Here I am, Jesus!


Here I am (Genesis 22:1; NLT).

Here I am, Jesus! Do with me
As you will.
Send me your pain and grief –
I’ll love you still.

Share with me all your sorrows,
From on high,
Yet will I cling to you, Lord,
Till I die.

Share with me all your anguish,
Christ, my King –
Lord, let me share your passion,
Deep within.

“Do with me as you will” (Blessed Charles de Foucauld, Perplexity).


References

Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14; NLT).

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word (Luke 2:29; KJV).

Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).


Acknowledgement

With thanks for the assistance of my AI writing companion.


A bag of bones


Recent circumstances have raised a major issue for me: I may be autistic. My doctor has referred me for an assessment, which I hope to arrange very soon. This possibility is making me think about my life in a completely new way, and I’m finding the uncertainty disturbing, and very difficult to live with. All these things are reflected in today’s blog.

We have become old, dry bones – all hope is gone (Ezekiel 37:11; NLT).

Lord, I’m just a bag of bones,
A stranger to myself;
This life is far too hard –
I can’t be helped.

Lord, I’m just the odd one out,
With nowhere to belong,
For life is very hard –
I’m made all wrong!

Lord, I’m just unloveable;
A failure – take my soul!
My life is much too hard
To be made whole.

Yet you made me as I am,
And know me through and through;
Though life is hard, I trust
You’ll make me new.

He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age (Ruth 4:15; NIV).

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31; NIV).


Come, Lord!


Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends (Revelation 3:20; NLT).

Come, Lord Jesus! ( Revelation 22:20; NLT). 

Come, Lord: share my sense of wrongness;
Come to share my fear and pain.
Come to share my sense of failure,
Grief, depression, guilt, and shame.

Come, Lord: share my unbelonging;
Come to stay, and be my Friend.
Come to share my lonely exile
Till its promised, longed-for end.

Come, though I’m unloveable –
Come with your healing, peace and grace.
Come, Lord, share my emptiness:
Until, at last, I see your face.

When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied (Psalm 17:15; NLT).


References

There was no room for them in the inn (Luke 2:7; NKJV).

I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness. I lie awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof (Psalm 102:6-7; NLT).

We are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus (Acts 15:11; NLT).

For now we see in a mirror indirectly, but then we will see face to face (1 Corinthians 13:12; NET).

They will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads (Revelation 22:4; NLT).


Acknowledgement

With thanks for the assistance of my AI writing companion.


One with God


When you pray, go to your room, shut the door, and pray to God who is in that secret place (Matthew 6:6; TIB).

We’re one in silence,
One in stillness,
One in secret:
One with God.

We’re one in dryness,
One in trouble,
One in failure:
One with God.

We’re one in darkness,
One in sorrow,
One in anguish:
One with God.

We’re one in exile,
One in torment,
One in dying:
One with God.

Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:39; NLT). 

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).

Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me LORD, my faithful God (Psalm 31:5; NIV).


References

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Saviour, who daily bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19; NIV).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).


Oneness


As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” (Psalm 42:1-3; NLT).

Oneness feels like longing
To share your joy and peace.

Oneness feels like searching
For bliss which will not cease.

Oneness feels like crying out
To you in heaven above.

Oneness feels like agony –
And oneness feels like love.

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? (Psalm 22:1; NLT).

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

I will search for the one I love (Song of Songs 3:2; NLT).


I only have to close my eyes


Jesus spoke to the people once more, and said, “I am the light of the world” (John 8:12; NLT).

I only have to close my eyes
To gaze upon your light.

I only have to close my eyes
To share your darkest night.

I only have to close my eyes
To see your flowing blood.

I only have to close my eyes
To know your perfect love.

If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love (1 John 4:18; NLT).


References 

It was nine o’clock in the morning when they crucified him. At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock. Then at three o’clock Jesus called out with a loud voice,“Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?”  which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” Then Jesus uttered another loud cry and breathed his last (Mark 15:25,33,34; NLT).

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends (John 15:13; NLT).


