heartbreak – Seeking God's face together

6.9.23: Each time I wake

September 6, 2023September 6, 2023Ruth Kirk

When I woke yesterday, I longed to return to the bliss I had experienced the morning before, but instead I was given this incredibly difficult prayer to write.

I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?
(Psalm 42:2; NLT).

1. Spirit of the living God,
Please come to me each time I wake:
Lord, set my weary mind aflame,
So I can bless Your holy Name.

2. Spirit of God’s perfect peace,
Please come to me each time I wake:
Lord, intercede on my behalf,
And remedy my broken heart.

3. Spirit of God’s faithful love,
Please come to me each time I wake:
Lord, seek me every time I stray,
And heal my soul – please don’t delay.

4. Spirit of God’s light and truth,
Please come to me each time I wake:
Lord, take me to your dark abyss,
So I can worship You in bliss.

Thou makest me to know the path of life;
in Thy presence is fulness of joy,
in Thy right hand bliss for evermore.
(Psalm 16:11; JPS Tanakh 1917).

References

Verse 1:

He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire (Luke 3:16; NLT).

Bless the LORD, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless his holy name (Psalm 103:1; RSV).

Verse 2:

The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).

I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations (Ezekiel 36:26-7; NLT).

The Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26; AMP).

Verse 3:

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever (1 Chronicles 16:34; NLT).

The Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost (Luke 19:10; NLT).

Verse 4:

God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all (1 John 1:5; NLT).

The Spirit is truth (1 John 5:6; NKJV).

The earth was without form or shape, with darkness over the abyss and a mighty wind sweeping over the waters (Genesis 1:2; NAB).

He spoke with a loud voice from the heart of the fire, surrounded by clouds and deep darkness (Deuteronomy 5:22; NLT).

Moses approached the thick darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; NLT).

I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches from secret places so that you may know that I am the Lord (Isaiah 45:3; CSB).

He who formed us…is God, who has given us His Spirit as a pledge and foretaste of that bliss (2 Corinthians 5:5; WNT).

19.7.23. I love you

July 19, 2023Ruth Kirk

Yesterday morning this prayer came to me whilst I was worshipping very sleepily. I didn’t want to break off, but I had to start writing it down in the end. It proved very difficult to express. I’m really sorry that my words are so inadequate and pedestrian, and wish I could do better.

I love you, Lord (Psalm 18:1; NLT).

1. “I love you” –
This is my spirit’s song;
May I repeat it
All day long,
And serve you well,
And do no wrong:
My Teacher.

2. “I love you” –
Lord, though my heart may break,
I’ll say these words
When I awake,
And lift up others
For your sake:
My Saviour.

3. “I love you” –
This is my only prayer,
For you are with me
Everywhere;
One Lord, one God,
Without compare:
My Jesus.

“My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed.
(John 20:28; NLT).

Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
(Philippians 2:9-11; NLT).

References

Verse 1:
🔻 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am (John 13:13; NLT).
🔻 Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:16; NIV).
🔻 Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:40; NIV).

Verse 2:
🔻 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! (Habakkuk 3:17-18; NLT).
🔻 When I wake up, you are still with me (Psalm 139:18; NLT).
🔻 I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).
🔻 May God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior give you grace and peace (Titus 1:4; NLT).

Verse 3:
🔻 I am with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20; NLT).
🔻 Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love (Romans 8:38; NLT).
🔻 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:4-6; NLT).
🔻 This faith was given to you because of the justice and fairness of Jesus Christ, our God and Savior (2 Peter 1:1; NLT).
🔻 The Father and I are one (John 10:30; NLT).
🔻 This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ (2 Thessalonians 1:12; NLT).
🔻 The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being (Hebrews 1:3; NIV).

30.6.23: Loss

June 30, 2023Ruth Kirk

This blog came to me during silent prayer last Wednesday morning:

I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.
(Lamentations 3:20; NLT).

1. I pray for all
Who live with loss,
Who, daily, must take up
Their cross,
Facing their heartbreak,
And their tears,
Their desolation,
And their fears.

2. I pray for all
Who live with grief,
Who bear their cross
Without relief,
Facing each trouble
On their own,
Clinging, Lord God,
To you, alone.

I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.
(Psalm 63:8; NLT).

References

Verse 1: I eat ashes as my food, and mingle my drink with tears (Psalm 102:9; NIV).

LORD, see my anguish! My heart is broken and my soul despairs (Lamentations 1:20; NLT).

I have cried until the tears no longer come; my heart is broken (Lamentations 2:11; NLT).

Verse 2: O God, let the voice of my grief come to your ear (Psalm 64:1; BBE).

My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken (Jeremiah 8:18; NLT).

My wound is severe, and my grief is great. My sickness is incurable, but I must bear it (Jeremiah 10:19; NLT).

I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul Psalm 31:7; NLT).

Is not all human life a struggle? (Job 7:1; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4; NIV).

The Rosary Hospital

Today’s Fiat rosary. My second bulk order is progressing slowly, but well.

30.12.22: Catch me out

December 30, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Waking with a migraine yesterday morning, I sleepily started saying the Lord’s Prayer. But when I got to “Forgive us our trespasses”, today’s prayer arrived with a bang. I knew I had to write it down immediately, though I always worry because this means breaking off my prayer. Of course, I tell myself that listening and writing are just another way of praying, but I’ve never fully resolved this inner conflict.

