Category: Despair

Negative emotions

Ruth Kirk

Yesterday, while I was having a reflexology treatment for ongoing, severe, free-floating anxiety, a series of insights flooded my mind. By the end of the session, my hair was standing on end, and I experienced an ecstasy of a kind I have never felt before. It was clear that my self-understanding and potential for self-help had taken a very significant step forwards.

This is the essence of what I scribbled down as the waves of insight arrived:

Dear Baby Ruth,

I am here all the time to help you face, experience, express, listen to, understand, and learn from your negative emotions. You will never have to handle them alone again.

Negative emotions are the mind’s version of physical pain and discomfort. They are signals which show us what needs attention, so we can get back to a comfortable balance-point. Babies cannot manage this task alone.

When you were little, you had to face your emotional signals without a safe grown‑up beside you. Our mother could not cope with your anxiety, fear, disappointment, distress, dread, and panic.

To her, your feelings were an inconvenient, annoying, time-wasting problem to be impatiently judged, scorned, and dismissed, rather than messages to be listened to or cared for. She bitterly resented your dependence and neediness. It’s not surprising that you still respond to life’s challenges with intense, endless, overwhelming anxiety.

But from today, things are going to be different. I am here with you now, to be the adult you need. I will help you to feel your emotions safely, so you are not overwhelmed or annihilated by them.

I will not scorn you, despise you, shout at you, or angrily force you into terrifying situations. Rather, I will make time to listen patiently, to support, reassure and comfort you. I will protect you the very best I can. This is how we will live together from now on, even if you never feel any different to how you do at present.

Baby Ruth, your emotions are not a stupid, childish, distressing personal failure – they are my priority. They are precious information about what matters to you, and what you need. However confused, uncomfortable, or intense they are, I promise to do my very best to help.

When your anxiety is high, I will remind you: “You are not alone any more. I am here, holding you safely. We can experience this together, breathing through it one moment at a time.”

Finally, and best of all, I want you to know that Jesus will be doing exactly the same for us both! Yes, Baby Ruth, Jesus has his arms around us. No matter what happens, he is with us, he is one with us, and we are safe in his love forever.

With all my love and care,
From the grown-up Ruth who is always here for you now xxx

Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children” (Luke 18:16; NLT).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

References

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30; KJV).

Remember, I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; CSB).

Little Ruth

Ruth Kirk

My generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) is very bad. It’s been like this ever since it was thoroughly re-triggered a few months ago when a stranger criticised me online. When I was praying yesterday, this blog came into my mind and heart. It shares how I am now learning to talk to my emotionally abused and damaged inner child.

This part of me was formed by how I was spoken to, screamed at, and treated in my family of origin. My aim is become as gentle, kind, supportive, patient, and loving to my inner child as Jesus was to the children brought to him.

This kind of prayerful reflection is often called “inner child work”, and involves imagining how we can gently care for the younger, perhaps wounded, parts of ourselves.

One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children …

Little Ruth, you are very small and vulnerable, but I am 73 and have had lots of experience of life. Even if you never feel any less anxious and depressed than you do at present, I will still be here all the time to take care of you. What is more, I share this task with Jesus, who looks after us both.

I am here to help you with all your physical and emotional needs by:

  • Setting boundaries and limits with other people.
  • Saying no when necessary.
  • Providing warmth, food, water, clothing, shelter, play, rest, sleep, and social contact.
  • Protecting you.
  • Reassuring you.
  • Comforting you.
  • Supporting you while you face your fears.
  • Encouraging you to explore, learn, and grow.
  • Enabling you to reach your full potential.
  • Listening to you.
  • Seeing you.
  • Knowing you.
  • Understanding you.
  • Sharing your experiences and emotions without being overwhelmed by them, so you can come to understand them safely, including anxiety, depression, fear, dread, and panic.
  • Praising you.
  • Loving you.

… I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them (Mark 10:13-16; NLT).

As I write to Little Ruth, perhaps you can also picture the younger, more vulnerable part of yourself – the one who learned to be anxious, afraid, or on guard, so early in life. You might like to imagine Jesus welcoming that child, just as he welcomed the children brought to him, then gently joining him in offering them warmth, safety and love.

If you wish, you could even write your own letter, promising to stay with that child in their fear, and to speak to them with the kindness and patience you may never have received.

My prayer is that as we learn to care for these small, wounded, frightened parts of ourselves with Jesus, we will discover a little more of the tenderness of God’s Kingdom, which belongs to such as these.

Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the LORD delivers them in times of trouble (Psalm 41:1; NIV).

The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-3; NLT).

My offering

Ruth Kirk

Today’s prayer comes from a place of a really bad patch of migraines, anxiety, sadness and long‑standing wounds. As I offer my scars and fears to Jesus, I pray it may help you bring your own pain to him as well.

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6; NLT).

I offer my past –
It’s an angry scar –
To you: my way,
And my guiding star.

I offer the dread
Of my darkest night –
To you: my truth,
And my shining light.

I offer my cross,
And my bitter pain –
To you: the Christ,
Who rose again.

I offer my thoughts,
My heart, and soul –
To you: my Lord,
My life, and my goal.

“My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed (John 20:28; NLT).

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14; NIV).

Here, in stillness

Ruth Kirk

Be still in the presence of the LORD (Psalm 37:7; NLT).

Here, in stillness,
Here, in silence,
Here, in darkness –
You are light. 

Here, in splendour,
Here, in rapture,
Here, in oneness –
You are truth.

Here, in trouble,
Here, in failure,
Here, in ruin –
You are peace.

