This booklet has five chapters, each of which examines different aspects of the vital importance of honesty in prayer.
Chapter 1: Honesty in prayer
The Bible makes it plain that God wants us to be completely honest in prayer, rather than trying to offer a sanitised, partial, or censored version of ourselves as we think God wants us to be:
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Personally, I find it a relief to share everything with God, including my sins, and the shadow parts of myself I would rather keep hidden, or whose existence I would prefer to ignore or deny. Although sharing all this can be painful, it is vital for my ongoing process of inner healing.
For me, prayer means living in awareness of God’s constant presence, listening, learning, and sharing with God all I experience, feel, think, say and do. This is a relationship in which self-censorship, pretence, concealment and denial are pointless, as God already knows everything about me:
Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
I therefore want my communion with God to be constant, spontaneous, immediate, heartfelt, direct and raw. This requires continuous awareness of what is going on in my shadow, as well as in my more “public” face.
My shadow
Long experience has shown me that when I don’t acknowledge, and deal with, the contents of my shadow, they make their presence felt through unbidden thoughts and impulses, anxiety, dread, panic attacks, depression and bad dreams.
Paying conscious attention to these aspect of myself and exploring their underlying causes helps me to connect with them more fully. This enables me to pray about them, and take action to resolve them. For example, if I remember an unconfessed sin, I can confess it in prayer, then try to make amends by following Jesus’ teaching:
If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV).
Looking ahead
Part two, below, looks at Jesus’ shadow, and how he dealt with it. Meanwhile, let’s end with a short reading:
A reading: Psalm 66:16-20; NLT.
Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me. For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.
Chapter 2: Jesus’ shadow-self
The first chapter of this booklet was personal, but the next will focus on how Jesus faced and expressed his shadow, both with God, and with people. We can have no better example than his.
Temptation (Matthew 4:1-11; NLT)
During the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ forty days in the wilderness, his shadow-self is represented as a being who tempts him to go against his conscience by disobeying God.
These accounts show plainly that even Christ suffered from temptation. Like us, he had to wrestle with, resist, and overcome, his seductive fantasies and impulses. He needed to do this in order to face the huge personal sacrifices his ministry would require of him:
We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; NIV).
Irritation (Luke 9:37-43; NLT)
At times, Jesus became exasperated, both with his followers, and with the Scribes and Pharisees. For example, when his disciples were unable to heal a boy suffering from epilepsy, Jesus became frustrated and irritated. Instead of concealing how he felt, he spoke to them very directly and honestly:
You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you and put up with you? (Luke 9:41; NLT).
Then, having expressed how he felt, he healed the boy, and gave him back to his father.
Anger (John 2:13-17; NLT)
When Jesus saw the established corruption and exploitation taking place in the Temple at Jerusalem he was filled with anger. He purposefully made a whip, using it to drive the merchants and money-changers out of the temple. Chaos resulted as he overturned their stalls, scattered their takings, and chased away their sacrificial animals, whilst crying out:
Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace! (John 2:13-16; NLT).
Anger, whether righteous or otherwise, is part of everyone’s shadow, however much we might prefer to deny and suppress it.
Grief (John 11:1-45; NLT)
When Jesus heard that his friend was very sick, he delayed visiting him and his sisters. Two days later, knowing that Lazarus had died, he set off to their house. There he experienced the anger and tears which so often characterise human grief. It’s inspiring to see Jesus’ human emotions shared so openly to those around him:
When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled (John 11:33; NLT).
Then Jesus wept (John 11:36; NLT).
Fear (Matthew 26:36-46; NLT)
After the Last Supper, Jesus went with his disciples to an olive grove to pray. Overwhelmed by the profound fear rising from his shadow, he could not conceal his anguish. Realising what he was about to undergo, he begged God to take his suffering away.
I find it oddly reassuring to know that even Jesus experienced and expressed dread, longing for it to be taken away. At Gethsemane, as always, his prayers were absolutely direct, unembellished by flowery language, honest, short and to the point:
He became anguished and distressed (Matthew 26:37; NLT).
He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:39; NLT).
He was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).
Looking ahead
Examining Jesus shadow-side has been a significant challenge for me, but I want to learn from him:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me (Matthew 11:29; NIV).
The next chapter will draw some conclusions about honest prayer.
Chapter 3: What have I learned about the importance of honesty in prayer?
The Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39; NLT).
Following Biblical teaching on prayer, I want to:
- Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
- Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
- Pray simply (Matthew 6:7-13; NLT).
- Pray truthfully (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
And these are the things I don’t want to do:
- Pray about what I think I should pray about.
