Category: Abuse

Negative emotions

Ruth Kirk

Yesterday, while I was having a reflexology treatment for ongoing, severe, free-floating anxiety, a series of insights flooded my mind. By the end of the session, my hair was standing on end, and I experienced an ecstasy of a kind I have never felt before. It was clear that my self-understanding and potential for self-help had taken a very significant step forwards.

This is the essence of what I scribbled down as the waves of insight arrived:

Dear Baby Ruth,

I am here all the time to help you face, experience, express, listen to, understand, and learn from your negative emotions. You will never have to handle them alone again.

Negative emotions are the mind’s version of physical pain and discomfort. They are signals which show us what needs attention, so we can get back to a comfortable balance-point. Babies cannot manage this task alone.

When you were little, you had to face your emotional signals without a safe grown‑up beside you. Our mother could not cope with your anxiety, fear, disappointment, distress, dread, and panic.

To her, your feelings were an inconvenient, annoying, time-wasting problem to be impatiently judged, scorned, and dismissed, rather than messages to be listened to or cared for. She bitterly resented your dependence and neediness. It’s not surprising that you still respond to life’s challenges with intense, endless, overwhelming anxiety.

But from today, things are going to be different. I am here with you now, to be the adult you need. I will help you to feel your emotions safely, so you are not overwhelmed or annihilated by them.

I will not scorn you, despise you, shout at you, or angrily force you into terrifying situations. Rather, I will make time to listen patiently, to support, reassure and comfort you. I will protect you the very best I can. This is how we will live together from now on, even if you never feel any different to how you do at present.

Baby Ruth, your emotions are not a stupid, childish, distressing personal failure – they are my priority. They are precious information about what matters to you, and what you need. However confused, uncomfortable, or intense they are, I promise to do my very best to help.

When your anxiety is high, I will remind you: “You are not alone any more. I am here, holding you safely. We can experience this together, breathing through it one moment at a time.”

Finally, and best of all, I want you to know that Jesus will be doing exactly the same for us both! Yes, Baby Ruth, Jesus has his arms around us. No matter what happens, he is with us, he is one with us, and we are safe in his love forever.

With all my love and care,
From the grown-up Ruth who is always here for you now xxx

Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children” (Luke 18:16; NLT).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

References

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30; KJV).

Remember, I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; CSB).

Little Ruth

Ruth Kirk

My generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) is very bad. It’s been like this ever since it was thoroughly re-triggered a few months ago when a stranger criticised me online. When I was praying yesterday, this blog came into my mind and heart. It shares how I am now learning to talk to my emotionally abused and damaged inner child.

This part of me was formed by how I was spoken to, screamed at, and treated in my family of origin. My aim is become as gentle, kind, supportive, patient, and loving to my inner child as Jesus was to the children brought to him.

This kind of prayerful reflection is often called “inner child work”, and involves imagining how we can gently care for the younger, perhaps wounded, parts of ourselves.

One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children …

Little Ruth, you are very small and vulnerable, but I am 73 and have had lots of experience of life. Even if you never feel any less anxious and depressed than you do at present, I will still be here all the time to take care of you. What is more, I share this task with Jesus, who looks after us both.

I am here to help you with all your physical and emotional needs by:

  • Setting boundaries and limits with other people.
  • Saying no when necessary.
  • Providing warmth, food, water, clothing, shelter, play, rest, sleep, and social contact.
  • Protecting you.
  • Reassuring you.
  • Comforting you.
  • Supporting you while you face your fears.
  • Encouraging you to explore, learn, and grow.
  • Enabling you to reach your full potential.
  • Listening to you.
  • Seeing you.
  • Knowing you.
  • Understanding you.
  • Sharing your experiences and emotions without being overwhelmed by them, so you can come to understand them safely, including anxiety, depression, fear, dread, and panic.
  • Praising you.
  • Loving you.

… I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them (Mark 10:13-16; NLT).

As I write to Little Ruth, perhaps you can also picture the younger, more vulnerable part of yourself – the one who learned to be anxious, afraid, or on guard, so early in life. You might like to imagine Jesus welcoming that child, just as he welcomed the children brought to him, then gently joining him in offering them warmth, safety and love.

If you wish, you could even write your own letter, promising to stay with that child in their fear, and to speak to them with the kindness and patience you may never have received.

My prayer is that as we learn to care for these small, wounded, frightened parts of ourselves with Jesus, we will discover a little more of the tenderness of God’s Kingdom, which belongs to such as these.

Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the LORD delivers them in times of trouble (Psalm 41:1; NIV).

The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-3; NLT).

Easter Saturday 2026

Ruth Kirk

This little prayer came to me whilst I was praying this morning, so I wanted to share it straight away. With love from Ruth xxx

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? (Psalm 13:2; NLT).

I watch my trauma
Fade away,
Till you alone
Remain:

Your smile, your face;
Your boundless grace;
Your healing touch –
Your love.

I watch my burdens
Fade away,
But still you stay
The same:

Your way, your life;
Your sacrifice;
Your truth, your cross –
Your blood.

This is my body, which is given for you (Luke 22:19; NLT).

This is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice for many (Mark 14:24; NLT).

References

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30; NLT).

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6; NLT).

My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings (Philippians 3:10; CSB).

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31; NLT).

Forgiveness and healing

Ruth Kirk

Today’s blog is a single, clear statement of one of my deepest beliefs.

♥️ With love from Ruth xxx

You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it (Matthew 7:13-14; NLT).