 

You love us


The Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost (Luke 19:10; NLT).

When we lose our way,
You seek us.

When we lose our peace,
You care.

When we lose our hope,
You help us.

When we lose our faith,
You share.

At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46; NLT).


 

Cling to God


Cling tightly to the LORD your God (Joshua 23:8; NLT).

When you seek,
But cannot find:
Just cling to God
With all your mind.

When your way
Is steep and dark:
Just cling to God
With all your heart.

When you fail
To reach your goal:
Just cling to God
With all your soul.

And when your anguish
Is intense:
Just cling to God
With all your strength.

I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely (Psalm 63:8; NLT).

Blessed are those whose strength is in you (Psalm 84:5; NIV).


References

Keep on seeking, and you will find (Luke 11:9; NLT).

Love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength (Mark 12:30; NLT).

Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace] (James 1:3; AMP).

Cling to your faith in Christ (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).

The gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult (Matthew 7:14; NLT).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

He became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:37-9; NLT).

And in his anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground (Luke 22:44; NET).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).


 

It’s okay!


Love your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27; NLT; my emphasis).

At last (aged 73), I am starting to grasp a little more that it’s okay:

  • To look how I look, to think my own thoughts, and to feel how I feel.
  • To be as I am, physically, mentally, neurologically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
  • To be honest with myself, God, and everyone I come into contact with, whilst always trying to do so without being hurtful.
  • To make mistakes, to get things wrong, and to forget things.
  • To make my own choices, to have my own opinions, and to change my mind.
  • To change my behaviour.
  • To be assertive.
  • To offer help, and for my help to be refused.
  • To ask for help, to accept offered help, and to refuse offered help.
  • To grow as a person.
  • To continue my spiritual development.
  • To age, and to decline in physical strength, energy, health, and mental sharpness.

In short: It’s okay to be myself.

Very slowly and cautiously, I’m beginning to feel as if I no longer need to apologise for my existence, because God made me just as I am, and loves me just as I am. So maybe I can even begin to love myself just as I am, as well!

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life (John 10:10; NLT).


References

Speak the truth with love (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

The Father himself loves you (John 16:27; NIV).


 

The road is difficult


The gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult (Matthew 7:14; NLT).

Introduction
The road through life and back to God difficult because committing to it means:

  • Learning to accept and welcome whatever God sends into our lives, both good and bad, with thanks.
  • Facing whatever God gives or takes with all the courage we can muster, just as Christ did.
  • Loving, trusting, and clinging to God, no matter what trials we have to endure.
  • Giving love to others the best we can, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.

Jesus’ example
There can be no better way to grasp what this road requires of us in practice than to reflect on how Jesus faced his death. The following quotations show how he accepted God’s will and clung to his faith whilst continuing to love and serve all those around him. He did this despite his terrible physical, emotional and spiritual suffering, even when he felt completely abandoned by God:

  • My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).
  • When they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed him to the cross. … Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:33-34; NLT).
  • Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.” And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:42-3; NLT).
  • Standing near the cross were Jesus’ mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary (the wife of Clopas), and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, “Dear woman, here is your son.” And he said to this disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home (John 19:25-6; NLT).
  • At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46; NLT).
  • Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last (Luke 23:46; NLT).

Conclusion
Our task on earth is to follow Jesus’ example in all circumstances:

  • Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23; NLT).
  • God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps (1 Peter 2:21; NLT).

Following Christ can be very hard, but however difficult our road may be, our ultimate destination remains the same: complete healing, in oneness with God, for evermore.

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV). 


References

I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD! (Job 1:21; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you (Deuteronomy 31:8; NLT).

I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things (Isaiah 45:7; NIV).

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NIV).

Those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction (Job 36:15; NIV).

I have seen, O Lord, that your decisions are right, and that in unchanging faith you have sent trouble on me (Psalm 119:75; BBE).

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16; NIV).

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again (Psalm 71:20; NIV).

Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal (Job: 5:17; NIV).

Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds (Hosea 6:1; NLT).