Category: hurt

24.5.23: Shame

Ruth Kirk
Plaque with Doubting Thomas, German ca. 1140–60.

Today’s prayer came to me most unexpectedly yesterday, whilst I was saying grace before breakfast.

Everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard (Romans 3:23; NLT). 

We all have sins that shame us,
Behaviour we regret;
We all have faults and failures,
But Jesus loves us yet.

We know our inner darkness,
The things we can’t put right,
The evils on our conscience,
But Jesus is our light.

We all have guilty secrets,
We haven’t done God’s will;
We’ve judged and wounded others,
But Jesus loves us still.

We know that we are nothing,
Just grains of sand, or dust,
But through Christ comes forgiveness,
So in His name we trust.

Through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins (Acts 13:38; NLT).

There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12; NLT). 

Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).

References 

I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark (John 12:46; NLT). 

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life” (John 8:12; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

I am nothing but dust (Genesis 18:27; NIV). 

There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent (Luke 24:47; NLT). 

A reading: Romans 3:22-25; NLT.

We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.

14.5.23: I pray for love

Ruth Kirk
Image by Brigitte Werner from Pixabay.

This prayer arrived spontaneously yesterday, whilst I was praying for the world:

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you (John 15:12; NLT).

Love does no harm to a neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:10; NIV). 

Lord,

I pray for love
Throughout the world:
In every country, home,
Mind, soul, and heart.

But if we cannot love,
I pray for peace,
So everyone can live,
And play their part.

And if we can’t make peace,
I pray for truth,
Then all our hurtful lies
Will end, at last.

And if we can’t have truth,
I pray for hope,
Until our earthly suffering
Has passed.

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

References 

This letter is from Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, appointed by the command of God our Savior and Christ Jesus, who gives us hope (1 Timothy 1:1; NLT). 

We are saved by hope (Romans 8:24; WEB). 

The eyes of all look to you in hope (Psalm 145:15; NLT).

A reading: Romans 8:23-5; NLT.

We believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently).

16.4.23: God forgives and forgets

Ruth Kirk
Image by Megan Hall, on Pixabay.

Today’s prayer came to me last Friday morning, very soon after waking up. I welcomed it immediately, and went with its flow. It summarises everything I’ve been learning about God’s forgiveness over the last few weeks, and throughout my whole life.

As I mentioned yesterday (https://wp.me/p45bCr-dR3), being forgiven is a very difficult subject for me. I didn’t experience forgiveness as a child, and have never understood it, or been able to believe in it, or to feel it for myself, then move on. Fortunately, despite this, I can readily offer forgiveness to others.

How kind the LORD is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! (Psalm 116:5; NLT). 

Yahweh,

You are merciful,
And kind.

So when I face my sins, Lord,
And repent,

And when I’m honest with those I’ve hurt,
And tell them what I’ve done,

And when I say I’m sorry, Lord,
And try to put things right:

Then, you forgive me,
Wiping out my sin;

Then, you remember
Each new wrong no more,

Loving me still, Lord,
Just as you did before. 

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

References 

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT). 

Forget the events of the past, ignore the things of long ago. Look, I am doing something new! Now it springs forth – can’t you see it? I’m making a road in the desert and setting rivers to flow in the wasteland (Isaiah 43:18-19; TIB).

He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103; 3; NLT).

Who am I? I’m the one who wipes out your offenses! For my own sake, I do not remember your wrongs (Isaiah 43:25; TIB). 

I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins (Isaiah 43:25; NKJV).

15.4.23: Conscience

Ruth Kirk
Sunset, on Pixabay

Over the last few weeks, since a dream reminded me of something wrong I did many years ago, I’ve been living with a constant sense of dread. Even confessing to the person concerned, and being forgiven by them has made no difference. Once my childhood dread has been re-triggered, it’s not under my conscious control, and seems impossible to shift. However, I’ve now begun working on this with my trauma therapist, and am hoping I can improve again.

Meanwhile, many of the prayers I’m given continue to explore the issues of sin, conscience, guilt, confession, shame, forgiveness and reconciliation.

I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people (Acts 24:16; NLT). 

I close my eyes, Lord,
Face my conscience,
And confess my sins
To you,

Asking you, Lord,
To forgive
The wrongs I think,
And say, and do.

