Last Saturday evening I took my last dose of the drug which has made prayer and writing impossible for me. The effects had become intolerable. Today I heard the faint return of God’s voice, so I wanted to share it with you straight away, my friends.
With love from Ruth xxx.
Don’t stress, don’t strain –
Just love the Lord.
Say yes to pain –
And no to sin.
In life, in death,
With every breath,
Whatever comes,
We share with Him.
Hello at all readers. Thank you for still visiting here, despite my long absence. I last posted here on the 22nd of May, the day I started taking an additional antidepressant and anxiolytic to help me cope with my persistent, severe dread.
This problem dates back to my earliest childhood. I understand it well, and have worked for years to gain insight into it. I have had massive amounts of therapy of every possible kind that might help, including, most recently, clinical hypnotherapy. However, nothing has ever enabled me to overcome my emotions, or to live with them more comfortably.
When I realised I could go on no longer, I accepted the additional drug my doctor prescribed. For the first few weeks this drug was quite helpful. However, as soon as I started taking it, I lost all ability to pray, to hear God’s voice, and to write.
To begin with, of course, I did not know that these losses would continue, but that is, in fact, the case. Slowly, I am learning to rely on much-loved prayers I memorised long ago. Now I am trying to build a new life without the easy sense of oneness with God which sustained me for so many years, and without the daily inspiration which generated all the resources on this website.
In the last couple of weeks I have also started to face a new issue. As my body and mind grow accustomed to the new drug, anxiety and depression are creeping back. This means that the dose may soon need to be increased. Tomorrow I am due to report back to my GP, so it will be interesting to see what she advises.
All this leaves the future of Take Heart still unsettled. Last week a longstanding follower very kindly wrote to me. His letter prompted me to post this message here today, and to think more clearly about the future. One possibility is that my blog could resume in a new form, perhaps as an honest spiritual and mental health journal. Meanwhile, I continue to inhabit and explore my new spiritual territory – a life without any of the easy closeness to Christ I used to love so much.
Do let me know if you think this might be helpful to you.
With much love, from Ruth xxx
Stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord (1 Chronicles 23:30; NIV).
Thank you, God,
For this new day.
Please help me now
To praise and pray,
And gladly welcome
All you send,
Because your love
Will never end.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends (Lamentations 3:22; NLT).
References
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NIV).
Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).
Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal (Job: 5:17; NIV).
Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).
I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things (Isaiah 45:7; NIV).
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised (Job 1:21; NIV).
You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life (Deuteronomy 28:66; NIV).
I’m burnt out by anxiety,
My strength consumed by dread,
For stress has been my closest friend,
And fear my daily bread.
I’m damaged by abuse, Lord,
Though I’ve fought hard to repair
The consequence: no self-esteem,
Depression, and despair.
Despite my agoraphobia
I’ve done the best I could.
This life has been a challenge,
Though I’ve tried to do some good.
In spite of sickness, pain, and loss,
I’ve tackled each ordeal –
Now I’m worn down by suffering,
But you will come to heal.
Darkness is my closest friend (Psalm 88:18; NLT).
He will heal us (Hosea 6:1; NLT).
Today’s prayer comes from a place of a really bad patch of migraines, anxiety, sadness and long‑standing wounds. As I offer my scars and fears to Jesus, I pray it may help you bring your own pain to him as well.
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6; NLT).
I offer my past –
It’s an angry scar –
To you: my way,
And my guiding star.
I offer the dread
Of my darkest night –
To you: my truth,
And my shining light.
I offer my cross,
And my bitter pain –
To you: the Christ,
Who rose again.
I offer my thoughts,
My heart, and soul –
To you: my Lord,
My life, and my goal.
“My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed (John 20:28; NLT).
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14; NIV).
Be still in the presence of the LORD (Psalm 37:7; NLT).
Here, in stillness,
Here, in silence,
Here, in darkness –
You are light.
Here, in splendour,
Here, in rapture,
Here, in oneness –
You are truth.
Here, in trouble,
Here, in failure,
Here, in ruin –
You are peace.
Here, in sorrow,
Here, in longing,
Here, in anguish –
You are love.
God is love (1 John 4:16; NLT).
References
God is light (1 John 1:5; NLT).
The Spirit is truth (1 John 5:6; NKJV).
The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).
The LORD is in his holy temple. Let all the earth be silent before him (Habakkuk 2:20; NLT).
In silent praise and wordless prayer:
Christ is with us, very near.
In private grief and hidden loss:
He weeps beside us, always here.
In untold stress and unseen pain:
Jesus is our friend and kin.
In secret fear and deepest dread:
He shares it all – our God, within.
“My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed (John 20:28; NLT).
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
References
The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).
My beloved is mine and I am his (Song of Songs 2:16; NIV).
We are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).
Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
In prayer,
We peel away our masks,
Revealing all the dread
We try to hide.
In prayer,
We loosen up our minds,
Disclosing all the thoughts
We keep inside.
In prayer,
We open up our hearts,
Releasing the emotions
We conceal.
In prayer,
We set our spirits free,
Exposing all our wounds
For you to heal.
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds (Psalm 147:3; NLT).
Is not all human life a struggle? (Job 7:1; NLT).
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? (Psalm 13:2; NLT).
When you struggle:
I am near.
When you suffer:
I am here –
Sharing all your
Grief and pain –
Come, be one with me
Again!
The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).
References
Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5; NLT).
The LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul Genesis 2:7; KJV).
The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
Reading: Philippians 3:8-11.
Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
Don’t try to make yourself pray:
Just offer your thinking
To Christ.
Don’t try to make yourself pray:
Just pour out your troubles
To him.
Don’t try to make yourself pray:
Just face all your anguish
With Christ.
Don’t try to make yourself pray:
Just share all your burdens
With him.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30; NLT).
Blessed be the LORD! Day after day he bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19; CSB).
References
I am the one who answers your prayers and cares for you (Hosea 14:8; NLT).
Surely he took up our pain, and bore our suffering (Isaiah 53:4; NIV).
In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).