Today’s prayer arrived when I was still and silent. I didn’t move, or even try to remember it at the time, but afterwards, to my great surprise, I was able to write it down. This has never happened before, so I was truly grateful.
What great nation has a god as near to them as the LORD our God is near to us whenever we call on him? (Deuteronomy 4:7; NLT).
Don’t strive for God
In prayer,
For He is near,
Sharing every longing,
Loss,
And tear;
Bearing all our pain,
And grief,
And fear:
Beside us,
And within – Alreadyhere.
The LORD is here! (Genesis 28:16; GNT).
References
Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love (Romans 8:38; NLT).
In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19; NIV).
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).
God is with us (Matthew 1:23: NLT).
There is …one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).
We are the temple of the living God. As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people” (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).
One day, recently, soon after beginning to pray, this short poem arrived. I was even able to finish writing it before I had to get up, for which I was very thankful. After breakfast, I sorted out the references. Then it was time to face whatever the day would bring.
Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT).
Yahweh,
May I say, like Christ:
“I want to do your will, not mine”,
Then I’ll give thanks, whatever comes,
Accepting not my will, but thine.
Yahweh,
May I pray, with Christ:
“I want to do your will, not mine”,
Then I’ll rejoice, whatever comes,
For I will be your living shrine.
God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple (1 Corinthians 3:17; NLT).
References
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing (Psalm 143:10; NLT).
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21; CSB).
Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NIV).
This prayer arrived very early last Thursday. It was so difficult to express in words that I came close to giving up, only finishing it this morning:
Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28; NLT).
Resting in prayer:
Silent and dark.
Turning to God:
One mind, one heart.
Bowing in prayer:
Wordless and deep.
Trusting in God:
Shared love is sweet.
Yielding in prayer:
Body and soul.
Joining with God:
Our Maker and goal.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14; NIV).
References
Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the LORD our maker (Psalm 95:6; NLT).
Yield your hearts to the LORD (Joshua 24:23; NIV).
The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
The Rosary Hospital
I’m now well-launched on my second large batch of rosaries, which will all be Fiat rosaries this time. Here is a chunky, very tactile one with a recycled cross. I enjoyed making it yesterday:
Today’s blog came as a complete surprise. A few days ago I was praying whilst touching my icon of Christ, when it arrived in a split second. I scribbled it down as best I could, and within ten minutes it was finished. Its conclusion left me stunned.
Behold, I am with you every day, even unto the end of time (Matthew 28:20; ABPE).
Lord,
To be constantly aware
Of your presence,
Always in communion with you,
And being completely honest with you
All the time,
Sharing everything I experience,
Feel, think, do and say
With you,
And enjoying times of silence together
When there is nothing
Either of us needs to say
Is healing.
I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; NLT).
References
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Look now; I myself am he! There is no other god but me! I am the one who kills and gives life; I am the one who wounds and heals; no one can be rescued from my powerful hand! (Deuteronomy 32:39; NLT).
We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).
Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).
As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).
Stand in silence in the presence of the Sovereign LORD (Zephaniah 1:7; NLT).
Pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7; NLT).
Today’s article is the last in a series of three. It draws together what I have learned so far about honest prayer, including praying about the issues hidden in my shadow-self. If you would like to check out the previous two parts, here is the link to Part 1: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu, and for Part 2: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXD.
Then the Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39; NLT).
Following Biblical teaching on prayer, I want to:
Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
Pray simply (Matthew 6:7-13; NLT).
Pray truthfully (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
And these are the things I don’t want to do:
Pray about what I think I should pray about.
Say what I think God wants to hear.
Ask for what I think I should ask for.
Hide whatever is happening in my shadow-self.
My way forward in prayer is to:
Be completely honest, straightforward and direct with God.
Confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them, say sorry to God, then to the person concerned, and work towards reconciliation, if possible.
Tell God about everything in my shadow-self, especially the issues I would rather hide, ignore, or deny.
Jesus shared everything with God, so I can do the same. For example, I can:
Ask questions, express doubts, and weep.
Tell God about my self-pity, shame and regrets.
Express my frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anguish, grief, dread and despair.
Conclusions
I don’t want to “sanitise” my prayers by concealing my shadow-self. Neither will I say anything which is untrue. For example, I don’t recite prayers about being joyful or loving when these things are not genuinely present in my emotions and behaviour.
Rather, I want to speak the truth in prayer with complete honesty and openness at all times. Nothing I say will ever surprise or shock God, who knows everything about me long before I begin to speak. In fact, he is waiting for me to come to him and to confide in him, just as Jesus confided in him during his time on earth.
The LORDmustwaitfor you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).
Additional references
Beforeaword is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).
He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).
I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives (Jeremiah 17:10; ESV).
O LORD, you have examined my heart and knoweverythingaboutme (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).
In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).
Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).
As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).
We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
I took a few days off from making rosaries, following the completion of my largest project so far, and because my anxiety and depression are high. Today’s Fiat rosary is the first of a new order.
