Category: Hurt

A vicious, verbal attack

Ruth Kirk

Yesterday, out of the blue, I was viciously criticised online by a man who said he was a theologian. In several long messages he vented his complete rejection of my faith, my writing, my spiritual life and my website. He rubbished everything I share with you, and could not grasp my central aim: that others who also suffer may feel a little less alone, and find some comfort and hope here in my honesty.

I tried to engage with this man, but it was hopeless. I told him how badly he had hurt me, and asked him to apologise, so we could be reconciled. I told him I was praying for him. In response, he became offensive, so I had to block him. In all the years I’ve been running this website, I’ve only had to do that once before.

Straight after posting this message, I will pray for him again. Then I will begin the long process of recovering from his abuse, and forgiving him for the damage he has done to me. What made him act like this? I have no idea, other than that it seemed to be an explosive reaction to reading my latest blog: “Here I am, Jesus!” This is a link to it, in case you would like to read it for yourself: https://wp.me/p45bCr-lH3.

Friends, I am deeply saddened, shaken and disturbed by this man’s bitter verbal attack. Please pray for me, as I cling to Christ for support, and pray for him too, if you can find it in your heart to join me in doing so.

With much love to you all, from Ruth xxxx

Here I am, Jesus!

Ruth Kirk

Here I am (Genesis 22:1; NLT).

Here I am, Jesus! Do with me
As you will.
Send me your pain and grief –
I’ll love you still.

Share with me all your sorrows,
From on high,
Yet will I cling to you, Lord,
Till I die.

Share with me all your anguish,
Christ, my King –
Lord, let me share your passion,
Deep within.

“Do with me as you will” (Blessed Charles de Foucauld, Perplexity).

References

Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14; NLT).

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV).

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word (Luke 2:29; KJV).

Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).

Acknowledgement

With thanks for the assistance of my AI writing companion.

Naked prayer

Ruth Kirk

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised (Job 1:21; NIV).

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

Spend some time with God in silence,
Naked, as when you were born.
God will know if you are grieving,
Hurt, repentant, or forlorn.

Spend some time with God in stillness,
Naked, as you are each day.
God will know if you are struggling,
Or if you have lost your way.

Spend some time with God in private,
Naked, as you always are.
God will know if you are damaged,
Seeing every wound and scar.

Spend some time with God in darkness,
Naked, as the day you’ll die.
God will know your pain and anguish,
And will hear the Spirit’s sigh.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words. And he who searches the hearts of men knows what is in the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:26-7; RSV).

References

Be silent before the LORD, all humanity (Zechariah 2:13; NLT).

Be still in the presence of the LORD (Psalm 37:7; NLT).

When you pray, go into your private room, shut your door, and pray to your Father (Matthew 6:6; CSB).

Moses went into the darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; BES).

The LORD sees every heart and knows every plan and thought (1 Chronicles 28:9; NLT).

You are the temple of the living God (Luke 17:21; NKJV).

Christ lives within you (Romans 8:10; NLT).

Don’t you realise that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you? (1 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).

 

Evil

Ruth Kirk

This stark prayer was given to me as soon as I started to pray this morning, and I knew I had to share it immediately.

Our world is now filled with people indulging hateful thoughts, writing and saying hateful things about others, and approving of, or carrying out, oppressive, abusive, hateful, cruel, violent and destructive deeds.

Many even appear to believe that God approves of such behaviour. As Jesus said, “The time is coming when those who kill you will think they are doing a holy service for God. This is because they have never known the Father or me” (John 16:2-3; NLT). Shocking words indeed.

However “religious” we think we are, and however fervently we pray, or preach, if we hate others we know nothing at all about God, for God is Love.

We cannot pick and choose which parts of Christ’s Gospel we want to apply to ourselves, and which parts we prefer to reject. So, here is today’s blog:

Deliver us from evil (Matthew 6:13; NLT).

Save us from indulging evil thoughts.
Save us from expressing evil words.
Save us from committing evil deeds.

Please help us to take captive every thought,
And make each one obedient to Christ,
For all who do not love do not know you.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8; NIV.

