Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

Life

Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity (Hebrews 6:1; NIV).

A wise person thinks a lot about death (Ecclesiastes 7:4; NLT).

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Lord,
Bless us all,
Throughout our lives:

Our struggles
To grow up,

To overcome
Our brokenness,

And search
Our inner depth.

Lord,
Bless us all,
Throughout our lives:

Our sickness
And decline,

The struggle to accept
Our fate,

Our letting go,
And death.

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: 6pm on day 6

Hello, everyone. Well, today has been by far the hardest yet of my week-long agoraphobia challenge. It began very pleasantly with a slow walk in a local country park with my sister. There were deer chewing the cud calmly, close to our path, and a large herd to be seen on the way back. The autumn colours and blue sky were glorious.

After lunch my sister dropped me off at my mother’s care home. As I walked toward her room, I felt the familiar burst of anxiety. She was lightly asleep, moving in the bed, and opening her eyes a little from time to time. I found it impossible to stay in the room, and repeatedly retreated to the corridor. My big fear was that she would wake up and want to relate to me. Eventually the owner-manager stopped by, and after a few pleasantries, I asked if I could talk  to her in private. Without going into too much detail here, I told her about my childhood, and its effects on my mental and physical health. She was a great listener, warmly sympathetic, kind, and very understanding. I was extremely grateful for her help.

Afterwards, I settled sufficiently to sit with my mother again for a few minutes, then left. By accident, I set off the fire alarm as I let myself out, but coped without panicking.

Now, here’s a strange thing: I had to wait at a bus stop, catch a bus, then walk half a mile back to my sister’s house. I’ve only done this once before in my whole life, so you might expect it to be pretty demanding from an agoraphobic point of view. However, I made the whole journey feeling totally empty and blank, as if after a shock, with almost no thoughts in my mind, or feelings in my heart.

On paper, tomorrow is due to be the most demanding day of my trip, as it involves using trains for the first time for more years than I can count. However, just at the moment, I’m so physically and mentally drained that I have very little sense of anticipatory anxiety at all. Of course, it may well rise later, as the effects of such a stirring afternoon wear off a little.

Meanwhile, this evening brings two contrasting prayers. The first expresses the shadow side of how I feel about my mother. The second shows how I ask God to forgive her, and to spare her from suffering every day:

1. Sitting with mother

I don’t mind
Sitting at a distance, Lord,

But I don’t want my mother to stir,
Or wake, or speak.

I don’t want to hear her voice,
To touch, or kiss her.

She’s an unexploded bomb,
A sleeping tiger.

Surely she cannot live forever?

2. Please bless

Lord God,

Please bless, forgive,
And heal my mother.

Enfold her in your arms,
And draw her to your heart,

For evermore.

 

 

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body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,, Prayer

Those who never pray

They […] wouldn’t think of praying to the Lord (Psalm 14:2-4; NLT).

One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up (Luke 18:1; NLT).

Keep on seeking, and you will find (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

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Lord God,
Please bless all those
Who never pray –

Those who don’t remember you,
Or think of you;

Those who don’t believe in you,
Or long for you;

Those who don’t trust in you,
Or seek you out –

Lord God,
Please bless all those
Who never pray.

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light, fire, love, peace, prayer, faith, contemplation, God,

“Never stop praying”

They […] wouldn’t think of praying to the Lord (Psalm 14:2-4; NLT).

Never stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NLT).

One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up (Luke 18:1; NLT).

Keep on seeking, and you will find (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

*********************************

 

Lord,
Please bless those
Who will not pray today –

Those who don’t remember you,
Or think of you;

Those who don’t believe in you,
Or long for you;

And those who don’t know you,
Or seek you –

Lord,
Please bless those
Who will not pray today.

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prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,

A blessing

The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you (Luke 1:35; KJV).

Guard me as you would guard your own eyes. Hide me in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 17:8; NLT).

The Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants, and my blessing on your children (Isaiah 44:3; NLT).

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May the power of the Father
Overshadow us,
Guarding us for evermore,
Amen.

May the power of the Saviour
Come upon us,
Healing us for evermore,
Amen.

May the power of the Spirit
Fall upon us,
Blessing us for evermore,
Amen.

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