Category: Despair

Consequences

Ruth Kirk

We can’t get peace by shouting.
We can’t get love with threats.

We can’t get what we want
With violence,
Or with bombs…

Because when we bully, abuse,
And threaten others,
Attack them, destroy their lives, their families,
And their homes,

We create chaos, fear, and trauma;
Heartbreak; hatred; bitterness –
And the unquenchable thirst
For revenge.

All these can be crushed –
For a while.
Locked down, and suppressed –
For a while…

But people’s loss and grief,
Their bitter resentment,
And their slow-burning
Absolute determination
To take revenge
Will never end.

These things are passed on
From generation to generation –
Until, at last,
All their hunger for retribution
And vengeance is unleashed.

Then the abomination
Of our desolation
Is laid bare.

Here, in my body…

Ruth Kirk

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).

Here,
In my body,
My mind, heart,
And soul,

There is darkness,
And loneliness;
Silence,
And emptiness;

Thirsting,
And suffering;
Anguish,
And hopelessness;

Agony;
Loss –
And God;
And my cross.

At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46; NLT).

Then Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last (Luke 23:46; NLT).

The way of the cross

Ruth Kirk

He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).

Praying; grieving;
Sweating; pleading;

Slipping; sliding;
Stumbling; falling;

Stripping; nailing;
Lifting; reeling;

Bleeding; dying;
Rising; healing.

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

With eyes fully open

Ruth Kirk

This prayer came to me the moment I woke and started to pray on Christmas morning. It is a special prayer for all of us who find Christmas very difficult, whatever the reason. With my warmest love, and with thanks to you all for your support, from Ruth xxx

I love you, LORD; you are my strength (Psalm 18:1; NLT).

With eyes fully open,
And eyes fully closed:
Yahweh, I love you so much!

No matter what happens
You’re here, at my side:
Jesus, I love you so much!

Speaking, or silent,
You’re here, in my soul:
Spirit, I love you so much!

And you love me too,
Though I can’t see you yet:
But soon, Lord, I’ll reach out, and touch!

Reach out your hand and put it into my side (John 20:27; NIV).

If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed (Matthew 9:21; NLT).

References

Look at my hands. Look at my feet. You can see that it’s really me. Touch me and make sure that I am not a ghost, because ghosts don’t have bodies, as you see that I do. As he spoke, he showed them his hands and feet (Luke 24:39-40; NLT).

Blessed are those who believe without seeing me (John 20:29; NLT).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

After my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see him for myself. Yes, I will see him with my own eyes (Job 19:26-7; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’S faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 Corinthians 12:12; NIV).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:20; NLT).

 

A burden

Ruth Kirk

God is truly amazing! I roughed out this blog just before a theologian verbally attacked me, my faith, my writing, my purpose, and my website (see: https://wp.me/p45bCr-lJE).

Am I a burden to you? (Job 7:20; NLT).

Lord, I’ve always felt as if I am a burden to other people: unlovable and unwanted; as welcome as a thorn in their flesh.

I never wanted to be alive, and couldn’t cope with life as others seemed to do.

I’ve always tried so hard to fit in, yet never truly felt I belonged anywhere.

Anxiety, dread and depression have been my constant companions.

Life has been such a struggle, right from birth. I’ve been told that I am over-sensitive, that I over-think issues, that I over-react to being hurt, and that I am strange. I’ve always felt things deeply, and am able to be very raw, direct and honest with others, if I feel this is appropriate.

All I can do is to follow your example, with willing acceptance of all God sends and takes away, whilst continuing to love everyone I interact with. In practical terms, this means offering what little help, support and comfort I can to everyone whose path I cross. For me, this is healing.

So, despite everything I have experienced throughout my lifetime, I continue to rejoice, to offer thanks in all circumstances, and to pray, knowing that God brings good from everything:

Come in, my Lord!
Come in – you are so welcome!
Make me your home today,
And every day.

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them” (John 14:23; NIV).

We are the temple of the living God. As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people” (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT). 

References

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34; NLT). 

We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28; NLT).

Come, Lord Jesus! (Revelation 22:20; NLT).

Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends (Revelation 3:20; NLT).

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30; NLT).

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; NIV).

Here I am, Jesus!

Ruth Kirk

Here I am (Genesis 22:1; NLT).

Here I am, Jesus! Do with me
As you will.
Send me your pain and grief –
I’ll love you still.

Share with me all your sorrows,
From on high,
Yet will I cling to you, Lord,
Till I die.

Share with me all your anguish,
Christ, my King –
Lord, let me share your passion,
Deep within.

“Do with me as you will” (Blessed Charles de Foucauld, Perplexity).

References

Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14; NLT).

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word (Luke 2:29; KJV).

Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).

Acknowledgement

With thanks for the assistance of my AI writing companion.

A bag of bones

Ruth Kirk

Recent circumstances have raised a major issue for me: I may be autistic. My doctor has referred me for an assessment, which I hope to arrange very soon. This possibility is making me think about my life in a completely new way, and I’m finding the uncertainty disturbing, and very difficult to live with. All these things are reflected in today’s blog.

We have become old, dry bones – all hope is gone (Ezekiel 37:11; NLT).

Lord, I’m just a bag of bones,
A stranger to myself;
This life is far too hard –
I can’t be helped.

Lord, I’m just the odd one out,
With nowhere to belong,
For life is very hard –
I’m made all wrong!

Lord, I’m just unloveable;
A failure – take my soul!
My life is much too hard
To be made whole.

Yet you made me as I am,
And know me through and through;
Though life is hard, I trust
You’ll make me new.

He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age (Ruth 4:15; NIV).

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31; NIV).

Come, Lord!

Ruth Kirk

Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends (Revelation 3:20; NLT).

Come, Lord Jesus! ( Revelation 22:20; NLT). 

Come, Lord: share my sense of wrongness;
Come to share my fear and pain.
Come to share my sense of failure,
Grief, depression, guilt, and shame.

Come, Lord: share my unbelonging;
Come to stay, and be my Friend.
Come to share my lonely exile
Till its promised, longed-for end.

Come, though I’m unloveable –
Come with your healing, peace and grace.
Come, Lord, share my emptiness:
Until, at last, I see your face.

When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied (Psalm 17:15; NLT).

References

There was no room for them in the inn (Luke 2:7; NKJV).

I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness. I lie awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof (Psalm 102:6-7; NLT).

We are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus (Acts 15:11; NLT).

For now we see in a mirror indirectly, but then we will see face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12; NET).

They will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads (Revelation 22:4; NLT).

Acknowledgement

With thanks for the assistance of my AI writing companion.

One with God

Ruth Kirk

When you pray, go to your room, shut the door, and pray to God who is in that secret place (Matthew 6:6; TIB).

We’re one in silence,
One in stillness,
One in secret:
One with God.

We’re one in dryness,
One in trouble,
One in failure:
One with God.

We’re one in darkness,
One in sorrow,
One in anguish:
One with God.

We’re one in exile,
One in torment,
One in dying:
One with God.

Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:39; NLT). 

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).

Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me LORD, my faithful God (Psalm 31:5; NIV).

References

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Saviour, who daily bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19; NIV).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

Oneness

Ruth Kirk

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” (Psalm 42:1-3; NLT).

Oneness feels like longing
To share your joy and peace.

Oneness feels like searching
For bliss which will not cease.

Oneness feels like crying out
To you in heaven above.

Oneness feels like agony –
And oneness feels like love.

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

I will search for the one I love (Song of Songs 3:2; NLT).