Month: April 2023

You are One

Ruth Kirk

Given how I feel at present, I’m particularly thankful for this short blog, which arrived whilst I was half-asleep.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need (Psalm 23:1; NLT). 

Yahweh:
Father God, and Mother;

Christ:
My Shepherd, Teacher, Brother;

Holy Ghost:
My Sister, Lover –

You are One:
I need no other.

The Lord our God, the Lord is one (Mark 12:29; NIV). 

References 

God:  Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy (Matthew 6:9; NLT).

All creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time (Romans 8:22; NLT).

I will proclaim God’s decree – YHWH said to me: “You are my own; I’ve given birth to you today” (Psalm 2:7; TIB). 

Christ:  I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep (John 10: 11; NLT).

You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am (John 13:13; NLT). 

Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him. They stood outside and sent word for him to come out and talk with them. There was a crowd sitting around Jesus, and someone said, “Your mother and your brothers are outside asking for you.” Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he looked at those around him and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:31-5; NLT). 

Holy Ghost:  Say to wisdom, “You are my sister” (Proverbs 7:4; NIV).

God is Spirit (John 4:24; NLT).

The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him –  the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord (Isaiah 11:2; NIV).

I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine (Song of Songs 6:3; NLT). 

Oneness:  Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength (Deuteronomy 6:4-5; NIV).

A reading: Mark 12:28-31; NIV

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

 

Suffering: a healing process

Ruth Kirk

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT). 

Last Sunday, whilst I was praying without words, I saw that my suffering is a lifelong healing process from which I have much to learn.

One step at a time, God helps me to move forward by working through this healing process in response to each of my symptoms.

My first task is to develop ever deeper insight into the underlying causes of my physical, emotional and spiritual suffering.

My second task is to ask God to give me the faith and personal maturity needed to endure my suffering in emotionally and spiritually healthy ways.

Although this kind of healing is a painful, ongoing, spiritual process, God brings good from it along the way. It will be complete at my death, by which time I will have gone as far as I have managed.

Meanwhile, I’m also learning to trust that God won’t let me be tried beyond what I can endure, which gives me renewed hope.

No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13; NET).

References

My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken (Jeremiah 8:18; NLT).

There they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread (Psalm 53:5; NIV).

Your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you? (Lamentations 2:13; NLT).

God willing, we will move forward to further understanding (Hebrews 6:3; NLT).

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26; NLT).

I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; CSB).

God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).

A reading: Romans 5:1-4; ESV.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.

 

Trust

Ruth Kirk

While I was praying without words last Sunday, I glimpsed this prayer. It was extremely difficult to catch hold of, and to put into words, but I’ve done my best.

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT). 

Lord,
You know all about me.
Before a word is on my tongue
You know it completely.

I needn’t even ask you
To heal me, because
You already know how deeply
I long for your touch.

All I need to do
Is to have courage,
Trusting that you have forgiven
All my sins,

That you won’t let me be tried
Beyond what I can endure,
That you will bring good
From all my suffering,

And that you will heal me,
When the time is right.

I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; CSB). 

At the right time, I, the LORD, will make it happen (Isaiah 60:22; NLT).

References 

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

Then some people appeared, bringing a person who was paralyzed, stretched out on a pallet. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed person, “Courage, my child, your sins are forgiven” (Matthew 9:2; TIB). 

He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT). 

God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT). 

No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13; NET).

 

Saying, “Yes” to dread

Ruth Kirk

There they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread (Psalm 53:5; NIV). 

Introduction
For the last few weeks I have been exploring my chronic sense of *dread (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dTm, for example). Today’s blog describes a way of handling it which came to me whilst I was praying a few days ago.

Psalm 74
My dread springs from the trauma and emotional damage I experienced when I was young. A passage in Psalm 74 accurately captures the toxic atmosphere in my childhood home:

Turn your steps toward these everlasting ruins, all this destruction the enemy has brought on the sanctuary. Your foes roared in the place where you met with us; they set up their standards as signs. They behaved like men wielding axes to cut through a thicket of trees. They smashed all the carved paneling with their axes and hatchets. They burned your sanctuary to the ground; they defiled the dwelling place of your Name. They said in their hearts, “We will crush them completely!” They burned every place where God was worshiped in the land (Psalm 74:3-8; NIV). 

Praying before my icon
Last Wednesday I stood praying before my icon of Mary. As I touched both her hand and that of the infant Christ, I was longing for my dread to disappear. Suddenly I saw a different attitude to living with my dread. Thanking her, I hurried to write it down.

