Category: Self-awareness

My counterweight

Ruth Kirk

The context for this blog is that about two weeks ago I was referred by my doctor for an autism assessment. The possibility that I may be autistic has made me start thinking about how I have always related to others, and to begin looking at my life from a completely new perspective.

Today’s blog has two short, contrasting sections. The first shares how I have lived for the last 73 years. The second considers what I am currently learning through God’s help. These two pieces take the form of speaking honestly to Jesus in prayer, which is exactly how they arose.

The past

Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress (Psalm 25:16; NLT).

Lord, you know that I have coped with life by constantly trying to work out what others wanted, so I could fit around their wishes. I didn’t know there was any other way to be a person, though I observed that not everyone behaves like this. I never understood how they managed to be so ‘different’.

My approach to relating to others generally seemed to work reasonably well. However, there were times when I accidentally said or did something to which others reacted badly, without warning. Clearly I had said or done something they considered to be inappropriate, shocking, or wrong, but I could never predict such events, so I could not avoid them.

Each crisis was followed by months of rumination, shame, and painful, immovable dread. I would go back to my therapist in desperation, asking for help. I always made contact with the person I had offended, as soon as I could face them. My approach was to take full responsibility for what happened, to apologise, and to try to put things right between us.

But my relationships were never the same again with the people involved. Any slight sense, or hope, of feeling acceptable was gone. I remained very embarrassed, awkward and wary with them, constantly anxious that they might suddenly turn on me, and reject me completely. It was therefore easier, and more comfortable, to avoid both them, and the places where I might come into contact with them. This led to many significant, permanent losses. When things went wrong with church ministers, or with a member of a congregation, it was disastrous. It meant that another precious relationship with an individual or a group had been damaged beyond repair. Once again, I felt I had failed completely.

Love your neighbour …

The present

… as yourself (Matthew 19:19; NLT; my emphasis).

But now, at last, Lord, I’m starting to see a new way ahead! Inside me I have discovered a hidden counterweight to what others want and expect: my own opinions, wishes, needs, and emotions. I am now slowly learning to consult these cues, and to use them as a guide for how I choose to respond to others.

These inner promptings help me to express myself directly, hopefully in a considered, respectful, appropriate and loving way. People’s opinions, wishes, needs and expectations are still important to me. However, mine are important too. I can therefore express them, even though others may not agree with me. That is okay. They do not have to agree with me, or even like me at all. This realisation is a significant marker of inner change for me. It is vital for me to be myself, at last.

I didn’t know that I could do any of this before, so the only times when I was truly myself occurred when I had strong emotions I couldn’t restrain any longer. This led to occasional spontaneous outbursts of suppressed thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, such melt-downs also had the potential to cause serious ruptures in relationships, creating months of guilt, rumination, distress, anxiety, dread and depression.

In the last few days, since I started to see and understand these things, I have tentatively begun to enjoy the experience of being myself. I’m slowly learning to listen to my emotions, and to notice my personal opinions, wishes and needs, however small. These inner cues are starting to inform my conduct, rather than it being shaped almost entirely by other people’s apparent expectations. These personal promptings can act as a counterweight to the opinions, needs and desires of others. Awareness of them is enabling me to respond to people rather more spontaneously, honestly, and directly.

I am now paying much more attention to what I want to do and say, rather than automatically shaping almost all my behaviour around what others seem to want. Ahead, I glimpse a wiser and more balanced way of relating to others – a skilful, self-aware approach which takes account of everyone’s needs, including my own.

Living like this is much more enjoyable and satisfying than before. It gives me a sense of inner freedom, and helps me to feel quite a bit happier about who I seem to be. Thank you so much, Lord, for all you are doing to inspire, guide, teach, help and heal me.

Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT). 

You have been raised to new life with Christ (Colossians 3:1; NLT).

Making mistakes

Ruth Kirk

Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am frail (Psalm 6:2; NET).

He knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust (Psalm 103:14; NLT).

Even when
I make mistakes,
And get things wrong,
And try, but fail –
It’s still okay
To be myself,
Because God knows
That I am frail.

So, every time
I speak amiss,
I’ll ask God’s help
Without delay –
Then I’ll face up
To what I’ve done,
By saying, “Sorry”,
Straight away.

I listen to their conversations and don’t hear a word of truth. Is anyone sorry for doing wrong? Does anyone say, “What a terrible thing I have done”? (Jeremiah 8:6; NLT).

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV).

