Breast cancer, mastectomy,, healing, love, mental illness, Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, suffering

Exile (Isaiah 9:1-7; NRSV).

Lord,

I spent my early years
In bondage;
My teens and twenties
Trying to escape.

My thirties in the desert
Of depression;
My anxious forties 
In a pathless waste.

My fifties brought me    
To your promised freedom,
A land where I could start
To change and grow.

My sixties came with sickness,  
Loss, restriction,
Yet love and joy at last  
Began to flow. 

How many years remain? 
I cannot guess, Lord.
At present, I have time 
And space to pray –

No longer far from you,
Condemned to exile, 
I dwell in you, and you in me,
Each day. 

 

References

We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt, but the Lord brought us out of Egypt with his strong hand (Deuteronomy 6:21; NLT).

He has known your walking through this great wilderness (Deuteronomy 2:7; HNV).

He chose the Promised Land for our inheritance (Psalm 47:4; NLT).

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised (Job 1:21; NIV).

You love him even though you have never seen him […] and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy (1 Peter 1:8; NLT).

All who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

The yoke of their burden, and the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor, you have broken (Isaiah 9:4; NRSV).

 

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body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,

When I feel lonely

 

Lord,
When I feel lonely
And depression fills my mind,

I hear the words
You said on earth:

Seek God,
And you will find.

Lord,
When I’ve offended you, 
And sorrow fills my heart,

I hear the words
You said on earth:

Turn back
For a fresh start. 

Lord,
When I reach paradise,
And you receive my soul,

I’ll hear the words
You said on earth:

Your faith
Has made you whole.

 

References 

Keep on seeking and you will find (Luke 11:9; NLT). 

Turn from your wicked ways and start doing things right (Jeremiah 35:15; NLT).

Your faith has made you well (Luke 8:48; NLT).

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

Emotional abuse

 

Lord,

Every day
I’m still affected

By the consequences
Of my mother’s emotional abuse –

Depression, 
Anxiety,
And fear;

Low self-esteem, 
Panic, 
And dread.

So every day
Brings me fresh opportunities
To forgive her.

…………………………………………….

References

“Lord, how many times shall I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” (Matthew 18:21-2; NLT). 

If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15; NIV).

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us (Luke 11:4; NIV).

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

I go with you

Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer (Luke 5:16; NLT).

Be silent before the Sovereign Lord (Zephaniah 1:7; NIV).

He has known your walking through this great wilderness: these forty years the Lord your God has been with you (Deuteronomy 2:7; HNV).

In all their suffering he also suffered (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

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Lord,

I go with you
Into my wasteland, 

To walk among the ruins 
Of my years –

Abuse, fear, loss,
Depression, mental illness;

Sickness, failure,
Sinfulness, and tears.

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Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

No soul

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind (Luke 10:27; NLT).

Let love be your highest goal! (1 Corinthians 14:1; NLT).

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Father,
Life with you
Is an adventure –

It has meaning,
Steps to learn,
A final goal.

But without you
It’s essentially
Depressing –

It lacks meaning,
Has no structure,
And no soul.

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Prayer, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

You dwell in me

Lord,
You dwell in me,
And I in you –

In depression,
In anxiety,
And fear;

In anger,
And in hurt, Lord,
And distress;

In sickness,
And in weariness,
And pain;

In joy, Lord,
And in ecstasy,
And bliss;

In life, Lord,
And in death,
For evermore –

Lord,
You dwell in me,
And I in you.

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You are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).

The kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21; KJV).

In him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28, NIV).

There is […] one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all
(Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them (1 John 4:16; NIV).

Whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17; NIV).

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: day 5

Hello to all readers. Today is the fifth day of my week-long agoraphobia challenge. The most difficult parts of my trip start to kick in today. My son will drive me from Ely to Leicestershire (about two hours), where we will arrive at my sister’s house around lunchtime. After lunch, my son will leave, and my sister and I will visit our mother in her care home not far away. That might not sound terribly difficult to some readers. However, seeing my mother is always stressful, as my agoraphobia, depression and anxiety go all the way back to my very earliest memories at home.

Over recent years I’ve slowly developed One or two coping techniques to help me through these visits, but I still dread them. As always, it will be interesting to observe how it goes, so I plan to share that with you in my evening blog, as long as I have sufficient energy left.

Finally, I’ll be staying at my sister’s house for two nights, so must say goodbye to my quiet hotel room and move on to a new temporary home. This is just another part of my week-long exposure exercise, but, as ever, it will take mental effort and physical energy to cope.

For those who follow this blog each day, here is my morning prayer. I’ll be keeping it pretty close to my heart during the car journey, later, at the nursing home, and in the night at my sister’s house.

Always with me

I know the Lord is always with me (Psalm 16:8; NLT).

When I wake up, you are still with me! (Psalm 139:18; NLT).

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Lord,
You are always
With me –

So when I wake,
I wake with you;

When I roam,
I roam with you;

When I work,
I work with you;

And when I rest,
I rest with you.

Amen.

 

 

 

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