agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, cycling,, Prayer

Agoraphobia diary: 6.30am on day 4

Greetings to you all. This is the fourth day of my agoraphobia challenge, and it’s amazing what foolish things my mind can attach my anxiety to. As the time with my family draws to a close, I’m still ruminating about how to manage my luggage. Before I arrived in Ely I sent a bag of clothes ahead so as not to have a heavy, unmanageable suitcase. So by the time I leave Ely on Tuesday for the next leg of my journey, I need to change into clean clothes, then ask my son to wash the dirty dirty ones, parcel them up, and send them back. This seems like an appalling thing to ask of anyone, so I’ve been worrying about it for days. You might say it’s not really part of being agoraphobic, but in fact it’s all part of not wanting to be any trouble, not attracting any attention to myself, and, above all, not wanting to presume on others in case they reject me. All these things were big no-no’s during my childhood, and I still struggle hard with them. I guess that partly explains why I never developed the confidence to cope with life.

Anyway, the plan for the morning (worked out over a very good dinner at Pizza Express), is to meet in a coffee shop, then go round Ely Cathedral. It might make you smile to hear that though I’ve visited Ely Cathedral  quite a  number of times, and love it dearly, I’ve only once, many years ago, gone past the barrier where people pay to enter. Normally, I confine myself to the free side-chapel for private prayer, and the excellent shop. Spending money to go round the whole building just seems too extravagant, and I’ve never overcome this. Hopefully, with encouragement, I’ll do better today!

After all that tangled thinking, here is today’s prayer, which is perhaps rather suitable for reflecting on whilst visiting one of the most magnificent, beautiful and richly-decorated buildings in the world…

 

We are one

I praise you! (Psalm 63:3; NLT).

You alone are the one we worship (Isaiah 26:134; NLT).

I love you, Lord (Psalm 18:1; NLT).

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one (John 17:22; NIV).

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It makes no sense
To say, “I praise you, Lord,”
For we are one.

It makes no sense
To say, “I worship you”,
For we are one.

It makes no sense
To say, “I love you, Lord”,
For we are one.

Yet still I say
These things to you each day –
For we are one.

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Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, Prayer

Looking out

He is not far from any one of us (Acts 17:27; NLT).

**************************

 

Lord,
Looking out
Across the bay
In darkness,
I can’t see you,
But I hear your voice
And sense your presence,
Feel your nearness,
And experience your love.

 

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It makes no sense

Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them (1 John 4:16; NIV).

I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one (John 17:22; NLT).

You are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28; NLT).

……………………………………………………………………….

 

It make no sense
To tell you that I love you,

It makes no sense
To say that you love me,

It makes no sense
To add that we love everyone –

Since all are one in love,
Eternally.

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Prayer

One perfect love

There is only one God (Romans 3:30; NLT).

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8; NIV).

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

It makes no sense
For people of one faith
To hate those of another,
For there is only you –
Lord God –
One perfect Love
For all.

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Prayer

I’m not my body

You will not leave my soul among the dead (Psalm 16:10; NLT).

There is […] one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

 

Lord,
I’m not my body,
Or my sensations;

I’m not my mind,
Or my thoughts;

Nor am I my heart,
Or my emotions –

For all these things
Will pass away at death.

Instead, I am my soul,
And my awareness –

Forever one with you,
And all creation.

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Prayer

Night prayer

Night prayer 

* In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety (Psalm 4:8; NIV).
* On my bed I remember you (Psalm 63:6; NIV).
* For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8; NIV).
* This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10; NIV).
* Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12; NIV).

Father God,
Thank you for today –

For every breath I’ve taken,
And each beat of my heart;

For my senses and emotions,
The ability to think, speak and act.

For my water, food and medication,
My clothes, and everything I’ve used;

For my family and home,
Friends, neighbours and church;

But most of all,
Thank you for your gift of faith,
And for sending your dear Son
To live and die for me,
So my sins can be forgiven
And I can belong to you.

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