These verses came to me earlier this week when I was praying without words. I wanted so much to ignore them and keep on drawing nearer to God, but they were so insistent that I had to open my eyes and write down what I was being given:
Today you will be with me in paradise (Luke 23:43; NLT).
Father, While my mind is still,
Please let me rise
To you, in heaven.
Jesus,
While my eyes are closed,
Please let me see
Your shining face.
Spirit,
While my heart is hushed,
Please let me hear
Your wordless sighing.
Threefold God, Though I am dust,
Please let me share
Your peace and grace.
May God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior give you grace and peace (Titus 1:4; NLT).
References
His face shone like the sun (Matthew 17:2; NLT).
The Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words (Romans 8:26; RSV).
I have ventured to speak to the Lord, although I am only dust and ashes (Genesis 18:27; NASB20).
O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1; NLT).
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9; KJV).
The Rosary Hospital
Yesterday I enjoyed improving two of my own rosaries, which have been awaiting my attention for the last few weeks. I feel much happier about them now.
Jozef Israëls – Mijmering (meditation) of ook Ophelia – DM-975-508 – Dordrechts Museum.jpg
Yesterday morning, as I began to pray without words after saying the Lord’s Prayer, today’s blog arrived. I didn’t try to resist, or make it wait, or push it away, though I wanted so much to continue listening, and go deeper:
The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words (Romans 8:26; RSV).
In silence, Lord, I listen
To your Spirit’s prayers
Within me.
In stillness, Lord, I sense you
In my body, heart,
And mind.
Though I’m alone, I share your sighs,
Your wordless intercessions.
In my darkness, Lord,
Please give me sight,
For I am blind.
In my darkness you are all –
I seek you, Lord,
And find.
Seek and you will find (Luke 11:9; NIV).
References
The Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26; AMP).
Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? (1 Corinthians 6:19; NLT).
Pray in the Holy Spirit (Jude 1:20; RSV).
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion (Ephesians 6:18; NLT).
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy (Isaiah 35:5-6; NIV).
This little prayer arrived a couple of days ago, just after I’d scribbled down that morning’s first piece of writing in note form:
The life of every living thing isinhishand, and the breath of every human being (Job 12:10; NLT).
While you want us to live, Lord,
We live.
When you want us to die, Lord,
We die.
Lord,
May my spirit
Be silent and still,
Always embracing
And trusting
Your will.
Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10; RSV).
References
The LORD gives both deathandlife (1 Samuel 2:6; NLT).
Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).
My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done (Matthew 26:42; NLT).
Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word (Luke 2:29; KJV).
The Rosary Hospital
Because of headaches, migraines and fatigue it’s been several days since I last made a rosary. So yesterday I was determined to put one together, and here is the result, which just needs a few finishing touches:
When I fall silent, God continues to give. Sometimes I can’t help wishing this didn’t happen, so I could enjoy the stillness for more than a few brief seconds…
Jesus revealed himself again to his disciples (John 21:1; CSB).
Jesus,
You reveal yourself
In music,
And in dancing.
Jesus,
You reveal yourself
In others,
And in love.
Jesus,
You reveal yourself
In stillness,
And in silence.
Jesus,
You reveal yourself
In water,
And in blood.
Jesus Christ was revealed as God’s Son by his baptism in water and by shedding his blood on the cross – not by water only, but by water and blood. And the Spirit, who is truth, confirms it with his testimony (1 John 5:6; NLT).
References
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
One of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water (John 19:34; NIV).
The Rosary Hospital
Yesterday I made a loose prayer circlet for someone, then decided to re-make my own, having learned a lot from experience since I originally put it together. Here it is, almost complete, now waiting in the queue to receive its finishing touches:
Context: Yesterday I woke to the sound of a roaring sea, knowing that my friend was crossing to the island at that time. As I prayed for him, today’s blog burst into my mind. It is my prayer for all people in 2023:
It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within (Mark 7:20-23; NLT).
Lord,
Please calm
Our raging storm
Of greed, and hate,
And war.
Heal every mind, And heart, and soul – Lord, save us!
I implore.
Change us,
As you changed Saint Paul,
For we, too, hate, oppress,
And kill.
In every mind,
And heart, and soul
Please whisper: Peace, be still.
Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm (Mark 4:39; NKJV).
References
Then His disciples came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” (Matthew 8:25; NKJV).
Saul was uttering threats with every breath and was eager to kill the Lord’s followers. …As he was approaching Damascus on this mission, a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?” “Who are you, lord?” Saul asked. And the voice replied, “I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do” (Acts 9:1;3-6; NLT).
“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the LORD told him. And as Elijah stood there, the LORD passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper (1 Kings 19:11-12; NLT).
