body, mind, heart, soul, realisation, important, prayer, contemplation,, Breast cancer, mastectomy,

Victory

 

No eye can bear
Your dazzling light,

No flesh survive 
Your cleansing flame;

No mind can grasp
Your secret thoughts;

No heart presume
To speak your name;

No soul can know
Your mystery,

Yet we can share
Your victory.

 

References

He is clothed in dazzling splendour (Job 37:22; NLT).

God is a consuming fire (Deuteronomy 4:24; NIV).

My thoughts are not your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8; NIV).

You must not misuse the name of the Lord your God (Exodus 20:7; NLT). 

Truly, O God of Israel, our Saviour, you work in mysterious ways (Isaiah 45:15; NLT).

Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:57; NIV). 

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prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,, Breast cancer, mastectomy,

Healing energy

 

Lord,
May your healing energy
And peace,
Flow into my body,  
Mind,
And heart.

 

References

The Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

He gives strength to those who are tired; to the ones who lack power, he gives renewed energy (Isaiah 40:29; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Faith, hope, love, God, Prayer

When we cannot see you

 

When we cannot see you
Face to face,
Nothing’s more important, Lord, 
Than faith. 

When we’re really struggling 
To cope,
Nothing’s more important, Lord, 
Than hope.

When we start to doubt 
You’re there, above, 
Nothing’s more important, Lord, 
Than love.

When its time for us 
To say Adieu, 
Nothing’s more important, Lord, 
Than you.   

 

References

Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13; NLT).

Have faith in God (Mark 11:22; NLT).

We put our hope in the Lord (Psalm 33:20; NLT).

If we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us (1 John 4:12; NLT).

We brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave (1 Timothy 6:7; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind (Luke 10:27; NLT).

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Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

My mother’s death

 

Last night, my mother died peacefully in her sleep. She was 102, and had been increasingly deaf, blind, bedridden, incontinent and confused for the last few years.  

On hearing the news early this morning, my initial reaction was one of relief that she isn’t suffering any more, though it’s too early to tell what feelings I might have in the longer term about her. I’ve spent many years in therapy working on the consequences of her behaviour towards me, so hopefully that will now help me to cope with her death.

My mother was a complicated, intelligent, energetic and demanding woman. She was very controlling, dominating, angry, frustrated, and emotionally abusive. Throughout, and beyond, my childhood, her unpredictable, explosive rages were utterly terrifying. During these uncontrolled episodes she was verbally aggressive towards those present, and could be could be violent and destructive towards objects nearby.

She was also a very selfish, manipulative and egotistical woman. Despite the efforts I made as an adult to talk to her about her behaviour, and the ways in which it has affected me, she always minimised it, never acknowledging, or apologising for, all the damage she caused.

Recently, I’ve been trying to forget the bad things she did, and to remember instead the good things about my childhood. However, the positives are so few, so undependable, and so short-lived, that I quickly gave up the effort, which felt artificial and unhelpful. 

Well, none of us is perfect. We all have many faults, including me. Fortunately, I started working hard to forgive my mother several years ago, and have continued to pray for her, and try to forgive her, every day. 

Some months ago, I spoke to her privately for the last time about her behaviour, its effects, and my forgiveness. However, by then, she was incapable of replying. I’m glad, though, that I was able to be completely honest with her, after a lifetime of anxiety, fear, dread, panic attacks, depression and physical illness caused by her abuse. May she rest in peace, at last.

 

References

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us (Luke 11:4; NLT).

Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing (Luke 23:34; NLT).

We have all sinned against you (Jeremiah 14:20; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Prayer, suffering, life, courage, help, bear, illness, mental, physical,

A Gethsemane experience

 

On the day of my mastectomy, as I waited on a trolley outside the anaesthetic room, I was suddenly overwhelmed by a profound terror of suffering and death, just as Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane. I felt completely helpless, despairing and alone, shaking uncontrollably with cold and fear. 

Then my surgeon entered the room in blue scrubs. She must have seen at once how distressed I was, because she came straight over to me, putting her arms around me and bending down to lay her head gently on my chest. She seemed like an angel of comfort and strength. I managed to whisper, through chattering teeth, “I’m so frightened!” She didn’t even speak, just held me as I sobbed helplessly. 

After a time, realising how cold I was, she moved to stand behind me, rubbing my arms to warm me, until I was pushed into an ante-room and quickly, skilfully anaesthetised. 

That evening, after the surgery, I wept again. I felt as if I had experienced something of what Christ suffered in Gethsemane, just as those gazing at a representation of Jesus on the cross occasionally undergo the pain and powerlessness of his crucifixion. 

Next day, however, I realised that rather than we ordinary mortals sometimes sharing what Jesus experienced, it was, in fact, he who fully shared our primeval, human terror in the face of imminent suffering and death.

 Of course, there are major differences between my experience and his. I was facing my profound fear of anaesthesia and surgery solely for my own benefit. Jesus, on the other hand, was facing betrayal, torture and death so our sins could be forgiven. I hope I will never cease to thank him for what he faced and endured for our sake.

 

References

My heart pounds in my chest. The terror of death assaults me. Fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can’t stop shaking (Psalm 55:4-5; NLT).

They went to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, “Sit here while I go and pray.” He took Peter, James and John with him, and he became deeply troubled and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little further and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by (Mark 14:32-5; NLT).  

Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him. He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:43-4; NLT).

Angels came and took care of Jesus (Matthew 4:11; NLT).

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7; NIV).

God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8, NRSV). 

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,

I sigh for you

 

O, my Lord, I sigh for you.
Let me start my life anew.
Then I’ll leave my sins behind,  
And try to love all humankind. 

O, my Lord, I long for you.
Let me start my life anew.
Then I will forgive each foe,
And work to pay back all I owe.

O, my Lord, I yearn for you.
Let me start my life anew.
Then I’ll never judge, or hate,
And always seek your narrow gate.

O, my Lord, I thirst for you.
Let me start my life anew.
Then I’ll bravely face each fear, 
And strive to serve your kingdom, here. 

 

References

He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago (Ephesians 2:10; NLT).

Love your neighbour as yourself (James 2:8; NLT).

Forgive others, and you will be forgiven (Luke :37; NLT).

Give to everyone what you owe them (Romans 13:7; NLT).

Do not judge, or you too will be judged (Matthew 7:1; NIV).

You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate (Matthew 7:13; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

The Kingdom of God is already among you (Luke 17:21; NLT). 

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, prayer, healing, contemplation, oneness, love,

Smile

 

Smile –
For God is giving you 
His blessing from above. 

Smile –
For Christ is pouring out 
Forgiveness through his blood.

Smile –
For Mary lifts your cares 
To God each time you pray.

Smile –
For God’s great Spirit dwells 
Within you every day.

 

References

God, our God, blesses us (Psalm 67:6; NLT).

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7; NIV).

Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often (Luke 2:19: NLT).

Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? (1 Corinthians 3:16; NKJV).

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