Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Faith, hope, love, God, Prayer

Resting place

 

Lord God, 

We are your resting place
From birth.

You live within our hearts –
Your realm on earth.

You dwell within us, Lord,
Till our last breath.

Then you become our resting place
In death. 

 

References

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT). 

The kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21; NKJV).

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

Then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NLT).

This is my resting place forever; here I will dwell, for I have desired it (Psalm 132:14; NKJV).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,, sin

When we return

 

Lord, 

When we return to you   
In death, 

The bad things we have thought, 
And done, and said

Will be devoured 
By your raging fire,     

Destroyed, forgotten,
Just as you desire.

Then you will welcome
All in us that’s good,

Uniting us with you,
For you are Love.

 

References

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

The Lord your God is a devouring fire (Deuteronomy 4:24; NLT).

I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins (Jeremiah 31:34; NLT).

Whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17; NIV).

God is love (1 John 4:16; NIV).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, death, depression, Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

I’m nothing

 

How can I say I’m nothing,
When you made me?

How can I feel I’m nothing,
When you care?

How can I hate my life,
When you, Lord, love me?

How can I long for death,
When you are here?

 

References 

I am nothing (Job 40:4; NLT).

You made me (Psalm 119:73; NLT).

He cares about you (1 Peter 5:7; NLT).

I hate my life and don’t want to go on living (Job 7:16; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

They long for death (Job 3:21; NLT).

God is with us (Matthew 1:23; NLT).

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

My mother’s death

 

Last night, my mother died peacefully in her sleep. She was 102, and had been increasingly deaf, blind, bedridden, incontinent and confused for the last few years.  

On hearing the news early this morning, my initial reaction was one of relief that she isn’t suffering any more, though it’s too early to tell what feelings I might have in the longer term about her. I’ve spent many years in therapy working on the consequences of her behaviour towards me, so hopefully that will now help me to cope with her death.

My mother was a complicated, intelligent, energetic and demanding woman. She was very controlling, dominating, angry, frustrated, and emotionally abusive. Throughout, and beyond, my childhood, her unpredictable, explosive rages were utterly terrifying. During these uncontrolled episodes she was verbally aggressive towards those present, and could be could be violent and destructive towards objects nearby.

She was also a very selfish, manipulative and egotistical woman. Despite the efforts I made as an adult to talk to her about her behaviour, and the ways in which it has affected me, she always minimised it, never acknowledging, or apologising for, all the damage she caused.

Recently, I’ve been trying to forget the bad things she did, and to remember instead the good things about my childhood. However, the positives are so few, so undependable, and so short-lived, that I quickly gave up the effort, which felt artificial and unhelpful. 

Well, none of us is perfect. We all have many faults, including me. Fortunately, I started working hard to forgive my mother several years ago, and have continued to pray for her, and try to forgive her, every day. 

Some months ago, I spoke to her privately for the last time about her behaviour, its effects, and my forgiveness. However, by then, she was incapable of replying. I’m glad, though, that I was able to be completely honest with her, after a lifetime of anxiety, fear, dread, panic attacks, depression and physical illness caused by her abuse. May she rest in peace, at last.

 

References

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing (Luke 23:34; NLT).

We have all sinned against you (Jeremiah 14:20; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

Spiritual growth

 

Our spiritual growth 
Should never cease,

Until the very moment
Of our death,

When all our faith and hope
Will be fulfilled,

In glorious consummation 
With God’s love.

 

References

Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe” (John 20:29; NIV).

These three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13; NIV).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

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A vagrant

 

Christ our Lord, 
A vagrant
With no beauty in man’s sight;

Christ our Lord,
Despite your rags
You wear a robe of light;

Christ our Lord,
God’s only Son,
Who heals, forgives, and saves;

Christ our Lord,
You suffered death for us,
Your willing slaves.

 

References

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him (Isaiah 53:2; NIV).

He was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light (Matthew 17:2; NIV).

He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies (Psalm 103:2-4; NLT).

Whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else (Mark 10:44; NLT).

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death, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,

Self

 

Lord,

Though I will lose my self  
In death,

My soul will join with yours
For evermore.

 

References

What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? (Luke 9:25; NIV).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

God is Spirit (John 4:24; NLT).

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