What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear! (Matthew 10:27; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
Yesterday, to my great joy, I received a package of beads and special Fiat rosary centrepieces, which I ordered several weeks ago from America. Having tracked their long journey, including the surprising information that delivery had been unsuccessfully attempted at 7am on Christmas morning, I was delighted to lay hands on them. In the evening I celebrated their arrival by making the first section of a Fiat rosary:
Context: The days tend to blur into one with Covid, but there are signs of improvement. Yesterday, my husband made bread, we gratefully received our second batch of online grocery shopping, and I walked about 5o yards down the road, which was as much as I could manage. There was no traffic, and the light, waves and gulls gave a strange, dream-like quality to being out of doors. Afterwards, I was so tired that I fell asleep repeatedly.
Besilent before the Lord (Zechariah 2:13; NLT).
In the silence of my mind,
I praise you, Lord,
Who sets me free.
In the stillness of my heart,
I worship you
Continually.
In the darkness of my soul,
I seek your face
Unceasingly.
In the dying of my flesh,
I thirst
For your eternity.
I lift my hands to you in prayer. Ithirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain (Psalm 143:6; NLT).
Ithirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? (Psalm 42:2; NLT).
Rosary news:
Following help I was given on Wednesday by a religious Sister, I made my first rosary with a centrepiece, which proved to be a game-changer. It’s holding together so far, with cautious, gentle handling:
Context: Last Saturday was a rare, blessed, unpressured day with no hospital appointments, and no building work taking place at home. I had breakfast in bed, followed by the luxury of a whole morning to write this prayer, which arrived soon after I woke up:
Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things (Ecclesiastes 11:5; NLT).
God: in stillness, silence, darkness;
Here, in yearning –
Our unknown.
God: in worship, wonder, rapture;
Here, in bliss –
Our stepping stone.
God: in nature, labour, service;
Here, in love –
Our source, our home.
God: in weakness, envy, anger;
Here, in sin –
Our cornerstone.
God: in conflict, terror, trauma;
Here, in carnage –
Our shalom.
God: in sickness, sorrow, anguish;
Here, in pain –
Our flesh, our bone.
God: in striving, yielding, dying;
Here, in all –
Our Lord, alone.
The LORD is our God, the LORD alone (Deuteronomy 6:4; NLT).
References
Stand in silence in the presence of the Sovereign LORD (Zephaniah 1:7; NLT).
God is love (1 John 4:8; NLT).
By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made (Genesis 3:19; NLT).
The stone that the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone (Psalm 118:22; NLT).
I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT).
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).
Yield yourselves to God (Romans 6:13; RSV).
Now yield and submit yourself to Him [agree with God and be conformed to His will] and be at peace (Job 22:21; AMP).
Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit (Matthew 27:50; NKJV).
The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
There is …one God and Creator of all, who is over all, who works through all and is within all (Ephesians 4:5-6; TIB).
Rosary-making news:
I’m longing for the arrival of some 1mm cord from the UK. This should hopefully thread through the wooden beads I’ve already bought. At present, I only have 1.5mm cord, which is too thick to go through them. Until the thinner cord arrives, I’m limited to making necklaces and bracelets, practicing barrel knots and threading a few beads by chewing the thread. Still, today I made my first ever equal-length sliding knots.
Context: Today’s blog arose from two lines which came to me recently:
Out of my darkness Comes radiant light…
This phrase describes the sudden upwelling of inspiration which generates my writing. I have never been able to put it into words before.
Because of its rhythm, I expected the couplet to become the start of a poem. However, this task soon proved to be beyond me, so instead I resorted to making notes about what I needed to express. To my surprise, these jottings became a short article outlining five distinct stages through which most of my blogs come into being. After some prayer and reflection, I feel fairly comfortable about sharing it:
In Jerusalem, near the Sheep Gate, there is a pool with five porticoes; its Hebrew name is Bethesda. The place was crowded with sick people – those who were blind, lame or paralyzed – lying there waiting for the water to move. An angel of God would come down to the pool from time to time, to stir up the water; the first one to step into the water after it had been stirred up would be completely healed (John 5:2-4; TIB).
1. Worshipping without words When worshipping without words, I rest in a womb-like space at the threshold between my conscious and unconscious minds. It’s warm, still, peaceful and dimly-lit, so I feel safe and comfortable there.
2. Light and movement Then, without warning, a brilliant light bubbles up from the total darkness of my unconscious mind, stirring the previously still surface of my consciousness. Intense brightness, warmth and love overwhelm me. I don’t know how long this moment lasts, because I’m not aware of anything beyond it, though I suspect it’s just a few seconds.
