Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, sin

The dance of love

 

Despite our faults 
You love us, Lord,
And long 
To help us grow.

Despite our sins 
You care for us
And want your love 
To flow 

Through us 
To other people,
To earth 
And sky above –

Lord,
Heal our selfish hearts,
So we can join 
Your dance of love. 

 

References

He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

We are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ (Ephesians 4:15; RSV).

He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7; NIV).

There is […] one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through alL (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

The hearts of these people are hardened (Matthew 13:15; NLT).

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT). 

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Galatians 5:6; NIV).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Prayer, sin

You witness all we think

 

You witness all we think,
And say, and do.

The secrets of our hearts
Are known to you.

You mark each sin,  
And yet you love us so.

You mark each sin – 
And wait to help us grow.

 

References

Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

The Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

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My mother’s death

 

Last night, my mother died peacefully in her sleep. She was 102, and had been increasingly deaf, blind, bedridden, incontinent and confused for the last few years.  

On hearing the news early this morning, my initial reaction was one of relief that she isn’t suffering any more, though it’s too early to tell what feelings I might have in the longer term about her. I’ve spent many years in therapy working on the consequences of her behaviour towards me, so hopefully that will now help me to cope with her death.

My mother was a complicated, intelligent, energetic and demanding woman. She was very controlling, dominating, angry, frustrated, and emotionally abusive. Throughout, and beyond, my childhood, her unpredictable, explosive rages were utterly terrifying. During these uncontrolled episodes she was verbally aggressive towards those present, and could be could be violent and destructive towards objects nearby.

She was also a very selfish, manipulative and egotistical woman. Despite the efforts I made as an adult to talk to her about her behaviour, and the ways in which it has affected me, she always minimised it, never acknowledging, or apologising for, all the damage she caused.

Recently, I’ve been trying to forget the bad things she did, and to remember instead the good things about my childhood. However, the positives are so few, so undependable, and so short-lived, that I quickly gave up the effort, which felt artificial and unhelpful. 

Well, none of us is perfect. We all have many faults, including me. Fortunately, I started working hard to forgive my mother several years ago, and have continued to pray for her, and try to forgive her, every day. 

Some months ago, I spoke to her privately for the last time about her behaviour, its effects, and my forgiveness. However, by then, she was incapable of replying. I’m glad, though, that I was able to be completely honest with her, after a lifetime of anxiety, fear, dread, panic attacks, depression and physical illness caused by her abuse. May she rest in peace, at last.

 

References

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing (Luke 23:34; NLT).

We have all sinned against you (Jeremiah 14:20; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, sin

The shedding of blood

 

Hello to all readers. I thought you might be interested in some catch-up news, as quite a lot has been happening recently. Yesterday I made my first confession, and today was received into the Catholic Church, making my first Holy Communion.

After a recent diagnosis of breast-cancer, I’ll be having a mastectomy tomorrow. I hope to publish my blog as usual, but if I’m not well enough, there could be a gap.

Much love to you all, and thank you so much for your encouragement, praise and messages, all of which mean a lot to me.

With all best wishes from Ruth XXXXXXX

 

Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness (Hebrews 9:22; NLT).

 

Long, long ago,
Before you paid our price, 
We drained the blood 
Of perfect lambs,
In holy sacrifice.

Then you were sent 
To save us from God’s wrath.
What did we do? 
We flogged you, Lord,
And hung you on the cross.

We nailed you there,
And slowly drained your blood.
Yet as you died 
You bore our sins, 
And saved us with your love.

 

References

I have paid the price to set you free (Isaiah 44:22; NLT).

You must sacrifice a one-year-old male lamb with no defects (Leviticus 23:12; NLT).

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).

He ordered Jesus flogged with a lead-tipped whip (Mark 15:15; NLT).

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness (1 Peter 2:24; NIV).

Since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation (Romans 5:9; NLT).

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us (1 John 3:16; NLT).

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body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,, Breast cancer, mastectomy,

Sin splits us

 

Sin splits us from our selves, Lord God,
May we confess, repent.
Forgive us through your Son’s great love 
And mercy, heaven-sent. 

Sin cuts us off from you, our God,
So we can’t see your face.
Forgive us; heal our hearts and souls,
So we may know your grace.

Sin separates us, Father God,
From those we have upset.
Forgive us as we make our peace, 
And show them our regret.

So may we, Lord, be reconciled
With self, with you, with all.
Forgive and heal us, Mighty God,
So we can hear your call.

 

References

Repent of your sins and turn to God (Matthew 3:2; NLT).

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).

Your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear (Isaiah 59:2; NIV).

God saved you by his grace when you believed (Ephesians 2:8; NLT).

Forgive us our sins (Luke 11:4; NLT).

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV).

Then the Lord called Samuel. Samuel answered, “Here I am” (1 Samuel 3:4; NIV). 

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Reconciliation

 

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV).

 

Lord, 

No matter what I have against other people, I realise it’s completely unimportant. I can forgive, bless, and pray for those who have hurt me every day, until the hurt is healed. They don’t need to do anything at all.

Instead, what really matters is what others have against me. These are the people I need to seek out, so I can apologise, and make amends for my behaviour, in the hope that we can be fully reconciled before you.

 

References

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34; NIV).

Love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you (Luke 6:27-8; NLT).

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Heaven is NOW!

 

Heaven is now,
For God the Father
Is around us,
And within.

Heaven is now,
For God the Son
Dwells in us,
Despite our sin.

Heaven is now,
For God the Spirit 
Fills us – heart, and soul
And mind.

Heaven is now, 
For we are one
With the God we seek,
And find.

 

References

The Kingdom of God is already among you (Luke 17:21; NLT).

The kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21; NKJV).

Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20; NIV).

We do not have a great high priest who is unable to empathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; NLT).

You have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you (1 John 2:27; NLT).

Whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17; NIV).

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me (Jeremiah 29:13-14; NLT).

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