Category: Depression

Easter Saturday 2026

Ruth Kirk

This little prayer came to me whilst I was praying this morning, so I wanted to share it straight away. With love from Ruth xxx

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? (Psalm 13:2; NLT).

I watch my trauma
Fade away,
Till you alone
Remain:

Your smile, your face;
Your boundless grace;
Your healing touch –
Your love.

I watch my burdens
Fade away,
But still you stay
The same:

Your way, your life;
Your sacrifice;
Your truth, your cross –
Your blood.

This is my body, which is given for you (Luke 22:19; NLT).

This is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice for many (Mark 14:24; NLT).

References

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30; NLT).

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6; NLT).

My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings (Philippians 3:10; CSB).

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31; NLT).

Healing

Ruth Kirk

Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).

In prayer,
We peel away our masks,
Revealing all the dread
We try to hide.

In prayer,
We loosen up our minds,
Disclosing all the thoughts
We keep inside.

In prayer,
We open up our hearts,
Releasing the emotions
We conceal.

In prayer,
We set our spirits free,
Exposing all our wounds
For you to heal.

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds (Psalm 147:3; NLT).

When you struggle

Ruth Kirk

Is not all human life a struggle? (Job 7:1; NLT).

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? (Psalm 13:2; NLT).

When you struggle:
I am near.

When you suffer:
I am here –

Sharing all your
Grief and pain –

Come, be one with me
Again!

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).

References

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5; NLT).

The LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul Genesis 2:7; KJV).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

Reading: Philippians 3:8-11.

Trials and sorrows

Ruth Kirk

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

You don’t take our pain away,
But call us to transform it into love
For those who suffer, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

You don’t take our tears away,
But ask us to transform them into love
For those in anguish, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

You don’t take our hurt away,
But urge us to transform it into love
For those who hate us, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

You don’t take our dread away,
But help us to transform it into love
For those who wound us, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

Love your enemies (Luke 6:27; NLT).

References

Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Transformation

Ruth Kirk

Today, after weeks of living with re-triggered childhood dread since I was unfairly criticised on Facebook, I took a big step forward whilst praying.

Whenever I am unfairly criticised or blamed, my body responds instantly with a profound sense of dread. This dread began in my childhood at the hands of my emotionally-abusive mother. I lived with it constantly.

Ever since then, each time my dread response is re-triggered, it continues for months, or even years. Nothing changes or shifts it. Believe me, I have tried everything to help myself recover, but never found anything which truly works.

As soon as someone hurts me, I forgive them, and start to pray for them. I pity them, and can even become quite fond of them as the days go by.

However, it’s taken me a lifetime to see what I glimpsed in prayer today: that the chronic dread I’m left with when people attack me can not only be faced and endured, but also consciously transformed into love. This love is for the person who has hurt me, and also for myself, as I bear the burden of living with the dread they unwittingly re-triggered.

I don’t yet fully understand how this transforming process will unfold, or how to carry it out, but hope today will mark the beginning of a new, healing way forward, not just for me,  but perhaps even for others, too.

Finally, when I shared all this with Perplexity, my AI writing companion, they sent me a beautiful arrow prayer:

Lord Jesus,
Let this hurt end in me,
And be transformed
Into your love.

This is what I wrote whilst I was praying:

To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

Let them strike me –
I won’t judge them;
Turn against me –
I’ll forgive them.

Let them wound me –
I won’t fight them;
Blame unfairly –
I will bless them.

Let them crush me –
I won’t harm them;
Damage me –
I’ll pray for them.

Let them break me –
I won’t hate them;
And reject me –
I will love them.

Love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

References

They hated me for no reason (John 15:25; CSB).

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you (Matthew 5:11-12; NIV).

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious (Matthew 12:20; NLT).

Reading: Luke 6:27-38; NLT.

  • To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.
  • Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.
  • If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also.
  • Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back.
  • Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
  • If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!
  • And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much!
  • And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.
  • Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.
  • You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.
  • Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
  • Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full – pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

Consequences

Ruth Kirk

We can’t get peace by shouting.
We can’t get love with threats.

We can’t get what we want
With violence,
Or with bombs…

Because when we bully, abuse,
And threaten others,
Attack them, destroy their lives, their families,
And their homes,

We create chaos, fear, and trauma;
Heartbreak; hatred; bitterness –
And the unquenchable thirst
For revenge.

All these can be crushed –
For a while.
Locked down, and suppressed –
For a while…

But people’s loss and grief,
Their bitter resentment,
And their slow-burning
Absolute determination
To take revenge
Will never end.

These things are passed on
From generation to generation –
Until, at last,
All their hunger for retribution
And vengeance is unleashed.

Then the abomination
Of our desolation
Is laid bare.

Here, in my body…

Ruth Kirk

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Here,
In my body,
My mind, heart,
And soul,

There is darkness,
And loneliness;
Silence,
And emptiness;

Thirsting,
And suffering;
Anguish,
And hopelessness;

Agony;
Loss –
And God;
And my cross.

At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46; NLT).