Then I go
To those I’ve hurt,
Apologise
For what I’ve done,

And beg them, Lord,
To grant me pardon,
For the sake
Of your dear Son.

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).

References 

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:22; NIV).

8.4.23: I can’t be whole (for J.)

Ruth Kirk
LongShadows. Self-portrait of photographer with friend. Lackland AFB, San Antonio, Texas (November 2006). Photo by Peter Rimar; Wikimedia.

Today’s verses came to me yesterday morning as I lay in silent prayer shortly after waking up. They arrived with an involuntary groan, and struck me to the heart.

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT). 

I can’t be whole without my shadow, Lord,
Without the parts I bury and deny.
For you know all about me, good and bad:
The sins I haven’t faced, which underlie

The guilt and shame tormenting me within,
My sharp regrets, my cowardice and dread
Of being honest, Lord, with those I’ve hurt.
Please help me to confess at last, instead.

Accepting all the anger I deserve,
I’ll say I’m sorry, ceasing to defend
Myself against the truth of every wrong,
And then my shadow will become my friend.

With you, I’ll face the darkness in my soul;
My conscience will be healed, then I’ll be whole.

He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole (Job 5:18; NKJV). 

References 

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).

He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).

The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).

You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).

Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT). 

The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith (1 Timothy 1:5; NLT).

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital 

Yesterday evening I enjoyed making a long, chunky Fiat rosary, suitable for someone with sensory issues of sight or touch. Fiat rosaries don’t usually have a centrepiece, and in making this one, I discovered a way of managing without, which was new for me. I particularly like the heavy cross, which came as part of a donation of used and broken rosaries. My warm thanks to its generous donor.

16.2.23: In life

Ruth Kirk

The blog I began writing yesterday needs a few more days of work to get it ready for posting, so today I’ve chosen this poem, written a while ago. With several demanding medical issues going on at present, it’s a pleasure to dip into my store of pieces prepared earlier. I always knew they had a purpose, and now I’m discovering what it is!

Love the stranger (Deuteronomy 10:19; NKJV).

In life,
Are you a friend to strangers –
Everyone whose path
You cross?

In life,
Are you a friend to strangers –
Those in trouble,
Hurt, or lost?

In life,
Are you a friend to strangers?
Loving is
Your sacred task.

“In life,
Were you a friend to strangers?” 
This is what the Lord
Will ask.

In due season God will judge everyone, both good and bad, for all their deeds (Ecclesiastes 3:17; NLT).

Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:40; NIV).

The Rosary Hospital 

To my great pleasure, I took an order for a fiat rosary yesterday, and very much enjoyed making it today. It just needs the finishing touches tomorrow with my new super-sharp trimming shears, a very thoughtful present from my husband.

29.1.23: Seeing Christ

Ruth Kirk

Today’s blog builds on one of my very favourite prayers. I say it every morning, having come across it many years ago in “Pocket Prayers for Pilgrims”. This little book was compiled by John Pritchard (Church House Publishing; 2011; page 33). Here it is:

Lord God,
Whoever you bring into our path today,
May we see Christ in them,
And may they see Christ in us,
For your love’s sake.
Amen.

Over the years, without even realising it, I’ve made this prayer more personal. Then, when I was saying it with my circlet yesterday (on bead 1/4), I suddenly saw how it could be extended:

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).

Lord God,
Whoever you bring into my path,
My mind,
And my prayers today,
May I see Christ in them,
And may they see Christ in me,
For Thy love’s sake,
Amen.

All of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT). 

Having written this down I began to pray again (still on 1/4), but a question immediately flashed into my mind:

Do you really think it makes any difference to God whether we are Orthodox, Catholic, Protestant, Methodist, Evangelical, Lutheran, or any other denomination? 

The answer, of course, is No – it makes no difference at all, because what God wants is for us to be Christian in the fullest and truest sense of the word. So what does being a Christian actually mean?

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

It means giving up our selfish ways,
Taking up our cross each day,
And following Jesus.

It means growing more like him
In all we think, say,
And do.

It means seeing, loving,
And serving him
In everyone,

Including those we disagree with,
Or disapprove of,
And those who hate or hurt us.

Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! (Matthew 5:44; NLT).

