26.3.23: My mind is still

https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?search=Heaven+&title=Special:MediaSearch&go=Go&type=image

These verses came to me earlier this week when I was praying without words. I wanted so much to ignore them and keep on drawing nearer to God, but they were so insistent that I had to open my eyes and write down what I was being given:

Today you will be with me in paradise (Luke 23:43; NLT). 

Father,
While my mind is still,
Please let me rise
To you, in heaven.

Jesus,
While my eyes are closed,
Please let me see
Your shining face.

Spirit,
While my heart is hushed,
Please let me hear
Your wordless sighing.

Threefold God,
Though I am dust,
Please let me share
Your peace and grace.

May God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior give you grace and peace (Titus 1:4; NLT).


References 

His face shone like the sun (Matthew 17:2; NLT). 

The Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words (Romans 8:26; RSV). 

I have ventured to speak to the Lord, although I am only dust and ashes (Genesis 18:27; NASB20).

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1; NLT). 

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9; KJV).


The Rosary Hospital

Yesterday I enjoyed improving two of my own rosaries, which have been awaiting my attention for the last few weeks. I feel much happier about them now.

30.1.23: Whatever God sends

A few days ago I received my first ever personal glimpse into the concept of “vocation” (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-djN). You may, with complete justification, think me very ignorant about this. Anyway, yesterday, I was given a little more understanding.

I saw that there are many kinds of vocation, and that each is a gift from God to a particular individual. We can ignore, resent, resist, reject, or fight against our vocation. Alternatively, we can freely choose to accept and embrace it with joy, whatever it may be.

This made me wonder whether writing, running my website and being chronically ill have come together to form my vocation – a question which has never crossed my mind before. Then today’s blog began to flow, though it was extremely difficult to put into words. My apologies for the masculine pronouns; I just couldn’t make it work without them.

God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).

Receive whatever God sends
With grace,
Whether it’s good or ill,
For the Lord brings blessings
From everything,
When we accept his will.

Embrace whatever God gives
With thanks,
Whether it’s bad or good,
For the Lord brings blessings
From everything,
Through his Son’s precious blood.

Give back whatever God takes
With love,
No matter how great the pain,
For the Lord brings blessings
From everything,
And he will restore us again.

You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again (Psalm 71:20; NLT).


References 

I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT).

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God, and never anything bad? (Job 2:10; NLT).

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other (Ecclesiastes 7:14; NIV).

I create the light and make the darkness. I send good times and bad times. I, the Lord, am the one who does these things (Isaiah 45:7; NLT).

God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood (Romans 3:23-5; NLT).

Everything we have has come from you, and we give you only what you first gave us (1 Chronicles 29:14; NLT).

Accept whatever he gives, and give whatever he takes with a big smile (Saint Mother Theresa).

The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. May the name of the LORD be blessed! (Job 1:21; NET).

Walk in a manner worthy of the vocation to which you have been called: with all humility and meekness, with patience, supporting one another in charity (Ephesians 4:1-2; CPDV).


The Rosary Hospital 

Yesterday I was able to continue making my first rosary in the new way – by beginning in the middle of the circle. Hopefully I will finish it tomorrow:

10.1.23: Heaven

As soon as I started to pray last Monday, fresh prayers began to arrive. It was all I could do to keep up with them, and at one point, to my horror, I thought I had accidentally erased a whole piece. Fortunately, I managed to find it in the end. Here is one of the prayers I received that day:

Whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord (Romans 14:8; NLT). 

Heaven
Is being one with God –
From genesis
Before our birth,
Through trials and sorrows
Here on earth;
In loss and gain,
In joy and pain –
Forever one
In love.

Heaven
Is being one with God –
Let’s offer thanks,
Rejoice and pray,
And follow Jesus
Every day.
Let’s seek his face,
And share his grace –
Forever one
In God.

Heaven
Is being one with God –
Let’s praise his name
With every breath,
And walk with him
In life and death.
Then, safe ashore,
We will adore –
Forever one
With God.

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them (1 John 4:16; NLT).

10.12.22: In darkness

Context: When I was feeling really ill with Covid, I could barely pray, and wrote nothing. It seemed as if all possibility of having any quality of life had come to an end. I wanted to die, but as the days passed, I faced the fact that I have to stay here a while longer – exactly as long as God wants.

As I started to improve, inspiration began to flow again. I prayed that all the sick and suffering in this troubled world would be blessed with patient endurance, and that we would all be welcomed home when our time comes. Out of this prayer came the spark of inspiration, resulting in today’s blog:

If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God (Isaiah 50:10; NLT). 

I walk in darkness,
Sense your grace,
And know that you
Are in this place.

I follow you,
And glimpse your light:
Soon, Jesus,
We will reunite. 

I see your face:
Bone of my bone,
And hear you saying:
Welcome home. 

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7; NIV).


References 

Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh (Genesis 2:23; NKJV).

Surely you are my bone and my flesh (Genesis 29:14; NKJV).

I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.” So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:18-20; NLT). 

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 Corinthians 13:12; NIV). 

