die – Seeking God's face together

19.3.23: God’s will

March 19, 2023Ruth Kirk

This little prayer arrived a couple of days ago, just after I’d scribbled down that morning’s first piece of writing in note form:

The life of every living thing is in his hand, and the breath of every human being (Job 12:10; NLT).

While you want us to live, Lord,
We live.

When you want us to die, Lord,
We die.

Lord,
May my spirit
Be silent and still,

Always embracing
And trusting
Your will.

Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10; RSV).

References

The LORD gives both death and life (1 Samuel 2:6; NLT).

Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).

My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done (Matthew 26:42; NLT).

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word (Luke 2:29; KJV).

The Rosary Hospital

Because of headaches, migraines and fatigue it’s been several days since I last made a rosary. So yesterday I was determined to put one together, and here is the result, which just needs a few finishing touches:

6.2.23: Wherever I look

February 6, 2023Ruth Kirk

After writing “Bad dreams”, I had a complete day off yesterday, which included a bit of dancing, some carefully time-limited gardening, and a lot of sleeping!

Some time ago I started to notice how many crosses there are everywhere. I see them in the woodwork of buildings, when road-signs happen to align, on pavements, in shadows, and in all sorts of unexpected places. At one time, I tried to photograph them, but didn’t succeed, as it is my eyes which pick them out and my brain which welcomes them, rather than a camera lens, which just shows a collection of objects. Anyway, these serendipitous sightings of crosses are the starting-place for today’s prayer:

I am with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20; NLT).

Wherever I look, I see the cross
Where Christ was crucified,
Reminding me of his despair,
His pain, and how he died.

Wherever I go I try to spread
The love he came to give,
Because he died for everyone,
So all may fully live.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

Here is a rosary I made a day or two ago, now completed, ready to wrap and deliver. I wish it were mine!

19.1.23: My reason for living

January 19, 2023Ruth Kirk

Although this little prayer began to arrive early one morning, I didn’t finish it until almost midnight on the same day. As I wrestled with it, I felt in my bones that it wasn’t going to work. However, I didn’t give up on the original inspiration, and eventually today’s blog emerged. I wonder why the simplest prayers are so often the very hardest to write?

I searched everywhere, determined to find wisdom and to understand the reason for things (Ecclesiastes 7:25; NLT).

You are my reason for living:
Lord, may I seek you each day.

You are my reason for loving:
Lord, may I worship, and pray.

You are my reason for giving:
Lord, may I serve you in all.

You are my reason for dying:
Lord, I’ll rejoice when you call.

Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me. Now my soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But this is the very reason I came! (John 12:26-7; NLT).

If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord (Romans 14:8; NIV).

The Rosary Hospital

Today I had a second try at making a simple prayer circlet, but this time I used nine beads in each section, whilst marking the beginning and end of each group with small crosses.

There are no static beads in this circlet, apart from at the join. It’s much slacker than a normal rosary. This should make it easier to pray with whilst walking, or carrying out simple tasks. Only one hand is needed to hold the circlet and move the beads along. I’m right-handed, so I can easily pray with it in my left hand. Having just finished my circlet this evening, I’m really looking forward to trying it out tomorrow.

Here are two shots of today’s circlet. The first is atmospheric, taken in my bedroom late at night, while the second shows more detail:

17.12.22: Live or die

December 17, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Just before getting into bed, I always stand before my picture of Christ of Saint John of the Cross. I hold the frame, resting my cheek against it, whilst thanking Jesus for all that has happened during the day, both good and bad. I also ask for his help with difficult situations, and for guidance about things I don’t understand.

To my surprise, whilst I was doing this last Thursday night, today’s prayer arrived unbidden. I quickly realised it was Christ’s response to the personal disappointment and puzzlement I had just been sharing with him.

Whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord (Romans 14:8; NLT).

As for me, I am in your hands – do with me as you think best (Jeremiah 26:14; NLT).

Whether I live or die
I’m in your hands,
Subject to all your tests
And your commands;

Ready to fail, to suffer
Yet believe;
Ready to do your will,
To serve, and grieve;

Ready to pray; give thanks –
I’ve made my choice:
Ready to lose my life, Lord,
And rejoice.

Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it (Mark 8:35; NIV).

Rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16; NIV).

References

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

The LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul (Deuteronomy 13:3; NIV).

Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found (Psalm 11i:35; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT).

Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living (Romans 6:16; NLT).

Rosary News

Yesterday I launched The Rosary Hospital on Facebook, asking for broken rosaries, which I recycle into new ones. Here is a very simple five-decade rosary I made this evening. The only new parts are the cord and the olive-wood cross:

25.11.22: Silence

November 25, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: The days tend to blur into one with Covid, but there are signs of improvement. Yesterday, my husband made bread, we gratefully received our second batch of online grocery shopping, and I walked about 5o yards down the road, which was as much as I could manage. There was no traffic, and the light, waves and gulls gave a strange, dream-like quality to being out of doors. Afterwards, I was so tired that I fell asleep repeatedly.