 

Coming out as face blind

Ruth Kirk

Today’s blog speaks directly about how I am dealing with my recently-discovered face blindness. However, I hope it will also speak to other readers who are currently “coming out”, by being honest with others about previously unknown or concealed aspects of  themselves and their lives. The more congruence there is between our inner and outer lives, the more healthy, happy, relaxed and vibrant we will be.

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT). 

You don’t have to act,
And you don’t have to fake.
You don’t have to ask,
And you don’t have to ache.

Just take a deep breath,
Then speak from your heart.
Come out with the Son,
And make a fresh start.

So, say a brief prayer,
Then speak from your soul:
Come out with the Son,
And he’ll make you whole!

His hands make whole (Job 5:18; NKJV).

 

With love

Ruth Kirk

Do everything with love (1 Corinthians 16:14; NLT).

May I do everything with love, my God,
However small;

And may I speak each word with love,
So others hear your call.

May I take captive all my thoughts,
And make them loving, too;

And may my heart be filled with love –
Then I’ll be more like you.

Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV). 

Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him (Colossians 3:10; NLT).

 

Anxiety, dread, fear and panic (for D.L.)

Ruth Kirk

Introduction
I have spent a lifetime working on myself, in the hope of overcoming my chronic dread, fear and panic. To avoid repetition, I will refer to these feelings and sensations collectively as anxiety.

As an adult, I have doggedly pursued many different treatment approaches for anxiety. Some have made no difference at all, whilst others have helped to varying degrees. None has enabled me to overcome it completely, but God has been with me every step of the way. I have complete faith that God will bring good from all my struggles.

Glimpsing a way forward
A few nights ago, as I kissed my icon of Jesus before going to bed, I glimpsed a completely new way of relating to my anxiety. To my great surprise, I heard myself asking out loud:

“What if, instead of doing all I can to get rid of anxiety, dread, fear and panic, I simply welcome them, accept them, and listen to what they want to tell me?”

Stunned by the implications of this question, I knew something significant was happening, but had no idea where it might be leading.

Listening to feelings
Next morning, whilst praying sleepily, I realised that whenever I experience anxiety, I can, indeed, ask myself, “What are these feelings telling me?”

Immediately, I knew my answer to this question would always be the same: my anxiety is telling me that I don’t feel safe.

Am I safe?
This means that every time I’m feeling anxious, I can ask myself a single, very important question, a question which calls for an entirely objective answer:

“Am I safe right now?”

In response, I will briefly take stock of my current situation and surroundings. Almost always, the answer is going to be: “Yes, I am safe right now”. When this is the case, no matter how severe my anxiety may be, I will know that it is not about a real and present danger to which I need to react. This means I can safely welcome, accept and embrace how I feel. Instead of fighting my anxiety,  I can relax into it, allowing it to happen, and to pass, in its own time.

Past traumas
I’m able to begin accepting anxiety in this way because I know it is a normal, long-term consequence of an emotionally abusive childhood. I can therefore choose to welcome it without attaching any current significance to how I feel.

Despite what my body and mind are telling me, if there is, objectively-speaking, no current threat to my safety, I can be confident that my feelings belong to the past. Meanwhile, in the present moment, I will be able to remind myself that have nothing to fear, even though I still feel afraid.

Conclusion
Once I grasped the healing potential of this new approach to experiencing anxiety, fear, dread and panic, I resolved to start using it immediately. My aim is to embrace these feelings with healing love, as a prayerful, spiritual practice. Maybe I will report back one day on how I’m getting on!

Acknowledgements
Many years ago, when my anxiety was very bad indeed, I read a book called: “Simple, effective treatment of agoraphobia”, by Dr. Claire Weekes. It became the foundation of all my subsequent efforts to help myself, and continues to influence my approach to feared situations right up to the present day. Without the profound influence this book has had on my life and my thinking, I could not have written the above article.

I also want to express my deepest thanks to D.L. my long-term EMDR therapist. She has helped me through many years of struggling to overcome the consequences of my past. Her warmth, skill, patience, insight, knowledge, empathy, kindness and humour continue to be my lifeline, and my example.

Life and freedom

Ruth Kirk

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).

I’ve spent far too much of my life:

  • Trying to be what others want me to be.
  • Trying to behave as others desire, expect, require, or demand.
  • Trying to make myself believe, feel, think, say and do what others tell me I should.
  • Trying to pray, worship and serve as others say I should.
  • Trying to live as others say I should.

But now I’m working on personal change. This means:

  • Listening to myself, so I can discover how I feel, what I think, and what I want to say and do.
  • Finding out what I truly believe, and how I want to pray, worship, and serve.
  • Taking steps to live in ways which are meaningful to me, rather than depressing.

