He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).
Praying; grieving;
Sweating; pleading;
Slipping; sliding;
Stumbling; falling;
Stripping; nailing;
Lifting; reeling;
Bleeding; dying;
Rising; healing.
For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).
All around the world we read, see, experience, and share the freedom of those with greater wealth, status and power to ignore, control, denigrate, deprive, exploit, and abuse those who have less.
Despite my resolve to take one week without posting, God has other plans, and gave me this prayer today. The pressure to write and publish it is absolutely insistent, and very uncomfortable.
Please can I enlist your help to share these prayers with others, if you are willing and able? This would enable me to reach out to as many people as possible, even though I am very tired and unwell. I have had to stop posting to about 20 Facebook groups, because I cannot bear the weight of sharing what I am given all on my own any more. Please help me with this task.
Love and blessings, from Ruth xxx
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
Let’s look within
To find the Christ,
Then make our lives
A sacrifice
Of help for all,
Of love, and peace
Despite our pain,
Which will not cease
Until death comes
To take our hand,
And lead us to
God’s promised land.
There, we will be judged
At last,
By all the fallout
Of our past
For those we use,
Ignore, or hate.
By then,
It will be far too late
To change: despite
Our wealth, or birth,
We will be treated
Just as we treat others
Here on earth.
Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be poured into your lap. For the measure you use will be the measure you receive (Luke 6:37-8; NET).
References
To reduce my burden a bit, I will now offer short, relevant readings you can look up in your own Bible, rather than the detailed quotes I have included in the past:
2 Corinthians 12:6-10.
Matthew 25:31-46.
Hello everyone, this is my last prayer for a while. I have decided to take at least a week off my work here. I’m doing this for the first time in 13 years of unbroken daily blogging. During this time, I want to see if I can get my level of pain under any sort of control.
I plan to make contact with you again here next Thursday, and to report on how this process is going. Meanwhile, I send my very best wishes to you all, and hope you will continue to explore Take heart, and The heart of the gospel.
♥️ With love from Ruth xxx
Never stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NLT).
Every morning:
Offer worship.
All day long:
Heed Yahweh’s voice.
In the evening:
Intercession.
Then, at night:
Give thanks; rejoice.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).
References
I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).
Serve only the LORD your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him (Deuteronomy 13:4; NLT).
Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the LORD our maker, for he is our God. We are the people he watches over, the flock under his care. If only you would listen to his voice today! (Psalm 95:6-7; NLT).
A reading: Acts 16:22-26; NLT.
A mob quickly formed against Paul and Silas, and the city officials ordered them stripped and beaten with wooden rods.
They were severely beaten, and then they were thrown into prison. The jailer was ordered to make sure they didn’t escape. So the jailer put them into the inner dungeon and clamped their feet in the stocks.
Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening.
Suddenly, there was a massive earthquake, and the prison was shaken to its foundations. All the doors immediately flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off!
Hello to all readers. I am quite poorly at present, so will go back to posting in the evenings, as that is slightly easier and less pressurising for me. I will try to keep blogging every day the best I can for you. With love from Ruth xxx
I am suffering and in pain. Rescue me, O God, by your saving power (Psalm 69:29; NLT).
We have confidence in a better hope, through which we draw near to God (Hebrews 7:19; NLT).
Let pain draw you
Close to Jesus,
Always walking
At his side.
Let it lead you
Close to Jesus:
He is near to help,
And guide.
Let pain bring you
Close to Jesus
He will always
Understand.
Let pain drive you
Close to Jesus:
He will hold you
In his hand.
The life of every living thing is in his hand, and the breath of every human being (Job 12:10; NLT).
I love you, LORD (Psalm 18:1; NLT).
As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God (Psalm 42:1; NLT).
I love you, Lord,
And long for you;
Rejoice in you,
And pine for you.
I pray to you,
And ache for you;
I offer thanks,
And thirst for you.
I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for water (Psalm 143:6; NLT).
I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? (Psalm 42:2; NLT).
References
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).
I long for the Lord more than sentries long for the dawn (Psalm 130:6; NLT).
I will pour out water to quench your thirst and to irrigate your parched fields. And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants, and my blessing on your children (Isaiah 44:3; NLT).
Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, “Rivers of living water will flow from his heart” (John 7:38; NLT).
In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it (John 1:1-5; NLT).
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life” (John 8:12; NLT).
Search for your light
In the heart of the gospel,
Discovering hope
In the heart of God’s Word.
Search for your faith
In the heart of the gospel,
Discovering peace
In the heart of the Lord.
Search for your strength
In the heart of the gospel,
Discovering joy
In the heart of God’s Word.
Search for your life
In the heart of the gospel,
Discovering love
In the heart of the Lord.
I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6; NLT).
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).
References
We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life (1 John 1:1; NLT).
I have put my hope in your word (Psalm 119:74; NLT).
The LORD is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).
God’s word lives in your hearts ( 1 John 2:14; NLT).
No one has ever seen God. But the unique One, who is himself God, is near to the Father’s heart. He has revealed God to us (John 1:18; NLT).
This one who is life itself was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is eternal life. He was with the Father, and then he was revealed to us (1 John 1:2; NLT).
Search for Me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13; NKJV).
He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).
Feeling hopeless?
Go still deeper.
Search yet harder;
Climb still steeper.
Are you lonely:
Sleeping; waking?
Is Christ distant,
Though you’re aching?
Are you broken?
Tempest louder?
He is waiting:
Shout yet harder.
Christ seems absent?
Love burns steady.
Often silent;
Always ready.
Christ is here:
Our Friend and Saviour!
He who bears you
Will deliver.
I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; NLT).
Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up (Psalm 68:19; RSV).
Call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you (Psalm 50:14-15; NIV).
References
You have taken away my companions and loved ones. Darkness is my closest friend (Psalm 88:18; NLT).
The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).
Why are you silent? (Habakkuk 1:13; CSB).
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame (Song of Songs 8:6; NIV).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’S faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
Reading #1: Matthew 8:23-7; NLT.
Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!”
Reading #2: Matthew 14:29-33; NIV.
Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
When I awake, I am still with you (Psalm 139:18; NIV).
“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD (Jeremiah 29:14; NLT).
There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).
When you awake,
Don’t even open your eyes
Until you are ready
To see God’s face
In everything,
And in everyone,
And in yourself.
When you awake,
Don’t even try to pray
Until you are ready
To hear God’s voice
In everything,
And in everyone,
And in yourself.
When you awake,
Don’t even start to move
Until you are ready
To know God’s presence
In everything,
And in everyone,
And in yourself.
When you awake,
Don’t even think about rising
Until you are ready
To love your Creator
In everything,
And in everyone,
And in yourself.
Suddenly, their eyes were opened, and they recognized him (Luke 24:31; NLT; my emphasis).
References
Thine incorruptible spirit is in all things (Wisdom of Solomon 12:1; KJV).
I am God, and not man; the Holy One within thee (Hosea 11:9; BST).
We are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? (1 Corinthians 6:19; NLT).
Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:40; NIV).
Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me (Matthew 25:45; NLT).
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1; NLT).
He is the Creator of everything that exists (Jeremiah 51:19; NLT).
God, the LORD, created the heavens and stretched them out. He created the earth and everything in it. He gives breath to everyone, life to everyone who walks the earth (Isaiah 42:5; NLT).
The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life (Job 33:4; NLT).
A reading: Luke 10:25-28; NLT.
One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?”
The man answered, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”
There is …one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).
Without any doubt, the LORD is in this place, and I did not realize it! (Genesis 28:16; AMP).
You are in my silence,
And my speaking;
You are in my darkness,
And my light.
You are in my desert,
And my well-spring;
You are in my blindness,
And my sight.
You are in my grief,
And my rejoicing;
You are in my comfort,
And my pain.
You are in my sickness,
And my healing:
You are here –
And I am your domain.
Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them” (John 14:23; NLT).
References
We are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).
God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple (1 Corinthians 3:17; NLT).
I am God and not man; the Holy One within thee (Hosea 11:9; BST).
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).
The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you (Romans 8:11; NLT).
Don’t you realise that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you? (1 Corinthians 3:16; NLT).
Your immortal spirit is in every one of them (Wisdom of Solomon 12:1; GNTA).
Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).
How my mind works
On 29.1.26. I was able to grasp how my mind works for the first time. Today’s blog describes what I learned.
Introduction
I automatically check all my thoughts, everything I am about to say, and everything I want to do, however trivial, to see whether they are within the rules of what is acceptable to whoever I am with. If I judge they are not acceptable, I suppress them immediately. My default approach is to stop myself from saying or doing whatever I want to, in case it breaches a social rule I do not know. I self-inhibit in this way hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times every day. Only very recently, since I started thinking about Autism, have I become aware of this inner process and started to understand its purpose and consequences a bit more. I realise now that it is a form of self-censorship, whose purpose is self-protection.
Unspoken rules
If, even for a moment, I forget to filter everything I want to say and do, it’s always disastrous. I spontaneously say or do something which shocks others, and has clearly broken a social rule I have not grasped. This is always very embarrassing and awkward socially, both with individuals, and within groups. It leaves me feeling stupid, ashamed, guilty and a complete failure.
Consequences
Such events trigger my automatic dread reflex instantly, and, with a sinking heart, I know that this dread will be with me day and night for months. In fact, I will never fully recover from it. Another relationship which may have offered a little hope, or at least some brief social contact, has been permanently destroyed.
This constant checking and the suppression of every impulse helps to prevent me from breaking unspoken social rules, so I can feel relatively acceptable to others. Unfortunately, as it is entirely habitual, I do it even when I am alone.
Rumination
After each such event I ruminate endlessly about what happened, feeling terrible about what I said or did. The mishap brings an end to any hope of being at all acceptable to the person concerned. It means the permanent loss of our relationship as it was before.
When this happens in a group setting, it spells the immediate end of my efforts to belong to the group in which it occurred, because I will avoid the person concerned as much as possible from that point onwards. I will dread even bumping into them in the street. If the disaster happens in a church setting, I will not be able to go to that church any more, which is a major, personal loss. Everything I had painstaking tried to build up there is over in a moment.
The aftermath
Afterwards, as soon as I can, I write to the person concerned, taking full responsibility for what happened, and apologising wholeheartedly. However, I can never face them again with any degree of confidence at all. Having seriously misjudged what was acceptable to them, nothing can ever make the relationship right again.
After apologising, I live with my rumination and dread for as many weeks as I can, feeling horribly anxious, sleeping badly, and getting more and more depressed. Eventually, there is no choice but to return to my therapist to work through all that went wrong, in the hope of somehow setting myself free from the emotional torment. This makes every social blunder very expensive, both emotionally and financially.
Today I am facing the start of my Autism assessment process.
If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).
A reading from Luke 4:16-21; NIV.
When he came to the village of Nazareth, his boyhood home, he went as usual to the synagogue on the Sabbath and stood up to read the Scriptures. The scroll of Isaiah the prophet was handed to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where this was written: “The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD’s favor has come.” He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the attendant, and sat down. All eyes in the synagogue looked at him intently. Then he began to speak to them. “The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!”