Breast cancer, mastectomy,, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,, sin

When we return

 

Lord, 

When we return to you   
In death, 

The bad things we have thought, 
And done, and said

Will be devoured 
By your raging fire,     

Destroyed, forgotten,
Just as you desire.

Then you will welcome
All in us that’s good,

Uniting us with you,
For you are Love.

 

References

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

The Lord your God is a devouring fire (Deuteronomy 4:24; NLT).

I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins (Jeremiah 31:34; NLT).

Whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17; NIV).

God is love (1 John 4:16; NIV).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Faith, hope, love, God, Prayer

Good and bad

 

God sees the good    
And bad in us
With never-failing
Clarity;

And, even when 
We make him sad, 
He loves us
Unconditionally. 

 

References

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me […] You perceive my thoughts from afar […] You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely (Psalm 139:1-4; NIV).

You, Lord, know my folly; my guilt is not hidden from you (Psalm 69:5; NIV).

You know everything I do (Psalm 139:3; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Forgive, blame, anger, turn cheek, hurt, prayer,

Written on the day of my first Holy Communion

 

Lord, 
From today, I turn my face away
From all the harm
My mother did to me,
Remembering it no more.

Instead, 
I call the positives to mind, 
While thanking you
For bringing good
From all I have experienced in life.

 

References

I will never again remember their sins (Jeremiah 31:34; NLT).

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NLT).

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28; NRSV).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

No need

 

I have no need to ask you
“Lord, why me?”

For you have reasons 
I can never guess. 

I have no impulse, Lord, 
To doubt your love;

You have a plan,    
So my heart is at rest. 

I have no urge 
To crave a miracle;

You have a purpose;
May your will be done. 

I have no motive, Lord,
To make complaint,

For you bring good from all things,
Through your Son. 

 

References

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine” (Isaiah 55:8; NLT).

The Lord will work out his plans for my life (Psalm 138:8; NLT).

I want your will to be done, not mine (Matthew 26:39; NLT).

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God (Romans 8:28; NRSV). 

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

Bad as well as good

Let us thank God
For the bad,
As well as good,

For there
Is much to learn
From every trial,

And thus we grow
In wisdom,
Peace, and love.

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Be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NLT).

Should we accept only good from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

When your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow (James 1:3; NLT).

Those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction (Job 36:15; NIV).

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:4; NIV).

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: day 4

Hello to you all. Day four hasn’t been too bad, as expected. I checked out a couple of charity shops and my favourite kitchen outlet, then met my family for an extended exploration of Ely Cathedral. It’s surprising how distracting it is to pay close attention to two small children in a huge public space. Between us, we managed to watch the boys whilst gazing up and around sufficiently to take in something of our surroundings.

We had lunch in the busy Cathedral Cafe, then the boys had a run around outside on the grass. I was beginning to tire, and to long for a rest, but they wanted to show me their favourite charity shop. Again, I forgot myself for a while, helping one to read aloud from a big book about weapons and armour! The inner process of deciding how much further to push myself is a very delicate one. When I’m alone, of course, I only have to stay for as long as I wish!

Eventually, we had all had enough. I exerted myself to do my own very small amount of shopping, then returned to my room, where I immediately fell asleep. Today feels a bit like the calm before the storm. I’ve got used to my room, and feel safe there now, always pleased to return to quietness and rest. However, tomorrow I have to leave this new-found security behind, and move on to Leicestershire, where I will stay with my sister, and visit my 101-year old mother in her nursing home. Meanwhile, the train journey on Thursday morning is coming a little closer each day, and preying on my mind.

Today I realised that being completely honest about my fears has made it considerably easier for me to cope with the days with my family. So this became the subject of my prayer:

Real things

Lord,

I can speak
And write
About real things!

Real feelings,
Real anxieties,
Real fears!

I can be honest!
What a relief!
I’m not ashamed!

I make sense.
I do my best –
And life is good.

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