7.9.23: Golden darkness

ivoxis: Pixabay.

Yesterday morning, as I greeted my icons one by one, the first words of this prayer came directly into my mind. These verses attempt to describe experiencing the presence of Christ during wordless prayer: in life, whilst dying, and in paradise. We can dip in and out of this experience until we die, but after death it will be all we know, and all we want to know.


Be silent before the LORD, all humanity.
(Zechariah 2:13; NLT). 

Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.
(Exodus 20:21; NLT).

1. Golden darkness deep within,
Far from stress, and shame and sin:
Lost in worship, bliss and peace
We rest, in life, with Christ, our Priest.

2. Golden splendour all about,
Letting go of dread and doubt:
Lost in rapture, joy and love
We walk, with Christ, to heaven above.

3. Golden glory all around,
Free from pain, with mercy crowned:
Lost in ecstasy, we soar
To join with Christ, for evermore.

Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever (1 Thessalonians 4:17; NLT).


References

1: Life

I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches from secret places so that you may know that I am the Lord (Isaiah 45:3; CSB).

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves (2 Corinthians 4:7; NLT). 

Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:28-9; NLT).

We have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God (Hebrews 4:14; NLT). 

2: Dying

Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them (Luke 2:9; NLT). 

Worship the LORD in all his holy splendor (1 Chronicles 16:29; NLT). 

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings (Hebrews 10:22; NIV). 

Jesus’ appearance was transformed, and his clothes became dazzling white, far whiter than any earthly bleach could ever make them (Mark 9:2-3; NLT).

Jesus said to his disciples: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God still, and trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s house; if there were not, I should have told you. I am going now to prepare a place for you, and after I have gone and prepared you a place, I shall return to take you with me; so that where I am you may be too” (John 14:1-3; JB).

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV). 

3: Beyond death

The Son radiates God’s own glory and expresses the very character of God (Hebrews 1:3; NLT). 

He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies (Psalm 103:4; NLT).

Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31; NLT).

Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9; NLT). 

1.7.23: In your arms

geralt: Pixabay.

This simple poem arrived during a time of quiet worship:

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27; NKJV).

We wake, pray, and rejoice, Lord,
In your arms;
We give, share, and receive, Lord,
In your hands.

We toil, strive, and progress, Lord,
In your arms;
We fail, sin, and repent, Lord,
In your hands.

We suffer and submit, Lord,
In your arms;
We grieve, weep, and endure, Lord,
In your hands.

We rage, doubt, and despair, Lord,
In your arms;
We hope, trust, and believe, Lord,
In your hands.

We love, serve, and remain, Lord,
In your arms;
We live, die, and unite, Lord,
In your hands.

The dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
(Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV). 


References 

Lead them like a shepherd, and carry them in your arms forever (Psalm 28:9; NLT).

Our lives are in his hands (Psalm 66:9; NLT).

In him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28; NIV).

There is…one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:6-7; NLT). 

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).

Remain in me, and I will remain in you (John 15:4; NLT).

You are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28; NLT).

You…are complete through your union with Christ (Colossians 2:10; NLT). 

14.6.23: Breathing

Sanshiro, Pixabay.

This prayer arrived gently yesterday, during silent contemplation:

He gives breath to everyone, life to everyone who walks the earth (Isaiah 42:5; NLT). 

I breathe you in,
And breathe you out:
No word, or thought;
No fear, or doubt.

I breathe you out,
And breathe you in:
You know me,
And forgive my sin.

I breathe you in,
And breathe you out:
You’re always here
Within, without.

I breathe you out,
And breathe you in:
My Lord, my God
My closest kin.

Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother (Matthew 12:50; NLT).


References 

“My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed (John 20:28; NLT). 

O LORD, you are our Father (Isaiah 64:8; NLT). 

Since we are his children, we are his heirs (Romans 8:17; NLT). 

12.5.23: No need to study

Image by Ramalekshmi Rajamanickam from Pixabay.

