Even if I’m innocent, I can’t hold my head high, because I am filled with shame and misery (Job 10:15; NLT).
What if I don’t need to feel so guilty Just for thinking?
What if I don’t need to be ashamed
Of how I feel?
What if I don’t need to fear your anger Day and night, Lord?
What if you are always keen
To understand, and heal?
What if I don’t need to chafe That I am just a burden?
What if I don’t need to fret
That I am just a sham?
What if I don’t need to feel So guilty for existing? Then, Lord, I could be myself, Exactly as I am.
My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life (John 10:10; NLT).
If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).
God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned (John 3:17-18; NIV).
Even if I’m innocent, I can’t hold my head high, because I am filled with shame and misery (Job 10:15; NLT).
What might life be like
If I could give up feeling guilty
For all I am,
And all that I am not?
What might life be like
If I could give up feeling guilty
For existing? Lord, self-loathing
Is my lot.
What might life be like If I could trust your loving-kindness,
Believing that you want
To set me free?
What might life be like
If I could cease to feel so bad
About myself, and find it’s okay
To be me?
I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me (Psalm 109:22; KJV).
So I tell you, keepon asking, andyouwill receive what you ask for. Keepon seeking, andyouwillfind. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened (Luke 11:9-10; NLT).
References
Here I am, a nothing (Psalm 22:6; TM).
He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle (Isaiah 42:3; NLT).
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10; NIV).
If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).
My beloved is mine and I am his (Song of Songs 2:16; NIV).
Lord,
I’m yours, and you are mine:
I, your temple; you, my shrine.
I dwell in you, and you in me:
My God for all eternity.
We live in love; no guilt, or fear:
With childlike trust, I know you’re near.
You share my life, and I share yours:
The One my wounded heart adores.
You don’t reject me, raise your voice,
Or punish me: Lord, I rejoice!
No judgement call; no tyranny;
No condemnation: I am free –
For you have touched my damaged soul, And healed my mind, and made me whole.
He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole (Job 5:18; NKJV).
References
We are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NIV).
We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them (1 John 4:16; NIV).
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love (1 John 4:18; NIV).
Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you (Deuteronomy 33:27; NLT
I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me (Psalm 131:2;NLT).
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).
I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me (Psalm 109:22; KJV).
He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious (Matthew 12:20; NLT).
There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1; NLT).
If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36; NIV).
He touched me, and set me upright (Daniel 8:18; HNV).
My guilt overwhelms me – it is a burden too heavy to bear (Psalm 38:4; NLT).
Lord,
I feel so guilty All the time,
And long for the abundant life
You give.
May I receive your gifts
As children do:
Then I will trust your love,
And truly live.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10; NIV).
I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me (Psalm 13:5; NLT).
References
All things come from God (1 Corinthians 11:12; CSB).
He himself gives life and breath to everything, and he satisfies every need (Acts 17:25; NLT).
Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin (Psalm 19:13, NLT).
Those who work deserve their pay (1 Timothy 5:18; NLT).
We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
I often beat myself up when I realise I’ve forgotten to pray for a particular person, situation, or cause. Paralysed by a combination of failure and guilt, it can seem too late to do so at that moment.
But from now on, as soon as the Spirit reminds me to pray about someone or something, I want to grasp the opportunity to intercede immediately, however brief and simple my prayer may need to be.
Then, having responded to the Spirit’s prompting, I will continue with whatever I’m doing. Depending on the complexity of the task, I may even be able to pray whilst I work.
I can respond like this multiple times each day, whenever the Spirit alerts me to a fresh opportunity to pray for each concern which comes into my mind and heart. With this approach, I find that my sense of failure and guilt is less burdensome.
I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity (1 Timothy 2:1-2; NLT).
References
Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
Prayforpeace (Psalm 122:6; NLT).
Because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father” (Galatians 4:6; NLT).
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere (Ephesians 6:18; NLT).
Gradually, I’m learning to let go of words during prayer, and allow myself to be led, in trust.
The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:26-7; NRSV).
Spirit, help me now to pray,
And lift my words to God above.
Plead through me for other people;
Teach me to express your love.
Intercede for me today, And ask the Lord to cleanse my sin.
Beg Him, please, to heal the guilt
And shame I carry, deep within.
Intervene for your name’s sake,
And speak for me both day and night
With sighs too deep for my poor words –
Until, at last, we reunite.
The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
Today’s prayer came to me most unexpectedly yesterday, whilst I was saying grace before breakfast.
Everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard (Romans 3:23; NLT).
We all have sins that shame us,
Behaviour we regret;
We all have faults and failures,
But Jesus loves us yet.
We know our inner darkness,
The things we can’t put right,
The evils on our conscience,
But Jesus is our light.
We all have guilty secrets,
We haven’t done God’s will;
We’ve judged and wounded others,
But Jesus loves us still.
We know that we are nothing,
Just grains of sand, or dust,
But through Christ comes forgiveness,
So in His name we trust.
Through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins (Acts 13:38; NLT).
There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12; NLT).
Trust in God, and trust also in me (John 14:1; NLT).
References
I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark (John 12:46; NLT).
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life” (John 8:12; NLT).
He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).
I am nothing but dust (Genesis 18:27; NIV).
There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent (Luke 24:47; NLT).
A reading: Romans 3:22-25; NLT.
We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.
LongShadows. Self-portrait of photographer with friend. Lackland AFB, San Antonio, Texas (November 2006). Photo by Peter Rimar; Wikimedia.
Today’s verses came to me yesterday morning as I lay in silent prayer shortly after waking up. They arrived with an involuntary groan, and struck me to the heart.
If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).
I can’t be whole without my shadow, Lord,
Without the parts I bury and deny.