References

Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV).

The words you speak come from the heart – that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you (Matthew 15:18-20; NLT).

Then the King will turn to those on the left and say… “I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.” Then they will reply, “Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?“ And he will answer, “I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me” (Matthew 25:41-5; NLT).

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else (1 Thessalonians 3:12; NIV).

Love your neighbour as yourself (Leviticus 19:18; NLT).

Love the stranger (Deuteronomy 10:19; NKJV).

Show love to foreigners (Deuteronomy 10:19; NLT).

Love your enemies (Matthew 5:44; NLT).

 

In our dreams

Ruth Kirk

He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds (Job 33:15; NLT).

In our dreams, God,
You reveal
The hidden fall-out
Of our past,
And in our dreams, God,
You reveal
Our fears about
What lies ahead.

In our dreams, God,
You reveal
What we must face
Along the way,
And in our dreams, God,
You reveal
Your healing treasures,
Day by day.

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

Face blindness

Ruth Kirk

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness, secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT). 

Definition
Face blindness, medically known as prosopagnosia, is a neurological condition characterised by an impaired ability to recognise familiar faces (Perplexity).

Introduction
I am 73 years old, and have had face blindness, alongside other perceptual difficulties, for many years. Face blindness has made my life hard and lonely. It has caused me a lot of embarrassment, avoidance, isolation, and low self-esteem. However, until this week, I had no idea what face blindness was, or that I was living with it.

Groups
Face blindness makes social interactions difficult. It’s hard to cope with seeing the same people repeatedly, but not being able to tell them apart, or to attach the right name and personal details to them, however hard I try.

This isn’t too difficult to manage when I am new to a group, but after a few weeks, people naturally expect me to know and remember them, which is impossible for me. I soon begin to feel increasingly awkward and anxious in any group. In the end I cannot face going back, which makes me feel a failure, and as if I am completely unlikeable. Another door closes, my hopes are dashed yet again, and my confidence shrinks still further. The idea of trying again elsewhere becomes increasingly challenging.

Context
When I meet anyone I am supposed to “know” away from their usual group, or context, they naturally speak and behave as if we know each other, whilst I often have no idea at all who they are.

Realisation
I have never understood why recognising people is so problematic for me, having seen this difficulty as a purely individual shortcoming – an inexplicable, blameworthy, personal deficiency. However, this week, for the first time, I discovered that there are other people living with exactly the same problem.

Neurodivergence
I have other neurological differences too, but until this week, I had seen them as unconnected, purely individual, quirks. It never occurred to me that they might all be linked. These are the neurodivergence issues I live with every day:

Face blindness (inability to recognise people)
Car blindness (inability to tell cars apart)
Inability to tell left from right
Spatial orientation and reversal issues
No sense of direction (I rely on recognising objects to navigate in buildings, shops, streets etc)
Inability to use maps (unless they are the right way up, and I am going forward very slowly)
Inability to remember the way to places I have been to before
Vivid memories of experiencing Alice in Wonderland syndrome as a child

Conclusion: it’s time to come out!
It is totally new for me to recognise my face blindness, or to speak about my neurological issues openly. I have never discussed any of this with a doctor or therapist. Rather, I have always covered up my difficulties as best I could, whilst feeling foolish and personally to blame for my “shortcomings”.

So, today, here and now, I am coming out as a face-blind person who also has other potentially linked neurological differences. I am now starting to work on how to manage all this openly with other people. For the first time in my life, I am daring to feel as if my difficulties are not my fault, and this, alone, is a huge relief.

Finally, I want to give thanks, acknowledging publicly that all this is part of God’s healing process for me.

I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; NLT).

 

No matter what happens

Ruth Kirk

Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11; NLT).

No matter what happens,
You’re here, Lord, within me.
No matter what happens,
I walk by your side.

No matter what happens,
You share in my anguish.
No matter what happens,
I need you, my Guide.

No matter what happens,
You love me forever.
No matter what happens,
I love you, Lord, too.

No matter what happens,
We face it together.
No matter what happens,
We always get through.