Anyway, the background to this prayer is that I lived with constant anxiety as a child (and even as an adult). I knew that everything I did was being watched, and would be roundly and angrily condemned if it was not to my mother’s liking. It’s still very hard for me to grasp that God is nothing like my mother.

The LORD passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The LORD! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6; NLT).

You don’t wait to catch me out
In sin –
You’re rooting for me daily, Lord,
Within.

You don’t wait with rage
Till I confess –
You wait till I repent, Lord,
Then you bless.

You don’t wait
To punish my mistakes –
You wait to heal me,
When my poor heart breaks,

Because you love me, Lord,
And sent your Son –
To help me grow like you,
For we are one.

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).

References

God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple (1 Corinthians 3:17; NLT).

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).

Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him (Colossians 3:10; NLT).

Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy (Ephesians 4:24; NLT).

The Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

Below is a photo of a five-decade rosary I made on Wednesday. Very daringly, it left home yesterday without glue. I’m deeply hoping it will stay together properly. If not, at least I’ll be able to remake it for the recipient.

21.11.22: Lifeline prayers

November 21, 2022November 21, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Despite coughing and sweating my way through the night with covid, when I woke next day and began to pray, I received some insistent words almost immediately. The four brief, lifeline prayers included in this blog seem to be virtually all I need now, given my new highly isolated and simplified lifestyle:

“Why so dispirited?” I ask myself. “Why so churned up inside? Hope in God!” I know I’ll praise God once again, for you are my Deliverance; you are my God (Psalm 43:5; TIB).

When I feel alone and blue,
With dismal thoughts I can’t subdue,
This is what I say:
I love you, Jesus.

When I feel ashamed and sad,
Full knowing I’ve done something bad,
This is what I pray:
Forgive me, Jesus.

When I feel ignored and hurt,
Self-pity turned to high alert,
This is what I sigh:
Forgive them, Jesus.

When you give, and when you take,
No matter how my heart may break,
This is what I whisper:
Thank you, Jesus.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

References

I love you, LORD, my strength (Psalm 18:1; CSB).

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

Rosary news

Yesterday afternoon I made a blue and white rosary, but the final stage (the attachment of the crucifix), failed QC. However, one of the best things about learning to make rosaries is the joy of taking them apart so I can re-use the beads for my next attempt.

In anguish (for M)

November 17, 2021November 17, 2021Ruth Kirk

Blessed be the Lord!
Day after day he bears our burdens;
God is our salvation.
(Psalm 68:19; CSB).

Lord,
In anguish,
And distress,
Hour after hour,
You watch with us.

Lord,
In sickness,
Fear, and pain,
Day after day,
You care for us.

Lord,
In heartbreak,
Loss, and grief,
Month after month,
You comfort us.

Lord,
In birth, and life,
And death,
Year after year,
You carry us.

♥️

He lifts them up, and carries them.
(Isaiah 63:9; LSV).

With you

October 2, 2020October 2, 2020Ruth Kirk

Image: congerdesign, Pixabay

1. With you, night is as radiant
As sunshine,
And suffering as fruitful, Lord,
As health.

2. Silence is as lyrical
As singing,
And poverty as priceless, Lord,
As wealth.

3. Weakness is as powerful
As vigour,
And bad events as treasured, Lord,
As good;

4. Whilst heartbreak is as valuable
As rapture –
But nothing is as precious, Lord,
As love.

References

1. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you
(Psalm 139:12; NLT).

In all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28; NIV).

2. Be silent before the Sovereign Lord (Zephaniah 1:7; NIV).

Sing to the Lord, all the earth (1 Chronicles 16:23; NIV).

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3; NIV).

3. I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong (2 Corinthians 12:10; KJV).

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

4. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4; NIV).

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Galatians 5:6; NIV).

Trust

July 23, 2020Ruth Kirk

Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely,
the one who shared my food, has turned against me
(Psalm 41:9; NLT).

Lord,

1. My path is very dark;
I put my trust in you.

2. May I love my enemies
In all I say and do.

3. Help me to forgive all those
By whom I am reviled,

4. And though my heart is broken, Lord,
May we be reconciled.

Father, forgive them,
for they don’t know what they are doing
(Luke 23:34; NLT).

References

1. If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely on your God (Isaiah 50:10; NLT).

2. Love your enemies (Luke 6:27; NLT).

I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say (Psalm 39:1; NLT).

We will speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

Do everything with love (1 Corinthians 16:14; NLT).

3. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

My adversaries revile me (Psalm 42:10; NASB).

4. My heart is broken (Lamentations 1:20; NLT).

If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, “I repent,” you must forgive them (Luke 17:3-4; NIV).

May terrors fade

July 18, 2020Ruth Kirk

He will wipe every tear from their eyes,
and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain
(Revelation 21:4; NLT).

1. May terrors fade, Lord,
Leaving only peace;
And bad dreams finish,
Leaving only good.

2. May darkness pass, Lord,
Leaving only light;
And evil perish,
Leaving only love.

3. May anguish end, Lord,
Leaving only hope;
And doubting wither,
Leaving only faith.

4. May weeping cease, Lord,
Leaving only joy;
And sickness vanish,
When we see your face.

Now we see in a mirror, dimly,
but then we will see face to face
(1 Corinthians 13:12; NRSV).