Today’s prayer is the second of a linked pair which came to me last Wednesday morning. For those who are interested, the first part is called “My way”, and here is a link to it: https://wp.me/p45bCr-e39.

Much study wears you out (Ecclesiastes 12:12; NLT).

No need to study,
No need to wait,
No need to doubt, Lord:
You are my faith.

No need to waver,
No need to quote,
No need to fear, Lord:
You are my hope.

Father, around me,
Jesus, above,
Spirit, within me:
You are my love.

Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13; NLT).

God is love (1 John 4:16; NLT).


References 

There is …one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God (Colossians 3:1; NIV). .

We believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory (Romans 8:23; NLT). 

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine (Song of Songs 2:16; NIV).

I jumped up to open the door for my love (Song of Songs 5:5; NLT).


A reading from Psalm 139:5-10; NLT.

You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.

30.4.23: Honest prayer #3

Image by Mona El Falaky, from Pixabay.

Today’s article is the last in a series of three. It draws together what I have learned so far about honest prayer, including praying about the issues hidden in my shadow-self. If you would like to check out the previous two parts, here is the link to Part 1: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu, and for Part 2:  https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXD.

Then the Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39; NLT). 

Following Biblical teaching on prayer, I want to:

  • Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
  • Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
  • Pray simply (Matthew 6:7-13; NLT).
  • Pray truthfully (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

 And these are the things I don’t want to do:

  • Pray about what I think I should pray about.
  • Say what I think God wants to hear.
  • Ask for what I think I should ask for.
  • Hide whatever is happening in my shadow-self.

My way forward in prayer is to:

  • Be completely honest, straightforward and direct with God.
  • Confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them, say sorry to God, then to the person concerned, and work towards reconciliation, if possible.
  • Tell God about everything in my shadow-self, especially the issues I would rather hide, ignore, or deny.

Jesus shared everything with God, so I can do the same. For example, I can:

  • Ask questions, express doubts, and weep.
  • Tell God about my self-pity, shame and regrets.
  • Express my frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anguish, grief, dread and despair.

Conclusions

I don’t want to “sanitise” my prayers by concealing my shadow-self. Neither will I say anything which is untrue. For example, I don’t recite prayers about being joyful or loving when these things are not genuinely present in my emotions and behaviour.

Rather, I want to speak the truth in prayer with complete honesty and openness at all times. Nothing I say will ever surprise or shock God, who knows everything about me long before I begin to speak. In fact, he is waiting for me to come to him and to confide in him, just as Jesus confided in him during his time on earth.

The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).


Additional references

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).

He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).

I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives (Jeremiah 17:10; ESV).

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).

The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).

As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).


The Rosary Hospital 

I took a few days off from making rosaries, following the completion of my largest project so far, and because my anxiety and depression are high. Today’s Fiat rosary is the first of a new order.

18.4.23: Always with me

Wikimedia

This prayer began to arrive last Tuesday, during a physiotherapy session. I had to remember it whilst having treatment on my back, neck and knees until I could jot it down afterwards. Fortunately, the following day gave me time to work on it.

“I myself will be a wall of fire around it,” declares the LORD, “and I will be its glory within” (Zechariah 2:5; NIV).

All around me, and within,
Free from blame, Lord, and from sin,
You are with me, come what may:
I’ll listen for your voice today.

Deep within me, and without,
Free from dread, Lord, and from doubt,
You are with me, come what may:
I’ll hear you gladly, and obey.

So, before me, and beside,
You instruct me, Lord, and guide,
Always with me, come what may:
So I’ll give thanks, rejoice and pray.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).


References 

There is …one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; NLT). 

This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him (Matthew 17:5; NLT). 

God is with those who obey him (Psalm 14:5; NLT).

He guides me along right paths (Psalm 23:3; NLT). 

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

12.2.23: Attitude

What a difference our attitude makes to how we respond to all God sends. As Saint Paul says: “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (Philippians 2:5; NLT).

Last night I dreamed I was very ill. It was clear that I was dying, and that this was beyond my control, and beyond any possibility of medical intervention.