Be silent before the Lord (Zechariah 2:13; NLT).

In the silence of my mind,
I praise you, Lord,
Who sets me free.

In the stillness of my heart,
I worship you
Continually.

In the darkness of my soul,
I seek your face
Unceasingly.

In the dying of my flesh,
I thirst
For your eternity.

I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain (Psalm 143:6; NLT).

I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? (Psalm 42:2; NLT).

Rosary news:

Following help I was given on Wednesday by a religious Sister, I made my first rosary with a centrepiece, which proved to be a game-changer. It’s holding together so far, with cautious, gentle handling:

18.11.22: Commitment

November 18, 2022November 18, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Yesterday I was able to pray silently for a while, which has been impossible since I became ill with Covid.

The day before I had felt very sad not to have died, but yesterday I saw that as long as God wants me to live, I will live, however exhausted I am, and that when God wants me to die, I will die. So now my only aim is to say, “Yes” to God, and to give thanks for everything God sends. Whether I live or die, I want to embrace God’s will completely.

As part of this realisation, some verses swiftly arrived to crystallise my thinking. Today’s blog owes a great deal to a special prayer I say every day. It’s used by the Community of Our Lady of Walsingham, and is quoted in full below the references.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

Lord,

Forgive my sins,
Though they are many,
As I forgive the people
Who’ve hurt me.

I’m ready now to live, Lord,
At your pleasure;
I’m ready, now, to die,
When you decree.

No matter what you send
May I give thanks, Lord;
No matter what you take
May I say, Yes –

Today, and every hour,
And every moment,
With steadfast faith, hope, love,
And humbleness.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time (1 Peter 5:6; NIV).

References

I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT).

Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10; RSV).

The LORD gives both death and life (1 Samuel 2:6; NLT).

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

Put on mercy, kindness, gentleness, humbleness of mind, meekness [and] patience (Colossians 3:12; LB).

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you (Isaiah 26:3; NIV).

Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13; NLT).

COLW prayer:

O Mary, teach us always
To say YES to the Lord,
Every moment of our life.

O Mary, teach us always
To give THANKS to the Lord,
Every moment of our life.

(Page 17, Community of Our Lady of Walsingham Prayer Book, Verbum Publications, 2019).

29.10.22: Come to help us

October 29, 2022October 29, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Still exhausted, after an incredibly draining hospital trip to London, all I can do is rest as much as possible, and ask for help to pray:

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

The Spirit, too, comes to help us in our weakness. For we don’t know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit expresses our plea with groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26; TIB).

Holy Spirit,
Come to help me:
Intercede for me,
And sigh.

Holy Spirit,
Pray for others:
Plead on their behalf,
And cry.

Holy Spirit,
Weep within us all:
Don’t cease
Until we die.

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

20.10.22: God’s will

October 20, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Yesterday I went into town to do a small amount of shopping and have my covid booster. It was diverting at the time, but afterwards I was absolutely exhausted. It can still sometimes come as a shock to realise how limited I am now in terms of what I can do.

After a long sleep in the afternoon, I tried to work on what I had been given when I woke up that morning. However, I was too tired to make any progress with it. So here is a prayer from my storehouse, instead:

“Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Mark 14:36; NLT).

You came to do the Father’s will
Because you trusted in God’s name.

You wanted to forgive my sins,
To heal my guilt, and end my shame.

So, Lord, you lived and died for me,
Because you shared the Father’s aim:

To spread his love and tender care –
Please help me, now, to do the same.

Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same” (Luke 10:36-7; NLT).

10.10.22: Safe

October 10, 2022October 10, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: The day before yesterday, whilst praying, I was given a group of phrases to reflect on. There were too many to list them all here, so I’ve chosen just those which turned out to be most relevant to today:

The garden of God
The river of God
The glory of God
The presence of God
The mercy of God
The power of God
The darkness of God
The Spirit of God

I had no idea how to use this list in a blog, so thought no more about it after writing it down.

Next morning I looked at the list again, but was still no wiser about its purpose.

However, when I was praying, I saw that there is no need to worry when inspiration doesn’t arrive. Instead, I can trust God to give me the raw materials for each day’s blog when the time is right.

Then, two or three hours later, to my great surprise, I was given the following poem:

YHWH took the earth creature and settled it in the garden of Eden so that it might cultivate and care for the land (Genesis 2:15; TIB).

I’m walking in Eden,
Beside a great river,
Safe in your glorious presence,
Lord God.

I’m walking in exile,
With sorrow and anguish,
Safe, through your mercy and power,
Lord God.

I’m walking death’s valley,
With faith and acceptance,
Safe by your side, in the darkness,
Lord God.

I’m walking in heaven,
At one with your Spirit,
Safe now, forever,
My Lord and my God.

“My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed (John 20:28; NLT).