The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21; CSB).
My Father, my Mother,
My Sister, my Brother,
My Shepherd, my Lover –
I praise you.
My Saviour, my Maker,
My only Creator,
My Giver, my Taker –
I trust you.
My Word, and my Temple,
My Guide, and my Counsel,
My God: transcendental –
I love you.
You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again (Psalm 71:20; NLT).
Every day is full of pain.
Every day I search in vain.
Will I see your face again,
My Saviour?
My poor heart is empty, Lord.
Still and dark, without a word
Of comfort, for no voice is heard,
My Shepherd.
Send your light, I humbly pray.
Guide me to your narrow way,
And show me, Jesus, what to say
To others.
Last Saturday evening I took my last dose of the drug which has made prayer and writing impossible for me. The effects had become intolerable. Today I heard the faint return of God’s voice, so I wanted to share it with you straight away, my friends.
With love from Ruth xxx.
Don’t stress, don’t strain –
Just love the Lord.
Say yes to pain –
And no to sin.
In life, in death,
With every breath,
Whatever comes,
We share with Him.
Hello at all readers. Thank you for still visiting here, despite my long absence. I last posted here on the 22nd of May, the day I started taking an additional antidepressant and anxiolytic to help me cope with my persistent, severe dread.
This problem dates back to my earliest childhood. I understand it well, and have worked for years to gain insight into it. I have had massive amounts of therapy of every possible kind that might help, including, most recently, clinical hypnotherapy. However, nothing has ever enabled me to overcome my emotions, or to live with them more comfortably.
When I realised I could go on no longer, I accepted the additional drug my doctor prescribed. For the first few weeks this drug was quite helpful. However, as soon as I started taking it, I lost all ability to pray, to hear God’s voice, and to write.
To begin with, of course, I did not know that these losses would continue, but that is, in fact, the case. Slowly, I am learning to rely on much-loved prayers I memorised long ago. Now I am trying to build a new life without the easy sense of oneness with God which sustained me for so many years, and without the daily inspiration which generated all the resources on this website.
In the last couple of weeks I have also started to face a new issue. As my body and mind grow accustomed to the new drug, anxiety and depression are creeping back. This means that the dose may soon need to be increased. Tomorrow I am due to report back to my GP, so it will be interesting to see what she advises.
All this leaves the future of Take Heart still unsettled. Last week a longstanding follower very kindly wrote to me. His letter prompted me to post this message here today, and to think more clearly about the future. One possibility is that my blog could resume in a new form, perhaps as an honest spiritual and mental health journal. Meanwhile, I continue to inhabit and explore my new spiritual territory – a life without any of the easy closeness to Christ I used to love so much.
Do let me know if you think this might be helpful to you.
With much love, from Ruth xxx
Hello to everyone who visits this page. Some of you will know that I have been struggling with severe anxiety, dread, and depression over recent months. This has been going on ever since my childhood dread was re-triggered by something which happened on Facebook.
Today I finally saw my doctor, who is starting me on a new, extra medication. She has also referred me for consultant-level help. She and I will speak again in two weeks, unless I need urgent help before that. The new medication will take at least 4-6 weeks to start having an effect, so it’s essential that I also start learning to be gentler and kinder to myself.
Accordingly, I’m pressing “pause” on my regular writing and daily posting here, so I can focus on my own recovery by giving my body, mind, heart, and soul the rest I desperately need.
Meanwhile, all the existing posts will stay right here, in case anything in the archives is helpful to others while I’m quiet for a while.
✝️ With much love, and many blessings to you all,
From Ruth xxx
Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it (Luke 18:17; CSB).
I’m not a theologian, God –
I simply know you love me.
I’m not a theologian,
But I know you sent your Son.
I’m not a theologian –
Yet I know that you forgive me.
Theology? It’s not my thing,
For you and I are one.
The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).
No one can live forever; all will die. No one can escape the power of the grave (Psalm 89:48; NLT).