By the time I’d written this down, I hardly dared to continue praying, for fear of what might follow. However, I needn’t have worried, because I was able to let bead 1/4 go, and to move on, though of course I never know what will come next. In fact, bead 1/5 turned out to be full of heartfelt thanks and praise, for which I was very grateful.

References

Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 19:19; NLT). 

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).

Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:49; NIV). 

The Rosary Hospital 

Today I was able to begin trying out the new rosary-making method I stumbled upon yesterday. This means starting in the middle of the main circlet.

Apart from giving one decade 13 beads, and having to take back a couple of barrel knots to put this right, it worked out well. At the moment, I don’t really understand why it works, but that’s not important. What counts is that it enables me to make two identical knots at the places where the main circle joins the centrepiece, as shown in the photo below. Hopefully, I’ll be able to finish making this rosary tomorrow.

11.12.22: A question

Ruth Kirk

Context: Today’s prayer is linked to “Love”, posted on 9.12.22. Here is a live link, in case you want to look back at it: https://wp.me/p45bCr-d05. It continues to explore my difficulties around feeling lovable, and therefore finding it very hard to believe that the Lord loves me.

You do not break a bruised reed, or quench a wavering flame (Isaiah 42:3; TIB). 

Lord,

You’ve never turned on me,
Or said a hurtful word;

Nor have you rejected me,
Or left my cries unheard;

Nor screamed, Lord, as my mother did,
Nor scared me, nor condemned –

So why can’t I accept your love,
And trust you as my friend?

I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me (John 15:15; NLT).

References 

He will not constantly accuse us (Psalm 103:9; NLT). 

He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

God is love (1 John 4:8; NLT).

Your nature is love (Eucharistic Liturgy of the Free Methodist Church).

You are my friends if you do what I command (John 15:14; NLT).

Now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God (Romans 5:11; NLT). 

8.12.22: Suffering #1

Ruth Kirk

Context: Today’s prayer came to me a couple of days ago. It’s about how God can use our willingly-offered suffering to help others. This is a mystery I don’t really understand at all, and which I would very much like to know more about:

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies (2 Corinthians 4:10; NLT). 

Lord God,

If my suffering, sorrow
And hurt,

Which I willingly accept
And embrace,

Are of any value
To you,

Please use them
To help others,

Even though I don’t know
How you do this.

And, Lord,
Please enable me

To understand and share
Your purpose.

We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).

References 

Suffering:
Since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering (Romans 8:17; NLT).

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Romans 8:18; NIV).

Sorrow:
He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:37; NIV).

Hurt:
I have thought deeply about all that goes on here under the sun, where people have the power to hurt each other (Ecclesiastes 8:9; NLT).

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals – one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:33-4; NIV). 

Acceptance:
Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies (Lamentations 3:30; NLT).

Rosary-making news:

To my great delight, yesterday I received a box of broken rosaries, chaplets and bracelets by post. I had a very enjoyable afternoon taking them to pieces, and sorting out all the parts I can re-use. Then I made my first rosary for several days. It was a bit of a struggle joining it all up, and I had to start again, but here is a photo of the final result, made for a friend in my spiritual discernment group:

21.11.22: Lifeline prayers

Ruth Kirk

Context: Despite coughing and sweating my way through the night with covid, when I woke next day and began to pray, I received some insistent words almost immediately. The four brief, lifeline prayers included in this blog seem to be virtually all I need now, given my new highly isolated and simplified lifestyle:

“Why so dispirited?” I ask myself. “Why so churned up inside? Hope in God!” I know I’ll praise God once again, for you are my Deliverance; you are my God (Psalm 43:5; TIB).

When I feel alone and blue,
With dismal thoughts I can’t subdue,
This is what I say:
I love you, Jesus. 

When I feel ashamed and sad,
Full knowing I’ve done something bad,
This is what I pray:
Forgive me, Jesus.  

When I feel ignored and hurt,
Self-pity turned to high alert,
This is what I sigh:
Forgive them, Jesus. 

When you give, and when you take,
No matter how my heart may break,
This is what I whisper:
Thank you, Jesus. 

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

References 

I love you, LORD, my strength (Psalm 18:1; CSB). 

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

Rosary news

Yesterday afternoon I made a blue and white rosary, but the final stage (the attachment of the crucifix), failed QC. However, one of the best things about learning to make rosaries is the joy of taking them apart so I can re-use the beads for my next attempt.