- Say what I think God wants to hear.
- Ask for what I think I should ask for.
- Hide whatever is happening in my shadow-self.
My way forward in prayer is to:
- Be completely honest, straightforward and direct with God.
- Confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them, say sorry to God, then to the person concerned, and work towards reconciliation, if possible.
- Tell God about everything in my shadow-self, especially the issues I would rather hide, ignore, or deny.
Jesus shared everything with God, so I can do the same. For example, I can:
- Ask questions, express doubts, and weep.
- Tell God about my self-pity, shame and regrets.
- Express my frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anguish, grief, dread and despair.
Conclusions
I don’t want to “sanitise” my prayers by concealing my shadow-self. Neither will I say anything which is untrue. For example, I don’t recite prayers about being joyful or loving when these things are not genuinely present in my emotions and behaviour.
Rather, I want to speak the truth in prayer with complete honesty and openness at all times. Nothing I say will ever surprise or shock God, who knows everything about me long before I begin to speak. In fact, he is waiting for me to come to him and to confide in him, just as Jesus confided in him during his time on earth.
The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).
References for chapters 1-3:
Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).
He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).
I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives (Jeremiah 17:10; ESV).
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).
In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).
Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).
As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).
We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
Chapter 4: Honest prayer
This blog had a rather unusual start in life. It began to arrive just as I was about to leave my hotel room early yesterday morning to walk the short distance to London City Airport. The words I was given were clearly an ending, so I hastily jotted them down, then set off, thinking no more about them.
At the airport, I had a very welcome breakfast, went to my gate and boarded the plane. Just as we were taking off, the beginning of this blog arrived, so I had to repeat it in my mind until the plane levelled out and I could reach for my iPad. By the time we landed, the first draft was largely complete. This is what I received:
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Introduction
I often find it impossible to say “Amen” to other people’s prayers, to join in with printed responses during services, and to sing congregational hymns. This is because:
- I don’t agree with what is being asked for, or said.
- A prayer or hymn doesn’t speak for me, or doesn’t express what is in my heart at the time.
- The language used is formal, grand or flowery: that’s not how I talk to God.
- The prayers or hymns are too long for me to take in, or to make my own.
- The person leading the prayers speaks so quietly that I can’t tell what they are saying.
- The prayers are said so impersonally, or so quickly, that they seem devoid of meaning.
My aims
Reflecting on these reservations helped me to draw up a list of personal aims:
- To pray because I want to, rather than because I think I ought to.
- To pray for those who come to mind, rather than working my way through a list of those I feel I should include.
- Not saying “Amen” to prayers I don’t agree with, instead quietly sharing with God that I don’t concur.
- Not joining in with hymns whose words don’t speak for me.
- Not ignoring, overriding, hiding, or suppressing my hurts, irritations, disappointments, anger, judgements, fears etc. Rather, I aim to be honest about them, facing their truth squarely with God, who knows exactly what is in my mind and heart.
- Not pretending to feel other than how I actually feel. Rather, I aim pray about how I’m really feeling, and what I’m really thinking.
- Not saying what I think God wants to hear.
- Facing up to things I’ve got wrong and asking God to help me put them right.
- Avoiding grand or flowery language, instead praying simply and honestly, like a child.
- Not worrying about how short or long my prayers are, as long as they’re honest, genuine and heartfelt.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I aim to follow my golden rule:
Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
References for chapter 4:
O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
As for me, Lord, you know my heart. You see me and test my thoughts (Jeremiah 12:3; NLT).
You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord (Psalm 139:4; NLT).
Chapter 5: Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it (Luke 18:17; CSB).
Each time you turn to God
And start to pray,
Don’t keep to what you think
You ought to say.
Be honest, simple, childlike,
Raw and real,
For God knows all you need,
And think and feel.
Each time you turn to God
And start to pray,
Don’t censor
How you really feel today.
Just tell the truth,
For God already knows
Your anger, grief and shame;
Your joys and woes.
Each time you turn to God
And start to pray,
Don’t try to hide
Your doubts and fears away.
Just share what’s in your mind,
And heart and soul –
For this is all God needs
To make you whole.
The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).
References for chapter 5:
When you pray do not use vain repetitions (Matthew 6:7; NKJV).
The LORD sees every heart and knows every plan and thought (1 Chronicles 28:9; NLT).
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD (Psalm 139:4; NLT).
The Spirit, too, comes to help us in our weakness. For we don’t know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit expresses our plea with groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26; TIB).
The LORD longs to be gracious to you (Isaiah 30:18; NIV).
He wounds, but His hands make whole (Job 5:18; NKJV).