Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

Every movement

Seek his face always (1 Chronicles 16:11; NIV).

Now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12; NRSV).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

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Every movement,
Every action,
Every pace

Brings me closer, Lord,
To seeing
Your dear face.

Every moment,
Every heartbeat,
Every breath

Brings me closer, Lord,
To seeing you
In death.

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Mental health

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

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Lord,

In order
To improve
Our mental health

We need to face
Our feelings
And our thoughts,

So we can speak
The truth in love
To others,

And make
Much-needed changes
In our lives.

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Panic

Fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can’t stop shaking (Psalm 55:5; NLT).

Terrors overwhelm me; my dignity is driven away as by the wind, my safety vanishes like a cloud (Job 30:15; NIV).

My heart pounds and leaps from its place (Job 37:1; NIV).

Be brave and courageous (Psalm 27:14; NLT).

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you (Psalm 56:3; NLT).

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Panic is what happens
When my fears are in control,
And they think that it will help
To run away;

But when I run, I take my panic
With me,
And escaping makes it stronger
Every day.

Better by far
To face my panic boldly,
Better by far
To put my trust in you;

Better by far
To wait for it to pass, Lord,
Then continue on my way,
As others do.

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

You love me

Hello, everyone. Here is my response to the questions posed by yesterday’s blog:

 

Lord God,

Though I am even less
Than nothing,
You made me,
And you keep me,
Every day;

You help me
Face my trials
And my sorrows,
Because you love me deeply,
Come what may.

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I am nothing (Job 40:4; NLT).

You made me (Psalm 119:73; NLT).

The Lord keeps me alive (Psalm 54:4; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

May you have the power to understand […] how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is (Ephesians 3:18; MLT).

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Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

Darkness

You are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).

Moses approached the thick darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; NLY).

He reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in darkness (Daniel 2:22; NLT).

Keep on seeking, and you will find (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

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Father,
During silent contemplation,

I came upon
A partly-opened door.

Holding it, I peered inside
With interest,

But all was dark,
And I dared not explore.

I knew I had a choice:
To leave, or enter,

So I waited there,
Deciding what to do.

Lord, give me courage
To investigate my darkness,

Then I will face it bravely,
And find you.

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Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

When you look

Keep on seeking, and you will find (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).

There is one Lord […] who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12; NRSV).

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When you look
Into an infant’s face,
See Jesus;

When you look
Into a neighbour’s face,
See Christ.

When you look
Into a workmate’s face,
See Jesus;

When you look
Into a stranger’s face,
See Christ.

When you look
Into a rival’s face,
See Jesus;

When you look
Into a mirror, friend,
See Christ.

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: 6pm on day 5

So, today is drawing to a close, and it’s been quite hard in some ways. Trigger alert: if you don’t like mild references to the effects of childhood emotional abuse, now is the time to do something else.

After an early start, I said goodbye to my family, then travelled up to Leicestershire, with my son driving. It was interesting to note that I felt fine until I saw the first sign for the town where I was brought up, when a sharp pang of anxiety automatically shot through me.

My sister and her husband made us very welcome for lunch, then my son left, and I fell asleep, very tired after the cumulative efforts of the previous few days.

Then came the hardest part of the day: visiting my mother in her nursing home. I was alone with her for about 40 minutes. She never leaves her bed, and slept the whole time, so I sat quietly, observing both her, and my own feelings. Even though she is very old, deaf, immobile and blind, I still dreaded her waking up, or speaking, still felt she might rise up and be as she used to be. I didn’t touch her, approach her, or speak to her, but tried to pray.

My sister returned exactly when she had promised, and I left the Home with relief. Tomorrow may be harder, as I’m imagining that a cheerful staff member with a loud voice might rouse my mother. She’s so deaf that people have to shout into her ear, and that means getting close. However, I have developed the technique of keeping my arms behind my back, so she can’t get hold of me in any way. That has given me a small sense of retaining some control over allowing her to intrude on my body.

I honestly don’t know how I’d manage if it weren’t for the progress I’ve made through faith and contemplation. So for those who like such things, here is today’s evening prayer:

Facing each day

The same Spirit gives great faith to another (1 Corinthians 12:9; NLT).

It is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8; NIV).

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Lord,
Facing each day
With you

Is very different
From facing it
Without you;

So, thank you
For the gift
Of faith in you.

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