Briton Rivière – The Temptation in the Wilderness. Wikimedia Commons.
Today’s blog is part two in a series of three short articles discussing the importance of facing and sharing the contents of the shadow-self in honest prayer.
Jesus’ shadow-self
Yesterday’s blog (https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu), was personal, but today’s will focus on how Jesus faced and expressed his shadow, both with God, and with people. We can have no better example than his.
Temptation (Matthew 4:1-11; NLT)
During the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ forty days in the wilderness, his shadow-self is represented as a being who tempts him to go against his conscience by disobeying God.
These accounts show plainly that even Christ suffered from temptation. Like us, he had to wrestle with, resist, and overcome, his seductive fantasies and impulses. He needed to do this in order to face the huge personal sacrifices his ministry would require of him:
We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; NIV).
Irritation (Luke 9:37-43; NLT)
At times, Jesus became exasperated, both with his followers, and with the Scribes and Pharisees. For example, when his disciples were unable to heal a boy suffering from epilepsy, Jesus became frustrated and irritated. Instead of concealing how he felt, he spoke to them very directly and honestly:
You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you and put up with you? (Luke 9:41; NLT).
Then, having expressed how he felt, he healed the boy, and gave him back to his father.
Anger (John 2:13-17; NLT)
When Jesus saw the established corruption and exploitation taking place in the Temple at Jerusalem he was filled with anger. He purposefully made a whip, using it to drive the merchants and money-changers out of the temple. Chaos resulted as he overturned their stalls, scattered their takings, and chased away their sacrificial animals, whilst crying out:
Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace! (John 2:13-16; NLT).
Anger, whether righteous or otherwise, is part of everyone’s shadow, however much we might prefer to deny and suppress it.
Grief (John 11:1-45; NLT)
When Jesus heard that his friend was very sick, he delayed visiting him and his sisters. Two days later, knowing that Lazarus had died, he set off to their house. There he experienced the anger and tears which so often characterise human grief. It’s inspiring to see Jesus’ human emotions shared so openly to those around him:
When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled (John 11:33; NLT).
Then Jesus wept (John 11:36; NLT).
Fear (Matthew 26:36-46; NLT)
After the Last Supper, Jesus went with his disciples to an olive grove to pray. Overwhelmed by the profound fear rising from his shadow, he could not conceal his anguish. Realising what he was about to undergo, he begged God to take his suffering away.
I find it oddly reassuring to know that even Jesus experienced and expressed dread, longing for it to be taken away. At Gethsemane, as always, his prayers were absolutely direct, unembellished by flowery language, honest, short and to the point:
He became anguished and distressed (Matthew 26:37; NLT).
He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:39; NLT).
He was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).
Looking ahead
Examining Jesus shadow-side has been a significant challenge for me, but I want to learn from him:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me (Matthew 11:29; NIV).
Tomorrow I hope to draw some conclusions from this short series on honest prayer.
Studies of a woman praying, by Ludwig Emil Grimm, Creative Commons.
Today’s blog is the first in a series of three, each of which considers the vital importance of honesty in prayer.
Honesty
The Bible makes it plain that God wants us to be completely honest in prayer, rather than trying to offer a sanitised, partial, or censored version of ourselves as we think God wants us to be:
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Personally, I find it a relief to share everything with God, including my sins, and the shadow parts of myself I would rather keep hidden, or whose existence I would prefer to ignore or deny. Although sharing all this can be painful, it is vital for my ongoing process of inner healing.
For me, prayer means living in awareness of God’s constant presence, listening, learning, and sharing with God all I experience, feel, think, say and do. This is a relationship in which self-censorship, pretence, concealment and denial are pointless, as God already knows everything about me:
Beforeaword is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
O LORD, you have examined my heart and knoweverythingaboutme (Psalm 139:1; NLT).
I therefore want my communion with God to be constant, spontaneous, immediate, heartfelt, direct and raw. This requires continuous awareness of what is going on in my shadow, as well as in my more “public” face.
My shadow
Long experience has shown me that when I don’t acknowledge, and deal with, the contents of my shadow, they make their presence felt through unbidden thoughts and impulses, anxiety, dread, panic attacks, depression and bad dreams.
Paying conscious attention to these aspect of myself and exploring their underlying causes helps me to connect with them more fully. This enables me to pray about them, and take action to resolve them. For example, if I remember an unconfessed sin, I can confess it in prayer, then try to make amends by following Jesus’ teaching:
If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-4; NIV).
Looking ahead
Tomorrow I plan to publish the second part of this series on honest prayer. It will look at Jesus’ shadow, and how he dealt with it. Meanwhile, let’s end with a short reading:
A reading: Psalm 66:16-20; NLT
Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me. For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.
Crowds gather as Christ heals the sick. Lithograph after Benjamin West, Wickimedia.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).
