self-pity – A prayer for today

Redemptive suffering: a personal perspective

May 7, 2024May 7, 2024Ruth Kirk

You have been given the privilege of serving Christ, not only by believing in him, but also by suffering for him (Philippians 1:29; GNT).

Introduction
In common with many other people, I have experienced physical, mental and spiritual suffering over the course of my life. I also live with chronic illness every day.

My response to suffering has changed considerably over the years. Thus, I slowly moved from very negative attitudes, such as fear, self-pity and depression, through resignation, to a more comfortable acceptance.

Then, after being diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago, I discovered and adopted the practice of giving thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). At the time, I didn’t realise what a key step this would be in the process of developing a more positive attitude to suffering.

More recently, just a few weeks ago, I stumbled on the idea of using my symptoms as cues which would remind me to intercede for others. This practice has already begun to give a new purpose and value to the suffering which is a daily feature of my life.

Soon afterwards, I discovered the term redemptive suffering, and realised, to my surprise and pleasure, that I am not alone on this path.

Redemptive suffering
My current, very limited, understanding of redemptive suffering is that it means:

Willingly accepting and embracing uncomfortable symptoms.
Giving thanks for them.
Offering them as a sacrifice on behalf of others who are suffering.
Praying for other people who are suffering.

It will be interesting to see how this definition changes in the light of further personal experience and insight.

Christ’s life and death are the perfect example of redemptive suffering in operation. Even as he hung on the cross, Jesus was praying for his executioners: “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34; NLT).

The privilege of suffering for Christ
St. Paul grasped that if we are to share Christ’s glory, we must also share his suffering (Romans 8:17). This led him to the astonishing realisation that we, too, can offer our suffering on behalf of others, just as Jesus did. As he states: “You have been given the privilege of serving Christ, not only by believing in him, but also by suffering for him” (Philippians 1:29; GNT).

With self-awareness, willing acceptance and frequent practice, every adverse symptom, sensation, emotion and experience can become a sacrificial offering to God. Our suffering then functions as a series of cues, or reminders, to intercede for others.

Our prayers can be for people we know personally, those we hear or read about, and for everyone experiencing physical and mental illness, pain, privation, danger and death all around the world.

Conclusion
I believe that we can grow more like Christ, and become more deeply united with him, by welcoming the suffering God sends, and using it for the good of others. Redemptive suffering is, indeed, a privilege. Furthermore, my experience is that it can bring a sense of purpose, joy and fulfilment even though my life is very limited by suffering.

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them (1 Timothy 2:1; NLT).

References

Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).

Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies (Hebrews 13:3; NLT).

Since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too (1 Peter 4:1; NLT).

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).

The Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).

Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9; NLT).

Suffering

March 2, 2024March 3, 2024Ruth Kirk

Whatever happens to you, accept it (Sirach 2:4; NJB).

There is a big difference between accepting our suffering willingly, and resenting it angrily.

The first approach to suffering represents a genuine, personal sacrifice which brings us into loving solidarity with Jesus, and with all who suffer throughout the world. It creates empathy, joy, thankfulness and praise, no matter what we are enduring.

The second attitude to suffering tends to make us self-centred, self-pitying, depressed and bitter. This response damages the special opportunity suffering offers us to live in unity with Jesus, and with all our fellow human beings.

Personally, I choose to welcome and embrace all my suffering, however limiting, painful or uncomfortable it may be, because, as St. Paul wrote:

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies (2 Corinthians 4:10; NLT).

With this trusting attitude, suffering becomes a gift, out of which God can bring much good. Suffering brings us into contact with others, both in person, and through our prayers. It helps us to empathise with others, and to reach out to them with Christian love, concern and care.

Love cares more for others than for self (1 Corinthians 13:3-7; TM).

References

Since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering (Romans 8:17; NLT).

Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are (1 Peter 5:9; NLT).

Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done” (Matthew 26:42; NLT).

I create the light and make the darkness. I send good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things (Isaiah 45:7; NLT).

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21; CSB).

Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? (Job 2:10; NIV).

Everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen (Romans 11:36; NLT).

The LORD gives both death and life (I Samuel 2:6; NLT).

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16; NIV).

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28; NIV).

Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31; NLT).

A reading from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5; AMP.

Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

For just as Christ’s sufferings are ours in abundance [as they overflow to His followers], so also our comfort [our reassurance, our encouragement, our consolation] is abundant through Christ [it is truly more than enough to endure what we must].

30.4.23: Honest prayer #3

April 30, 2023April 30, 2023Ruth Kirk

Today’s article is the last in a series of three. It draws together what I have learned so far about honest prayer, including praying about the issues hidden in my shadow-self. If you would like to check out the previous two parts, here is the link to Part 1: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu, and for Part 2: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXD.

Then the Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39; NLT).

