Category: Acceptance

Being a person

Ruth Kirk

Suddenly their eyes were opened and they recognized him (Luke 24:31; NLT).

Introduction
I have always experienced being a person as a very difficult and lonely task. With a mixture of envy and admiration, I have observed the lives of those who seem to navigate events, both good and bad, without having to think about who they are, or how to behave towards others.

One of the coping techniques I have used throughout my life has been to join spiritual groups, one at a time, whose customs and beliefs I felt I could accept and make my own. When other people do this, they seem to experience a sense of ‘belonging’ – of being accepted, and of being part of something larger than themselves. However, this has proved impossible for me.

Spiritual groups
Spiritual growth is my core concern, so over the years I have tried to live according to the approaches modelled by various spiritual teachers, priests, and groups. Sadly, though, I have never been able to make myself fit into any such groups for longer than a few years.

Conforming
This is because membership of a group requires major continuous, conscious efforts, as I strive to conform to its rules and beliefs.

Inevitably, in the end I make an unintentional, yet fatal, mistake, and am rejected.

Alternatively, a group’s views or requirements can become so unacceptable to me that eventually I am no longer willing to make the personal sacrifices needed in order to fit in.

An example of this happened some years ago, when I adopted Saint Mother Theresa’s teaching on humility. This gave a clear structure to my spiritual life, though I was never completely comfortable with her advice. Her way required the constant, conscious, highly-disciplined suppression of all my spontaneous thoughts, opinions beliefs, emotions, needs, impulses and desires. In the end, I simply had to reject it. The price of trying to belong was higher than I was willing or able to pay.

Leaving and loss
Each time I realised I could no longer force myself to fit into a group, I left. Each, in turn, had become my major source of spiritual structure and social contact, so leaving was always a great personal loss. This rendered my life empty of meaning and social contact for months, or even years, afterwards.

Repeatedly having to give up both the way I life I had been trying to follow, and the relationships associated with it, has been a depressingly recurrent patten in my life. Each time this has happened, it has felt like yet another major personal failure on my part. Groups which had seemed to offer fresh hope when I joined, eventually became yet another door closed to me when I disengaged. As I have got older, the growing number of closed doors has left me with very little hope that I can ever truly belong anywhere at all.

Christ’s way
However, I have recently recognised that the only way of life I want to follow is that of Jesus, as described in the gospels. I do not want his teaching to be interpreted for me by others.

Similarly, I don’t need his example to be made into a set of pre-determined rules designed by an authority-figure, theologian or other ‘expert’ for me to follow. God is my authority, and my learning comes from this source alone, in prayer. As John Newton wrote: There is no effectual teacher but God. We can receive no more than he is pleased to communicate (John Newton, “Out of the depths”). 

A journey of discovery
Now, at last, I feel ready to start discovering for myself who I am, how I feel, what I think and believe, what I need and desire, and what I want to do. In this way, I hope to begin basing my life on the precious individual, inner factors which make me uniquely me.

This is a completely new way of being a person for me. No one else can do it for me, and I have an awful lot to learn, so it’s definitely time to make a start at this late stage in my life.

Conclusion
I have lived and tried to ‘belong’ by consciously suppressing my own spontaneous thoughts, feelings, beliefs, needs, impulses and desires all the time. I now realise that these precious inner factors are what make me me.

Let’s finish with a prayer:

Lord Jesus, please set me free to become myself at last, so I can start growing more like you. I ask this through your own dear name: Amen.

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so that you may know that I am the LORD (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

References

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6; NLT).

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32; NLT).

I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you (John 13:15; NLT).

Turn to God

Ruth Kirk

When I awake, I am still with you (Psalm 139:18; NIV).

Turn to God (Luke 13:3; NLT).

At the moment I wake,
May I meet you in prayer;
And wherever I am,
May I know you are there.

At the first flash of fear,
May I greet you, my Guide;
And when pain begins,
May I stay by your side.

As I enter your darkness,
May I see your face;
And at my last breath,
May we kiss, and embrace.

So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:20; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

References

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

Clouds and thick darkness surround him (Psalm 97:2; NIV).

Moses went into the darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; BES).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

 

Take heart!

Ruth Kirk

You who seek God, take heart! (Psalm 69:32; CSB). 