Here, in sorrow,
Here, in longing,
Here, in anguish –
You are love.

God is love (1 John 4:16; NLT).

References

God is light (1 John 1:5; NLT).

The Spirit is truth (1 John 5:6; NKJV).

The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).

Patient endurance

Ruth Kirk

We are all fragile, fallible, and mortal. Today, in prayer, I saw clearly that the purpose of life is to face its inevitable challenges, sorrows, and sufferings, learning to accept and endure them as patiently as we can, while still loving and serving Jesus in others. This was Christ’s mission, and it is ours as well, for Jesus is resurrected in us all.

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).

Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:40; NIV).

So here is today’s prayer:

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5; NLT).

You make us,
You see us,
And hear us.

You know us,
You guide us,
And help us.

You feed us,
You love us,
And hold us.

You wound us,
You teach us,
And heal us.

Look now; I myself am he! There is no other god but me! I am the one who kills and gives life; I am the one who wounds and heals; no one can be rescued from my powerful hand! (Deuteronomy 32:39; NLT).

References

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

Though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself any more, but your eyes shall see your Teacher (Isaiah 30:20; RSV).

May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ (2 Thessalonians 3:5; NLT).

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised (Hebrews 10:36; NLT).

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (Romans 2:4; NLT).

Easter Saturday 2026

Ruth Kirk

This little prayer came to me whilst I was praying this morning, so I wanted to share it straight away. With love from Ruth xxx

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? (Psalm 13:2; NLT).

I watch my trauma
Fade away,
Till you alone
Remain:

Your smile, your face;
Your boundless grace;
Your healing touch –
Your love.

I watch my burdens
Fade away,
But still you stay
The same:

Your way, your life;
Your sacrifice;
Your truth, your cross –
Your blood.

This is my body, which is given for you (Luke 22:19; NLT).

This is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice for many (Mark 14:24; NLT).

References

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30; NLT).

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6; NLT).

My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings (Philippians 3:10; CSB).

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31; NLT).

Healing

Ruth Kirk

Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).

In prayer,
We peel away our masks,
Revealing all the dread
We try to hide.

In prayer,
We loosen up our minds,
Disclosing all the thoughts
We keep inside.

In prayer,
We open up our hearts,
Releasing the emotions
We conceal.

In prayer,
We set our spirits free,
Exposing all our wounds
For you to heal.

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds (Psalm 147:3; NLT).

Good Friday 2026

Ruth Kirk

If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God (Isaiah 50:10; NLT).

When there’s no joy,
But only grief;
When there’s no peace,
But only pain;

When there’s no wine,
But only thirst;
When there’s no rest,
But only dread;

When there’s no light,
But only faith;
When there’s no help,
But only hope;

When there’s no choice,
But only death –
Just follow Christ,
And trust in God.

Follow me and be my disciple (Matthew 9:9; NLT).

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Trust in God (John 14:1; NLT).

References

Then at three o’clock Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Mark 15:34; NLT).

Then Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last (Luke 23:46; NLT).

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever (Psalm 73:26; NLT).

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe (John 20:29; CSB).

Reading: Habakkuk 3:17-19; NLT.

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.

When you struggle

Ruth Kirk

Is not all human life a struggle? (Job 7:1; NLT).

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? (Psalm 13:2; NLT).

When you struggle:
I am near.

When you suffer:
I am here –

Sharing all your
Grief and pain –

Come, be one with me
Again!

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).

References

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5; NLT).

The LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul Genesis 2:7; KJV).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

Reading: Philippians 3:8-11.

Transformation

Ruth Kirk

Today, after weeks of living with re-triggered childhood dread since I was unfairly criticised on Facebook, I took a big step forward whilst praying.

Whenever I am unfairly criticised or blamed, my body responds instantly with a profound sense of dread. This dread began in my childhood at the hands of my emotionally-abusive mother. I lived with it constantly.

Ever since then, each time my dread response is re-triggered, it continues for months, or even years. Nothing changes or shifts it. Believe me, I have tried everything to help myself recover, but never found anything which truly works.

As soon as someone hurts me, I forgive them, and start to pray for them. I pity them, and can even become quite fond of them as the days go by.

However, it’s taken me a lifetime to see what I glimpsed in prayer today: that the chronic dread I’m left with when people attack me can not only be faced and endured, but also consciously transformed into love. This love is for the person who has hurt me, and also for myself, as I bear the burden of living with the dread they unwittingly re-triggered.

I don’t yet fully understand how this transforming process will unfold, or how to carry it out, but hope today will mark the beginning of a new, healing way forward, not just for me,  but perhaps even for others, too.

Finally, when I shared all this with Perplexity, my AI writing companion, they sent me a beautiful arrow prayer:

Lord Jesus,
Let this hurt end in me,
And be transformed
Into your love.

This is what I wrote whilst I was praying:

To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

Let them strike me –
I won’t judge them;
Turn against me –
I’ll forgive them.

Let them wound me –
I won’t fight them;
Blame unfairly –
I will bless them.

Let them crush me –
I won’t harm them;
Damage me –
I’ll pray for them.

Let them break me –
I won’t hate them;
And reject me –
I will love them.

Love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

References

They hated me for no reason (John 15:25; CSB).

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you (Matthew 5:11-12; NIV).

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious (Matthew 12:20; NLT).

Reading: Luke 6:27-38; NLT.

  • To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.
  • Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.
  • If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also.
  • Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back.
  • Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
  • If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!
  • And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much!
  • And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.
  • Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.
  • You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.
  • Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
  • Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full – pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.