I have always felt guilty when others are disappointed in me for not being, or doing, as they expect. Fear of their disgust, anger and rejection makes me very anxious. This fear dates back to my emotionally abusive childhood. However, I am now facing up to these inner challenges on a daily basis.

So, at 72 years old, I’m just starting to have life to the full, and beginning to experience moments of genuine fulfilment and joy: the joy of being myself.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10.10; NIV).

Self-awareness and self-assertion

Ruth Kirk

Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me (Luke 8:46; NLT).

Introduction
Jesus was fully self-aware. For example, he could identify the difference between the times when he gave healing or absolution to others, and the times when people took from him without his volition. He also had boundaries, knew when they were being crossed, and believed in dealing with challenging situations immediately and directly.

Christ had three basic ways of expressing his gut feelings:

1. Through his behaviour
Always in touch with his gut feelings, Jesus was able to express them through his behaviour. Thus, we see him experience and express many emotions, including joy, anger, grief and anguish.

2. Through his words
Being aware of his emotions enabled Jesus to identify when, and how, he needed to speak out directly to other people. He did not suppress, ignore, or override his emotions, nor did he pretend they did not exist, or fake something different. Rather, the Gospels report that he readily verbalised his feelings of frustration, irritation, impatience, sadness and dread directly to those concerned.

3. Through authentic prayer
Jesus also expressed his feelings directly to God in prayer. This would have happened during his constant daily communion with God, as well as in his regular times of solitary prayer. We see this, for example, at Gethsemane, and as he hung on the cross.

Honest self-expression and mental health
Dealing with his feelings directly in these ways prevented unexpressed emotions, unaddressed problems and hidden resentments from building up over time. Instead, Jesus fully lived his gut feelings, and used them to guide his behaviour, speech and prayers. This helped him to maintain his absolute honesty and directness with others, his personal authenticity, and his mental health, despite the tremendous pressures and stresses he constantly faced.

Conclusion
Christ is our model for how to live healthily, and, as far as humanly possible, without sin. As we have seen, he was always in touch with his emotions, and was able to express them appropriately. He was scrupulously honest and absolutely direct in all his communication with others. He often confronted people, yet was never unfair. He had very clear boundaries, and knew when he was giving, and when others were taking from him. Above all, Jesus used his self-awareness and gut feelings to help him deal with every situation in such a way as to bring about positive results for others, as well as for himself.

Developing our own skills in self-awareness, self-assertion and direct communication is essential if we, too, are to maintain healthy relationships with ourselves, with others, and with God. Unless we learn to live authentically, we cannot hope to achieve the inner peace of body, mind, heart and soul we yearn for. Self-awareness, self-assertion and self-expression are therefore very significant aspects of what it means for us to, “have the mind of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:16; NLT).

References

A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding, and she could find no cure. Coming up behind Jesus, she touched the fringe of his robe. Immediately, the bleeding stopped. “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. Everyone denied it, and Peter said, “Master, this whole crowd is pressing up against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me.” When the woman realized that she could not stay hidden, she began to tremble and fell to her knees in front of him. The whole crowd heard her explain why she had touched him and that she had been immediately healed. “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has made you well. Go in peace” (Luke 8:43-8; NLT).

At that time Jesus full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children” (Luke 10:21; NIV).

Jesus said to them, “You faithless people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you?” (Mark 9:19; NLT).

You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say (Matthew 12:34; NLT).

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me (Matthew 23:37; NLT).

In the Temple area he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, “Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!” (John 2:14-16; NLT).

Then Jesus wept (John 11:35; NLT).

He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:37-9; NLT).

He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).

Then at three o’clock Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Mark 15:34; NLT).

Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray (Mark 1:35; NLT).

He is your example, and you must follow in his steps (1 Peter 2:21; NLT).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector (Matthew 18:15-17; NLT).

Redemptive suffering: a personal perspective

Ruth Kirk

You have been given the privilege of serving Christ, not only by believing in him, but also by suffering for him (Philippians 1:29; GNT).

Introduction
In common with many other people, I have experienced physical, mental and spiritual suffering over the course of my life. I also live with chronic illness every day.

My response to suffering has changed considerably over the years. Thus, I slowly moved from very negative attitudes, such as fear, self-pity and depression, through resignation, to a more comfortable acceptance.

Then, after being diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago, I discovered and adopted the practice of giving thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). At the time, I didn’t realise what a key step this would be in the process of developing a more positive attitude to suffering.

