them, and work with them.
It’s very early days, but the major themes and emotional states I’ve identified so far are: insecurity, anger, losing my temper, lack of confidence, failure and illness.
Having embarked on this inner journey, I have faith that I’ll keep on learning, although it’s impossible to predict what will be revealed next, which is very exciting.
I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
Having completed the “pretty” rosary I started yesterday, here is a photo of it. I’m hoping to deliver it tomorrow, or on Saturday:
As I woke from a particularly disturbing dream yesterday, God gently reminded me that my dreams often relate to unresolved issues in my life (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dov). Then this insight was taken further, by showing me that dreams offer the possibility of a very special kind of healing: the healing of the unconscious mind. This truth was established long ago by far greater thinkers than me, such as Freud, but yesterday it struck me in an intensely personal way.
The purpose of my dreams
Dreams make me face and re-experience unresolved issues hidden from awareness in my unconscious mind. Remembering them when I wake enables me to become conscious of what was previously inaccessible. This process re-establishes a connection with everything I have forgotten, suppressed, or repressed during my lifetime.
Because of my dreams, I can now begin to pray about the contents and conflicts in my unconscious mind, and to ask for healing. It seems extraordinary that I knew nothing about this until it was shown to me yesterday. By paying attention to my dreams, identifying their major themes, and bringing them to God in prayer, I now have an opportunity for all the damage, anger, fear and guilt hidden in my unconscious mind to be healed.
Recurring dreams
If dreams represent life-events which need healing, it’s easy to see that recurring dreams reveal an insistent need to face repressed issues consciously, to pray about them, and to ask for God’s assistance.
It is therefore perhaps unhelpful to ask for a series of dreams to stop, however unpleasant they are. Rather, I need to ask God to help me face and accept the problematic themes they reveal. Then the related traumatic memories hidden in my unconscious mind can at last begin to emerge for healing.
Getting help
Once I face what is revealed in my dreams, I can pray about it, and, if necessary, ask for help. Ways forward might include discussing the matter with someone I trust, talking to the person concerned (if they are alive), going to confession, or working with a therapist.
My expectation is that when my disturbing unconscious issues have been resolved, the bad and recurring dreams associated with them will cease.
Reflection on what I experienced
Yesterday, as I perceived everything described above, I was in God’s hands, full of awe, though not afraid. For the first time ever I was able to see into my unconscious mind for a short while. It looked like a living, roiling mass of dark grey clouds. Previously, I have only seen its smooth, oily, reflective outer surface – the interface between my conscious and unconscious minds.
My way forward
My dreams bring what is unconscious into consciousness, so I can access, act on, and resolve buried issues during my waking hours. In the light of this, from now on I plan to handle my dreams in a new way:
As soon as I wake, whilst that night’s dreams are still fresh in my mind, I will try to identify and name their themes as honestly and briefly as I can, noting them down.
Then I will thank God for my dreams (including bad dreams and nightmares), and ask God to to help me face, pray about, explore and tackle the memories, experiences, traumas, sins, conflicts or unresolved issues they have revealed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I thank God for showing me that my dreams can bring the contents of my unconscious mind back into consciousness, so that when I awake, I can deal with the issues they raise. This feels like a very profound opportunity indeed for healing.
Last prayer before sleeping
Lord God,
Thank you for revealing the contents of my unconscious mind through dreams.
Please show me whatever I need to see each night, so I can consciously reconnect with it.
When I wake, please help me to identify and name the theme of each dream, and to thank you for all it reveals.
Please help me to take whatever action is necessary to engage with your healing process.
I am awed that you can do all this, and that you are so determined to heal not just my conscious mind, but my unconscious mind as well.
I ask this through your dear Son’s name. Amen.
References
I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).
O LORD, if you heal me, I will be truly healed (Jeremiah 17:14; NLT).
Stop press
I was able to start putting my plan into action this morning, and to note the major theme of last night’s dream, which was insecurity.
