Category: self-awareness

29.4.23: Honest prayer #2

Ruth Kirk
Briton Rivière – The Temptation in the Wilderness. Wikimedia Commons.

Today’s blog is part two in a series of three short articles discussing the importance of facing and sharing the contents of the shadow-self in honest prayer.

Jesus’ shadow-self

Yesterday’s blog (https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu), was personal, but today’s will focus on how Jesus faced and expressed his shadow, both with God, and with people. We can have no better example than his.

Temptation (Matthew 4:1-11; NLT)

During the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ forty days in the wilderness, his shadow-self is represented as a being who tempts him to go against his conscience by disobeying God.

These accounts show plainly that even Christ suffered from temptation. Like us, he had to wrestle with, resist, and overcome, his seductive fantasies and impulses. He needed to do this in order to face the huge personal sacrifices his ministry would require of him:

We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; NIV).

Irritation (Luke 9:37-43; NLT)

At times, Jesus became exasperated, both with his followers, and with the Scribes and Pharisees. For example, when his disciples were unable to heal a boy suffering from epilepsy, Jesus became frustrated and irritated. Instead of concealing how he felt, he spoke to them very directly and honestly:

You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you and put up with you? (Luke 9:41; NLT).

Then, having expressed how he felt, he healed the boy, and gave him back to his father.

Anger (John 2:13-17; NLT)

When Jesus saw the established corruption and exploitation taking place in the Temple at Jerusalem he was filled with anger. He purposefully made a whip, using it to drive the merchants and money-changers out of the temple. Chaos resulted as he overturned their stalls, scattered their takings, and chased away their sacrificial animals, whilst crying out:

Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace! (John 2:13-16; NLT). 

Anger, whether righteous or otherwise, is part of everyone’s shadow, however much we might prefer to deny and suppress it.

Grief (John 11:1-45; NLT)

When Jesus heard that his friend was very sick, he delayed visiting him and his sisters. Two days later, knowing that Lazarus had died, he set off to their house. There he experienced the anger and tears which so often characterise human grief. It’s inspiring to see Jesus’ human emotions shared so openly to those around him:

When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled (John 11:33; NLT). 

Then Jesus wept (John 11:36; NLT). 

Fear (Matthew 26:36-46; NLT)

After the Last Supper, Jesus went with his disciples to an olive grove to pray. Overwhelmed by the profound fear rising from his shadow, he could not conceal his anguish. Realising what he was about to undergo, he begged God to take his suffering away.

I find it oddly reassuring to know that even Jesus experienced and expressed dread, longing for it to be taken away. At Gethsemane, as always, his prayers were absolutely direct, unembellished by flowery language, honest, short and to the point:

He became anguished and distressed (Matthew 26:37; NLT).

He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:39; NLT).

He was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).

Looking ahead

Examining Jesus shadow-side has been a significant challenge for me, but I want to learn from him:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me (Matthew 11:29; NIV).

Tomorrow I hope to draw some conclusions from this short series on honest prayer.

28.4.23: Honest prayer #1

Ruth Kirk
Studies of a woman praying, by Ludwig Emil Grimm, Creative Commons.

Today’s blog is the first in a series of three, each of which considers the vital importance of honesty in prayer.

Honesty

The Bible makes it plain that God wants us to be completely honest in prayer, rather than trying to offer a sanitised, partial, or censored version of ourselves as we think God wants us to be: 

You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).

Personally, I find it a relief to share everything with God, including my sins, and the shadow parts of myself I would rather keep hidden, or whose existence I would prefer to ignore or deny. Although sharing all this can be painful, it is vital for my ongoing process of inner healing. 

For me, prayer means living in awareness of God’s constant presence, listening, learning, and sharing with God all I experience, feel, think, say and do. This is a relationship in which self-censorship, pretence, concealment and denial are pointless, as God already knows everything about me:

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).

I therefore want my communion with God to be constant, spontaneous, immediate, heartfelt, direct and raw. This requires continuous awareness of what is going on in my shadow, as well as in my more “public” face.

