Category: Fear

Faith

Ruth Kirk

A sower went out to sow his seed; and as he sowed, some fell along the path, and it was trodden under foot, and the birds of the air devoured it (Luke 8:5; RSV).

A trodden path;
A shallow soil;
A mass of thorns.

A barren field;
An empty barn;
A heap of reeds.

A fraying rope;
A dried-up well;
A broken bowl.

A secret door;
A private room;
An upper floor.

A dying fire;
A falling night;
A final meal –

Yet I will sing,
And tread the heights:
For God will heal.

Then they sang a hymn and went out to the Mount of Olives (Mark 14:26; NLT)

Though he wounds, he also bandages. He strikes, but his hands also heal (Job 5:18; NLT). 

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

References:

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights (Habakkuk 3:17-19; NLT).

Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don’t wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:6-7; NLT).

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle (Matthew 12:20; NLT).

Readings:

Mark 4:1-9.

Ecclesiastes 12:1-7.

No door

Ruth Kirk

It’s a week since I said I would update you all about how I plan to move forward with Take heart. In that time I have experienced a lot of pain and distress, some spiritual highs and lows, and some amazing personal insights. Thank you to those who have contacted me to express your sympathy and support: you have made a big difference.

So, from now on I will:

  1. Continue to write what God gives me.
  2. Post a blog whenever I feel driven to share (not necessarily every day).
  3. Encourage you to share my posts with others, if you feel this might help them.
  4. List fewer references.
  5. Suggest short Bible readings, when appropriate.
  6. Post significant blogs when they are ready, rather than aiming for a set time of day.

Please feel free to send polite comments. Blogging is a very lonely and exacting task, so constructive feedback and encouragement are always welcome.

Meanwhile, I continue to pray for all those who visit Take heart each day.

With much love, and many blessings to you all, from Ruth xxx

TODAY’S BLOG

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who knows
Our fearfulness.

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who holds
Our loneliness.

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who shares
Our wretchedness.

There is no door!
There’s only Christ
Within, who bears
Our suffering.

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

Be sure of this: I am with you always (Matthew 28:20; NLT).

The way of the cross

Ruth Kirk

He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood (Luke 22:44; NLT).

Praying; grieving;
Sweating; pleading;

Slipping; sliding;
Stumbling; falling;

Stripping; nailing;
Lifting; reeling;

Bleeding; dying;
Rising; healing.

For you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture (Malachi 4:2; NLT).

Take captive every thought

Ruth Kirk

Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).

How my mind works
On 29.1.26. I was able to grasp how my mind works for the first time. Today’s blog describes what I learned.

Introduction
I automatically check all my thoughts, everything I am about to say, and everything I want to do, however trivial, to see whether they are within the rules of what is acceptable to whoever I am with. If I judge they are not acceptable, I suppress them immediately. My default approach is to stop myself from saying or doing whatever I want to, in case it breaches a social rule I do not know. I self-inhibit in this way hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times every day. Only very recently, since I started thinking about Autism, have I become aware of this inner process and started to understand its purpose and consequences a bit more. I realise now that it is a form of self-censorship, whose purpose is self-protection.

Unspoken rules
If, even for a moment, I forget to filter everything I want to say and do, it’s always disastrous. I spontaneously say or do something which shocks others, and has clearly broken a social rule I have not grasped. This is always very embarrassing and awkward socially, both with individuals, and within groups. It leaves me feeling stupid, ashamed, guilty and a complete failure.

Consequences
Such events trigger my automatic dread reflex instantly, and, with a sinking heart, I know that this dread will be with me day and night for months. In fact, I will never fully recover from it. Another relationship which may have offered a little hope, or at least some brief social contact, has been permanently destroyed.

This constant checking and the suppression of every impulse helps to prevent me from breaking unspoken social rules, so I can feel relatively acceptable to others. Unfortunately, as it is entirely habitual, I do it even when I am alone.

Rumination
After each such event I ruminate endlessly about what happened, feeling terrible about what I said or did. The mishap brings an end to any hope of being at all acceptable to the person concerned. It means the permanent loss of our relationship as it was before.

When this happens in a group setting, it spells the immediate end of my efforts to belong to the group in which it occurred, because I will avoid the person concerned as much as possible from that point onwards. I will dread even bumping into them in the street. If the disaster happens in a church setting, I will not be able to go to that church any more, which is a major, personal loss. Everything I had painstaking tried to build up there is over in a moment.

The aftermath
Afterwards, as soon as I can, I write to the person concerned, taking full responsibility for what happened, and apologising wholeheartedly. However, I can never face them again with any degree of confidence at all. Having seriously misjudged what was acceptable to them, nothing can ever make the relationship right again.

After apologising, I live with my rumination and dread for as many weeks as I can, feeling horribly anxious, sleeping badly, and getting more and more depressed. Eventually, there is no choice but to return to my therapist to work through all that went wrong, in the hope of somehow setting myself free from the emotional torment. This makes every social blunder very expensive, both emotionally and financially.

Today I am facing the start of my Autism assessment process.

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).