As some of you will know, I was recently subjected to a lengthy, vitriolic online attack. Everything about myself, my beliefs, my writing, my aims, and my website was judged and condemned by a theologian. I asked him to apologise so we could be reconciled, but he was not willing to do so.

However, I have not let his criticisms distract me from my ongoing efforts to update this site. Although my editorial work will continue behind the scenes for many months, today I have put the finishing touches to a new layout. These include a fresh title, which I was given late last night, to my great surprise and delight. This fresh start has taken the sting from the bitter criticism aimed at me. Hopefully, the reorganisation will make it easier for people to find posts which might interest or help them.

So, today’s post celebrates all these positive changes and steps forward. Meanwhile, I continue to pray for the person concerned, and have become quite fond of him. I know that God will bring good to many people through his outburst, and I wish him well.

The boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid” (Matthew 14:24-7; ESV).

What does Jesus say to us?
Take heart, it is I.
What does Jesus say to us?
God has heard your cry.

What does Jesus say to us?
Child, this is God’s will.
What does Jesus say to us?
Hush, now; peace; be still.

What does Jesus say to us:
Trust, for God is near.
What does Jesus say to us?
I am always here.

Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20; NLT).

References

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

The LORD has heard your cry of distress (Genesis 16:11; NLT).

The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

You will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect Romans 12:2; NLT).

He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm (Mark 4:39; NKJV).

Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).

 

A burden

Ruth Kirk

God is truly amazing! I roughed out this blog just before a theologian verbally attacked me, my faith, my writing, my purpose, and my website (see: https://wp.me/p45bCr-lJE).

Am I a burden to you? (Job 7:20; NLT).

Lord, I’ve always felt as if I am a burden to other people: unlovable and unwanted; as welcome as a thorn in their flesh.

I never wanted to be alive, and couldn’t cope with life as others seemed to do.

I’ve always tried so hard to fit in, yet never truly felt I belonged anywhere.

Anxiety, dread and depression have been my constant companions.

Life has been such a struggle, right from birth. I’ve been told that I am over-sensitive, that I over-think issues, that I over-react to being hurt, and that I am strange. I’ve always felt things deeply, and am able to be very raw, direct and honest with others, if I feel this is appropriate.

All I can do is to follow your example, with willing acceptance of all God sends and takes away, whilst continuing to love everyone I interact with. In practical terms, this means offering what little help, support and comfort I can to everyone whose path I cross. For me, this is healing.

So, despite everything I have experienced throughout my lifetime, I continue to rejoice, to offer thanks in all circumstances, and to pray, knowing that God brings good from everything:

Come in, my Lord!
Come in – you are so welcome!
Make me your home today,
And every day.

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them” (John 14:23; NIV).

We are the temple of the living God. As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people” (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT). 

References

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34; NLT). 

We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28; NLT).

Come, Lord Jesus! (Revelation 22:20; NLT).

Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends (Revelation 3:20; NLT).

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30; NLT).

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).

A vicious, verbal attack

Ruth Kirk

Yesterday, out of the blue, I was viciously criticised online by a man who said he was a theologian. In several long messages he vented his complete rejection of my faith, my writing, my spiritual life and my website. He rubbished everything I share with you, and could not grasp my central aim: that others who also suffer may feel a little less alone, and find some comfort and hope here in my honesty.

I tried to engage with this man, but it was hopeless. I told him how badly he had hurt me, and asked him to apologise, so we could be reconciled. I told him I was praying for him. In response, he became offensive, so I had to block him. In all the years I’ve been running this website, I’ve only had to do that once before.

Straight after posting this message, I will pray for him again. Then I will begin the long process of recovering from his abuse, and forgiving him for the damage he has done to me. What made him act like this? I have no idea, other than that it seemed to be an explosive reaction to reading my latest blog: “Here I am, Jesus!” This is a link to it, in case you would like to read it for yourself: https://wp.me/p45bCr-lH3.

Friends, I am deeply saddened, shaken and disturbed by this man’s bitter verbal attack. Please pray for me, as I cling to Christ for support, and pray for him too, if you can find it in your heart to join me in doing so.

With much love to you all, from Ruth xxxx

Give and take

Ruth Kirk

The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

My God,
I’ll give up anything you ask,
And freely give up anything you take.
I’ll gladly welcome anything you send,
While giving thanks to you, for Jesus’ sake.