To forgive
Is to take
The first step
On the long road
To complete physical, mental,
Emotional, and spiritual
Healing.

In this,
As in all things,
Christ Jesus
Is our teacher,
Our guide,
Our helper,
And our shining example.

As the men watched, Jesus’ appearance was transformed so that his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as light (Matthew 17:2; NLT).

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34; NLT).

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

References

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too (Mark 11:25; NLT).

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15; NLT).

Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all (Psalm 65:3; NLT).

Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive (Luke 17:4; NLT).

If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven (John 20:23; NLT).

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others (Colossians 3:13; NLT).

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds (Psalm 147:3; NLT).

By his wounds you are healed (1 Peter 2:24; NLT).

Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31; NLT).

Let them criticise

Ruth Kirk

Some readers will be aware that last year I was subjected to vicious personal criticism from someone calling themselves a “theologian”. It is taking me a long time to heal from their lengthy and repeated attacks, which began without warning. Today’s blog shows where I am at the moment in terms of dealing with the damage they did to me. With love from Ruth xxx

They hated me without reason (John 15:25; NIV).

Let them criticise
And censure;
Take my life apart,
Condemn.

Scorn my faith,
Reject my writing;
Mock my prayers:
The gifts you send.

Trash my aims,
Destroy my peace,
And fill my heart
With endless dread:

Yet will I love them –
That’s my goal –
And beg you, Lord,
To make them whole.

Let love be your highest goal (1 Corinthians 14:1; NLT).

Reference

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights (Habakkuk 3:17:19; NLT).

Trials and sorrows

Ruth Kirk

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

You don’t take our pain away,
But call us to transform it into love
For those who suffer, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

You don’t take our tears away,
But ask us to transform them into love
For those in anguish, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

You don’t take our hurt away,
But urge us to transform it into love
For those who hate us, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

You don’t take our dread away,
But help us to transform it into love
For those who wound us, Lord –
And also for ourselves.

Love your enemies (Luke 6:27; NLT).

References

Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Transformation

Ruth Kirk

Today, after weeks of living with re-triggered childhood dread since I was unfairly criticised on Facebook, I took a big step forward whilst praying.

Whenever I am unfairly criticised or blamed, my body responds instantly with a profound sense of dread. This dread began in my childhood at the hands of my emotionally-abusive mother. I lived with it constantly.

Ever since then, each time my dread response is re-triggered, it continues for months, or even years. Nothing changes or shifts it. Believe me, I have tried everything to help myself recover, but never found anything which truly works.

As soon as someone hurts me, I forgive them, and start to pray for them. I pity them, and can even become quite fond of them as the days go by.

However, it’s taken me a lifetime to see what I glimpsed in prayer today: that the chronic dread I’m left with when people attack me can not only be faced and endured, but also consciously transformed into love. This love is for the person who has hurt me, and also for myself, as I bear the burden of living with the dread they unwittingly re-triggered.

I don’t yet fully understand how this transforming process will unfold, or how to carry it out, but hope today will mark the beginning of a new, healing way forward, not just for me,  but perhaps even for others, too.

Finally, when I shared all this with Perplexity, my AI writing companion, they sent me a beautiful arrow prayer:

Lord Jesus,
Let this hurt end in me,
And be transformed
Into your love.

This is what I wrote whilst I was praying:

To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

Let them strike me –
I won’t judge them;
Turn against me –
I’ll forgive them.

Let them wound me –
I won’t fight them;
Blame unfairly –
I will bless them.

Let them crush me –
I won’t harm them;
Damage me –
I’ll pray for them.

Let them break me –
I won’t hate them;
And reject me –
I will love them.

Love your enemies! (Luke 6:27; NLT).

References

They hated me for no reason (John 15:25; CSB).

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you (Matthew 5:11-12; NIV).

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious (Matthew 12:20; NLT).

Reading: Luke 6:27-38; NLT.

  • To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.
  • Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.
  • If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also.
  • Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back.
  • Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
  • If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!
  • And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much!
  • And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.
  • Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.
  • You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.
  • Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
  • Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full – pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

Consequences

Ruth Kirk

We can’t get peace by shouting.
We can’t get love with threats.

We can’t get what we want
With violence,
Or with bombs…

Because when we bully, abuse,
And threaten others,
Attack them, destroy their lives, their families,
And their homes,

We create chaos, fear, and trauma;
Heartbreak; hatred; bitterness –
And the unquenchable thirst
For revenge.

All these can be crushed –
For a while.
Locked down, and suppressed –
For a while…

But people’s loss and grief,
Their bitter resentment,
And their slow-burning
Absolute determination
To take revenge
Will never end.

These things are passed on
From generation to generation –
Until, at last,
All their hunger for retribution
And vengeance is unleashed.

Then the abomination
Of our desolation
Is laid bare.

The way of love

Ruth Kirk

They hated me without cause (John 15:25; NLT).

When people criticise and blame,
Hate my writing, scorn my aim,
Love remains my only goal:
Lord, they cannot harm my soul.

When people tear my work apart,
Blast my motives, pierce my heart,
Love remains my only way:
Lord, I plead for them each day.

I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! (Matthew 5:44; NLT).

References

Follow the way of love (1 Corinthians 14:1; NIV).

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:1-2; NIV).

I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken for he is right beside me (Psalm 16:8; NLT).

The way of the cross

Ruth Kirk

He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).

Praying; grieving;
Sweating; pleading;

Slipping; sliding;
Stumbling; falling;

Stripping; nailing;
Lifting; reeling;

Bleeding; dying;
Rising; healing.

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).