23.11.22: Covid

Context: I have very long experience of living with chronic illness and fatigue, but it’s interesting to observe how wearing it is to have Covid on top of this. Although I tested negative for the first time last Sunday, my symptoms continue, and the virus certainly isn’t giving up its grip yet.

I’m vividly aware that all around the world hundreds of thousands have died of their infection, whilst countless others are suffering, or have been left disabled. My only coping technique is to say, “Yes”, to God at every moment, and to keep on whispering, “Thank you, Jesus.”

It’s impossible to predict the outcome of this illness for each individual, including me, so all I can do is to put my trust God, who brings good from everything, no matter what happens:

I love you, LORD; you are my strength (Psalm 18:1; NLT). 

I love you
As I wake again
To yet another
Day of pain.
Don’t leave me here
To live in vain,
I pray.

I love you,
And I seek your face.
I long to know
Your warm embrace,
Receive your kiss,
And share your grace –
One day.

I love you,
And I choose your will,
With thanks
For every good and ill.
Lord, help me, please,
For you are still
My Way.

Jesus told him, “I am the way” (John 14:6; NLT).


References 

Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless (Philippians 2:16; NLT). 

The LORD will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me (Psalm 138:8; NLT).

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek (Psalm 27:8; NIV). 

May God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior give you grace and peace (Titus 1:4; NLT). 

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16; NIV). 

All of you share in God’s grace with me (Philippians 1:7; NIV). 

I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT). 

I create the light and make the darkness. I send good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things (Isaiah 45:7; NLT). 

When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn (Psalm 142:3; NLT). 

Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left (Isaiah 30:21; NLT). 

2.11.22: All Souls’ Day

Context: This little prayer came to me on 28.10.22, well before I consciously registered that All Souls’ Day was fast approaching. I had to smile at God’s advance planning! It forms a pair with yesterday’s blog (https://wp.me/p45bCr-cIe).

The Messiah also died once for the sake of our sins, the Righteous One in the place of sinners, to bring you to God, and he died in body and lived in his Spirit. And he preached to those souls who were held in Sheol, those who from the first were not convinced (1 Peter 3; 18-19; PHBT).

Lord,

Heal the souls
Of all the dead –

Don’t punish them:
Forgive, I beg.

Lord, surely
They have cried

Enough? Your arms
Are open wide,

For you, alone,
Are love and grace:

Please welcome all
With your embrace.

I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.” So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:18-20; NLT). 

References

The Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost (Luke 19:10; NLT).

God wants everyone to be saved and to know the whole truth (1 Timothy 2:4; CEV).

Then I called on the name of Yahweh: “Yahweh, I beg you, deliver my soul” (Psalm 116:4; WEB).

God is love (1 John 4:16; NLT).

By God’s grace, Jesus tasted death for everyone (Hebrews 2:9; NLT).


First reading: Psalm 16:7-11; NLT

I will bless the LORD who guides me;
Even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the LORD is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
My body rests in safety.
For you will not leave my soul among the dead
Or allow your holy one to rot in the grave.
You will show me the way of life,
Granting me the joy of your presence
And the pleasures of living with you forever.

Second reading: Psalm 103:1-4; NLT

Let all that I am praise the LORD;
With my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Let all that I am praise the LORD;
May I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death,

And crowns me with love and tender mercies.


Rosary-making update:

9.10.22: Let it be

Context: As my energy dwindles, I’m becoming less able to receive and write new material every day. This means I sometimes have to use a piece I wrote a while ago.

I always try to choose the most appropriate, and to bring it up to date as best I can. However, it’s hard not to feel a sense of letting you all down when I do so.

Early yesterday morning, while I was praying, I realised that it’s not a personal failure when I don’t receive and write something new. In fact such days can be extremely helpful, because they give me time to process and absorb what God has already shown me. It can also be a relief to rest more that day, without the pressure of having to express something new in words.

Later on, whilst saying grace over my breakfast, I found myself ending my prayer with these words: “Let it be unto me according to thy will.”

When I looked this phrase up, I discovered that it is not a direct quote from any of the Bibles I use, though this had been my working assumption. Instead, it draws on four separate verses:

  • Mary’s response to the angel at the Annunciation: “Be it unto me according to thy word” (Luke 1:38; KJV).
  • The sentence given to us by Christ when he taught us how to pray: “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10; RSV).
  • Jesus’ prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, as he fully faced the inevitability of the cross: “I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:39; NLT).
  • Simeon’s prayer when he took Jesus in his arms at the presentation in the temple: “Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word” (Luke 2:29; KJV).

I plan to incorporate the first three of these verses into my prayers every day, and to use Simeon’s dedication as I’m dying. But may my last words be Christ’s final cry on the cross: “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit” (Luke 23:46; KJV).


Reading: Luke 2:21-32; NLT

Eight days later, when the baby was circumcised, he was named Jesus, the name given him by the angel even before he was conceived.

Then it was time for their purification offering, as required by the law of Moses after the birth of a child; so his parents took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord.

The law of the Lord says, “If a woman’s first child is a boy, he must be dedicated to the Lord.” So they offered the sacrifice required in the law of the Lord – “either a pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons.”