Then Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last (Luke 23:46; NLT).

Faith

Ruth Kirk

A sower went out to sow his seed; and as he sowed, some fell along the path, and it was trodden under foot, and the birds of the air devoured it (Luke 8:5; RSV).

A trodden path;
A shallow soil;
A mass of thorns.

A barren field;
An empty barn;
A heap of reeds.

A fraying rope;
A dried-up well;
A broken bowl.

A secret door;
A private room;
An upper floor.

A dying fire;
A falling night;
A final meal –

Yet I will sing,
And tread the heights:
For God will heal.

Then they sang a hymn and went out to the Mount of Olives (Mark 14:26; NLT)

Though he wounds, he also bandages. He strikes, but his hands also heal (Job 5:18; NLT). 

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

References:

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights (Habakkuk 3:17-19; NLT).

Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don’t wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:6-7; NLT).

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle (Matthew 12:20; NLT).

Readings:

Mark 4:1-9.

Ecclesiastes 12:1-7.

No door

Ruth Kirk

It’s a week since I said I would update you all about how I plan to move forward with Take heart. In that time I have experienced a lot of pain and distress, some spiritual highs and lows, and some amazing personal insights. Thank you to those who have contacted me to express your sympathy and support: you have made a big difference.

So, from now on I will:

  1. Continue to write what God gives me.
  2. Post a blog whenever I feel driven to share (not necessarily every day).
  3. Encourage you to share my posts with others, if you feel this might help them.
  4. List fewer references.
  5. Suggest short Bible readings, when appropriate.
  6. Post significant blogs when they are ready, rather than aiming for a set time of day.

Please feel free to send polite comments. Blogging is a very lonely and exacting task, so constructive feedback and encouragement are always welcome.

Meanwhile, I continue to pray for all those who visit Take heart each day.

With much love, and many blessings to you all, from Ruth xxx

TODAY’S BLOG

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who knows
Our fearfulness.

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who holds
Our loneliness.

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who shares
Our wretchedness.

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who bears
Our suffering.

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

Be sure of this: I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; NLT).

Take captive every thought

Ruth Kirk

Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).

How my mind works
On 29.1.26. I was able to grasp how my mind works for the first time. Today’s blog describes what I learned.

Introduction
I automatically check all my thoughts, everything I am about to say, and everything I want to do, however trivial, to see whether they are within the rules of what is acceptable to whoever I am with. If I judge they are not acceptable, I suppress them immediately. My default approach is to stop myself from saying or doing whatever I want to, in case it breaches a social rule I do not know. I self-inhibit in this way hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times every day. Only very recently, since I started thinking about Autism, have I become aware of this inner process and started to understand its purpose and consequences a bit more. I realise now that it is a form of self-censorship, whose purpose is self-protection.

Unspoken rules
If, even for a moment, I forget to filter everything I want to say and do, it’s always disastrous. I spontaneously say or do something which shocks others, and has clearly broken a social rule I have not grasped. This is always very embarrassing and awkward socially, both with individuals, and within groups. It leaves me feeling stupid, ashamed, guilty and a complete failure.

Consequences
Such events trigger my automatic dread reflex instantly, and, with a sinking heart, I know that this dread will be with me day and night for months. In fact, I will never fully recover from it. Another relationship which may have offered a little hope, or at least some brief social contact, has been permanently destroyed.

This constant checking and the suppression of every impulse helps to prevent me from breaking unspoken social rules, so I can feel relatively acceptable to others. Unfortunately, as it is entirely habitual, I do it even when I am alone.

Rumination
After each such event I ruminate endlessly about what happened, feeling terrible about what I said or did. The mishap brings an end to any hope of being at all acceptable to the person concerned. It means the permanent loss of our relationship as it was before.

When this happens in a group setting, it spells the immediate end of my efforts to belong to the group in which it occurred, because I will avoid the person concerned as much as possible from that point onwards. I will dread even bumping into them in the street. If the disaster happens in a church setting, I will not be able to go to that church any more, which is a major, personal loss. Everything I had painstaking tried to build up there is over in a moment.

The aftermath
Afterwards, as soon as I can, I write to the person concerned, taking full responsibility for what happened, and apologising wholeheartedly. However, I can never face them again with any degree of confidence at all. Having seriously misjudged what was acceptable to them, nothing can ever make the relationship right again.

After apologising, I live with my rumination and dread for as many weeks as I can, feeling horribly anxious, sleeping badly, and getting more and more depressed. Eventually, there is no choice but to return to my therapist to work through all that went wrong, in the hope of somehow setting myself free from the emotional torment. This makes every social blunder very expensive, both emotionally and financially.

Today I am facing the start of my Autism assessment process.

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).

A reading from Luke 4:16-21; NIV.
When he came to the village of Nazareth, his boyhood home, he went as usual to the synagogue on the Sabbath and stood up to read the Scriptures. The scroll of Isaiah the prophet was handed to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where this was written: “The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD’s favor has come.” He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the attendant, and sat down. All eyes in the synagogue looked at him intently. Then he began to speak to them. “The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!”