This blog came directly out of my personal, spoken prayers yesterday:
If only you had paid attention to my commandments! Your peace would have been like a river, and your justice would have been like the waves of the sea (Isaiah 48:18; CPDV).
I pray for peace and justice, Lord,
Throughout this troubled world,
That everyone will listen,
And your voice, alone, be heard.
I ask for deep repentance, Lord,
Throughout this troubled world,
That every heart will turn to you,
And every conscience stir.
I beg for care and kindness, Lord,
Throughout this troubled world,
That selfishness will be renounced,
And sharing be preferred.
I plead for hope and healing, Lord, In every human soul,
That all will learn to live in love,
For then we will be whole.
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).
Christ Pantocrator, a photo of an icon on my bedroom wall, author unknown.
Just as I reached the end of my few spoken prayers yesterday morning, today’s verses began to flow into my mind. I had to postpone falling silent, so I could write them down.
Their rhythm might sound a bit odd if you read them as a poem, but they fit the tune of my favourite childhood Sunday School chorus, “Turn your eyes towards Jesus”. I tried to include a YouTube link to it, but failed.
The original moving, meditative song was written by Helen Lemmel, in 1918. Her words are available on Google, but I don’t want to risk breaching copyright by quoting them here.
Instead, here is a recording of me singing today’s prayer to her tune. Please forgive my weak voice and shortness of breath:
Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).
Take a step towards Jesus,
Turn to his Father, repent,
Then relinquish selfishness,
Take your cross,
And follow the Saviour
God sent.
Christ forgives every trespass,
Taking away all your sin,
Then He sets you free
For abundant life,
As you grow every day
More like Him.
The Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).
References
Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38; NLT).
God so loved the world, that he even gave his only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world should be saved by him (John 3:16-17; LB).
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10; NIV).
As we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world (1 John 4:17; NLT).
This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ (Ephesians 4:13; NLT).
We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
Happy Easter to you all. This prayer came to me yesterday morning. I jotted it down quickly, but it took 24 hours to put into words!
He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
Lord,
Despite my sins and flaws, Despite my greed and selfishness, You help me, and forgive,
Because you love me.
Lord,
Despite my fears and griefs,
Despite my pain and suffering, I trust you and rejoice,
Because I love you.
Lord,
Despite the times I fail,
Despite the many wrongs I’ve done,
We’re joined in spirit, evermore,
As one.
The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).
References
Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21; CSB).
Rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16; NIV)
I love you (Psalm 18:1; NLT).
He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).
God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin (1 Corinthians 1:30; NLT).
Carrying the cross. 2011. Canvas, oil. Artist A.N. Mironov; Wickimedia.
While I was praying yesterday morning I tried so hard to resist having to write this prayer down, but, as always, it won. As an added bonus, the second line of each couplet arrived first, so I had to work backwards!
O God, you know how foolish I am; my sins cannot be hidden from you (Psalm 69:5; NLT).
Jesus, you know all my sins:
Forgive me; let me start again.
I’ll give up all my selfish ways:
Please strengthen me to start anew.
Taking up my cross, I’ll serve:
Enable me to start afresh.
Jesus, you’re my only hope: Permit me, Lord, to follow you.
Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34; NLT).
References
Forgive all mysins (Psalm 25:18; NLT).
He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).
Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O LORD (Psalm 25:7; NLT).
I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more (Isaiah 43:25; NIV).
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland (Isaiah 43:18-19; NIV).
A reading from Psalm 103:8-14; NLT.
The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.
The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.
The Rosary Hospital
I was really pleased with how this rosary worked out, but when I trimmed off the excess cord, one junction started to fray. I still glued it, but knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn’t good enough. So I photographed it, then took it to pieces, ready to re-make it tomorrow: even a rosary can “start again”.
Today’s blog is about the shadow self. This term encompasses all the aspects of ourselves we find so uncomfortable, shameful and unacceptable that we ignore, conceal, or deny them. However, it is essential to find ways of recognising and expressing these hidden aspects, so we can integrate them into a fuller understanding of ourselves (see “Owning your own shadow” by Robert A. Johnson; Harper One: 1991).