In my dream, I was aware that my attitude to death would make a huge difference to how I experienced it. I could accept what was happening, facing it willingly and putting my trust in God. Alternatively, I could resent it, get angry, and feel bitter, or afraid, even blaming God. However, no matter how I approached it, death was still inevitable.

It was a very vivid dream, and I laid awake for a long time afterwards. Eventually I gave up hoping to go back to sleep, so I sat up in bed with a hot drink, and began to pray. To my surprise, as soon as I had said the Lord’s Prayer, today’s blog began to arrive:

In his anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground (Luke 22:44; NET).

I’m hot. I’m cold.
I’m restless. I can’t sleep.

Into my mind, Lord,
Doubts and questions creep:

Can I face all that’s coming
Without fear?

Yahweh, I know I can’t,
But you are here

To help me bear
Whatever you may send:

My Lord, my God,
My Comforter, and Friend.

Now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God (Romans 5:11; NLT).


References

I create the light and make the darkness. I send good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things (Isaiah 45:7; NLT).

The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB). 

The LORD gives both death and life (I Samuel 2:6; NLT). 

He …became anguished and distressed (Matthew 26:37; NET).

Look – the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners (Matthew 26:45; NLT).

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

I want your will to be done, not mine (Mark 14:36; NLT).

He shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever (John 14:16; KJV).

Shadow-self

Context: Earlier this week I unexpectedly got in touch with some deeply-buried aspects of my shadow-self, which was absolutely shattering (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-bWz). Lots of tears, prayers and much painful honesty followed. In the end, of course, it proved to be a very healing experience. 

What is the shadow-self? 

Robert Johnson describes the shadow-self as the “…dumping-ground for all those characteristics of our personality that we disown.” 

He goes on to remark that “These disowned parts are extremely valuable and cannot be disregarded.” This is because “To honor and accept one’s own shadow is a profound spiritual discipline. It is whole-making and thus holy, and the most important experience of a lifetime” (see pp ix-x, “Owning your own shadow – understanding the dark side of the psyche”, Robert A. Johnson; HarperCollins 1993).

The same author later comments that “To own one’s own shadow is to reach a holy place  – an inner centre – not attainable in any other way. To fail this is to fail one’s own sainthood and to miss the purpose of life” (Ibid, p17).

The Bible shows that Jesus, too, had a shadow-self. Some of his most significant experiences brought him face-to-face with his inner temptations, anger, anguish, fear, doubt and despair. Thus, as we strive to become more like him, we, too, need to face, own, accept and integrate our shadow selves, just as he did. 

Following the dramatic emergence of parts of my own buried shadow-self, this prayer surfaced whilst I was saying grace before breakfast:

Trust in God always, my people;
pour out your hearts before God our refuge.

(Psalm 62:8; TIB). 

1. I face my shadow-self with God,
Like Jesus, in the wilderness,

2. And show my shadow-self to God,
Like Jesus, in the Temple.

3. I share my shadow-self with God,
Like Jesus, in Gethsemane,

4. And give my shadow-self to God,
Like Jesus, on the cross.

Then at three o’clock Jesus called out with a loud voice,
“Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means
“My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”
(Mark 15:34; NLT).


Jesus called out with a loud voice,
“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”
When he had said this, he breathed his last.
(Luke 23:46; NLT).


References 

1. Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry. During that time the devil came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread” (Matthew 4:1-3; NLT). 

Then the devil took him to the holy city, Jerusalem, to the highest point of the Temple, and said, “If you are the Son of God, jump off! For the Scriptures say, ‘He will order his angels to protect you. And they will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone’ ” (Matthew 4:5-6; NLT). 

Next the devil took him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. “I will give it all to you,” he said, “if you will kneel down and worship me” (Matthew 4:8-9; NLT). 

2. Jesus went to Jerusalem. In the Temple area he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, “Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!” (John 2:13-16; NLT).

3. He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:37-39; NLT). 

The devil

Introduction

We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; NIV).

