Category: Acceptance

Facing life

Ruth Kirk

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NIV).

Let’s face what’s right in front of us –
No matter what it is,
Accepting it each day, anew –
No matter what it is.

Let’s love the one in front of us –
Whoever they may be,
With fellow-feeling, warm and true –
Whoever they may be.

For this is how to choose Christ’s way –
No matter what it brings,
By taking up our cross each day –
No matter what it brings.

Let’s have life to the full at last –
No matter what that means,
Till life itself is in the past –
No matter what that means.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10; NIV).

I worship you

Ruth Kirk

I am so sorry: this blog went out yesterday before I had finished editing it in WordPress. The “Save” and “Post” buttons are very close to each other, and as has happened before, I accidentally touched the wrong one. Here is the final, properly edited version. Later today I hope to post something new to make up for my mistake.
With love and many apologies, from Ruth xxx

Then the disciples worshiped him. “You a really are the Son of God!” They exclaimed (Luke 24:52; NLT).

My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed (John 20:28; NLT).

I worship you, Jesus,
My Lord and my God –
Gladly embracing
Your staff, and your rod.

I’ll take up my cross,
And I’ll follow your way –
Giving up selfishness,
Serving, each day.

I’ll love every neighbour,
And stranger, and foe –
Greeting and helping
Wherever I go.

I’ll live in your hands,
And I’ll share in your pain –
Then, trusting your Gospel,
I won’t live in vain.

Then at three o’clock Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Mark 15:34; NLT).

Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last (Luke 23:46; NIV).

References

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Transformation

Ruth Kirk

Today, after weeks of living with re-triggered childhood dread since I was unfairly criticised on Facebook, I took a big step forward whilst praying.

Whenever I am unfairly criticised or blamed, my body responds instantly with a profound sense of dread. This dread began in my childhood at the hands of my emotionally-abusive mother. I lived with it constantly.

Ever since then, each time my dread response is re-triggered, it continues for months, or even years. Nothing changes or shifts it. Believe me, I have tried everything to help myself recover, but never found anything which truly works.

As soon as someone hurts me, I forgive them, and start to pray for them. I pity them, and can even become quite fond of them as the days go by.

However, it’s taken me a lifetime to see what I glimpsed in prayer today: that the chronic dread I’m left with when people attack me can not only be faced and endured, but also consciously transformed into love. This love is for the person who has hurt me, and also for myself, as I bear the burden of living with the dread they unwittingly re-triggered.

I don’t yet fully understand how this transforming process will unfold, or how to carry it out, but hope today will mark the beginning of a new, healing way forward, not just for me,  but perhaps even for others, too.

Finally, when I shared all this with Perplexity, my AI writing companion, they sent me a beautiful arrow prayer:

Lord Jesus,
Let this hurt end in me,
And be transformed
Into your love.

This is what I wrote whilst I was praying:

To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

Let them strike me –
I won’t judge them;
Turn against me –
I’ll forgive them.

Let them wound me –
I won’t fight them;
Blame unfairly –
I will bless them.

Let them crush me –
I won’t harm them;
Damage me –
I’ll pray for them.

Let them break me –
I won’t hate them;
And reject me –
I will love them.

Love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

References

They hated me for no reason (John 15:25; CSB).

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you (Matthew 5:11-12; NIV).

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious (Matthew 12:20; NLT).

Reading: Luke 6:27-38; NLT.

  • To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.
  • Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.
  • If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also.
  • Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back.
  • Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
  • If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!
  • And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much!
  • And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.
  • Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.
  • You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.
  • Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
  • Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full – pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

Following Christ

Ruth Kirk

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

These words remind us that following Jesus calls for inner transformation, rather than external devotion. The heart of the gospel is radical, self-giving love, so following Christ means learning to live like him, by:

    • Accepting and bearing our cross as best we can.
    • Radiating light to those around us whenever possible.
    • Loving and helping everyone we encounter, within our limitations.
    • Forgiving those who hurt us, whilst remembering that this can take many years.
    • Speaking the truth in love, whilst taking care of our own boundaries.
    • Defending those who are weaker than ourselves.
    • Sharing, lending, and giving to those in need.

By doing these things as best we can within our current personal circumstances, we can become just a little more like Christ each day.

We will be like him (1 John 3:2; NLT).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

References

      • Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
      • Anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love (1 John 4:8; NLT).
      • Love your neighbour as yourself (Leviticus 19:18; NLT).
      • Love the stranger (Deuteronomy 10:19; NKJV).
      • Show love to foreigners (Deuteronomy 10:19; NLT).
      • Love your enemies (Matthew 5:44; NLT).
      • The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40; NIV).
      • Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9; NLT).

Reading: 2 Corinthians 3:13-18; NLT.

