light, fire, love, peace, prayer, faith, contemplation, God,, Prayer

Sacred elements

Lord,

Thank you for this
Heavenly, holy world,

And all the sacred elements
Of life –

For earth 
And air;

For water, Lord, 
And fire; 

For peace, 
And truth;

And, far above all others, Lord,
For love.

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In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1; NLT). 

God is light (1 John 1:5; NIV). 

God is a consuming fire (Deuteronomy 4:24; NIV).

God is the spring of living water (Jeremiah 2:13; NIV).

The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).

The Spirit is truth (1 John 5:6; NKJV). 

God is love (1 John 4:16; NLT).

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Galatians 5:6; NIV). 

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: 6pm on day 5

So, today is drawing to a close, and it’s been quite hard in some ways. Trigger alert: if you don’t like mild references to the effects of childhood emotional abuse, now is the time to do something else.

After an early start, I said goodbye to my family, then travelled up to Leicestershire, with my son driving. It was interesting to note that I felt fine until I saw the first sign for the town where I was brought up, when a sharp pang of anxiety automatically shot through me.

My sister and her husband made us very welcome for lunch, then my son left, and I fell asleep, very tired after the cumulative efforts of the previous few days.

Then came the hardest part of the day: visiting my mother in her nursing home. I was alone with her for about 40 minutes. She never leaves her bed, and slept the whole time, so I sat quietly, observing both her, and my own feelings. Even though she is very old, deaf, immobile and blind, I still dreaded her waking up, or speaking, still felt she might rise up and be as she used to be. I didn’t touch her, approach her, or speak to her, but tried to pray.

My sister returned exactly when she had promised, and I left the Home with relief. Tomorrow may be harder, as I’m imagining that a cheerful staff member with a loud voice might rouse my mother. She’s so deaf that people have to shout into her ear, and that means getting close. However, I have developed the technique of keeping my arms behind my back, so she can’t get hold of me in any way. That has given me a small sense of retaining some control over allowing her to intrude on my body.

I honestly don’t know how I’d manage if it weren’t for the progress I’ve made through faith and contemplation. So for those who like such things, here is today’s evening prayer:

Facing each day

The same Spirit gives great faith to another (1 Corinthians 12:9; NLT).

It is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8; NIV).

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Lord,
Facing each day
With you

Is very different
From facing it
Without you;

So, thank you
For the gift
Of faith in you.

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Prayer

You are the gift

Jesus replied, “If only you knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water” (John 4:10; NLT).

 

Lord,
You are the gift
That gives forever;
You are the light
That always shines.

You are the truth
That lasts forever;
You are the fire
That always burns.

You are the love
That lives forever;
You are the peace
That always reigns.

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Prayer

Peace

Seek peace and pursue it (Psalm 34:14; NIV).

Guide our feet into the path of peace (Luke 1:79; NLT).

I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart (John 14:27; NLT).

 

Peace is here –
Your peace within.

Peace my goal –
Your peace within.

Peace is now –
Your peace within.

Peace, my soul –
Your peace within.

 

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Prayer

Faith

It is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8; NIV).

Now we can serve God, not in the old way of obeying the law, but in the new way of living in the Spirit (Romans 7:6; NLT).

 

Lord,
Rules and doctrines
Have no bearing
On my faith at all,
For it’s a gift
From you,
Which grows
As I experience you
In contemplation.

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Dread

You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day (Deuteronomy 28:66; NIV).

The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me (Job 30:27; NIV).

The peace I give is a gift the world cannot give (John 14:27; NLT).

 

Lord,
I lived with chaos as a child –
But that was normal;

I lived with rage –
And that was normal, too.

I lived with condemnation –
That was normal;

And I lived with dread –
And that was normal, too.

Now, I no longer live with chaos,
Rage, and condemnation,

But still can’t overcome
My constant dread.

Please heal me, Lord,
And bless me with the gift
This world can never give –
Your inner peace.

 

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