At that time there was a man in Jerusalem named Simeon. He was righteous and devout and was eagerly waiting for the Messiah to come and rescue Israel. The Holy Spirit was upon him and had revealed to him that he would not die until he had seen the Lord’s Messiah.

That day the Spirit led him to the Temple. So when Mary and Joseph came to present the baby Jesus to the Lord as the law required, Simeon was there. He took the child in his arms and praised God, saying, “Sovereign Lord, now let your servant die in peace, as you have promised. I have seen your salvation, which you have prepared for all people. He is a light to reveal God to the nations, and he is the glory of your people Israel!”

My inner wolf

Context: Following the recent blog about my shadow-self (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-bXF), this related, rather strange, exploratory and deeply metaphorical prayer surfaced yesterday, soon after I woke up. It was very hard to write!

It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within.
(Mark 7:20-3; NLT). 

A wolf from the desert will pounce on them (Jeremiah 5:6; NLT). 

I’m sensing my inner wolf,
Hearing it howl,
Glimpsing my shadow-self,
Watching it prowl;

Dreading my temper, Lord,
Hiding my fear,
Loathing my shameful greed:
Always so near.

Yet, in my heart, Lord,
I’m seeing your face,
Asking forgiveness
And seeking your grace.

Mingle my shadow-self
With your pure light,
For I face temptation
All day, and all night.

You are my Shepherd,
My staff and my rod;
You are my All-In-All:
Jesus, my God.

You are my chosen way:
Though I still sin,
You are eternal life –
Jesus, within.

We live in fellowship with the true God because we live in fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life.
(1 John 5:20; NLT). 


Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.
(Colossians 3:11; NLT).

A journey

Context: Yesterday, as soon as I woke up, I was taken on a journey around and beyond the world. There was no time to pray. Whilst it was happening, I was able to write down what I saw and understood, which has never happened to me before. I had no sense of time passing or of movement, and no awareness of my body or its surroundings.

The experience ended as soon as I had written down the last few words. I don’t know how long it lasted – perhaps an hour or two. Then I became aware of my body, and was very surprised to find myself in bed in my holiday flat, feeling truly awed and astonished by all I had seen. I might easily have thought I had simply been dreaming, except for all I had written down during my journey. Here is the essence of what I wrote:

I am God, and not a man –
the Holy One among you 
(Hosea 11:9; NIV). 

1. God is neither male nor female,
Black nor white, not straight or gay,

2. Not Orthodox, or Catholic,
Or Protestant: God is The Way.

3. God is not Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Muslim,
Buddhist, Jain, or Sikh,

4. Nor any other great world faith,
For God is light, and love, and peace.

5. God is Spirit, here, within us all –
The grace that sets us free.

6. God’s truth, consuming fire, and strength
Are pearls beyond all price, to me.

The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant’s search for fine pearls. When one pearl of great value was found, the merchant went back and sold everything else and bought it (Matthew 13:45-6; TIB).


References 

1. Humankind was created as God’s reflection: in the divine image God created them; female and male, God made them (Genesis 1:27; TIB).

2. Keep in mind that God’s greatness exceeds our knowledge; God’s vastness is a mystery (Job 36:26; TIB). 

I am the way (John 14:6; NIV).

God’s way is perfect (2 Samuel 22:31; NLT).

God is love (1 John 4:8; NLT).

Follow the way of love (1 Corinthians 14:1; NIV). 

3. God is greater than we can understand (Job 36:26; NLT). 

4. God is light (1 John 1:5; NLT).

The Lord is peace (Judges 6:24; NLT). 

5. God is Spirit (John 4:24; NLT). 

We are the temple of the living God (2 Corinthians 6:16; NLT).

When we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin (Romans 6:7; NLT).

God’s grace has set us free from the law (Romans 6:15; NLT).

6. The Spirit is truth (1 John 5:6; NKJV).

God is a consuming fire (Deuteronomy 4:24; NIV).

The Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength (Isaiah 26:4; KJV).

I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me – the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace (Acts 20:24; NIV). 

To Yahweh

God is greater than we can understand (Job 36:26; NLT). 

Whatever I understand of you
Must grow,
Yet, always, I remain
Safe in your hand.

Wise father? Loving mother?
You just smile
And wait for me to learn.
You don’t berate,

For you are Yahweh:
God, so full of grace
That one day even I
Will see your face.

Then, though I’ve been so slow,
My love, so small,
You will reveal YourSelf
As All in all.

God will be all in all (1 Corinthians 15:28; TIV).


References

What you have done is put aside your old self with its past deeds and put on a new self, one that grows in knowledge as it is formed anew in the image of its Creator. And in that image, there is no Greek or Hebrew; no Jew or Gentile; no barbarian or Scythian; no slave or citizen. There is only Christ, who is all in all (Colossians 11:9-11; TIV). 

Now, see for yourself that I am that God! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life; I wound and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand (Deuteronomy 32:39; TIV).

Humankind was created as God’s reflection: in the divine image God created them; female and male, God made them (Genesis 1:27; TIV).

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28; NKJV).

Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all people will see it together (Isaiah 40:5; NLT).