Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Faith, hope, love, God, Prayer

You are my heartbeat

 

Lord,
You are my heartbeat,
The pulsing of my blood;
The breath that keeps my mind alive,
My readiness to love. 

Lord,
You are my Maker,  
The Friend I don’t deserve;
My Saviour, and my lifelong goal, 
My readiness to serve.

Lord,
You are my Father, 
The One who will forgive;
My life-force, and my heart’s desire,
My readiness to live.

 

References

He himself gives life and breath to everything (Acts 17:25; NLT).

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

God created human beings in his own image (Genesis 1:27; NLT).

You must worship the Lord your God and serve only him (Luke 4:8; NLT).

He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:2; NLT).

Choose life instead of death! (2 Kings 18:32; NLT).

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body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,, Breast cancer, mastectomy,

Do not judge

 

Do not judge 
Or condemn,

But be kind,
And forgive.

For the mercy
We show

To all those
Who live

Is the measure
We’ll get, 

Not from those 
On life’s way,

But from God,
For eternity –

So, don’t
Delay!

 

References

Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you (Luke 6:37; NLT).

A servant of the Lord […] must be kind to everyone (2 Timothy 2:24; NLT). 

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

In the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured out to you (Matthew 7:2; NIV). 

We will all stand before the judgement seat of God (Romans 14:10; NET).

God himself will be the judge (Psalm 50:6; NLT).

You also must be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected (Luke 12:40; NLT).

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

My mother’s death

 

Last night, my mother died peacefully in her sleep. She was 102, and had been increasingly deaf, blind, bedridden, incontinent and confused for the last few years.  

On hearing the news early this morning, my initial reaction was one of relief that she isn’t suffering any more, though it’s too early to tell what feelings I might have in the longer term about her. I’ve spent many years in therapy working on the consequences of her behaviour towards me, so hopefully that will now help me to cope with her death.

My mother was a complicated, intelligent, energetic and demanding woman. She was very controlling, dominating, angry, frustrated, and emotionally abusive. Throughout, and beyond, my childhood, her unpredictable, explosive rages were utterly terrifying. During these uncontrolled episodes she was verbally aggressive towards those present, and could be could be violent and destructive towards objects nearby.

She was also a very selfish, manipulative and egotistical woman. Despite the efforts I made as an adult to talk to her about her behaviour, and the ways in which it has affected me, she always minimised it, never acknowledging, or apologising for, all the damage she caused.

Recently, I’ve been trying to forget the bad things she did, and to remember instead the good things about my childhood. However, the positives are so few, so undependable, and so short-lived, that I quickly gave up the effort, which felt artificial and unhelpful. 

Well, none of us is perfect. We all have many faults, including me. Fortunately, I started working hard to forgive my mother several years ago, and have continued to pray for her, and try to forgive her, every day. 

Some months ago, I spoke to her privately for the last time about her behaviour, its effects, and my forgiveness. However, by then, she was incapable of replying. I’m glad, though, that I was able to be completely honest with her, after a lifetime of anxiety, fear, dread, panic attacks, depression and physical illness caused by her abuse. May she rest in peace, at last.

 

References

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing (Luke 23:34; NLT).

We have all sinned against you (Jeremiah 14:20; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,

Smile

 

Smile –
For God is giving you 
His blessing from above. 

Smile –
For Christ is pouring out 
Forgiveness through his blood.

Smile –
For Mary lifts your cares 
To God each time you pray.

Smile –
For God’s great Spirit dwells 
Within you every day.

 

References

God, our God, blesses us (Psalm 67:6; NLT).

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7; NIV).

Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often (Luke 2:19: NLT).

Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? (1 Corinthians 3:16; NKJV).

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body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,, Breast cancer, mastectomy,, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

Reconciliation and healing

 

Two significant events are fast approaching in my life. Firstly, I’m hoping to be received into the Catholic Church, and to make my first communion. Secondly, I’ll be having a mastectomy for breast cancer in about a month. 

As I prepare for both these occasions, I’ve realised that I have only a limited amount of time to resolve various relationship issues that have been weighing on me for several years. I’ll face the surgery far more confidently if I have the peace of mind that comes from knowing I’ve done my best to put things right with those who hold anything against me, in accordance with Jesus’ teaching. Similarly, forgiving those who have hurt me has become an even more urgent task than usual.

So I’ve started contacting people who might be holding a grudge against me. Yesterday, to my delight, someone I thought wasn’t speaking to me responded generously, which was a huge relief. I’ve also written to a religious group I left after getting badly hurt, to see if anyone there still harbours negative feelings towards me. If anyone contacts me in return, I will do whatever I can to repair our relationship. All these issues are reflected in today’s prayer:

 

Lord, 

You’re bringing healing 
From these tumours
As I prepare
To face my surgery

By telling those I’ve hurt
That I am sorry,
And forgiving everyone 
Who has hurt me.

In this way, I will face
My operation
With peace of body, mind,
And even soul,

And this will be
My miracle of healing, 
As you, Lord, touch my heart, 
And make me whole.

 

References

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28; NRSV).

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV).

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7; NIV). 

He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound (Isaiah 61:1; NKJV).

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Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

Your great gift

 

Even the faith which saves us all
Is your great gift
To us.

Even the grace of forgiveness, Lord,
Is your great gift
To us.

Even your Holy Spirit, Lord,
Is your great gift 
To us.

Even your peace of heart and mind 
Is your great gift
To us.

Even what righteousness we have
Is your great gift
To us.

And even the hope of eternal life 
Is your great gift
To us. 

 

References

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God (Ephesians 2:8; NLT).

Even greater is God’s […] gift of forgiveness (Romans 4:16; NLT).

You will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38; NLT).

I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart (John 14:27; NIV).

Even greater is God’s […] gift of righteousness (Romans 5:17; NLT).

The free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23;  NLT).

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You’re not difficult to love

 

Lord, 
You’re not difficult to love,
For you are full of mercy
And compassion.

Lord,
You’re not difficult to love,
For you are our forgiveness
And salvation.

Lord, 
You’re not difficult to love, 
For you bring peace
And reconciliation.

Lord,
You’re not difficult to love,
For you are our wellspring,
And our destination. 

 

References

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind (Luke 10:27; NLT).

You, O Lord, are a God of compassion and mercy (Psalm 86:15; NLT).

He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).

With joy you will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation (Isaiah 12:3; NLT).

The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).

He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:19; NL:T).

The wellspring of life is with you (Psalm 36:9; CSB).

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

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