On Monday morning, a friend asked me how I understand Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness, which prompted me to re-read Luke’s familiar story:

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan River. He was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where he was tempted by the devil for forty days (Luke 4:1; NLT). 

During this time, Jesus had to wrestle against the temptations caused by his desperate physical hunger (vv2-4), his desire for earthly power (vv5-8), and his longing to test out his trust in God (vv9-12). 

Discussion

Many people have written extensively about what Jesus experienced in the wilderness, but I would like to focus briefly on the mysterious, alarming figure who tempted him.

An immediate problem is raised by the Greek word “diabolou”, which is often translated as “the devil”. However, this word is actually an adjective, rather than a name or a noun. It means “prone to slander, slanderous, or accusing falsely” (Strong’s Greek). Thus, “the devil” is clearly not a being of any kind. 

I find this interesting and helpful, as I have never seen the “devil” as a being. Rather, I understand the personification of “accusing falsely” as a way of representing Christ’s inner struggles with the temptations to which all human beings are subject. Welling up spontaneously from the unconscious mind, powerful, disturbing desires and impulses can assail us at any time, especially when we are very vulnerable, as was Jesus in the desert. 

Jesus’ understanding of temptation

Jesus came to understand the inner, psychological process of temptation very well, both from personal experience and through observing others. This how he explained it to a crowd one day: 

It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness…

It is interesting to note that there is no suggestion at all here that people are tempted by any kind of external force or being. Rather, Jesus concludes his teaching by stating firmly that:

…All these vile things come from within (Mark 7:20-23; NLT).

Conclusion

As a human being, though also divine, Jesus was subject to temptations, just like us (Hebrews 4:15; NIV), and how strong they must have been during those challenging days alone in the wilderness. He had just experienced one of the high points of his life: hearing God’s approving voice, and receiving the Holy Spirit at his baptism. Then, immediately afterwards, he felt compelled to spend many days alone in the wilderness, facing extreme heat, cold, hunger, thirst, and the constant threat posed by wild animals.

What a strange, challenging experience this must have been, causing him much deep physical and mental suffering, so it’s not surprising that the Gospel-writers’ accounts faithfully reflect the vivid, hallucinatory quality of Jesus’ desert retreat. Perhaps this is what leads so many translators to personify the powerful reality of his inner temptations, by turning them into an external being they called “the devil”. 

Breathing

Context: This prayer happened as soon as I woke and began to pray this morning. I was silently repeating God’s personal name, YAHWEH, breathing in on the first syllable, and out on the second. YAH is feminine, whilst WEH is masculine, so I love how both are combined in this truly astonishing name (see reference below). The prayer begins with an in-breath.


 God said to Moses, “I am Yahweh – ‘the LORD.'”
(Exodus 6:2; NLT). 

You are the God who gives breath to all creatures.
(Numbers 16:22; NLT).

YAH: breathe in, and WEH: breathe out:
With every breath, beyond all doubt,
I breathe you in, and breathe you out –
My Maker.

I live in you, and you in me:
Creator, for eternity,
The One who comes to set me free –
My Saviour.

For I am yours, and you are mine:
You, my temple; I, your shrine;
Together, far beyond all time –
United.

We live in love, unseen, yet true:
The God who comes to make me new,
Who breathes and sighs within, for you
Are YAHWEH.

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.
(Song of Songs 6:3; NIV). 

We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.
Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
(1 John 4:16; NIV). 

Anyone who accepts his testimony can affirm that God is true.
(John 3:33; NLT).


Reference

“The personal name of God, Yahweh, which is revealed to Moses in Exodus 3, is a remarkable combination of both female and male grammatical endings. The first part of God’s name in Hebrew, “Yah,” is feminine, and the last part, “weh,” is masculine.”

These words are quoted from an article by David Wheeler-Reed, who is Visiting Assistant Professor at Albertus Magnus College, Connecticut. His article is well worth reading, and is available free of charge online at The Conversation: https://theconversation.com/what-the-early-church-thought-about-gods-gender-100077#. I am very grateful for being able to include his words here today.