heartbreak – Seeking God's face together

30.12.22: Catch me out

December 30, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Waking with a migraine yesterday morning, I sleepily started saying the Lord’s Prayer. But when I got to “Forgive us our trespasses”, today’s prayer arrived with a bang. I knew I had to write it down immediately, though I always worry because this means breaking off my prayer. Of course, I tell myself that listening and writing are just another way of praying, but I’ve never fully resolved this inner conflict.

Anyway, the background to this prayer is that I lived with constant anxiety as a child (and even as an adult). I knew that everything I did was being watched, and would be roundly and angrily condemned if it was not to my mother’s liking. It’s still very hard for me to grasp that God is nothing like my mother.

The LORD passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The LORD! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6; NLT).

You don’t wait to catch me out
In sin –
You’re rooting for me daily, Lord,
Within.

You don’t wait with rage
Till I confess –
You wait till I repent, Lord,
Then you bless.

You don’t wait
To punish my mistakes –
You wait to heal me,
When my poor heart breaks,

Because you love me, Lord,
And sent your Son –
To help me grow like you,
For we are one.

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).

References

God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple (1 Corinthians 3:17; NLT).

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).

Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him (Colossians 3:10; NLT).

Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy (Ephesians 4:24; NLT).

The Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

Below is a photo of a five-decade rosary I made on Wednesday. Very daringly, it left home yesterday without glue. I’m deeply hoping it will stay together properly. If not, at least I’ll be able to remake it for the recipient.

21.11.22: Lifeline prayers

November 21, 2022November 21, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Despite coughing and sweating my way through the night with covid, when I woke next day and began to pray, I received some insistent words almost immediately. The four brief, lifeline prayers included in this blog seem to be virtually all I need now, given my new highly isolated and simplified lifestyle:

“Why so dispirited?” I ask myself. “Why so churned up inside? Hope in God!” I know I’ll praise God once again, for you are my Deliverance; you are my God (Psalm 43:5; TIB).

When I feel alone and blue,
With dismal thoughts I can’t subdue,
This is what I say:
I love you, Jesus.

When I feel ashamed and sad,
Full knowing I’ve done something bad,
This is what I pray:
Forgive me, Jesus.

When I feel ignored and hurt,
Self-pity turned to high alert,
This is what I sigh:
Forgive them, Jesus.

When you give, and when you take,
No matter how my heart may break,
This is what I whisper:
Thank you, Jesus.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

References

I love you, LORD, my strength (Psalm 18:1; CSB).

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

Rosary news

Yesterday afternoon I made a blue and white rosary, but the final stage (the attachment of the crucifix), failed QC. However, one of the best things about learning to make rosaries is the joy of taking them apart so I can re-use the beads for my next attempt.

In anguish (for M)

November 17, 2021November 17, 2021Ruth Kirk

Blessed be the Lord!
Day after day he bears our burdens;
God is our salvation.
(Psalm 68:19; CSB).

Lord,
In anguish,
And distress,
Hour after hour,
You watch with us.

Lord,
In sickness,
Fear, and pain,
Day after day,
You care for us.

Lord,
In heartbreak,
Loss, and grief,
Month after month,
You comfort us.

Lord,
In birth, and life,
And death,
Year after year,
You carry us.

♥️

He lifts them up, and carries them.
(Isaiah 63:9; LSV).

With you

October 2, 2020October 2, 2020Ruth Kirk

Image: congerdesign, Pixabay

1. With you, night is as radiant
As sunshine,
And suffering as fruitful, Lord,
As health.

2. Silence is as lyrical
As singing,
And poverty as priceless, Lord,
As wealth.

3. Weakness is as powerful
As vigour,
And bad events as treasured, Lord,
As good;

4. Whilst heartbreak is as valuable
As rapture –
But nothing is as precious, Lord,
As love.

References

1. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you
(Psalm 139:12; NLT).

In all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28; NIV).

2. Be silent before the Sovereign Lord (Zephaniah 1:7; NIV).

Sing to the Lord, all the earth (1 Chronicles 16:23; NIV).

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3; NIV).

3. I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong (2 Corinthians 12:10; KJV).

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

4. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4; NIV).

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Galatians 5:6; NIV).

Trust

July 23, 2020Ruth Kirk

Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely,
the one who shared my food, has turned against me
(Psalm 41:9; NLT).

Lord,

1. My path is very dark;
I put my trust in you.

2. May I love my enemies
In all I say and do.

3. Help me to forgive all those
By whom I am reviled,

4. And though my heart is broken, Lord,
May we be reconciled.

Father, forgive them,
for they don’t know what they are doing
(Luke 23:34; NLT).

