Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, by Robert Walter Weir, metmuseum.org.
To my great surprise, this prayer suddenly came to me early last Saturday morning, whilst I was washing my face:
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).
Lord,
All our physical and mental sufferings are so much harder to bear when we don’t accept them.
Please teach us to say ‘Yes’ to all you send, and to thank you in all circumstances, knowing that we are always in your hands.
Help us to trust your will, and to endure, for you bring good from everything, including all we think of, Lord, as ‘bad’.
God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).
References
My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done (Matthew 26:42; NLT).
Whatever happens to you, accept it (Sirach 2:4; NJB).
Be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).
Everything comes from him (Romans 11:36; NLT).
The life of every living thing is in his hand (Job 12:10; NLT).
Trust him, and he will help you (Psalm 37:5; NLT).
The LORD gives both death and life (I Samuel 2:6; NLT).
Do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal (Job 5:17; NIV).
Those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction (Job 36:15; NIV).
I create the light and make the darkness. I send good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things (Isaiah 45:7; NLT).
Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).
Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised (Job 1:21; NIV).
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NIV).
Patient endurance is what you need now (Hebrews 10:36; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
We have both had a slightly better day than yesterday, so I celebrated by making a Fiat rosary. I love it so much that I’m not sure I can part with it!
The Healing of the Blind Man and the Raising of Lazarus Date: first half 12th century (possibly 1129–34), metmuseum.com.
This prayer arrived when I was praying without words very sleepily last Saturday morning. Having just learned how to make videos here after 10 years of using WordPress every day, here is a recording of it, in case that’s better for you than print: IMG_3546
We praise you, Lord (Psalm 21:13; GNT).
We praise you, Lord,
And worship you;
We learn from you,
And follow you;
Believe in you,
And long for you: Our Teacher.
We love you, Lord,
And serve with you;
We trust in you,
Rejoice in you;
Depend on you,
And pray to you: Our Master.
We grieve with you,
And yield with you;
Accept with you,
Endure with you;
We suffer and unite
With you, Our Saviour.
He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior (Titus 3:6; NLT).
References
You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am (John 13:13; NLT).
Jesus, Master, have mercy on us! (Luke 17:13; NLT).
Jesus is the one referred to in the Scriptures, where it says, ‘The stone that you builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.’ There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved (Acts 4:11; NLT).
Something extra
Here is a link to a gallery of photos which tell the story of a beautiful, short walk we enjoyed last Saturday. I apologise for having messed up my sharing of this yesterday, and hope it will work properly. I can’t claim to be a mistress of technology! Just click on the live link if you would like to view it: https://wp.me/P45bCr-eaC.
Today’s prayer came to me most unexpectedly yesterday, whilst I was saying grace before breakfast.
Everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard (Romans 3:23; NLT).
We all have sins that shame us,
Behaviour we regret;
We all have faults and failures,
But Jesus loves us yet.
We know our inner darkness,
The things we can’t put right,
The evils on our conscience,
But Jesus is our light.
We all have guilty secrets,
We haven’t done God’s will;
We’ve judged and wounded others,
But Jesus loves us still.
We know that we are nothing,
Just grains of sand, or dust,
But through Christ comes forgiveness,
So in His name we trust.
Through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins (Acts 13:38; NLT).
There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12; NLT).
Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
References
I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark (John 12:46; NLT).
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life” (John 8:12; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
I am nothing but dust (Genesis 18:27; NIV).
There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent (Luke 24:47; NLT).
A reading: Romans 3:22-25; NLT.
We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.
This prayer came to me early last Thursday morning for the lovely friend to whom it is dedicated.
God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).
May this narrow path of sickness
Bring some good to those I meet.
As you help me bear my anguish,
May they trust, and start to pray.
May this narrow path of sorrow
Bring some good to those I greet.
As you help me face my passion,
May they follow you each day.
May this narrow path of hardship
Bring some good to those I join.
As you help me sense your presence,
May they come to share your way.
I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News (Philippians 1:12; NLT).
References
Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it (Matthew 7:14; NIV).
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).
The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22; NLT).
This prayer arrived very early last Thursday. It was so difficult to express in words that I came close to giving up, only finishing it this morning:
Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28; NLT).
Resting in prayer:
Silent and dark.
Turning to God:
One mind, one heart.