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

 

Jesus’ way

Ruth Kirk

Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he [Jesus] said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34; NLT).

Introduction
Being a Christian means following Christ’s teaching and lived example, in order to grow more and more like him, until we become one with him.

I call myself a Christian, so I’m asking myself some very basic questions. The response to each question is clarified by Biblical quotations.

Do I love everyone?
If my love isn’t inclusive, I’m not behaving like a Christian, because the Bible says:

Love your neighbour as yourself (Leviticus 19:18; NLT).
Love the stranger (Deuteronomy 10:19; NKJV).
Show love to foreigners (Deuteronomy 10:19; NLT).
Love your enemies (Matthew 5:44; NLT).
May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else (1 Thessalonians 3:12; NIV).

Do I judge others?
If I do, I’m not behaving like a Christian, because the Bible says:

Do not judge others, and you will not be judged (Matthew 7:1; NLT).

Am I kind?
If I’m unkind to others, I’m not behaving like a Christian, because:

A servant of the LORD must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone (2 Timothy 2:24; NLT).

Do I forgive those who hurt me?
If I nurse grudges, I’m not behaving like a Christian, because Jesus teaches:

Forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too (Mark 11:25; NLT).

Do I serve others?
If I don’t serve others the best I can, I’m not behaving like a Christian, because Jesus says:

Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else (Mark 9:35; NLT).
Even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others (Mark 10:45; NLT).

Do I try to follow Christ’s example?
If I don’t genuinely try to do this, I’m not being a Christian, because we are to:

Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ (Ephesians 5:2; NLT).

Am I growing more like Christ?
If I’m not growing more like Christ, however slowly, I need to ask myself whether I really am a Christian at all:

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

Conclusion
Perhaps, in the end, I only need to ask myself one question:

Do I believe it’s okay to judge, look down on, control, discriminate against, dominate, exploit, abuse, reject, exclude, hate, or hurt others in any way whatsoever?

Strange as it may sound, if my answer to this question is, ‘Yes’, then I may still have a faith of some kind. It might even be a religious faith. However, it is definitely not Christianity, because:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out (1 Corinthians 13:4-6; NLT).

The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22; NLT).

References

Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9; NLT).

Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me (Matthew 25:41; NIV).

Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me (Matthew 25:45; NIV).

Live like Jesus here in this world (1 John 4:17; NLT).

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:5; NIV).

Christ

Ruth Kirk

He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone (Isaiah 53:9; NLT).

Christ did nothing wrong
At all,
But look at what
He had to face!

He came to show us
How to love
Each stranger, neighbour,
Friend, and foe.

He came to heal,
And set us free,
Yet how he suffered
In our place!

So when you’re falsely blamed:
Forgive all those
Who hurt you –
Change, and grow!

When they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified – one on his right and one on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:33-34; NLT).

Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

References

He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. Unjustly condemned, he was led away (Isaiah 53:7-8; NLT).

I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44; NLT).

Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you. If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! (Luke 6:35; NLT).

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you (Matthew 6:14; NLT).

Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked (Luke 6:35; NLT).

 

Darkness

Ruth Kirk

Moses went into the darkness where God was (Exodus 20:21; BST).

Though darkness can be hard, my child,
And stillness can be tough,

And silence can be very bleak,
And loneliness, so rough;

Yet, darkness will be turned to light,
And stillness, made so good,

And silence will be turned to bliss,
And loneliness, to love.

My God turns my darkness into light (Psalm 18:28, NIV).

I am with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20; NLT).

References

You have taken away my companions and loved ones. Darkness is my closest friend (Psalm 88:18; NLT).

I lie awake, I am like a lonely bird on the housetop (Psalm 102:7; RSV).

Each one of you is a child of God because of your faith in Christ Jesus. All of you who have been baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. In Christ there is no Jew or Greek, slave or citizen, male or female. All are one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 26-8; TIB).

Be still, and know that I am God! (Psalm 46:10; NLT).

It is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD (Lamentations 3:26; NLT).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your s protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

You turned my lament into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness (Psalm 30:11; CSB).