References

1. If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely on your God (Isaiah 50:10; NLT).

2. Love your enemies (Luke 6:27; NLT).

I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say (Psalm 39:1; NLT).

We will speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

Do everything with love (1 Corinthians 16:14; NLT).

3. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

My adversaries revile me (Psalm 42:10; NASB).

4. My heart is broken (Lamentations 1:20; NLT).

If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, “I repent,” you must forgive them (Luke 17:3-4; NIV).

May terrors fade

July 18, 2020Ruth Kirk

He will wipe every tear from their eyes,
and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain
(Revelation 21:4; NLT).

1. May terrors fade, Lord,
Leaving only peace;
And bad dreams finish,
Leaving only good.

2. May darkness pass, Lord,
Leaving only light;
And evil perish,
Leaving only love.

3. May anguish end, Lord,
Leaving only hope;
And doubting wither,
Leaving only faith.

4. May weeping cease, Lord,
Leaving only joy;
And sickness vanish,
When we see your face.

Now we see in a mirror, dimly,
but then we will see face to face
(1 Corinthians 13:12; NRSV).

You’re one with us

April 15, 2020April 16, 2020Ruth Kirk

In all their suffering he also suffered
(Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

He is our God forever and ever,
and he will guide us until we die (Psalm 48:14; NLT).

1. You’re one with us in sorrow, Lord,
When you seem far away.

2. You’re one with us in heartbreak,
When we can no longer pray.

3. You’re one with us in loneliness,
For you are always near.

4. You’re one with us in suffering,
In anguish, pain, and fear.

5. You’re one with us when hope is gone,
And we can’t sense your grace.

6. You’re one with us in darkness,
When we cannot see your face.

7. You’re one with us in dying,
And you share our final breath.

8. You’re one with us for evermore,
In birth, in life, in death.

References

1. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows (Isaiah 53:4; NIV).

Why are you so far away when I groan for help? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).

2. You have taken away my companions and my loved ones (Psalm 88:18; NLT).

3. I know that the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me (Psalm 16:8; NLT).

4. Being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground (Luke 22:44; NIV).

He ordered Jesus flogged with a lead-tipped whip, then turned him over to the Roman soldiers to be crucified (Mark 15:15; NLT).

5. My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).

6. Clouds and thick darkness surround him (Psalm 97:2; NIV).

Darkness is my closest friend (Psalm 88:18; NLT).

Now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12; NRSV).

7. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

Then Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last (Luke 23:46; NLT).

8. Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9; NLT).

Whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17; NIV).

I am with you always, even to the end of the world (Matthew 28:20; WEB).

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5; NLT).

Our lives are in his hands (Psalm 66:9; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

Courage

March 25, 2020Ruth Kirk

Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said.
“Take courage. I am here!” (Matthew 14:27; NLT).

1. Lord,
Please give us courage,
To face all life may bring:
Heartbreak, sickness, hunger,
For you are still our King.

2. Lord,
Please give us courage
To bear all that may come:
Loneliness and worry,
Until this plague is done.

3. Lord,
Please give us courage
To turn to you, and pray,
Trusting in your mercy,
And serving you each day.

4. Lord,
Please give us courage
And hope, for you are great;
Forgive us all our sins,
And help us hold fast to our faith.

References

1. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

2. This is my intense suffering, but I must bear it (Jeremiah 10:19; CSB).

3. I plead for the Lord’s mercy (Psalm 142:1; NLT).

4. Put your hope in God (Psalm 42:5; NIV).

Having hope will give you courage (Job 11:18; NLT)

I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts (Isaiah 57:15; NLT).

Hold fast and repent (Revelation 3:3; NKJV).

After death

January 25, 2020February 6, 2020Ruth Kirk

1. After death, Lord,
All of us will meet
Those we abused,

2. And we will grasp
How much we damaged
Those we have misused.

3. We will face
Our callous deeds,
The hurtful words we spoke,

4. Until we beg forgiveness
From all those
Whose hearts we broke.

5. Help us now, instead, to change,
Say: Sorry, Lord,
And try

6. To live more like
Your only Son, on earth,
Before we die.

References

1. The time is coming when all the dead in their graves will hear the voice of God’s Son, and they will rise again. Those who have done good will rise to experience eternal life and those who have continued in evil will rise to experience judgement (John 5:29; NLT).

2. Now I will pour put judgement on you for the evil you have done to them (Jeremiah 23:2; NLT).

3. Human pride will be humbled, and human arrogance will be brought down. Only the Lord will be exalted on the day of judgement (Isaiah 2:17; NLT).

4. You should fear punishment yourselves, for your attitude deserves punishment. Then you will know that there is indeed a judgement (Job 19:29; NLT).

5. If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV).

6. As we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgement, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world (1 John 4:17; NLT).