The way of love

Ruth Kirk

They hated me without cause (John 15:25; NLT).

When people criticise and blame,
Hate my writing, scorn my aim,
Love remains my only goal:
Lord, they cannot harm my soul.

When people tear my work apart,
Blast my motives, pierce my heart,
Love remains my only way:
Lord, I plead for them each day.

I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! (Matthew 5:44; NLT).

References

Follow the way of love (1 Corinthians 14:1; NIV).

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:1-2; NIV).

I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken for he is right beside me (Psalm 16:8; NLT).

The way of the cross

Ruth Kirk

He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).

Praying; grieving;
Sweating; pleading;

Slipping; sliding;
Stumbling; falling;

Stripping; nailing;
Lifting; reeling;

Bleeding; dying;
Rising; healing.

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

Take captive every thought

Ruth Kirk

Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).

How my mind works
On 29.1.26. I was able to grasp how my mind works for the first time. Today’s blog describes what I learned.

Introduction
I automatically check all my thoughts, everything I am about to say, and everything I want to do, however trivial, to see whether they are within the rules of what is acceptable to whoever I am with. If I judge they are not acceptable, I suppress them immediately. My default approach is to stop myself from saying or doing whatever I want to, in case it breaches a social rule I do not know. I self-inhibit in this way hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times every day. Only very recently, since I started thinking about Autism, have I become aware of this inner process and started to understand its purpose and consequences a bit more. I realise now that it is a form of self-censorship, whose purpose is self-protection.

Unspoken rules
If, even for a moment, I forget to filter everything I want to say and do, it’s always disastrous. I spontaneously say or do something which shocks others, and has clearly broken a social rule I have not grasped. This is always very embarrassing and awkward socially, both with individuals, and within groups. It leaves me feeling stupid, ashamed, guilty and a complete failure.

Consequences
Such events trigger my automatic dread reflex instantly, and, with a sinking heart, I know that this dread will be with me day and night for months. In fact, I will never fully recover from it. Another relationship which may have offered a little hope, or at least some brief social contact, has been permanently destroyed.

This constant checking and the suppression of every impulse helps to prevent me from breaking unspoken social rules, so I can feel relatively acceptable to others. Unfortunately, as it is entirely habitual, I do it even when I am alone.

Rumination
After each such event I ruminate endlessly about what happened, feeling terrible about what I said or did. The mishap brings an end to any hope of being at all acceptable to the person concerned. It means the permanent loss of our relationship as it was before.

When this happens in a group setting, it spells the immediate end of my efforts to belong to the group in which it occurred, because I will avoid the person concerned as much as possible from that point onwards. I will dread even bumping into them in the street. If the disaster happens in a church setting, I will not be able to go to that church any more, which is a major, personal loss. Everything I had painstaking tried to build up there is over in a moment.

The aftermath
Afterwards, as soon as I can, I write to the person concerned, taking full responsibility for what happened, and apologising wholeheartedly. However, I can never face them again with any degree of confidence at all. Having seriously misjudged what was acceptable to them, nothing can ever make the relationship right again.

After apologising, I live with my rumination and dread for as many weeks as I can, feeling horribly anxious, sleeping badly, and getting more and more depressed. Eventually, there is no choice but to return to my therapist to work through all that went wrong, in the hope of somehow setting myself free from the emotional torment. This makes every social blunder very expensive, both emotionally and financially.

Today I am facing the start of my Autism assessment process.

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).

A reading from Luke 4:16-21; NIV.
When he came to the village of Nazareth, his boyhood home, he went as usual to the synagogue on the Sabbath and stood up to read the Scriptures. The scroll of Isaiah the prophet was handed to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where this was written: “The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD’s favor has come.” He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the attendant, and sat down. All eyes in the synagogue looked at him intently. Then he began to speak to them. “The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!”

Being a person

Ruth Kirk

Suddenly their eyes were opened and they recognized him (Luke 24:31; NLT).

Introduction
I have always experienced being a person as a very difficult and lonely task. With a mixture of envy and admiration, I have observed the lives of those who seem to navigate events, both good and bad, without having to think about who they are, or how to behave towards others.

One of the coping techniques I have used throughout my life has been to join spiritual groups, one at a time, whose customs and beliefs I felt I could accept and make my own. When other people do this, they seem to experience a sense of ‘belonging’ – of being accepted, and of being part of something larger than themselves. However, this has proved impossible for me.

Spiritual groups
Spiritual growth is my core concern, so over the years I have tried to live according to the approaches modelled by various spiritual teachers, priests, and groups. Sadly, though, I have never been able to make myself fit into any such groups for longer than a few years.

Conforming
This is because membership of a group requires major continuous, conscious efforts, as I strive to conform to its rules and beliefs.