3. Inspiration, insight and words This light brings a spiritual insight that is new to me, though it wouldn’t necessarily be new to others. I experience a moment of intense personal learning and inner healing. Discernible words quickly follow, rising up out of the darkness, though I neither hear nor see them. They simply take shape in my mind. Usually these words form the opening lines of a prayer; occasionally, an ending. They nearly always set the theme and rhythm for the whole piece.
4. Starting to write Revelling in God’s light and warmth, I’m often reluctant to break off in order to catch hold of what I’ve been shown. However, long experience has taught me that if I don’t write it down immediately, it will disappear from my memory. The moment for seeing and grasping each insight comes only once.
So I reach for my iPad or notebook, quickly scribbling the words, then sketching out the shape of the whole piece. Sometimes, as I’m writing down each line, the next appears from nowhere, then the next, and I simply write them down. This takes just a few minutes. Once the bare bones of the piece are safely on the page, I begin the much longer process of working to express exactly what I learned as clearly and briefly as possible.
Gradually, the whole piece takes shape. If possible, I prefer to finalise it on the day it arrives. However, this stage can sometimes takes longer, depending on how difficult it is to put what I experienced into words.
5. Finishing There is always a strong sense of relief and fulfilment when I finish encapsulating each experience securely, in writing. Along the way I will have searched out numerous Biblical quotations, so all that remains is to select a few of the most helpful, tag some key words, and choose an illustration. This completes the process of preparing to share the light which comes out of my inner darkness.
I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden wealth of secret places, so that you may know that it is I, Yahweh, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name (Isiah 45:3; LSB).
References
He uncovers deep things out of darkness (Job 12:22; NKJV).
Darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters (Genesis 1:2; KJV).
Beautiful words stir my heart (Psalm 45:1; NLT).
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer (Psalm 19:14; NLT).
Context: After about three hours of very concentrated writing in bed, I began to surface into awareness of my body and my surroundings. I was just saying (slightly self-pityingly), to God that I never have enough time to pray, and that even a lifetime isn’t nearly enough, when I saw how different this will be in heaven. There, I will have all eternity to lose myself entirely in worship, without any distractions or responsibilities.
Then, the very next moment, it came to me that when I’m worshipping here, on earth, I’m temporarily experiencing heaven, and sharing the bliss of unending oneness with God. This oneness is the same on earth as it is in heaven, so heaven is now. Today’s prayer hit me in an instant, like an arrow reaching its target. I scribbled it down, then had to get up and start engaging with the day. I still didn’t have enough time to pray undisturbed!
NB: Writing this sparked off another prayer, which I hope to post tomorrow, God willing.
In my heart, I am thirsty for you, the living God.
When will I see your face? (Psalm 42:2; CEV).
Not enough silence, And not enough stillness.
Not enough solitude.
Not enough time…
Suddenly: Heaven
Unbounded, united
In mercy and love:
I am yours, You are mine.
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.
(Song of Songs 6:3; NIV).
Context: As soon as I start to pray, I often see what I have to write, yet, having scribbled it down and started to sort it out (which can take several hours), I then feel I should still be praying. This is a daily conflict. I’ve thought about asking for help with it, but didn’t expect anyone to understand.
Yesterday, I suddenly realised that this inner conflict comes from my childhood. Whatever I was doing, my mother never hesitated to criticise me, telling me what I should be doing instead. I lived in fear of her anger, and I could never relax, or lose myself in what I was doing.
Thus, I began to glimpse the possibility that it’s okay to do whatever I’m doing, without feeling I should actually be doing something else.
At the time of writing the above, I thought how helpful it would be to link it with a relevant prayer, but a rare, brief attempt to write one on my own came to nothing, as is always the case.
However, today, when I had just woken up, and wasn’t even thinking about this issue, the following mirror-image prayers suddenly came to me, encapsulating all I needed to learn:
1. I love you
I love you, Lord (Psalm 18:1; NLT).
I love you when I’m praying,
And I love you when I write.
I love you when I’m wrong, Lord,
And I love you when I’m right.
I love you when I’m busy,
And I love you when I’m still.
I love you when I’m well, Lord,
And I love you when I’m ill.
I love you when I’m serving, And I love you when I sin.
No matter what I’m doing, Lord,
I love you, God within.
2. You love me
God’s love toward us is great (Psalm 117:2; TIV).
You love me when I’m praying,
And you love me when I write.
You love me when I’m wrong, Lord,
And you love me when I’m right.
You love me when I’m busy,
And you love me when I’m still.
You love me when I’m well, Lord,
And you love me when I’m ill.
You love me when I’m serving,
And you love me when I sin.
No matter what I’m doing, Lord,
You love me, God within.
We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.
Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
(1 John 4:16; NIV).
