Category: Loneliness

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness, secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT). 

Definition
Face blindness, medically known as prosopagnosia, is a neurological condition characterised by an impaired ability to recognise familiar faces (Perplexity).

Introduction
I am 73 years old, and have had face blindness, alongside other perceptual difficulties, for many years. Face blindness has made my life hard and lonely. It has caused me a lot of embarrassment, avoidance, isolation, and low self-esteem. However, until this week, I had no idea what face blindness was, or that I was living with it.

Groups
Face blindness makes social interactions difficult. It’s hard to cope with seeing the same people repeatedly, but not being able to tell them apart, or to attach the right name and personal details to them, however hard I try.

This isn’t too difficult to manage when I am new to a group, but after a few weeks, people naturally expect me to know and remember them, which is impossible for me. I soon begin to feel increasingly awkward and anxious in any group. In the end I cannot face going back, which makes me feel a failure, and as if I am completely unlikeable. Another door closes, my hopes are dashed yet again, and my confidence shrinks still further. The idea of trying again elsewhere becomes increasingly challenging.

Context
When I meet anyone I am supposed to “know” away from their usual group, or context, they naturally speak and behave as if we know each other, whilst I often have no idea at all who they are.

Realisation
I have never understood why recognising people is so problematic for me, having seen this difficulty as a purely individual shortcoming – an inexplicable, blameworthy, personal deficiency. However, this week, for the first time, I discovered that there are other people living with exactly the same problem.

Neurodivergence
I have other neurological differences too, but until this week, I had seen them as unconnected, purely individual, quirks. It never occurred to me that they might all be linked. These are the neurodivergence issues I live with every day:

Face blindness (inability to recognise people)
Car blindness (inability to tell cars apart)
Inability to tell left from right
Spatial orientation and reversal issues
No sense of direction (I rely on recognising objects to navigate in buildings, shops, streets etc)
Inability to use maps (unless they are the right way up, and I am going forward very slowly)
Inability to remember the way to places I have been to before
Vivid memories of experiencing Alice in Wonderland syndrome as a child

Conclusion: it’s time to come out!
It is totally new for me to recognise my face blindness, or to speak about my neurological issues openly. I have never discussed any of this with a doctor or therapist. Rather, I have always covered up my difficulties as best I could, whilst feeling foolish and personally to blame for my “shortcomings”.

So, today, here and now, I am coming out as a face-blind person who also has other potentially linked neurological differences. I am now starting to work on how to manage all this openly with other people. For the first time in my life, I am daring to feel as if my difficulties are not my fault, and this, alone, is a huge relief.

Finally, I want to give thanks, acknowledging publicly that all this is part of God’s healing process for me.

I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; NLT).