For you know all about me, good and bad:
The sins I haven’t faced, which underlie
The guilt and shame tormenting me within, My sharp regrets, my cowardice and dread
Of being honest, Lord, with those I’ve hurt.
Please help me to confess at last, instead.
Accepting all the anger I deserve,
I’ll say I’m sorry, ceasing to defend
Myself against the truth of every wrong,
And then my shadow will become my friend.
With you, I’ll face the darkness in my soul;
My conscience will be healed, then I’ll be whole.
He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but Hishands make whole (Job 5:18; NKJV).
References
Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).
I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).
He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).
The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).
The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith (1 Timothy 1:5; NLT).
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).
The Rosary Hospital
Yesterday evening I enjoyed making a long, chunky Fiat rosary, suitable for someone with sensory issues of sight or touch. Fiat rosaries don’t usually have a centrepiece, and in making this one, I discovered a way of managing without, which was new for me. I particularly like the heavy cross, which came as part of a donation of used and broken rosaries. My warm thanks to its generous donor.
Whilst praying, the morning after writing yesterday’s blog (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dKZ), I experienced God in a way that was completely new to me. It proved very difficult to express in words afterwards, but I’ve done my best:
This prayer Is like a dream of love
Beyond this world
And all I know;
A dream in which The truth is all,
Where mercy And forgiveness reign
In God, beyond my guilt And shame;
Beyond my life, Beyond my death:
One mind, one heart, One soul, one breath.
The LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became alivingsoul (Genesis 2:7; KJV).
Reference
The Spirit of God hath made me, andthebreath of the Almighty hath given me life (Job 33:4; KJV).
The life of every living thing is in his hand, and the breath of every human being (Job 12:10; NLT).
The dust returnstothe ground it came from, and thespiritreturnstoGod who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).
There is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all (Ephesians 4:4-6; NLT).
You also are complete through your union with Christ (Colossians 2:10; NLT).
A reading from Philippians 3:8-11; NLT.
Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him.
I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.
I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!
Today’s blog is about the shadow self. This term encompasses all the aspects of ourselves we find so uncomfortable, shameful and unacceptable that we ignore, conceal, or deny them. However, it is essential to find ways of recognising and expressing these hidden aspects, so we can integrate them into a fuller understanding of ourselves (see “Owning your own shadow” by Robert A. Johnson; Harper One: 1991).
My shadow, for example, includes sin, guilt, shame, selfishness, self-pity, depression, irritability, judging, anxiety, fear, resentment, bitterness, anger, insecurity and feeling unwanted. For a long time, I have habitually taken captive my thoughts and feelings along these lines, saying sorry to God as soon as I become aware of them. I then replace them with something more loving, in accordance with Paul’s teaching (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV). However, until very recently, I have never considered choosing to express them in any other way.
Instead, I generally keep negative feelings and thoughts concealed in my shadow. Unfortunately, this is unhealthy, as these spontaneous aspects of myself are significant aspects of my whole being.
Being honest
Over the last few weeks I’ve begun to grasp the spiritual importance of maintaining a constant awareness of what is happening in my shadow. This enables me to be more honest with myself, with God, and, potentially, with other people.
Of course, I don’t want to simply “act out” the contents of my shadow through impulsive, uncontrolled behaviour. Rather, I want to be in touch with them, so I can choose how to respond. Moreover, if I decide to express them, I want to do so as safely and constructively as possible, for the sake of both others and myself.
Such expression doesn’t necessarily mean voicing my shadow self directly, though occasionally this may be appropriate. Instead, I choose to express my shadow through dance, writing and prayer. Art, music, sports and many other activities can also provide alternative creative outlets.
It won’t go away
Staying in touch with my shadow self and finding safe ways to express it is essential, because ignoring it does not make it go away. Trying to push challenging emotions such as anger, hatred and fear out of awareness leaves them free to create havoc in the unconscious mind. This is how sudden outbursts of exasperation, temper, violence and panic can seem to strike “out of the blue”.
The Psalms
The Psalms offer a healthy example of honouring the shadow by expressing it honestly in prayer, alongside more positive aspects of the self. The writer of Psalm Three, for example, begins by praising God for helping them in the face of their enemies’ threats. The tone remains positive until verse seven, when it changes dramatically, as the author gives vent to the pent-up fear, anger and vengefulness concealed in their shadow:
“Arise, O LORD! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!” (Psalm 3:7; NLT).
Once these negative impulses have been fully voiced, the writer is able to finish on a more positive note:
“Victory comes from you, O LORD. May you bless your people” (Psalm 3:8; NLT).
If the writer had sanitised this psalm by omitting the thoughts and emotions hidden in their shadow, it would have been incomplete. This would have made it far less helpful to both themself and their future readers.
Conclusion The raw, spontaneous truths hidden in our shadow are vital aspects of the self, treasures without which we cannot be complete. To reject them means being out of contact with essential aspects of ourselves.
Learning to integrate the contents of our shadow with our more positive thoughts and emotions is therefore vital for authentic spiritual growth and healing. As Johnson states: “These disowned parts are extremely valuable and cannot be disregarded… To honour and accept one’s shadow is a profound spiritual discipline. It is whole-making and thus holy and the most important experience of a lifetime” (Johnson; ibid, pp ix-x).
So now, after that long introduction, here is today’s prayer:
You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).
Lord,
Thank you for my shadow –
May I face it,
Acknowledging its role
In all I do.
Thank you for my shadow –
May I own it,
So I can choose
To share it all with you.
Thank you for my shadow –
May I love it,
For you desire my honesty,
I know.
Thank you for my shadow –
I embrace it. Lord, may these secret riches
Help me grow.
I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).