Lord, we fade and suffer pain,
For all must die to rise again.
Yet, may we trust your love and grace,
For all will die in your embrace.
We’ll be changed when life is through,
For all must die to live with you.
So, may we gladly leave this place,
For after death all see your face.
Now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12; NRSV).
Reference
We will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we will be changed. For this corruptible body must be clothed with incorruptibility, and this mortal body must be clothed with immortality (1 Corinthians 15:51-3; CSB).
I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me (John 14:6; NLT).
The way beyond all other ways
Is you, Lord.
The truth beyond all others:
You’re God’s Son.
The life beyond all other lives:
To bear our cross, and follow you.
The joy beyond all others:
We are one!
Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9; NLT).
References
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).
God promised this Good News long ago through his prophets in the holy Scriptures. The Good News is about his Son. In his earthly life he was born into King David’s family line, and he was shown to be] the Son of God when he was raised from the dead by the power of the Holy Spirit. He is Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 1:2-4; NLT).
Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?” (Luke 9:23-6; NLT).
Jesus was filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit, and he said, “O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way” (Luke 10:21; NLT).
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice! (Philippians 4:4; NLT).
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).
Yesterday, while I was having a reflexology treatment for ongoing, severe, free-floating anxiety, a series of insights flooded my mind. By the end of the session, my hair was standing on end, and I experienced an ecstasy of a kind I have never felt before. It was clear that my self-understanding and potential for self-help had taken a very significant step forwards.
This is the essence of what I scribbled down as the waves of insight arrived:
Dear Baby Ruth,
I am here all the time to help you face, experience, express, listen to, understand, and learn from your negative emotions. You will never have to handle them alone again.
Negative emotions are the mind’s version of physical pain and discomfort. They are signals which show us what needs attention, so we can get back to a comfortable balance-point. Babies cannot manage this task alone.
When you were little, you had to face your emotional signals without a safe grown‑up beside you. Our mother could not cope with your anxiety, fear, disappointment, distress, dread, and panic.
To her, your feelings were an inconvenient, annoying, time-wasting problem to be impatiently judged, scorned, and dismissed, rather than messages to be listened to or cared for. She bitterly resented your dependence and neediness. It’s not surprising that you still respond to life’s challenges with intense, endless, overwhelming anxiety.
But from today, things are going to be different. I am here with you now, to be the adult you need. I will help you to feel your emotions safely, so you are not overwhelmed or annihilated by them.
I will not scorn you, despise you, shout at you, or angrily force you into terrifying situations. Rather, I will make time to listen patiently, to support, reassure and comfort you. I will protect you the very best I can. This is how we will live together from now on, even if you never feel any different to how you do at present.
Baby Ruth, your emotions are not a stupid, childish, distressing personal failure – they are my priority. They are precious information about what matters to you, and what you need. However confused, uncomfortable, or intense they are, I promise to do my very best to help.
When your anxiety is high, I will remind you: “You are not alone any more. I am here, holding you safely. We can experience this together, breathing through it one moment at a time.”
Finally, and best of all, I want you to know that Jesus will be doing exactly the same for us both! Yes, Baby Ruth, Jesus has his arms around us. No matter what happens, he is with us, he is one with us, and we are safe in his love forever.
With all my love and care,
From the grown-up Ruth who is always here for you now xxx
Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children” (Luke 18:16; NLT).
In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).
References
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30; KJV).
Remember, I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; CSB).
We have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; NLT).
We work together
In my mind:
Please help me always
To be kind.
We grieve together
In my heart:
You comfort me –
We never part.
We rest together
In my soul:
You teach me, guide,
And make me whole.
Dear Lord, we share
One flesh and blood:
You are my way, truth, life,
And love.
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6; NLT).
I love you, Lord (Psalm 18:1; NLT).
References
He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).
The LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul (Genesis 2:7; KJV).
Oh, guard my soul and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you (Psalm 25:20; ESV).
Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).