Last Sunday, whilst I was praying without words, I saw that my suffering is a lifelong healing process from which I have much to learn.
One step at a time, God helps me to move forward by working through this healing process in response to my symptoms.
My first task is to develop ever deeper insight into the underlying causes of my physical, emotional and spiritual suffering.
My second task is to ask God to give me the faith and personal maturity needed to endure my suffering in emotionally and spiritually healthy ways.
Although this kind of healing is a painful, ongoing, spiritual process, God brings good from it along the way. It will be complete at my death, when I will have gone as far as I can manage.
Meanwhile, I’m also learning to trust that God won’t let me be tried beyond what I can endure, which gives me renewed hope.
No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13; NET).
References
My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken (Jeremiah 8:18; NLT).
There they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread (Psalm 53:5; NIV).
Your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you? (Lamentations 2:13; NLT).
God willing, we will move forward to further understanding (Hebrews 6:3; NLT).
Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26; NLT).
I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; CSB).
God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).
A reading: Romans 5:1-4; ESV.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
There they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread (Psalm 53:5; NIV).
Introduction
For the last few weeks I have been exploring my chronic sense of *dread (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dTm, for example). Today’s blog describes a way of handling it which came to me whilst I was praying a few days ago.
Psalm 74
My dread springs from the trauma and emotional damage I experienced when I was young. A passage in Psalm 74 accurately captures the toxic atmosphere in my childhood home:
Turn your steps toward these everlasting ruins, all this destruction the enemy has brought on the sanctuary. Your foes roared in the place where you met with us; they set up their standards as signs. They behaved like men wielding axes to cut through a thicket of trees. They smashed all the carved paneling with their axes and hatchets. They burned your sanctuary to the ground; they defiled the dwelling place of your Name. They said in their hearts, “We will crush them completely!” They burned every place where God was worshiped in the land (Psalm 74:3-8; NIV).
Praying before my icon
Last Wednesday I stood praying before my icon of Mary. As I touched both her hand and that of the infant Christ, I was longing for my dread to disappear. Suddenly I saw a different attitude to living with my dread. Thanking her, I hurried to write it down.
My notes became a prayer which encapsulates this new way forward. Now, I am trying to say, “Yes” to my dread, and to thank God for it, in accordance with the charism of the Community of Our Lady of Walsingham (p10, The Book of Life, Community of Our Lady of Walsingham; 2022).
Saying “Yes” to dread
So instead of longing for my dread go away, I now pray like this:
Lord, thank you for my sense of dread. It kept me safe when I was young, never knowing when, or where, the axe of my mother’s fury would fall next.
Please help me to welcome and accept my dread, surrounding it with love and gratitude. I want to rejoice in it as my oldest friend: the primitive, instinctive part of me that has protected me since birth.
Healing touch
After saying a spontaneous version of these words, I lay my hand on my abdomen and whisper to my dread:
My dearest friend, you can relax now. You no longer need to be constantly vigilant, ready to make me freeze, run away, or hide, in order to protect myself. You and I are in God’s hands, and we are safe now, no matter what happens.
A final prayer
Then I end like this:
Lord, thank you for my dread. Please help me to surround it with love. I ask this in your dear Son’s name. Amen.
Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).
References
*The symptoms of Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), include “A pervasive feeling of apprehension or dread” (helpguide.org).
All your waves and breakers have swept over me (Psalm 42:7; NIV).
I am in the hands of the Lord, the Most High is my safe resting-place (Psalm 91:9; BBE).
God gave me this prayer today, so, although it’s late, it’s absolutely specific to Good Friday. I’ve never prepared a blog so quickly before, so please forgive its rawness, and any errors, which I will try to correct over the next few hours. Normally, you just receive the finished version.
God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).
Let me join your constant prayer
For all the world, with faithful care,
One mind with you, Lord, as you share
Our troubles.
Let me join your ceaseless prayer
For all the world, with tender care,
One heart with you, Lord, as you share
Our sorrows.
Let me join your endless prayer
For all the world, with steadfast care,
One soul with you, Lord, as you share
Our anguish.
Let me join your fervent prayer
For all the world, with loving care,
One flesh with you, Lord, as you bear
Our torment.
He took up our pain and bore our suffering (Isaiah 53:4; NIV).
He poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors (Isaiah 53:12; NIV).
Additions later in the day:
11.09am: Continuing to think about and work on today’s blog, this is how Isaiah 53:12 is translated in the Literal Standard Version of the Bible. I thought some of you might find it interesting, especially because of how the present tense is used in the final phrase:
“He exposed His soul to death, And He was numbered with transgressors, And He has borne the sin of many, And He intercedes for transgressors” (my emphasis).
11.17am: When we pray, we join in with Jesus’ constant prayer for all the world. It’s like logging on to a ceaseless Zoom meeting with Jesus leading, and with all the other people who are praying at that moment. So let’s not log off at the “end” of our prayers – let’s just stay logged in all the time!