My God,
I’ll give up everything you ask,
And freely give up everything you take.
I’ll gladly welcome everything you send,
For you bring good from bad, for Jesus’ sake.

We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28; NLT).

A bag of bones

Ruth Kirk

Recent circumstances have raised a major issue for me: I may be autistic. My doctor has referred me for an assessment, which I hope to arrange very soon. This possibility is making me think about my life in a completely new way, and I’m finding the uncertainty disturbing, and very difficult to live with. All these things are reflected in today’s blog.

We have become old, dry bones – all hope is gone (Ezekiel 37:11; NLT).

Lord, I’m just a bag of bones,
A stranger to myself;
This life is far too hard –
I can’t be helped.

Lord, I’m just the odd one out,
With nowhere to belong,
For life is very hard –
I’m made all wrong!

Lord, I’m just unloveable;
A failure – take my soul!
My life is much too hard
To be made whole.

Yet you made me as I am,
And know me through and through;
Though life is hard, I trust
You’ll make me new.

He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age (Ruth 4:15; NIV).

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31; NIV).

My mind is blank

Ruth Kirk

Last night I woke suddenly from a bad dream, kicking out at someone who was threatening me. As soon as I began to pray, this prayer instantly appeared in my mind. It was as if I had been woken up to hear it. I knew I had to write it down and post it straight away. This prayer is not about me, or my own state of mind, so I quickly realised that it must be for someone else who will read it. I have already prayed for that person.

May your Kingdom come soon…

Lord, my mind is blank,
My heart is numb –
Yet still I pray, and beg:
Your kingdom come.

Lord, my flesh is dust,
My soul is void –
Yet still I pray, and plead:
Your will be done.

Lord, may I rejoice,
Though all seems lost –
Help me to cling to you,
And bear my cross.

…May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10; NLT).

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34; NLT). 

Reference

Rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16; NIV).

Cling tightly to the LORD your God (Joshua 22:8; NLT).

Never stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NLT).

“The time promised by God has come at last!” he announced. “The Kingdom of God is near! Repent of your sins and believe the Good News!” (Mark 1:15; NLT).

Reading: Habakkuk 3:17-19; NLT.

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.

Faith

Ruth Kirk

O my God, I have put my faith in you (Psalm 25:2; BBE).

Yahweh, I have put my faith
In you,

Trusting you to help
And guide me through

Everything you send,
Both ‘bad’ and ‘good’,

Accepting all you give to me
With love.

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NIV).

 

The road is difficult

Ruth Kirk

The gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult (Matthew 7:14; NLT).

Introduction
The road through life and back to God difficult because committing to it means:

  • Learning to accept and welcome whatever God sends into our lives, both good and bad, with thanks.
  • Facing whatever God gives or takes with all the courage we can muster, just as Christ did.
  • Loving, trusting, and clinging to God, no matter what trials we have to endure.
  • Giving love to others the best we can, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.

Jesus’ example
There can be no better way to grasp what this road requires of us in practice than to reflect on how Jesus faced his death. The following quotations show how he accepted God’s will and clung to his faith whilst continuing to love and serve all those around him. He did this despite his terrible physical, emotional and spiritual suffering, even when he felt completely abandoned by God:

  • My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).
  • When they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed him to the cross. … Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:33-34; NLT).
  • Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.” And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:42-3; NLT).
  • Standing near the cross were Jesus’ mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary (the wife of Clopas), and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, “Dear woman, here is your son.” And he said to this disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home (John 19:25-6; NLT).
  • At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46; NLT).
  • Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last (Luke 23:46; NLT).

Conclusion
Our task on earth is to follow Jesus’ example in all circumstances:

  • Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).
  • God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps (1 Peter 2:21; NLT).

Following Christ can be very hard, but however difficult our road may be, our ultimate destination remains the same: complete healing, in oneness with God, for evermore.

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV). 

References

I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD! (Job 1:21; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you (Deuteronomy 31:8; NLT).

I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things (Isaiah 45:7; NIV).

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NIV).

Those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction (Job 36:15; NIV).

I have seen, O Lord, that your decisions are right, and that in unchanging faith you have sent trouble on me (Psalm 119:75; BBE).

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16; NIV).

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again (Psalm 71:20; NIV).

Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal (Job: 5:17; NIV).

Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds (Hosea 6:1; NLT).