My notes became a prayer which encapsulates this new way forward. Now, I am trying to say, “Yes” to my dread, and to thank God for it, in accordance with the charism of the Community of Our Lady of Walsingham (p10, The Book of Life, Community of Our Lady of Walsingham; 2022). 

Saying “Yes” to dread
So instead of longing for my dread go away, I now pray like this:

Lord, thank you for my sense of dread. It kept me safe when I was young, never knowing when, or where, the axe of my mother’s fury would fall next.

Please help me to welcome and accept my dread, surrounding it with love and gratitude. I want to rejoice in it as my oldest friend: the primitive, instinctive part of me that has protected me since birth.

Healing touch
After saying a spontaneous version of these words, I lay my hand on my abdomen and whisper to my dread: 

My dearest friend, you can relax now. You no longer need to be constantly vigilant, ready to make me freeze, run away, or hide, in order to protect myself. You and I are in God’s hands, and we are safe now, no matter what happens.

A final prayer
Then I end like this:

Lord, thank you for my dread. Please help me to surround it with love. I ask this in your dear Son’s name. Amen.

Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV). 

References 

*The symptoms of Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), include “A pervasive feeling of apprehension or dread” (helpguide.org).

All your waves and breakers have swept over me (Psalm 42:7; NIV).

I am in the hands of the Lord, the Most High is my safe resting-place (Psalm 91:9; BBE).

 

Seek and find

Ruth Kirk

When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you (Jeremiah 29:13; NET).

Seek and find
Our blessed Lord.

Meet him, greet him:
Love outpoured.

Be forgiven
And restored.

Live in him:
Adore; adored.

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things (1 Chronicles 29:11; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

When I wake

Ruth Kirk

Today I’m exhausted, so I’ve chosen a prayer written in happier and more peaceful times to share with you:

When I wake up, you are still with me! (Psalm 139:18; NLT).

When I wake, Lord: adoration:
I’m so glad that you are near.
Later on, Lord: intercession,
Knowing that you always hear.

All day long, Lord, is confession:
Sharing every sin with you,
And receiving your forgiveness
For each wrong I think, say, do.

In the evening, Lord, we rest
Together, as I hold your cross.
Then I sleep within your hands:
No sense of pain, or fear, or loss.

Thus, we live, Lord, in communion:
I, a sinner; you, God’s Son,
Delighting in our friendship, Lord,
And sharing everything as one.

No matter what each day may bring,
I know that you, Lord, will be there,
Because we live in unity, through faith,
Hope, love and constant prayer.

Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13; NLT). 

Pray constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17; TIV).

Inner peace

Ruth Kirk

You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life (Deuteronomy 28:66; NIV). 

Introduction
Today’s blog is both personal and heartfelt. It summarises what I’m learning about a painful issue which has plagued me for the last 70 years. I refer here to my dread of being rejected and unloved, whether by a person or by God, as a result of my having done something wrong.

This fear started when I was very small. My mother never forgave me for anything I did which she considered to be wrong. Years later she would bring up issues from the past, still blaming me for whatever I had done that had offended her. With hand on heart, I can say that I never did anything on purpose to hurt her. I was far too afraid of her to even think of taking such a risk. In fact, I lived in mortal dread of her no longer loving me, and of her completely rejecting me.

Sadly, in parallel with this, I was taught at our local Catholic church that a recording angel noted down every sin I committed. No sin was ever forgiven, removed, or forgotten. They all went into the angel’s book, ready be held against me on judgement day.

It was clear to me that there was no escape from judgement, condemnation and rejection, either at home, beyond childhood, or after death. Perhaps it’s not surprising that I have struggled with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, phobias and dread throughout my life.

Of course, I’ve known about God’s forgiveness for a long time, but have never been able to believe it included me. Nor have I been able to “feel” forgiven, and start afresh. Rather, forgiveness has always seemed to be just for other people, as I never deserved it.

Without any hope of forgiveness, my fear of condemnation, withdrawal of love and rejection together create a sense of dread, which is triggered whenever I offend someone. Once triggered, it becomes chronic. This is the heaviest burden I have carried throughout my life, and has always been impossible to put down. It is probably the underlying cause of all my other issues.

So, here is a summary of what I’ve learned so far in my search for a way out of dread, which is essentially a search for inner peace. Each of the five points is supported by Biblical verses I find particularly helpful.

Honesty
Inner peace comes from being honest about my sins, saying sorry to the person concerned, and being reconciled to them, if at all possible. When the relevant person is not contactable, or if they are dead, I whisper to them, addressing them by name, and apologising to them, with God as my witness.

References:
You desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there (Psalm 51:6; NLT).