A reading from Luke 4:16-21; NIV.
When he came to the village of Nazareth, his boyhood home, he went as usual to the synagogue on the Sabbath and stood up to read the Scriptures. The scroll of Isaiah the prophet was handed to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where this was written: “The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD’s favor has come.” He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the attendant, and sat down. All eyes in the synagogue looked at him intently. Then he began to speak to them. “The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!”

So bright! Happy New Year!

Ruth Kirk

This is a special prayer for us all, given to me on 31.12.25, ready for New Year’s Day, 2026!

God [is] the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen (1 Timothy 6:15-16; NIV).

So bright
That I can’t look at you!
So dark
That I can’t see!

So hot
That I can’t touch your hand!
So vast
That I can’t flee.

So awesome
That I hide my face!
So good
That I’m ashamed!

And yet, I love you,
Oh, so much,
And you, my God,
Love me!

I love you, LORD; you are my strength (Psalm 18:1; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’S faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

References

So bright:
Jesus brought with Him Peter and James and John his brother, and led them up on a high mountain by themselves. And He was transfigured before them; and His face shone like the sun, and His garments became as white as light (Matthew 17:1-2; LSB).

His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever!” (Revelation 1:17-18; NIV).

So dark:
He shrouded himself in darkness (2 Samuel 22:12; NLT).

Clouds and thick darkness surround him (Psalm 97:2; NIV).

Moses went into the darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; BES).

So hot:
The Lord your God is a consuming fire (Deuteronomy 4:24; NIV).

Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight – why the bush does not burn up.” When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!” And Moses said, “Here I am.” “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God (Exodus 3:1-6; NIV).

So vast:
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you (Psalm 139:7-12; NIV).

In him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28, NIV).

There is … one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:5-6; NLT).

So awesome:
The LORD Most High is awesome. He is the great King of all the earth (Psalm 47:2; NLT).

So good:
“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good” (Mark 10:18; NLT).

Love God:
You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength” (Mark 12:30; NLT).

Turn to God

Ruth Kirk

When I awake, I am still with you (Psalm 139:18; NIV).

Turn to God (Luke 13:3; NLT).

At the moment I wake,
May I meet you in prayer;
And wherever I am,
May I know you are there.

At the first flash of fear,
May I greet you, my Guide;
And when pain begins,
May I stay by your side.

As I enter your darkness,
May I see your face;
And at my last breath,
May we kiss, and embrace.

So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:20; NLT).

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).

References

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7; NLT).

Clouds and thick darkness surround him (Psalm 97:2; NIV).

Moses went into the darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; BES).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (John 16:33; NLT).

 

Here I am, Jesus!

Ruth Kirk

Here I am (Genesis 22:1; NLT).

Here I am, Jesus! Do with me
As you will.
Send me your pain and grief –
I’ll love you still.

Share with me all your sorrows,
From on high,
Yet will I cling to you, Lord,
Till I die.

Share with me all your anguish,
Christ, my King –
Lord, let me share your passion,
Deep within.

“Do with me as you will” (Blessed Charles de Foucauld, Perplexity).

References

Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14; NLT).

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word (Luke 2:29; KJV).

Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).

Acknowledgement

With thanks for the assistance of my AI writing companion.

We share

Ruth Kirk

All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them (John 14:23; NLT).

Just as I am,
My body is yours;
You made me –
And I am your home.

Just as I am,
My thinking is yours;
You know me –
I’m never alone.

Just as I am,
My emotions are yours;
You love me –
And share every fear.

Just as I am,
My spirit is yours,
For you are my God –
And you’re here!

Remember that I am always with you until the end of time (Matthew 28:20; GNT).

References

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine (Song of Songs 6:3; NIV).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed (John 20:28; NLT).

My mind is blank

Ruth Kirk

Last night I woke suddenly from a bad dream, kicking out at someone who was threatening me. As soon as I began to pray, this prayer instantly appeared in my mind. It was as if I had been woken up to hear it. I knew I had to write it down and post it straight away. This prayer is not about me, or my own state of mind, so I quickly realised that it must be for someone else who will read it. I have already prayed for that person.

May your Kingdom come soon…

Lord, my mind is blank,
My heart is numb –
Yet still I pray, and beg:
Your kingdom come.

Lord, my flesh is dust,
My soul is void –
Yet still I pray, and plead:
Your will be done.

Lord, may I rejoice,
Though all seems lost –
Help me to cling to you,
And bear my cross.

…May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10; NLT).

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34; NLT). 

Reference

Rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16; NIV).

Cling tightly to the LORD your God (Joshua 22:8; NLT).

Never stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NLT).

“The time promised by God has come at last!” he announced. “The Kingdom of God is near! Repent of your sins and believe the Good News!” (Mark 1:15; NLT).

Reading: Habakkuk 3:17-19; NLT.

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.

Contemplation

Ruth Kirk

Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile” (Mark 6:31; NLT).

Just for a little while:

Leave your other thoughts behind,
And love our God with all your mind.

Lay your burdens down, apart:
Then love our God with all your heart.

Set aside your current goal
To love the Lord with all your soul.

Send your fears and failures hence:
Just love the Lord with all your strength.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength (Mark 12:30; NLT).

References

Be silent before The LORD, all humanity (Zechariah 2:13; NLT).

Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honoured by every nation. I will be honoured throughout the world (Psalm 46:10; NLT).

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and i will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28; NLT).