Bowing in prayer:
Wordless and deep.
Trusting in God:
Shared love is sweet.
Yielding in prayer:
Body and soul.
Joining with God:
Our Maker and goal.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14; NIV).
References
Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the LORD our maker (Psalm 95:6; NLT).
Yield your hearts to the LORD (Joshua 24:23; NIV).
The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
The Rosary Hospital
I’m now well-launched on my second large batch of rosaries, which will all be Fiat rosaries this time. Here is a chunky, very tactile one with a recycled cross. I enjoyed making it yesterday:
This prayer arrived yesterday morning, and I was able to spend time putting it into words during the evening:
I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done (Psalm 38:18; NLT).
Lord God,
I’ve said I’m sorry
For my sins.
I’ve asked you to forgive me,
And forget.
Please don’t condemn
Your servant out of hand –
Lord God, don’t scorn my sorrow,
Or reject.
Please heal the fear
That I have lost your love,
So I have nothing worse, Lord, To regret.
Then help me, please,
To leave the past behind,
Forgive myself, and trust
You’ve paid my debt.
I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free (Isaiah 44:22; NLT).
References
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise (Psalm 51:17; NIV).
Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation! (Psalm 27:9; NLT).
The kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death (2 Corinthians 7:10; NLT).
The LORD will not reject his people (Psalm 94:14; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
Crowds gather as Christ heals the sick. Lithograph after Benjamin West, Wickimedia.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).
Last Sunday, whilst I was praying without words, I saw that my suffering is a lifelong healing process from which I have much to learn.
One step at a time, God helps me to move forward by working through this healing process in response to my symptoms.
My first task is to develop ever deeper insight into the underlying causes of my physical, emotional and spiritual suffering.
My second task is to ask God to give me the faith and personal maturity needed to endure my suffering in emotionally and spiritually healthy ways.
Although this kind of healing is a painful, ongoing, spiritual process, God brings good from it along the way. It will be complete at my death, when I will have gone as far as I can manage.
Meanwhile, I’m also learning to trust that God won’t let me be tried beyond what I can endure, which gives me renewed hope.
No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13; NET).
References
My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken (Jeremiah 8:18; NLT).
There they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread (Psalm 53:5; NIV).
Your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you? (Lamentations 2:13; NLT).
God willing, we will move forward to further understanding (Hebrews 6:3; NLT).
Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26; NLT).
I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; CSB).
God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).
A reading: Romans 5:1-4; ESV.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
While I was praying without words last Sunday, I glimpsed this prayer. It was extremely difficult to catch hold of, and to put into words, but I’ve done my best.
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
Lord,
You know all about me.
Before a word is on my tongue
You know it completely.
I needn’t even ask you
To heal me, because
You already know how deeply
I long for your touch.
All I need to do
Is to have courage,
Trusting that you have forgiven
All my sins,
That you won’t let me be tried
Beyond what I can endure,
That you will bring good
From all my suffering,
And that you will heal me,
When the time is right.
I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; CSB).
At the right time, I, the LORD, will make it happen (Isaiah 60:22; NLT).
References
Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
Then some people appeared, bringing a person who was paralyzed, stretched out on a pallet. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed person, “Courage, my child, your sins are forgiven” (Matthew 9:2; TIB).
He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).
God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).
No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13; NET).
You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life (Deuteronomy 28:66; NIV).
Introduction: Today’s blog is both personal and heartfelt. It summarises what I’m learning about a painful issue which has plagued me for the last 70 years. I refer here to my dread of being rejected and unloved, whether by a person or by God, as a result of my having done something wrong.
This fear started when I was very small. My mother never forgave me for anything I did which she considered to be wrong. Years later she would bring up issues from the past, still blaming me for whatever I had done that had offended her. With hand on heart, I can say that I never did anything on purpose to hurt her. I was far too afraid of her to even think of taking such a risk. In fact, I lived in mortal dread of her no longer loving me, and of her completely rejecting me.
Sadly, in parallel with this, I was taught at our local Catholic church that a recording angel noted down every sin I committed. No sin was ever forgiven, removed, or forgotten. They all went into the angel’s book, ready be held against me on judgement day.
It was clear to me that there was no escape from judgement, condemnation and rejection, either at home, beyond childhood, or after death. Perhaps it’s not surprising that I have struggled with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, phobias and dread throughout my life.
