Breast cancer, mastectomy,, Faith, hope, love, God, healing, mental illness, Prayer

Abba, Father

Abba, Father, 
I love you;
And, to my amazement, 
You love me. 

Abba, Father,
I love you;
And, to my delight,
You set me free. 

Abba, Father,
I love you;
And, to my relief,
You heal my soul.

Abba, Father,
I love you;
And, to my great joy, 
You make me whole. 

 

References

Because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father” (Galatians 4:6; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

I have paid the price to set you free (Isaiah 44:22; NLT).

He restores my soul (Psalm 23:3; NKJV).

He was beaten so we could be whole (Isaiah 53:5; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, chronic fatigue, contemplation, depression, mental illness, Prayer, suffering

Contemplation

Father, 
When I come to you in silence 
My body can’t be left outside the door;
So I share my pain and sickness with you,
Then I find they trouble me no more. 

Father,
When I search for you in stillness  
Endless thoughts and fantasies hold sway;
So I share my vague distractions with you, 
Then I find they slowly drift away.

Father, 
When I seek you out in private 
Painful feelings can’t be pushed aside; 
So I share my rage and sorrow with you,
Then I find they quietly subside. 

Father,
When I wait for you in darkness 
Terror sometimes shakes me to the core; 
But I share my fear and anguish with you,
Then I let them go, Lord, and adore. 

 

References

Be silent before the Sovereign Lord (Zephaniah 1:7; NIV).

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10; NIV). 

When you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private (Matthew 6:6; NLT).

Wait for the Lord (Psalm 37:34; NIV).

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed (Mark 1:35; NIV).

We adore you as the one who is over all things (1 Chronicles 29:11; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, healing, love, mental illness, Personal growth, faith, prayer, contemplation, love, oneness,, suffering

Exile (Isaiah 9:1-7; NRSV).

Lord,

I spent my early years
In bondage;
My teens and twenties
Trying to escape.

My thirties in the desert
Of depression;
My anxious forties 
In a pathless waste.

My fifties brought me    
To your promised freedom,
A land where I could start
To change and grow.

My sixties came with sickness,  
Loss, restriction,
Yet love and joy at last  
Began to flow. 

How many years remain? 
I cannot guess, Lord.
At present, I have time 
And space to pray –

No longer far from you,
Condemned to exile, 
I dwell in you, and you in me,
Each day. 

 

References

We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt, but the Lord brought us out of Egypt with his strong hand (Deuteronomy 6:21; NLT).

He has known your walking through this great wilderness (Deuteronomy 2:7; HNV).

He chose the Promised Land for our inheritance (Psalm 47:4; NLT).

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised (Job 1:21; NIV).

You love him even though you have never seen him […] and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy (1 Peter 1:8; NLT).

All who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

The yoke of their burden, and the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor, you have broken (Isaiah 9:4; NRSV).

 

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, mental illness, Prayer, sin, suffering

Dreams

Every night, I dream, Lord,
Of my failures;
Failure to be liked,
And to fit in.

Two failed degrees.
No genuine career, Lord;
Failure to be beautiful,
And slim.

Failure as a daughter,
Wife, and mother;
Failure as a grandmother,
And friend.

Failed health, Lord God,
Both physical and mental;
Failure as a person, 
In the end. 

Failure after failure  
In my faith, Lord;
Failure in my thoughts,
And words, and deeds,

So, here I am, now,
Bowing low before you,
With little to give back,
And many needs.

For I amount to nothing;
I have failed you; 
But you, Lord, are the High Priest
Who redeems;

Please fold me in your arms
For evermore, Lord,   
Then I will sleep, protected from 
My dreams.

 

References

Exalt the Lord our God! Bow low before his feet, for he is holy! (Psalm 99:5; NLT).

I am poor and needy, and my heart is full of pain (Psalm 109:22; NLT).

I am nothing but dust and ashes (Genesis 18:27; NIV).

O Lord, you are our Father (Isaiah 64:8; NLT).

So Christ has now become the High Priest […] With his own blood – not the blood of goats and calves – he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever (Hebrews 9:11-12; NLT).

He took the children in his arms (Mark 10:16; NLT).

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe (Ezekiel 34:25; NLT).

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anxiety, Breast cancer, mastectomy,, depression, honesty, mental illness, Prayer

When I can’t rejoice

When I can’t rejoice, Lord,
May I pray.

When I cannot pray, Lord, 
May I sleep.

When I cannot sleep, Lord,
May I rest.

When I cannot rest, Lord, 
May I weep.

When I cannot weep, Lord,
May I wait –

Enduring all,
For you will keep me safe. 

References

Always be joyful (1 Thessalonians 5:16; NLT).

Never stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NLT).

I think, ‘My bed will comfort me, and sleep will ease my misery’ (Job 7:13; NLT).

I am churning within and cannot rest (Job 30:27; CSB).

I weep with sorrow (Psalm 119:28; NLT).

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him (Psalm 37:7; NIV).

In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind (2 Corinthians 6:4; NLT).

You alone, O Lord, will keep me safe (Psalm 4:8; NLT).

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Breast cancer, mastectomy,, healing, mental illness, Prayer, suffering

My sorry life

 

Lord, 
I lay my sorry life
Before you –

Folly, weakness, 
Ignorance, 
And fear.

Sickness, sin, 
Self-pity, 
Deep resentment –

This is the 
Wretched harvest 
Of each year.

Hear me, Lord, 
As I bow down
Before you;

Save me, 
Though I have betrayed 
Your trust. 

Forgive my sins;
Restore and heal 
My body; 

And lift up 
My poor spirit
From the dust.

 

References

You will always harvest what you plant (Galatians 6:7; NLT). 

Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me (Psalm 30;10; NLT).

Like Adam, you broke my covenant and betrayed my trust (Hosea 6:7; NLT).

He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases (Psalm 103:3; NLT).  

He lifts the poor from the dust (1 Samuel 2:8; NLT).

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Agoraphobia, Breast cancer, mastectomy,, chronic fatigue, depression, Faith, hope, love, God, honesty, mental illness, oneness, Prayer, spiritual development, personal growth, faith, exploration, wholeness,

8.11.13.

Hello, my name is Ruth, and I’m a Christian, Catholic writer. I live with with chronic fatigue, invasive breast cancer and various other medical conditions. I also have extensive experience of agoraphobia, depression and anxiety, both personally and professionally. Whilst I’m praying I often have insights, which I try to express in writing. Then I share them with others via my website, twitter and Facebook.

I publish a short, original blog each day, praying for those who read it, as well as for all those who do not. I very much hope you will find something on my site that interests or helps you, and I welcome feedback and  correspondence.

With best wishes, from Ruth xxxx

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