Prayer, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,

Love and save

Christ is the visible image of the invisible God (Colossians 1:15; NLT).

He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases (Psalm 103:3; NLT).

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).

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Lord, 

You reveal yourself
Through your dear Son,

Through everything he’s said
And done,

Through everyone he healed,
Forgave,

For you sent him to love,
And save.

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Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

Even if…

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies (Psalm 103:2-4; NLT).

Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? (Romans 7:24; NLT).

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! (Habakkuk 3:17-18; NLT). 

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Lord,

Even if you don’t forgive me,
Even if you do not heal me,
Even if you don’t free me 
From death,

Yet may I still love you dearly,
Yet may I still serve sincerely,
Yet may I praise you
Till my last breath. 

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Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

Corruption

The Lord looks down from heaven on the entire human race; he looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God. But no, all have turned away; all have become corrupt. No one does good, not a single one (Psalm 14:2-3; NLT).

“Follow me and be my disciple,” Jesus said to him (Matthew 9:9; NLT).

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Lord,

Our corruption
And our hatred
Know no bounds,

So we truly have
The world
That we deserve.

Forgive us;
Heal us;
Rescue us, we pray;

And help us
To follow you,
So we may change.

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body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,, Prayer

Why Christ came

Healing of the body
Is important;

Healing of the mind
Is just the same;

Healing of the heart
Makes life worth living;

But healing of the soul
Is why Christ came.

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Heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled (Psalm 6:2; NLT).

He was sitting at Jesus’ feet, fully clothed and perfectly sane (Luke 8:35; NLT).

He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18; NKJV).

Lord, be merciful to me; heal my soul, for I have sinned against you (Psalm 41:4; NKJV).

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners (1 Timothy 1:15; NLT).

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Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

Like you

Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases (Psalm 103:2-3; NIV).

Help me, O Lord (Psalm 30:10; NLT).

The Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him
(2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).

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Father God,
Forgive me;

Son of Man,
Please heal me;

Holy Spirit,
Help me

To grow more and more
Like you.

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: 6pm on day 6

Hello, everyone. Well, today has been by far the hardest yet of my week-long agoraphobia challenge. It began very pleasantly with a slow walk in a local country park with my sister. There were deer chewing the cud calmly, close to our path, and a large herd to be seen on the way back. The autumn colours and blue sky were glorious.

After lunch my sister dropped me off at my mother’s care home. As I walked toward her room, I felt the familiar burst of anxiety. She was lightly asleep, moving in the bed, and opening her eyes a little from time to time. I found it impossible to stay in the room, and repeatedly retreated to the corridor. My big fear was that she would wake up and want to relate to me. Eventually the owner-manager stopped by, and after a few pleasantries, I asked if I could talk  to her in private. Without going into too much detail here, I told her about my childhood, and its effects on my mental and physical health. She was a great listener, warmly sympathetic, kind, and very understanding. I was extremely grateful for her help.

Afterwards, I settled sufficiently to sit with my mother again for a few minutes, then left. By accident, I set off the fire alarm as I let myself out, but coped without panicking.

Now, here’s a strange thing: I had to wait at a bus stop, catch a bus, then walk half a mile back to my sister’s house. I’ve only done this once before in my whole life, so you might expect it to be pretty demanding from an agoraphobic point of view. However, I made the whole journey feeling totally empty and blank, as if after a shock, with almost no thoughts in my mind, or feelings in my heart.

On paper, tomorrow is due to be the most demanding day of my trip, as it involves using trains for the first time for more years than I can count. However, just at the moment, I’m so physically and mentally drained that I have very little sense of anticipatory anxiety at all. Of course, it may well rise later, as the effects of such a stirring afternoon wear off a little.

Meanwhile, this evening brings two contrasting prayers. The first expresses the shadow side of how I feel about my mother. The second shows how I ask God to forgive her, and to spare her from suffering every day:

1. Sitting with mother

I don’t mind
Sitting at a distance, Lord,

But I don’t want my mother to stir,
Or wake, or speak.

I don’t want to hear her voice,
To touch, or kiss her.

She’s an unexploded bomb,
A sleeping tiger.

Surely she cannot live forever?

2. Please bless

Lord God,

Please bless, forgive,
And heal my mother.

Enfold her in your arms,
And draw her to your heart,

For evermore.

 

 

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agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: day 2

Hello, friends. Well, after texting my son to explain my claustrophobic fear of sitting in the back of the car between two child seats (as mentioned in my previous blog), I managed it – all the way to Cambridge and back to Ely. Being honest about it was a huge help. The only time I was uncomfortable was when we were looking for a parking space in busy side-streets. I felt we might never get out of the car, but hung on to my courage, and coped.

The object of the journey was an archaeology open day, mainly intended for children. It was busy and crowded, the only bad moments being when I couldn’t find any members of the family. Afterwards we had a windy, cool picnic by the river Cam, watching the boat crews of various colleges going through their drills. As I got more tired, I began to long for some security and a good rest, so was very pleased to get back to my hotel room and put my feet up for an exhausted sleep.

My most triumphant moments involved herding a large, aggressively-hissing swan back into the water three or four times. It came astonishingly close, and was taller than my grandchildren. It was an unusual thing for me to do, but perhaps by then I felt I had nothing left to lose!

Increasingly, I’m reflecting on what healing actually means, as seen in today’s blog:

 

What is healing?

 

Lord God,

We know
You heal all our diseases,

But what, exactly,
Does this healing mean?

Sometimes it means
The end of pain and suffering;

Sometimes it means
Embracing them, like you.

 

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He […] heals all my diseases (Psalm 103:3; NLT).

Yet I said to myself, “This is my sickness, and I must endure it” (Jeremiah:10;19; NIV).

“The Son of Man must suffer many terrible things,” he said (Luke 9:22; NLT).

Those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction (Job 36:15; NIV).

I was given a thorn in my flesh […] Three times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9; NLT).

In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind (2 Corinthians 6:4; NLT).

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28; NIV).

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised (Job 1:21; NIV).

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