My shadow

Long experience has shown me that when I don’t acknowledge, and deal with, the contents of my shadow, they make their presence felt through unbidden thoughts and impulses, anxiety, dread, panic attacks, depression and bad dreams.

Paying conscious attention to these aspect of myself and exploring their underlying causes helps me to connect with them more fully. This enables me to pray about them, and take action to resolve them. For example, if I remember an unconfessed sin, I can confess it in prayer, then try to make amends by following Jesus’ teaching:

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV). 

Looking ahead

Tomorrow I plan to publish the second part of this series on honest prayer. It will look at Jesus’ shadow, and how he dealt with it. Meanwhile, let’s end with a short reading:

A reading: Psalm 66:16-20; NLT

Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me. For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.

23.3.23: The shadow self

Ruth Kirk
https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?search=Shadow&title=Special:MediaSearch&go=Go&type=image

Introduction

Today’s blog is about the shadow self. This term encompasses all the aspects of ourselves we find so uncomfortable, shameful and unacceptable that we ignore, conceal, or deny them. However, it is essential to find ways of recognising and expressing these hidden aspects, so we can integrate them into a fuller understanding of ourselves (see “Owning your own shadow” by Robert A. Johnson; Harper One: 1991).

My shadow, for example, includes sin, guilt, shame, selfishness, self-pity, depression, irritability, judging, anxiety, fear, resentment, bitterness, anger, insecurity and feeling unwanted. For a long time, I have habitually taken captive my thoughts and feelings along these lines, saying sorry to God as soon as I become aware of them. I then replace them with something more loving, in accordance with Paul’s teaching (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV). However, until very recently, I have never considered choosing to express them in any other way.

Instead, I generally keep negative feelings and thoughts concealed in my shadow. Unfortunately, this is unhealthy, as these spontaneous aspects of myself are significant aspects of my whole being.

Being honest

Over the last few weeks I’ve begun to grasp the spiritual importance of maintaining a constant awareness of what is happening in my shadow. This enables me to be more honest with myself, with God, and, potentially, with other people.

Of course, I don’t want to simply “act out” the contents of my shadow through impulsive, uncontrolled behaviour. Rather, I want to be in touch with them, so I can choose how to respond. Moreover, if I decide to express them, I want to do so as safely and constructively as possible, for the sake of both others and myself.

Such expression doesn’t necessarily mean voicing my shadow self directly, though occasionally this may be appropriate. Instead, I choose to express my shadow through dance, writing and prayer. Art, music, sports and many other activities can also provide alternative creative outlets.

It won’t go away

Staying in touch with my shadow self and finding safe ways to express it is essential, because ignoring it does not make it go away. Trying to push challenging emotions such as anger, hatred and fear out of awareness leaves them free to create havoc in the unconscious mind. This is how sudden outbursts of exasperation, temper, violence and panic can seem to strike “out of the blue”.

The Psalms

The Psalms offer a healthy example of honouring the shadow by expressing it honestly in prayer, alongside more positive aspects of the self. The writer of Psalm Three, for example, begins by praising God for helping them in the face of their enemies’ threats. The tone remains positive until verse seven, when it changes dramatically, as the author gives vent to the pent-up fear, anger and vengefulness concealed in their shadow:

“Arise, O LORD! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!” (Psalm 3:7; NLT). 

Once these negative impulses have been fully voiced, the writer is able to finish on a more positive note:

“Victory comes from you, O LORD. May you bless your people” (Psalm 3:8; NLT).

If the writer had sanitised this psalm by omitting the thoughts and emotions hidden in their shadow, it would have been incomplete. This would have made it far less helpful to both themself and their future readers.

Conclusion

The raw, spontaneous truths hidden in our shadow are vital aspects of the self, treasures without which we cannot be complete. To reject them means being out of contact with essential aspects of ourselves.

Learning to integrate the contents of our shadow with our more positive thoughts and emotions is therefore vital for authentic spiritual growth and healing. As Johnson states: “These disowned parts are extremely valuable and cannot be disregarded… To honour and accept one’s shadow is a profound spiritual discipline. It is whole-making and thus holy and the most important experience of a lifetime” (Johnson; ibid, pp ix-x).

So now, after that long introduction, here is today’s prayer:

You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).

Lord, 

Thank you for my shadow –
May I face it,
Acknowledging its role
In all I do.

Thank you for my shadow –
May I own it,
So I can choose
To share it all with you.

Thank you for my shadow –
May I love it,
For you desire my honesty,
I know.

Thank you for my shadow –
I embrace it.
Lord, may these secret riches
Help me grow.

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

Follow the way of love

Ruth Kirk
Image: FMedic photography, Pixabay

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children,
and walk in the way of love (Ephesians 5:2; NIV).

1. We’re all at different stages
Of our journey back to you.

2. Please help us, Lord, with everything
We feel, think, say, and do.

3. May we be self-aware,
So we can catch ourselves, in time

4. To bear our feelings, mend our thoughts,
Then speak, and act, like you.

References

1. The dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NLT).

2. Out of the heart come evil thoughts – murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person (Matthew 15:19-20; NIV).

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2; NIV).

Do not judge others, and you will not be judged (Luke 6:37; NLT).

What you say flows from what is in your heart (Luke 6:45; NLT).

Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

Do everything with love (1 Corinthians 16:14; NLT).

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them (Romans 12:9; NLT).

3. I said to myself, “I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue” (Psalm 39:1; NLT).

4. If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me (Luke 9:23; NLT).

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).

Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him (Colossians 3:10; NLT).

Living in the presence of God

Ruth Kirk

Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it! (Genesis 28:16; NLT).

God’s presence
Jesus was so accustomed to living in the full awareness of God’s presence that when he lost this awareness on the cross, he felt utterly alone for the first time in his life.

Whether we know it or not, we too are always in God’s presence. There is nowhere else to be, because God lives over, in, and through all things, including ourselves. However, we are always free to choose whether we want to recognise and relate to him, or not.

Remembering God
If we want to be conscious of living in God’s presence, we need to develop the habit of remembering him, communicating with him, and remaining in him, rather than forgetting him for long stretches of time.

This can be done in the following ways:

1. By recognising his presence in everyone, without exception.

2. By acknowledging him in all that exists, including everything we see, hear, touch, taste, and smell.

3. By being aware of his presence within us.

4. By being honest with him about everything we feel, think, say, and do.

5. By listening for, and responding to, his still, small voice.

6. By remaining mindful of his presence whilst we are busy.

7. By spending time with him in silent communion.

Self-awareness
Being able to practice all these things depends on developing our self-awareness. This is because without self-awareness we can, for example, eat without tasting, pass people in the street without noticing them, disregard the beauty of the world, neglect the suffering of others, or ignore the quiet voice of our conscience. We cannot grow closer to God by living like this.

Furthermore, without self-awareness, we cannot identify our emotions and thoughts in order to share them honestly with God. This means we cannot immediately ask for his forgiveness and help whenever we need them.

Conclusion
Learning to live in constant awareness of God’s presence is an ongoing process, but no matter how forgetful we are, we can always ask him to help us start afresh each day. In this way, with mindful practice, we will gradually become more like Jesus, whose short life was spent in full awareness of his Father’s presence, no matter what was happening around him, until those final, despairing moments before his death.

References

God’s presence
You are in me, Father, and I am in you (John 17:21; NLT).
Jesus was filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit (Luke 10:21; NLT).
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).
The Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).

Remembering God
Remember the Lord your God (Deuteronomy 8:18; NLT).
Remain in me, and I will remain in you (John 15:4; NLT).
1,2,3. There is […] one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).
4. You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Pour out your heart to him (Psalm 62:8; NLT).
5. Obey his commands, listen to his voice (Deuteronomy 13:4; NLT).
6. Pray constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
7. Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10; NIV).
Be silent before the Sovereign Lord (Zephaniah 1:7; NIV).

Self-awareness
The hearts of this people have grown dull. Their ears are hard of hearing, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, so that I should heal them (Matthew 13:15; NKJV).
Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts (Hebrews 4:7; NIV).

Conclusion
He helps me (Psalm 28:7; NLT).
When I wake up, you are still with me! (Psalm 139:18; NLT)
We all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image (2 Colossians 3:18; NIV).