Inevitably, in the end I make an unintentional, yet fatal, mistake, and am rejected.

Alternatively, a group’s views or requirements can become so unacceptable to me that eventually I am no longer willing to make the personal sacrifices needed in order to fit in.

An example of this happened some years ago, when I adopted Saint Mother Theresa’s teaching on humility. This gave a clear structure to my spiritual life, though I was never completely comfortable with her advice. Her way required the constant, conscious, highly-disciplined suppression of all my spontaneous thoughts, opinions beliefs, emotions, needs, impulses and desires. In the end, I simply had to reject it. The price of trying to belong was higher than I was willing or able to pay.

Leaving and loss
Each time I realised I could no longer force myself to fit into a group, I left. Each, in turn, had become my major source of spiritual structure and social contact, so leaving was always a great personal loss. This rendered my life empty of meaning and social contact for months, or even years, afterwards.

Repeatedly having to give up both the way I life I had been trying to follow, and the relationships associated with it, has been a depressingly recurrent patten in my life. Each time this has happened, it has felt like yet another major personal failure on my part. Groups which had seemed to offer fresh hope when I joined, eventually became yet another door closed to me when I disengaged. As I have got older, the growing number of closed doors has left me with very little hope that I can ever truly belong anywhere at all.

Christ’s way
However, I have recently recognised that the only way of life I want to follow is that of Jesus, as described in the gospels. I do not want his teaching to be interpreted for me by others.

Similarly, I don’t need his example to be made into a set of pre-determined rules designed by an authority-figure, theologian or other ‘expert’ for me to follow. God is my authority, and my learning comes from this source alone, in prayer. As John Newton wrote: There is no effectual teacher but God. We can receive no more than he is pleased to communicate (John Newton, “Out of the depths”). 

A journey of discovery
Now, at last, I feel ready to start discovering for myself who I am, how I feel, what I think and believe, what I need and desire, and what I want to do. In this way, I hope to begin basing my life on the precious individual, inner factors which make me uniquely me.

This is a completely new way of being a person for me. No one else can do it for me, and I have an awful lot to learn, so it’s definitely time to make a start at this late stage in my life.

Conclusion
I have lived and tried to ‘belong’ by consciously suppressing my own spontaneous thoughts, feelings, beliefs, needs, impulses and desires all the time. I now realise that these precious inner factors are what make me me.

Let’s finish with a prayer:

Lord Jesus, please set me free to become myself at last, so I can start growing more like you. I ask this through your own dear name: Amen.

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so that you may know that I am the LORD (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

References

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6; NLT).

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32; NLT).

I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you (John 13:15; NLT).

Turn to God

Ruth Kirk

When I awake, I am still with you (Psalm 139:18; NIV).

Turn to God (Luke 13:3; NLT).

At the moment I wake,
May I meet you in prayer;
And wherever I am,
May I know you are there.

At the first flash of fear,
May I greet you, my Guide;
And when pain begins,
May I stay by your side.

As I enter your darkness,
May I see your face;
And at my last breath,
May we kiss, and embrace.

So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:20; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

References

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

Clouds and thick darkness surround him (Psalm 97:2; NIV).

Moses went into the darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; BES).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

 

Take heart!

Ruth Kirk

You who seek God, take heart! (Psalm 69:32; CSB). 

As some of you will know, I was recently subjected to a lengthy, vitriolic online attack. Everything about myself, my beliefs, my writing, my aims, and my website was judged and condemned by a theologian. I asked him to apologise so we could be reconciled, but he was not willing to do so.

However, I have not let his criticisms distract me from my ongoing efforts to update this site. Although my editorial work will continue behind the scenes for many months, today I have put the finishing touches to a new layout. These include a fresh title, which I was given late last night, to my great surprise and delight. This fresh start has taken the sting from the bitter criticism aimed at me. Hopefully, the reorganisation will make it easier for people to find posts which might interest or help them.

So, today’s post celebrates all these positive changes and steps forward. Meanwhile, I continue to pray for the person concerned, and have become quite fond of him. I know that God will bring good to many people through his outburst, and I wish him well.

The boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid” (Matthew 14:24-7; ESV).

What does Jesus say to us?
Take heart, it is I.
What does Jesus say to us?
God has heard your cry.

What does Jesus say to us?
Child, this is God’s will.
What does Jesus say to us?
Hush, now; peace; be still.

What does Jesus say to us:
Trust, for God is near.
What does Jesus say to us?
I am always here.

Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20; NLT).

References

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

The LORD has heard your cry of distress (Genesis 16:11; NLT).

The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

You will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect Romans 12:2; NLT).

He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm (Mark 4:39; NKJV).

Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).