agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,

Agoraphobia diary: 3pm on day 7

Greetings to you all. Well, I’ve done it! Today’s challenge was to travel by train from Loughborough to Warrington, changing at Nottingham, so I’m here in my hotel room now, absolutely drained. At each stage of my journey, just when I was getting anxious about what to do next, there was always a kind person ready to help. Outside Loughborough station, a very nice taxi driver I chatted to for a moment offered me a bottle of water, and we shared a hug. On the platform, the guard was happy to chat, which passed the anxious time until my train arrived, and so on.

Changing at Nottingham was very stressful. My train was already at the platform, but I needed the loos before boarding. They were on another platform, and I felt very rushed. It all worked out in the end, though, and passengers help each other quite a lot.

I had been thinking a good deal about the very long tunnels I knew we would pass through in Derbyshire, but managed surprisingly well. The lit train, the people chatting around me, and the large size of the compartment meant it was considerably less claustrophobic than I expected. My last train journey with major tunnels, taken about 45 years ago, was a traumatic nightmare I prefer to forget. Ever since that day, I’ve had occasional nightmares about being on trains in narrow, dark, never-ending tunnels. It’s only now that I’m beginning to realise just how damaging that journey was, because of my terribly anxious state of mind.

By the time I got to Warrington, I was spent, rather like yesterday afternoon – no thoughts, no fears, no ambitions, just a blank mind, accompanied by a familiar sensation, as if the ground was heaving up and down beneath my feet, like being in a boat. I was so tired that I wandered away from the station in the wrong direction, dimly looking for a taxi rank. To my surprise and sadness, the first person I asked for directions didn’t even register my greeting. Then I met a woman who, though clearly startled to be asked, pointed me in the right direction.

It’s a huge relief to be in my own quiet, dark room now, resting in bed and having lots of hot drinks. So here is today’s prayer, which I wrote during this morning’s contemplation:

Your peace

Lord,

When I reach the station,
May I go in with you.

While I wait for my train,
May your arms encircle me.

As I board it,
May I hold your hand.

When the doors close,
May I know your presence.

As my journey starts,
May we pray together.

When I change trains,
May I share your calm.

During long tunnels,
May I feel your comfort.

When I arrive,
May I thank you deeply.

And, as I go on my way,
May I know your perfect peace.

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

I can’t sleep

Here I am (1 Samuel 3:4; NIV).

The life of every living thing is in his hand (Job 12:10; NLT).

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28; NLT).

You have brought me into your presence forever (Psalm 41:12; NLT).

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Lord God,
I can’t sleep.

Here I am,
In your hand,

With nothing
To do,

And nothing
To say.

So many
Are sleepless;

I pray
For us all:

May we rest
In your presence,

Until break
Of day.

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Prayer, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,

I don’t just want to pray

Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).

Work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically (Romans 12:11; NLT).

Praise God (Psalm 68:26; NLT).

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them (Romans 12:9; NLT).

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Lord God,

I don’t just want to pray –
I want my life to be
Continual prayer.

I don’t just want to serve –
I want my life to be
Continual service.

I don’t just want to praise –
I want my life to be
Continual worship.

I don’t just want to care –
I want my life to be
Continual love.

 

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body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,, Prayer

Those who never pray

They […] wouldn’t think of praying to the Lord (Psalm 14:2-4; NLT).

One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up (Luke 18:1; NLT).

Keep on seeking, and you will find (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

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Lord God,
Please bless all those
Who never pray –

Those who don’t remember you,
Or think of you;

Those who don’t believe in you,
Or long for you;

Those who don’t trust in you,
Or seek you out –

Lord God,
Please bless all those
Who never pray.

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Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

Today

You are close beside me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).

Their eyes were opened, and they recognised him (Luke 24:31; NLT).

There is a spirit within people, the breath of the Almighty within them (Job 32:8; NLT).

********************************

 

Lord,
Please help me
To know your presence,
To pray constantly,
And to recognise you
In all I meet today.

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Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

Inner demons

Today’s prayer is a development from yesterday’s:

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil (Matthew 4:1; NLT).

Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation (Matthew 26:41; NLT).

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation (James 1:12; NLT).

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Even you were tempted
By your inner demons, Lord –

The all-too-human urgings
Of your shadow –

So it’s no surprise
That we are tempted too.

Please help us
To endure temptation patiently;

To watch and pray,
So we will not give in;

For then we will become
Much more like you.

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