agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: day 2

Hello, friends. Well, after texting my son to explain my claustrophobic fear of sitting in the back of the car between two child seats (as mentioned in my previous blog), I managed it – all the way to Cambridge and back to Ely. Being honest about it was a huge help. The only time I was uncomfortable was when we were looking for a parking space in busy side-streets. I felt we might never get out of the car, but hung on to my courage, and coped.

The object of the journey was an archaeology open day, mainly intended for children. It was busy and crowded, the only bad moments being when I couldn’t find any members of the family. Afterwards we had a windy, cool picnic by the river Cam, watching the boat crews of various colleges going through their drills. As I got more tired, I began to long for some security and a good rest, so was very pleased to get back to my hotel room and put my feet up for an exhausted sleep.

My most triumphant moments involved herding a large, aggressively-hissing swan back into the water three or four times. It came astonishingly close, and was taller than my grandchildren. It was an unusual thing for me to do, but perhaps by then I felt I had nothing left to lose!

Increasingly, I’m reflecting on what healing actually means, as seen in today’s blog:

 

What is healing?

 

Lord God,

We know
You heal all our diseases,

But what, exactly,
Does this healing mean?

Sometimes it means
The end of pain and suffering;

Sometimes it means
Embracing them, like you.

 

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He […] heals all my diseases (Psalm 103:3; NLT).

Yet I said to myself, “This is my sickness, and I must endure it” (Jeremiah:10;19; NIV).

“The Son of Man must suffer many terrible things,” he said (Luke 9:22; NLT).

Those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction (Job 36:15; NIV).

I was given a thorn in my flesh […] Three times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9; NLT).

In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind (2 Corinthians 6:4; NLT).

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28; NIV).

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised (Job 1:21; NIV).

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Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

May we welcome all

The kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21; KJV).

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27; NIV).

Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; I will worship at your temple (Psalm 5:7; NLT).

The grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people (Titus 2:11; NLT).

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Lord,

May we welcome all
Into your kingdom,

May we offer all
Your warm embrace;

May we usher all
Into your temple,

And may we share with all
Your perfect grace.

 

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There’s nothing left

The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1).

……………………………………………………………

 

 

Lord,

There’s nothing left
For me to be afraid of,
Now that I have found
My shadow side.

There’s nothing left
For me to be afraid of,
Now that I can hear
My shadow’s voice.

There’s nothing left
For me to be afraid of,
Now that I accept
My shadow’s words.

And there’s nothing left
For me to be afraid of,
Now that I embrace
My shadow self.

 

 

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Prayer

Trials

“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33; NLT).

“How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me” (Luke 13:34; NLT).

“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him” (Luke 15:20; NLT).


Lord,
If we don’t know you,
We face the trials of life
Essentially alone,
Although you always wait
To embrace us,
Whilst weeping over our pain,
And spiritual darkness.

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Prayer

The door

The door

Remember the LORD (Jeremiah 51:50; NLT).

Jesus replied, “ ‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all you mind’ ” (Matthew 22:37; NLT).

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends” (Rev 3:20; NLT).

The LORD remembers us and will bless us (Psalm 115:12; NLT).


Father,
The moment I remember you,
And open the door of my mind
To invite you in,
I find you waiting patiently outside
To greet me.

Jesus,
The moment I remember you,
And open the door of my heart
To invite you in,
I find you waiting patiently outside
To help me.

Spirit,
The moment I remember you,
And open the door of my soul
To invite you in,
I find you waiting patiently outside
To bless me.

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Prayer

Illness

Illness

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Lord,
Please help us
To face illness
Without denial,
Self-pity,
Or bitterness.

May we embrace it
As a valued part of life –
Our training-ground,
Our discipline,
Our cross.

May we accept it,
And adapt to it,
Learning all we can,
Then helping others
To do the same.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

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