More recently, just a few weeks ago, I stumbled on the idea of using my symptoms as cues which would remind me to intercede for others. This practice has already begun to give a new purpose and value to the suffering which is a daily feature of my life.

Soon afterwards, I discovered the term redemptive suffering, and realised, to my surprise and pleasure, that I am not alone on this path.

Redemptive suffering
My current, very limited, understanding of redemptive suffering is that it means:

  • Willingly accepting and embracing uncomfortable symptoms.
  • Giving thanks for them.
  • Offering them as a sacrifice on behalf of others who are suffering.
  • Praying for other people who are suffering, even when we are suffering ourselves.

It will be interesting to see how this definition changes in the light of further personal experience and insight.

Christ’s life and death are the perfect example of redemptive suffering in operation. Even as he hung on the cross, Jesus was praying for his executioners: “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34; NLT).

The privilege of suffering for Christ
St. Paul grasped that if we are to share Christ’s glory, we must also share his suffering (Romans 8:17). This led him to the astonishing realisation that we, too, can offer our suffering on behalf of others, just as Jesus did. As he states: “You have been given the privilege of serving Christ, not only by believing in him, but also by suffering for him” (Philippians 1:29; GNT).

With self-awareness, willing acceptance and frequent practice, every adverse symptom, sensation, emotion and experience can become a sacrificial offering to God. Our suffering then functions as a series of cues, or reminders, to intercede for others.

Our prayers can be for people we know personally, those we hear or read about, and for everyone experiencing physical and mental illness, pain, privation, danger and death all around the world.

Conclusion
I believe that we can grow more like Christ, and become more deeply united with him, by welcoming the suffering God sends, and using it for the good of others. Redemptive suffering is, indeed, a privilege. Furthermore, my experience is that it can bring a sense of purpose, joy and fulfilment even though my life is very limited by suffering.

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

References

Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).

Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies (Hebrews 13:3; NLT).

Since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too (1 Peter 4:1; NLT).

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).

The Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).

Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9; NLT).

 

The shadow self

Ruth Kirk

Introduction
Today’s blog is about the shadow self. This term encompasses all the aspects of ourselves we find so uncomfortable, shameful and unacceptable that we ignore, conceal, or deny them. However, it is essential to find ways of recognising and expressing these hidden aspects, so we can integrate them into a fuller understanding of ourselves (see “Owning your own shadow” by Robert A. Johnson; Harper One: 1991).

My shadow, for example, includes sin, guilt, shame, selfishness, self-pity, depression, irritability, judging, anxiety, fear, resentment, bitterness, anger, insecurity and feeling unwanted. For a long time, I have habitually taken captive my thoughts and feelings along these lines, saying sorry to God as soon as I become aware of them. I then replace them with something more loving, in accordance with Paul’s teaching (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV). However, until very recently, I have never considered choosing to express them in any other way.

Instead, I generally keep negative feelings and thoughts concealed in my shadow. Unfortunately, this is unhealthy, as these spontaneous aspects of myself are significant aspects of my whole being.

Being honest
Over the last few weeks I’ve begun to grasp the spiritual importance of maintaining a constant awareness of what is happening in my shadow. This enables me to be more honest with myself, with God, and, potentially, with other people.

Of course, I don’t want to simply “act out” the contents of my shadow through impulsive, uncontrolled behaviour. Rather, I want to be in touch with them, so I can choose how to respond. Moreover, if I decide to express them, I want to do so as safely and constructively as possible, for the sake of both others and myself.

Such expression doesn’t necessarily mean voicing my shadow self directly, though occasionally this may be appropriate. Instead, I choose to express my shadow through dance, writing and prayer. Art, music, sports and many other activities can also provide alternative creative outlets.

It won’t go away
Staying in touch with my shadow self and finding safe ways to express it is essential, because ignoring it does not make it go away. Trying to push challenging emotions such as anger, hatred and fear out of awareness leaves them free to create havoc in the unconscious mind. This is how sudden outbursts of exasperation, temper, violence and panic can seem to strike “out of the blue”.

The Psalms
The Psalms offer a healthy example of honouring the shadow by expressing it honestly in prayer, alongside more positive aspects of the self. The writer of Psalm Three, for example, begins by praising God for helping them in the face of their enemies’ threats. The tone remains positive until verse seven, when it changes dramatically, as the author gives vent to the pent-up fear, anger and vengefulness concealed in their shadow:

“Arise, O LORD! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!” (Psalm 3:7; NLT). 

Once these negative impulses have been fully voiced, the writer is able to finish on a more positive note:

“Victory comes from you, O LORD. May you bless your people” (Psalm 3:8; NLT).

If the writer had sanitised this psalm by omitting the thoughts and emotions hidden in their shadow, it would have been incomplete. This would have made it far less helpful to both themself and their future readers.

Conclusion

The raw, spontaneous truths hidden in our shadow are vital aspects of the self, treasures without which we cannot be complete. To reject them means being out of contact with essential aspects of ourselves.

Learning to integrate the contents of our shadow with our more positive thoughts and emotions is therefore vital for authentic spiritual growth and healing. As Johnson states: “These disowned parts are extremely valuable and cannot be disregarded… To honour and accept one’s shadow is a profound spiritual discipline. It is whole-making and thus holy and the most important experience of a lifetime” (Johnson; ibid, pp ix-x).

So now, after that long introduction, here is today’s prayer:

You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).

Lord, 

Thank you for my shadow –
May I face it,
Acknowledging its role
In all I do.

Thank you for my shadow –
May I own it,
So I can choose
To share it all with you.

Thank you for my shadow –
May I love it,
For you desire my honesty,
I know.

Thank you for my shadow –
I embrace it.
Lord, may these secret riches
Help me grow.

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

 

Jesus, Paul and Women

Ruth Kirk

Introduction
For many years, I have been very uncomfortable with some aspects of St. Paul’s teaching on women, but had no idea how to write about this issue.

Then, just as I began to pray a few days ago, I suddenly understood a significant difference between Jesus’ attitude towards women in the Gospels, and that of Saint Paul in his letters.

Jesus: timeless and universal
Jesus’ teaching is timeless, universal and eternal. I can’t think of anything he taught that related solely to the times and the society in which he was living. Nor did he teach different rules for women and for men. Rather, he treated everyone in the same way, whilst not one word of his teaching discriminated between the sexes. This fits with the absolute equality of the first creation story in Genesis:

“God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them” (Genesis 1:27-8; NLT).

Paul: time and context
Much of Paul’s teaching, on the other hand, related specifically to the social customs and context of his times. This is particularly true in relation to his attitudes towards women, and his instructions about how Christian women should behave.

Paul’s letters
In his letters, Paul often addressed particular issues arising in specific churches. This is particularly true of his opinions about the roles and behaviour he expected of women. It is therefore important not to apply his pronouncements to all women generally, everywhere and at all times.

A male perspective
Furthermore, Paul wrote from an essentially male perspective, as is often shown by his choice of words. For example, when addressing the church at Corinth, he wrote:

“Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says” (1 Corinthians 14:34; NKJV; my emphasis). 

The phrase “your women” is particularly significant here. Essentially, perhaps unconsciously, his letter is addressing only the male members of the congregation. This is further emphasised by his next sentence:

“And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church” (ibid, v35). 

I don’t know what rule Paul was referring to here, for Jesus never said, or in any way implied, that women should be silent in religious settings, that they should be submissive towards men, or that it was shameful for them to speak at spiritual gatherings.

A glimpse of equality
Despite these significant differences between the teachings of Jesus and Paul, I don’t reject Paul’s teaching as a whole. This is because at his very best he was sometimes able to rise far above his social context, and to grasp the essential truth of human equality. For example, despite the quotations discussed above, he was also able to state:

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28; BSB). 

Sadly, he was unable to hold on to this profound truth, or to apply it more generally during his ministry. It seems that he was simply unable to square his own contradictory beliefs.

A final comparison
For his times, Paul was an amazing, brave, insightful, and often inspired, teacher, but Jesus consistently saw much further and deeper than he ever could. As the gospels repeatedly show, everything Jesus taught applied to women and men equally, as people.

Paul’s teaching, on the other hand, was very different. He accepted the imbalance of power in a highly patriarchal society, where women had very little status, independence, choice, or freedom. He did not challenge this, but, perhaps unconsciously, seemed to take it for granted as the way things had always been, and therefore the way they should continue to be.

Speaking personally
Writing this article has made me appreciate even more just how revolutionary Jesus’ attitudes to women were. I unhesitatingly accept his teaching as applying to me. However, I cannot see Paul’s pronouncements in the same way. His letters can be helpful, insightful and even revelatory, but his teaching was deeply rooted in the conventional social context and attitudes of his times, and therefore cannot reasonably be applied to women everywhere, and at all times, as some might claim.

Conclusion
I therefore conclude that whilst Paul was often inspired, he wasn’t perfect, and he wasn’t Jesus. For me, this is the essential difference between his teaching, and that of Christ.