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God (Psalm 51:17; NLT).

Trust
Inner peace comes from trusting God, who promises to forgive me when I repent, and never to remember my sin again. He also promises never to reject or abandon me. He is close beside me, and will comfort me, no matter what happens.

References:
Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).

He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).

The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29; NLT).

I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins (Hebrews 8:12; NLT).

No one is abandoned by the Lord forever (Lamentations 3:31; NLT).

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in  spirit (Psalm 34:18; NIV).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

Conscience
Inner peace comes from facing and dealing with my sins in the  ways described above, constantly aware of my behaviour, and working hard to restore my relationships, in order to maintain a clear conscience.

References:
I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people (Acts 24:16; NLT).

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:22; NIV).

Confidence
Inner peace comes from being confident that God loves me just as I am, and forever.

References:
Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be when we stand before God (1 John 5:14; NLT).

My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident (Psalm 57:7; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD‘s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

Peace
Inner peace comes from knowing that God will never stop loving me, or reject me, so I cling to my faith in Christ.

References:
The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT).

God sent his Son into the world not to condemn the world, but so that through him the world might be saved. No one who believes in him will be condemned (John 3:17-18; JB).

I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid (John 14:27; NLT).

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).

Conclusion
I don’t think I have reached the end of this journey of exploration and discovery yet,  as I’m still learning a little more day by day about how to move from dread to inner peace of mind and heart. Until I reach that goal, the dread continues, so I must do my best to say “Yes” to it, and to thank God for it.

References:
“Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Mark 14:36; NLT).

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people (Titus 2:14; NLT).

God waits

Ruth Kirk

Yesterday I continued working on an article about forgiveness. I wanted to post it today, but was too tired to finish it. So instead I chose a short prayer I wrote a while ago, and never found a good opportunity to use:

There is …one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

God dwells in stillness,
Timelessness,
And silence,
Over, in,
And through
All He creates.

With endless longing,
Mercy, love,
And patience,
He watches, listens,
Pities, shares –
And waits.

The Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).

 

Moving on

Ruth Kirk

Last Sunday, at the end of a late-night writing session, I suddenly began to receive today’s prayer. It’s taken me three days to express it in a way that fully and accurately reflects what I saw.

The background to this blog is that for several weeks I have been living with a constant sense of dread. This sensation was triggered by a dream which called to mind a sin I committed many years ago. I had never confessed it to the person concerned.

Despite having now been honest with that person, who forgave me immediately, the sense of dread has continued. Long experience has shown that once my dread has been re-triggered, it can continue for many months. Unable to “feel” forgiven, I simply continue to be extremely anxious. Sadly, I have never found out how to “let go” of this dread, so I can move on.

Mercifully, today’s prayer offers a way to begin moving forward, which I’m now practicing repeatedly, many times each day.

He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:5; NLT).

I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more (Hebrews 8:12; NIV).

Lord,

You’ve washed away my sin,
And promised to remember it
No more.

Having sent it far away,
You love me just as deeply
As before.

This time, I won’t wait,
And only feel forgiven
When my dread has passed –

Instead, I’ll try repeatedly
To trust your promise,
And move on, at last.

In God – I boast in his promise – in God I trust, I am not afraid (Psalm 56:4; NET).

God willing, we will move forward to further understanding (Hebrews 6:3; NLT).

References 

He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people (Titus 2:14; NLT). 

Who am I? I’m the one who wipes out your offenses! For my own sake, I do not remember your wrongs (Isaiah 43:25; TIB). 

The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29; NLT).

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT). 

Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).

He forgives all my sins (Psalm 103:3; NLT).

Always with me

Ruth Kirk

This prayer began to arrive last Tuesday, during a physiotherapy session. I had to remember it whilst having treatment on my back, neck and knees until I could jot it down afterwards. Fortunately, the following day gave me time to work on it.

“I myself will be a wall of fire around it,” declares the LORD, “and I will be its glory within” (Zechariah 2:5; NIV).

All around me, and within,
Free from blame, Lord, and from sin,
You are with me, come what may:
I’ll listen for your voice today.

Deep within me, and without,
Free from dread, Lord, and from doubt,
You are with me, come what may:
I’ll hear you gladly, and obey.

So, before me, and beside,
You instruct me, Lord, and guide,
Always with me, come what may:
So I’ll give thanks, rejoice and pray.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).

References 

There is …one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; NLT). 

This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him (Matthew 17:5; NLT). 

God is with those who obey him (Psalm 14:5; NLT).

He guides me along right paths (Psalm 23:3; NLT). 

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).