Of course, I’ve known about God’s forgiveness for a long time, but have never been able to believe it included me. Nor have I been able to “feel” forgiven, and start afresh. Rather, forgiveness has always seemed to be just for other people, as I never deserved it.
Without any hope of forgiveness, my fear of condemnation, withdrawal of love and rejection together create a sense of dread, which is triggered whenever I offend someone. Once triggered, it becomes chronic. This is the heaviest burden I have carried throughout my life, and has always been impossible to put down. It is probably the underlying cause of all my other issues.
So, here is a summary of what I’ve learned so far in my search for a way out of dread, which is essentially a search for inner peace. Each of the five points is supported by Biblical verses I find particularly helpful.
Honesty: Inner peace comes from being honest about my sins, saying sorry to the person concerned, and being reconciled to them, if at all possible. When the relevant person is not contactable, or if they are dead, I whisper to them, addressing them by name, and apologising to them, with God as my witness.
References: You desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. Youwillnotreject a broken and repentant heart, O God (Psalm 51:17; NLT).
Trust: Inner peace comes from trusting God, who promises to forgive me when I repent, and never to remember my sin again. He also promises never to reject or abandon me. He is close beside me, and will comfort me, no matter what happens.
References: Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).
The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29; NLT).
I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins (Hebrews 8:12; NLT).
No one is abandoned by the Lord forever (Lamentations 3:31; NLT).
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18; NIV).
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).
Conscience: Inner peace comes from facing and dealing with my sins in the ways described above, constantly aware of my behaviour, and working hard to restore my relationships, in order to maintain a clear conscience.
References: I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people (Acts 24:16; NLT).
Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:22; NIV).
Confidence: Inner peace comes from being confident that God loves me just as I am, and forever.
References: Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God (1 John 5:14; NLT).
My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident (Psalm 57:7; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD‘s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
Peace: Inner peace comes from knowing that God will never stop loving me, or reject me, so I cling to my faith in Christ.
References: The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).
God sent his Son into the world not to condemn the world, but so that through him the world might be saved. No one who believes in him will be condemned (John 3:17-18; JB).
I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid (John 14:27; NLT).
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).
Conclusion: I don’t think I have reached the end of this journey of exploration and discovery yet, as I’m still learning a little more day by day about how to move from dread to inner peace of mind and heart. Until I reach that goal, the dread continues, so I must do my best to say “Yes” to it, and to thank God for it.
References: “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet Iwant your will tobedone, notmine” (Mark 14:36; NLT).
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).
He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people (Titus 2:14; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
A large Fiat rosary for someone with sight issues, or loss of finger sensation.
Image by Manuel Darío Fuentes Hernández, from Pixabay.
Last Sunday, at the end of a late-night writing session, I suddenly began to receive today’s prayer. It’s taken me three days to express it in a way that fully and accurately reflects what I saw.
The background to this blog is that for several weeks I have been living with a constant sense of dread. This sensation was triggered by a dream which called to mind a sin I committed many years ago. I had never confessed it to the person concerned.
Despite having now been honest with that person, who forgave me immediately, the sense of dread has continued. Long experience has shown that once my dread has been re-triggered, it can continue for many months. Unable to “feel” forgiven, I simply continue to be extremely anxious. Sadly, I have never found out how to “let go” of this dread, so I can move on.
Mercifully, today’s prayer offers a way to begin moving forward, which I’m now practicing repeatedly, many times each day.
He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:5; NLT).
I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more (Hebrews 8:12; NIV).
Lord,
You’ve washed away my sin,
And promised to remember it
No more.
Having sent it far away,
You love me just as deeply
As before.
This time, I won’t wait,
And only feel forgiven
When my dread has passed –
Instead, I’ll try repeatedly
To trust your promise,
And move on, at last.
In God – I boast in his promise – in God I trust, I am not afraid (Psalm 56:4; NET).
God willing, we will move forward to further understanding (Hebrews 6:3; NLT).
References
He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people (Titus 2:14; NLT).
Who am I? I’m the one who wipes out your offenses! For my own sake, I do not remember your wrongs (Isaiah 43:25; TIB).
The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29; NLT).
He has removed our sins as far from us as the eastisfrom the west (Psalm 103:12; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