Following Biblical teaching on prayer, I want to:

Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
Pray simply (Matthew 6:7-13; NLT).
Pray truthfully (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

And these are the things I don’t want to do:

Pray about what I think I should pray about.
Say what I think God wants to hear.
Ask for what I think I should ask for.
Hide whatever is happening in my shadow-self.

My way forward in prayer is to:

Be completely honest, straightforward and direct with God.
Confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them, say sorry to God, then to the person concerned, and work towards reconciliation, if possible.
Tell God about everything in my shadow-self, especially the issues I would rather hide, ignore, or deny.

Jesus shared everything with God, so I can do the same. For example, I can:

Ask questions, express doubts, and weep.
Tell God about my self-pity, shame and regrets.
Express my frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anguish, grief, dread and despair.

Conclusions

I don’t want to “sanitise” my prayers by concealing my shadow-self. Neither will I say anything which is untrue. For example, I don’t recite prayers about being joyful or loving when these things are not genuinely present in my emotions and behaviour.

Rather, I want to speak the truth in prayer with complete honesty and openness at all times. Nothing I say will ever surprise or shock God, who knows everything about me long before I begin to speak. In fact, he is waiting for me to come to him and to confide in him, just as Jesus confided in him during his time on earth.

The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).

Additional references

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).

He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).

I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives (Jeremiah 17:10; ESV).

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).

The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).

As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

I took a few days off from making rosaries, following the completion of my largest project so far, and because my anxiety and depression are high. Today’s Fiat rosary is the first of a new order.

23.3.23: The shadow self

March 23, 2023March 23, 2023Ruth Kirk

https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?search=Shadow&title=Special:MediaSearch&go=Go&type=image

Introduction

Today’s blog is about the shadow self. This term encompasses all the aspects of ourselves we find so uncomfortable, shameful and unacceptable that we ignore, conceal, or deny them. However, it is essential to find ways of recognising and expressing these hidden aspects, so we can integrate them into a fuller understanding of ourselves (see “Owning your own shadow” by Robert A. Johnson; Harper One: 1991).

My shadow, for example, includes sin, guilt, shame, selfishness, self-pity, depression, irritability, judging, anxiety, fear, resentment, bitterness, anger, insecurity and feeling unwanted. For a long time, I have habitually taken captive my thoughts and feelings along these lines, saying sorry to God as soon as I become aware of them. I then replace them with something more loving, in accordance with Paul’s teaching (2 Corinthians 10:5; NIV). However, until very recently, I have never considered choosing to express them in any other way.

Instead, I generally keep negative feelings and thoughts concealed in my shadow. Unfortunately, this is unhealthy, as these spontaneous aspects of myself are significant aspects of my whole being.

Being honest

Over the last few weeks I’ve begun to grasp the spiritual importance of maintaining a constant awareness of what is happening in my shadow. This enables me to be more honest with myself, with God, and, potentially, with other people.

Of course, I don’t want to simply “act out” the contents of my shadow through impulsive, uncontrolled behaviour. Rather, I want to be in touch with them, so I can choose how to respond. Moreover, if I decide to express them, I want to do so as safely and constructively as possible, for the sake of both others and myself.

Such expression doesn’t necessarily mean voicing my shadow self directly, though occasionally this may be appropriate. Instead, I choose to express my shadow through dance, writing and prayer. Art, music, sports and many other activities can also provide alternative creative outlets.

It won’t go away

Staying in touch with my shadow self and finding safe ways to express it is essential, because ignoring it does not make it go away. Trying to push challenging emotions such as anger, hatred and fear out of awareness leaves them free to create havoc in the unconscious mind. This is how sudden outbursts of exasperation, temper, violence and panic can seem to strike “out of the blue”.

The Psalms

The Psalms offer a healthy example of honouring the shadow by expressing it honestly in prayer, alongside more positive aspects of the self. The writer of Psalm Three, for example, begins by praising God for helping them in the face of their enemies’ threats. The tone remains positive until verse seven, when it changes dramatically, as the author gives vent to the pent-up fear, anger and vengefulness concealed in their shadow:

“Arise, O LORD! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!” (Psalm 3:7; NLT).

Once these negative impulses have been fully voiced, the writer is able to finish on a more positive note:

“Victory comes from you, O LORD. May you bless your people” (Psalm 3:8; NLT).

If the writer had sanitised this psalm by omitting the thoughts and emotions hidden in their shadow, it would have been incomplete. This would have made it far less helpful to both themself and their future readers.

Conclusion

The raw, spontaneous truths hidden in our shadow are vital aspects of the self, treasures without which we cannot be complete. To reject them means being out of contact with essential aspects of ourselves.