My shadow, for example, includes sin, guilt, shame, selfishness, self-pity, depression, irritability, judging, anxiety, fear, resentment, bitterness, anger, insecurity and feeling unwanted. For a long time, I have habitually taken captive my thoughts and feelings along these lines, saying sorry to God as soon as I become aware of them. I then replace them with something more loving, in accordance with Paul’s teaching (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV). However, until very recently, I have never considered choosing to express them in any other way.
Instead, I generally keep negative feelings and thoughts concealed in my shadow. Unfortunately, this is unhealthy, as these spontaneous aspects of myself are significant aspects of my whole being.
Being honest
Over the last few weeks I’ve begun to grasp the spiritual importance of maintaining a constant awareness of what is happening in my shadow. This enables me to be more honest with myself, with God, and, potentially, with other people.
Of course, I don’t want to simply “act out” the contents of my shadow through impulsive, uncontrolled behaviour. Rather, I want to be in touch with them, so I can choose how to respond. Moreover, if I decide to express them, I want to do so as safely and constructively as possible, for the sake of both others and myself.
Such expression doesn’t necessarily mean voicing my shadow self directly, though occasionally this may be appropriate. Instead, I choose to express my shadow through dance, writing and prayer. Art, music, sports and many other activities can also provide alternative creative outlets.
It won’t go away
Staying in touch with my shadow self and finding safe ways to express it is essential, because ignoring it does not make it go away. Trying to push challenging emotions such as anger, hatred and fear out of awareness leaves them free to create havoc in the unconscious mind. This is how sudden outbursts of exasperation, temper, violence and panic can seem to strike “out of the blue”.
The Psalms
The Psalms offer a healthy example of honouring the shadow by expressing it honestly in prayer, alongside more positive aspects of the self. The writer of Psalm Three, for example, begins by praising God for helping them in the face of their enemies’ threats. The tone remains positive until verse seven, when it changes dramatically, as the author gives vent to the pent-up fear, anger and vengefulness concealed in their shadow:
“Arise, O LORD! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!” (Psalm 3:7; NLT).
Once these negative impulses have been fully voiced, the writer is able to finish on a more positive note:
“Victory comes from you, O LORD. May you bless your people” (Psalm 3:8; NLT).
If the writer had sanitised this psalm by omitting the thoughts and emotions hidden in their shadow, it would have been incomplete. This would have made it far less helpful to both themself and their future readers.
Conclusion The raw, spontaneous truths hidden in our shadow are vital aspects of the self, treasures without which we cannot be complete. To reject them means being out of contact with essential aspects of ourselves.
Learning to integrate the contents of our shadow with our more positive thoughts and emotions is therefore vital for authentic spiritual growth and healing. As Johnson states: “These disowned parts are extremely valuable and cannot be disregarded… To honour and accept one’s shadow is a profound spiritual discipline. It is whole-making and thus holy and the most important experience of a lifetime” (Johnson; ibid, pp ix-x).
So now, after that long introduction, here is today’s prayer:
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Lord,
Thank you for my shadow –
May I face it,
Acknowledging its role
In all I do.
Thank you for my shadow –
May I own it,
So I can choose
To share it all with you.
Thank you for my shadow –
May I love it,
For you desire my honesty,
I know.
Thank you for my shadow –
I embrace it. Lord, may these secret riches
Help me grow.
I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).
I wanted today’s blog to be about what I learned this morning in prayer, but it’s been another demanding day, and I’m very fatigued at present, so I haven’t had enough time to finalise the writing. However, I’m looking forward to sharing it with you when the time is right. Instead, here is a poem I wrote a little while ago:
Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord (Lamentations 3:40; KJV).
Lord God,
I want to start afresh:
To turn from
My self-centred ways,
To love you, Lord,
In everyone,
And try to grow like Christ,
Your Son.
Lord God,
I want to start again:
To do my best to serve
And pray,
To wrestle with
Each chronic sin,
To bear my cross,
And follow Him.
Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).
I wrote this blog a little while ago, when thinking about dementia. Everything about me has been made by God, is sustained by God, and will be taken away by God. I therefore need to be ready and willing to give up whatever God takes away, at any time.
Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away (John 15:2; NKJV).
Yahweh,
Take away my mind:
You know my thoughts –
They’re so unkind.
Please take away my selfish heart:
You know it’s cold and dark.
Jesus,
Take away my flesh:
You know my sins
And weaknesses.
Please take away my troubled life:
You know my inner strife.
Spirit,
Take away my soul:
When you reclaim it,
I’ll be whole.
Take everything: faith, joy, hope, pain –
Till you, alone, remain.
I am nothing but dust and ashes (Genesis 18:27; NIV).
You remain forever (Psalm 102:26; NLT).
References
The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. May the name of the LORD be blessed! (Job 1:21; NET).
The Lord knows people’s thoughts; he knows they are worthless! (Psalm 94:11; NLT).
He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).
If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell (Matthew 8:9; NLT).
O God, you know how foolish I am; my sins cannot be hidden from you (Psalm 69:5; NLT).
He knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust (Psalm 103:14; NLT).
“I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life” (1 Kings 19:4; NLT).
The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies (Psalm 103:2-4; NLT).
Everything comes from you (1 Corinthians 29:14; CSB).
Everything I have is yours (Luke 15:31; NLT).
I am yours (Psalm 119:94; NLT).
Whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord (Romans 14:8; NIV).
The Rosary Hospital
Yesterday I enjoyed making a simple five-decade rosary, which is almost finished. I’m particularly pleased that it is made almost entirely from recycled materials:
Today’s blog builds on one of my very favourite prayers. I say it every morning, having come across it many years ago in “Pocket Prayers for Pilgrims”. This little book was compiled by John Pritchard (Church House Publishing; 2011; page 33). Here it is:
Lord God,
Whoever you bring into our path today,
May we see Christ in them,
And may they see Christ in us,
For your love’s sake.
Amen.
Over the years, without even realising it, I’ve made this prayer more personal. Then, when I was saying it with my circlet yesterday (on bead 1/4), I suddenly saw how it could be extended:
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
Lord God,
Whoever you bring into my path,
My mind,
And my prayers today,
May I see Christ in them,
And may they see Christ in me,
For Thy love’s sake,
Amen.
All of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).
Having written this down I began to pray again (still on 1/4), but a question immediately flashed into my mind:
Do you really think it makes any difference to God whether we are Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant, Methodist, Evangelical, Lutheran, or any other denomination?
The answer, of course, isNo – it makes no difference at all, because what God wants is for us to be Christian in the fullest and truest sense of the word. So what does being a Christian actually mean?
Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).
It means giving up our selfish ways,
Taking up our cross each day, And following Jesus.
It means growing more like him In all we think, say,
And do.
It means seeing, loving,
And serving him In everyone,
Including those we disagree with,
Or disapprove of,
And those who hate or hurt us.
Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! (Matthew 5:44; NLT).
By the time I’d written this down, I hardly dared to continue praying, for fear of what might follow. However, I needn’t have worried, because I was able to let bead 1/4 go, and to move on, though of course I never know what will come next. In fact, bead 1/5 turned out to be full of heartfelt thanks and praise, for which I was very grateful.
References
Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 19:19; NLT).
We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).
Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:49; NIV).
The Rosary Hospital
Today I was able to begin trying out the new rosary-making method I stumbled upon yesterday. This means starting in the middle of the main circlet.
Apart from giving one decade 13 beads, and having to take back a couple of barrel knots to put this right, it worked out well. At the moment, I don’t really understand why it works, but that’s not important. What counts is that it enables me to make two identical knots at the places where the main circle joins the centrepiece, as shown in the photo below. Hopefully, I’ll be able to finish making this rosary tomorrow.
