Category: despair

Adoration

Ruth Kirk

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O LORD, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things (1 Chronicles 29:11; NLT). 

Lord,

May I spend time with you
In humble adoration.

No intercessions; no appeals:
Just silent contemplation.

No sad confessions; no despair:
Just wordless bliss and praise –

Lost in you, and lost in love:
One spirit, Lord, ablaze.

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT). 

Since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire” (Hebrews 12:28-9; NIV).

References 

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you (Isaiah 43:2; NLT). 

The bush was burning with fire, but the bush was not consumed (Exodus 3:2; NKJV). 

We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them (1 John 4:16; NIV).

My body

Ruth Kirk
My sacrifice: RK.

I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship (Romans 12:1; NIV). 

My body is my sacrifice,
My willing spirit, too;
My mind and heart; my humble soul:
I lift them up to you.

I offer only pain, fatigue,
Depression, dread, despair;
Yet, when I plead for others, Lord,
You always hear my prayer.

Although I’m your unworthy slave,
With nothing else to give,
I know that you will ransom me
One day: then I will live!

I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death (Hosea 13:14; KJV).

References 

Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak (Mark 14:38; NLT). 

I lift up my hands and heart toward Your innermost sanctuary (Psalm 28:2; AMP).

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

I love the LORD because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy (Psalm 116:1; NLT).

We are unworthy slaves (Luke 17:10; NASB1995).

Those who wait for the LORD [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] will gain new strength and renew their power; they will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not grow tired (Isaiah 40:31; AMP). 

Our darkness

Ruth Kirk

He makes darkness His secret place (Psalm 18:11; LSV).

Moses went into the darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; BST).

God is in our darkness,
Our anguish and despair.

He never fails to help us,
To comfort us, and care.

Our darkness is his dwelling;
He bears our grief and sin.

His Spirit never leaves us,
For his kingdom is within.

The kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21; KJV). 

We are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).

References 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7; NIV).

Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them” (John 14:23; NLT). 

He bears our sins, and is pained for us (Isaiah 53:4; BST). 

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT). 

O LORD, you are my lamp. The LORD lights up my darkness (2 Samuel 22:29; NLT). 

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT). 

22.1.24: Darkness

Ruth Kirk
geralt: Pixabay; modified by R.K.

You have taken from me friend and neighbor – darkness is my closest friend (Psalm 88:18; NIV). 

Lord,
You’re in my emptiness,
My darkness, my despair;
My failures, fears and loneliness;
My pain; the cross I bear.

Lord,
You’re in my mind and heart,
My body, and my soul:
My doctor, nurse and therapist –
I know you’ll make me whole.

Lord,
You are my courage,
And my hope, my faith, my way:
I trust in you implicitly –
Please light my path today.

I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark (John 12:46; NLT).

References 

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT). 

“Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.” “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes” (Mark 9:22-3; NLT). 

Do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. For He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole (Job 5:17-18; NKJV).

The Lord GOD is my strength [my source of courage, my invincible army]; He has made my feet [steady and sure] like hinds’ feet and makes me walk [forward with spiritual confidence] on my high places [of challenge and responsibility] (Habakkuk 3:19; AMP).

Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And you have placed your faith and hope in God because he raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory (1 Peter 1:21; NLT).

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6; NLT).

If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God (Isaiah 50:10; NLT).

23.8.23. Don’t wait

Ruth Kirk
Our Lady of Pentecost: commons.wikimedia.org.

Yesterday, when I touched my icon of the Holy Spirit falling on all those present at Pentecost, the first two lines of this prayer came insistently into my mind. Immediately, I wrote them down, then set about discovering where they would lead me. Within half an hour, the shape, and most of the words for today’s prayer were safely set down. The rest then followed more slowly, throughout the day.

The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT). 

Don’t wait for me to grow
Before you come, Lord.
Don’t wait for me to fail
Before you save.

Don’t wait for me to pray
Before you fill me.
Don’t wait for me to plead
Before you give.

Don’t wait for me to change
Before you rescue.
Don’t wait for me to weep
Before you kiss –

For I’m a sinner, through and through,
Despairing,
So come, Lord God, have mercy,
And forgive.

The tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13; NIV).

References

Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the LORD that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously (Isaiah 55:7; NLT).

On the day of Pentecost all the believers were meeting together in one place. Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm, and it filled the house where they were sitting. Then, what looked like flames or tongues of fire appeared and settled on each of them. And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:1-4; NLT).

1.7.23: In your arms

Ruth Kirk
geralt: Pixabay.

This simple poem arrived during a time of quiet worship:

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27; NKJV).

We wake, pray, and rejoice, Lord,
In your arms;
We give, share, and receive, Lord,
In your hands.

We toil, strive, and progress, Lord,
In your arms;
We fail, sin, and repent, Lord,
In your hands.

We suffer and submit, Lord,
In your arms;
We grieve, weep, and endure, Lord,
In your hands.

We rage, doubt, and despair, Lord,
In your arms;
We hope, trust, and believe, Lord,
In your hands.

We love, serve, and remain, Lord,
In your arms;
We live, die, and unite, Lord,
In your hands.

The dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
(Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV). 

References 

Lead them like a shepherd, and carry them in your arms forever (Psalm 28:9; NLT).

Our lives are in his hands (Psalm 66:9; NLT).

In him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28; NIV).

There is…one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:6-7; NLT). 

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).

Remain in me, and I will remain in you (John 15:4; NLT).

You are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28; NLT).

You…are complete through your union with Christ (Colossians 2:10; NLT). 

30.4.23: Honest prayer #3

Ruth Kirk
Image by Mona El Falaky, from Pixabay.

Today’s article is the last in a series of three. It draws together what I have learned so far about honest prayer, including praying about the issues hidden in my shadow-self. If you would like to check out the previous two parts, here is the link to Part 1: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu, and for Part 2:  https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXD.

Then the Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39; NLT). 

Following Biblical teaching on prayer, I want to:

  • Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
  • Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
  • Pray simply (Matthew 6:7-13; NLT).
  • Pray truthfully (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

 And these are the things I don’t want to do:

  • Pray about what I think I should pray about.
  • Say what I think God wants to hear.
  • Ask for what I think I should ask for.
  • Hide whatever is happening in my shadow-self.

My way forward in prayer is to:

  • Be completely honest, straightforward and direct with God.
  • Confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them, say sorry to God, then to the person concerned, and work towards reconciliation, if possible.
  • Tell God about everything in my shadow-self, especially the issues I would rather hide, ignore, or deny.

Jesus shared everything with God, so I can do the same. For example, I can:

  • Ask questions, express doubts, and weep.
  • Tell God about my self-pity, shame and regrets.
  • Express my frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anguish, grief, dread and despair.

Conclusions

I don’t want to “sanitise” my prayers by concealing my shadow-self. Neither will I say anything which is untrue. For example, I don’t recite prayers about being joyful or loving when these things are not genuinely present in my emotions and behaviour.

Rather, I want to speak the truth in prayer with complete honesty and openness at all times. Nothing I say will ever surprise or shock God, who knows everything about me long before I begin to speak. In fact, he is waiting for me to come to him and to confide in him, just as Jesus confided in him during his time on earth.

The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).

Additional references

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).

He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).

I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives (Jeremiah 17:10; ESV).

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).

The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).

As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital 

I took a few days off from making rosaries, following the completion of my largest project so far, and because my anxiety and depression are high. Today’s Fiat rosary is the first of a new order.

1.3.23: The Spirit’s lead (#1)

Ruth Kirk

Waking this morning from a long, vivid dream in which I was ill, confused, and unable to cope with my own most basic needs, I found comfort in saying my familiar morning prayers.

Then, after asking God’s Spirit to help me, I opened my mind, heart and soul to his lead. Today’s blog shows the first part of what arrived. Tomorrow’s will share the second.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words. And he who searches the hearts of men knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:26-7; RSV). 

Lord,
You alone know what my future will bring.

Please help me to live each day in you,
Always aware of your presence and love,
No matter how sad, confused, helpless, or afraid I feel.

I ask this through your dear Son’s name.
Amen.

The Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name (John 15L16; NLT).

References 

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT). 

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT). 

8.2.23: Unite with Christ

Ruth Kirk

Tonight I’m posting an extra blog, because I have decided to start publishing regularly between 9pm and 11pm each day.

Staying up to publish just after 12am is too tiring for me now, whilst the pressure to post in the mornings can be a stressful distraction during my quiet prayer-time.

Tomorrow evening I will continue to explore the meaning and usefulness of dreams, God willing, but for now, here is tonight’s bonus blog:

You are complete through your union with Christ (Colossians 2:10; NLT).

Unite with Christ, our Lord,
In prayer.
Unite with him
In deep despair.

Unite with Christ,
And let him reign
Within your heart –
He knows your pain.

Unite with Christ, our Lord,
In love.
Unite with him
In bad and good.

Unite with Christ,
Who knows your fear
And grief,
For he is always near.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

The Rosary Hospital 

Earlier this week, someone asked for a “pretty” rosary. I felt I understood what she meant, though I knew how limited my available materials are. So yesterday evening I enjoyed making her rosary, using a combination of wooden African beads and a few, matching ceramic ones for the “Our Fathers”. This rosary has a fairly heavy cross, which balances the extra weight of the ceramic beads. It’s hard to judge exactly how it will look when it’s finished, but I do hope it will qualify as “pretty” in its new owner’s eyes!

6.2.23: Wherever I look

Ruth Kirk

After writing “Bad dreams”, I had a complete day off yesterday, which included a bit of dancing, some carefully time-limited gardening, and a lot of sleeping!

Some time ago I started to notice how many crosses there are everywhere. I see them in the woodwork of buildings, when road-signs happen to align, on pavements, in shadows, and in all sorts of unexpected places. At one time, I tried to photograph them, but didn’t succeed, as it is my eyes which pick them out and my brain which welcomes them, rather than a camera lens, which just shows a collection of objects. Anyway, these serendipitous sightings of crosses are the starting-place for today’s prayer:

I am with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20; NLT).

Wherever I look, I see the cross
Where Christ was crucified,
Reminding me of his despair,
His pain, and how he died.

Wherever I go I try to spread
The love he came to give,
Because he died for everyone,
So all may fully live.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

Here is a rosary I made a day or two ago, now completed, ready to wrap and deliver. I wish it were mine!