Learning to integrate the contents of our shadow with our more positive thoughts and emotions is therefore vital for authentic spiritual growth and healing. As Johnson states: “These disowned parts are extremely valuable and cannot be disregarded… To honour and accept one’s shadow is a profound spiritual discipline. It is whole-making and thus holy and the most important experience of a lifetime” (Johnson; ibid, pp ix-x).

So now, after that long introduction, here is today’s prayer:

You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).

Lord,

Thank you for my shadow –
May I face it,
Acknowledging its role
In all I do.

Thank you for my shadow –
May I own it,
So I can choose
To share it all with you.

Thank you for my shadow –
May I love it,
For you desire my honesty,
I know.

Thank you for my shadow –
I embrace it.
Lord, may these secret riches
Help me grow.

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

21.11.22: Lifeline prayers

November 21, 2022November 21, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Despite coughing and sweating my way through the night with covid, when I woke next day and began to pray, I received some insistent words almost immediately. The four brief, lifeline prayers included in this blog seem to be virtually all I need now, given my new highly isolated and simplified lifestyle:

“Why so dispirited?” I ask myself. “Why so churned up inside? Hope in God!” I know I’ll praise God once again, for you are my Deliverance; you are my God (Psalm 43:5; TIB).

When I feel alone and blue,
With dismal thoughts I can’t subdue,
This is what I say:
I love you, Jesus.

When I feel ashamed and sad,
Full knowing I’ve done something bad,
This is what I pray:
Forgive me, Jesus.

When I feel ignored and hurt,
Self-pity turned to high alert,
This is what I sigh:
Forgive them, Jesus.

When you give, and when you take,
No matter how my heart may break,
This is what I whisper:
Thank you, Jesus.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

References

I love you, LORD, my strength (Psalm 18:1; CSB).

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

Rosary news

Yesterday afternoon I made a blue and white rosary, but the final stage (the attachment of the crucifix), failed QC. However, one of the best things about learning to make rosaries is the joy of taking them apart so I can re-use the beads for my next attempt.

11.11.22: Thank you, Jesus (with thanks to E.S.)

November 11, 2022November 12, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Early yesterday morning, during silent contemplation, some words started to thrust themselves upon me. I tried ignoring them, hoping they would drift away. However, they became more and more insistent, until eventually I had to write them down.

Their source was a story told during a zoom session I had attended a few days earlier. The meeting was part of a two-year process of spiritual formation and discernment which I recently joined. The speaker described her dear friend’s practice of responding immediately to events she saw as negative by saying, “Thank you, Jesus.”

This approach to life’s many trials and sorrows certainly beats other reactions, such as impatience, anger, swearing, stress, blaming others and self-pity. Accordingly, I have now started using this practice myself.

Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

So, as soon as anything happens which I feel to be “negative”, I respond to it immediately by saying, “Thank you, Jesus”. With practice, this approach rapidly starts to become habitual. It’s remarkable how quickly it defuses my negative reactions, turning my mind straight back to God, and getting events into perspective.

An example

A good example of this happened yesterday when I wanted to print a single copy of a prayer from my iPad. The printer is in another room, so I couldn’t see what was happening. After a short time I became aware of a characteristic sound: paper crashing to the floor every few seconds. I hurried to the printer, which was churning out page after page.

My old reaction of instantaneous irritation rose up for a split-second, but then I remembered my new practice, said, “Thank you, Jesus”, spontaneously beginning to laugh as I picked up the paper. All the sting of the event had been removed by those three little words. Then I cut the pages in half and stapled them together to make a little notebook, bringing good from bad.

Opportunities for practicing

Here are a few general examples of opportunities to introduce this practice, but I’m sure you can quickly think of many more:

Trivial irritations and frustrations
Minor misunderstandings and disappointments
Spilling, dropping, or breaking something
Making a mistake, getting something wrong
Accidents and falls
Events not working out as I had hoped
Someone hurts me
Failing at something
Delays, postponements and cancellations
Sickness, pain and disability
Undergoing medical treatment
Receiving bad news
Losing the capacity to do something I used to manage, or enjoy
Losing someone I love, or someone I rely on
Feeling depressed, anxious, afraid, or panic-stricken

Three precious words

To these, and more, as they occur, I will now respond as quickly as possible with those three, precious, deceptively simple words: “Thank you, Jesus”. What a difference they make! Why not try it for yourself?

Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! (Romans 7:25; CSB).

References

The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD (Psalm 116:17; NIV).

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33; NLT).

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you (Isaiah 30:20; NLT).

I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT).

Patient endurance is what you need now (Hebrews 10:36; NLT).

Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realise that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NLT).

The LORD your God is testing you to see if you truly love him with all your heart and soul (Deuteronomy 13:3; NLT).

Rosary news:

I’ve run out of cord, but more is on order, so will hopefully arrive soon. Meanwhile, today I put all my kit into an organiser box, rather than having it loosely mixed up together in a tray: