confess – Seeking God's face together

30.4.23: Honest prayer #3

April 30, 2023April 30, 2023Ruth Kirk

Today’s article is the last in a series of three. It draws together what I have learned so far about honest prayer, including praying about the issues hidden in my shadow-self. If you would like to check out the previous two parts, here is the link to Part 1: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXu, and for Part 2: https://wp.me/p45bCr-dXD.

Then the Lord said to him, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39; NLT).

Following Biblical teaching on prayer, I want to:

Pray about everything (Philippians 4:6; NLT).
Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17; NIV).
Pray simply (Matthew 6:7-13; NLT).
Pray truthfully (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

And these are the things I don’t want to do:

Pray about what I think I should pray about.
Say what I think God wants to hear.
Ask for what I think I should ask for.
Hide whatever is happening in my shadow-self.

My way forward in prayer is to:

Be completely honest, straightforward and direct with God.
Confess my sins as soon as I’m aware of them, say sorry to God, then to the person concerned, and work towards reconciliation, if possible.
Tell God about everything in my shadow-self, especially the issues I would rather hide, ignore, or deny.

Jesus shared everything with God, so I can do the same. For example, I can:

Ask questions, express doubts, and weep.
Tell God about my self-pity, shame and regrets.
Express my frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anguish, grief, dread and despair.

Conclusions

I don’t want to “sanitise” my prayers by concealing my shadow-self. Neither will I say anything which is untrue. For example, I don’t recite prayers about being joyful or loving when these things are not genuinely present in my emotions and behaviour.

Rather, I want to speak the truth in prayer with complete honesty and openness at all times. Nothing I say will ever surprise or shock God, who knows everything about me long before I begin to speak. In fact, he is waiting for me to come to him and to confide in him, just as Jesus confided in him during his time on earth.

The LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion (Isaiah 30:18; NLT).

Additional references

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).

He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).

I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives (Jeremiah 17:10; ESV).

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).

The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

Confide in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him: God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8; DBY).

As for me, I will confide in thee (Psalm 55:23; DBY).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

I took a few days off from making rosaries, following the completion of my largest project so far, and because my anxiety and depression are high. Today’s Fiat rosary is the first of a new order.

22.4.23: When I wake

April 22, 2023Ruth Kirk

Today I’m exhausted, so I’ve chosen a prayer written in happier and more peaceful times to share with you:

When I wake up, you are still with me! (Psalm 139:18; NLT).

When I wake, Lord: adoration:
I’m so glad that you are near.
Later on, Lord: intercession,
Knowing that you always hear.

All day long, Lord, is confession:
Sharing every sin with you,
And receiving your forgiveness
For each wrong I think, say, do.

In the evening, Lord, we rest
Together, as I hold your cross.
Then I sleep within your hands:
No sense of pain, or fear, or loss.

Thus, we live, Lord, in communion:
I, a sinner; you, God’s Son,
Delighting in our friendship, Lord,
And sharing everything as one.

No matter what each day may bring,
I know that you, Lord, will be there,
Because we live in unity, through faith,
Hope, love and constant prayer.

Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13; NLT).

Pray constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17; TIV).

15.4.23: Conscience

April 15, 2023April 19, 2023Ruth Kirk

Over the last few weeks, since a dream reminded me of something wrong I did many years ago, I’ve been living with a constant sense of dread. Even confessing to the person concerned, and being forgiven by them has made no difference. Once my childhood dread has been re-triggered, it’s not under my conscious control, and seems impossible to shift. However, I’ve now begun working on this with my trauma therapist, and am hoping I can improve again.

Meanwhile, many of the prayers I’m given continue to explore the issues of sin, conscience, guilt, confession, shame, forgiveness and reconciliation.

I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people (Acts 24:16; NLT).

I close my eyes, Lord,
Face my conscience,
And confess my sins
To you,

Asking you, Lord,
To forgive
The wrongs I think,
And say, and do.

Then I go
To those I’ve hurt,
Apologise
For what I’ve done,

And beg them, Lord,
To grant me pardon,
For the sake
Of your dear Son.

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).

References

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-4; NLT).

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:22; NIV).

8.4.23: I can’t be whole (for J.)

April 8, 2023Ruth Kirk

LongShadows. Self-portrait of photographer with friend. Lackland AFB, San Antonio, Texas (November 2006). Photo by Peter Rimar; Wikimedia.

Today’s verses came to me yesterday morning as I lay in silent prayer shortly after waking up. They arrived with an involuntary groan, and struck me to the heart.

I can’t be whole without my shadow, Lord,
Without the parts I bury and deny.
For you know all about me, good and bad:
The sins I haven’t faced, which underlie

The guilt and shame tormenting me within,
My sharp regrets, my cowardice and dread
Of being honest, Lord, with those I’ve hurt.
Please help me to confess at last, instead.

Accepting all the anger I deserve,
I’ll say I’m sorry, ceasing to defend
Myself against the truth of every wrong,
And then my shadow will become my friend.

With you, I’ll face the darkness in my soul;
My conscience will be healed, then I’ll be whole.

He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole (Job 5:18; NKJV).

References

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely (Psalm 139:4; NIV).

I know every thought that comes into your minds (Ezekiel 11:5; NLT).

He knows the secrets of every heart (Psalm 44:21; NLT).

The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive (Proverbs 20:27; NLT).

You desire honesty from the womb (Psalm 51:6; NLT).

Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).

The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith (1 Timothy 1:5; NLT).

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; KJV).

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear (1 Timothy 1:19; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

Yesterday evening I enjoyed making a long, chunky Fiat rosary, suitable for someone with sensory issues of sight or touch. Fiat rosaries don’t usually have a centrepiece, and in making this one, I discovered a way of managing without, which was new for me. I particularly like the heavy cross, which came as part of a donation of used and broken rosaries. My warm thanks to its generous donor.

30.12.22: Catch me out

December 30, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Waking with a migraine yesterday morning, I sleepily started saying the Lord’s Prayer. But when I got to “Forgive us our trespasses”, today’s prayer arrived with a bang. I knew I had to write it down immediately, though I always worry because this means breaking off my prayer. Of course, I tell myself that listening and writing are just another way of praying, but I’ve never fully resolved this inner conflict.

Anyway, the background to this prayer is that I lived with constant anxiety as a child (and even as an adult). I knew that everything I did was being watched, and would be roundly and angrily condemned if it was not to my mother’s liking. It’s still very hard for me to grasp that God is nothing like my mother.

The LORD passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The LORD! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6; NLT).

You don’t wait to catch me out
In sin –
You’re rooting for me daily, Lord,
Within.

You don’t wait with rage
Till I confess –
You wait till I repent, Lord,
Then you bless.

You don’t wait
To punish my mistakes –
You wait to heal me,
When my poor heart breaks,

Because you love me, Lord,
And sent your Son –
To help me grow like you,
For we are one.

The person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17; NLT).

References

God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple (1 Corinthians 3:17; NLT).

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16; NLT).

Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him (Colossians 3:10; NLT).

Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy (Ephesians 4:24; NLT).

The Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (2 Corinthians 3:18; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital

Below is a photo of a five-decade rosary I made on Wednesday. Very daringly, it left home yesterday without glue. I’m deeply hoping it will stay together properly. If not, at least I’ll be able to remake it for the recipient.

Golden light

August 10, 2022August 15, 2022Ruth Kirk

Context: Yesterday I woke early and began to pray, expecting nothing. Then I saw this prayer happening:

1. Golden light!
A splendid sight:
One and all
Are walking tall.

2. God is here:
There’s no more fear,
And no more pain:
Now, Christ will reign.

3. No more jeers,
And no more tears.
No more wars,
For peace outpours

4. In heaven on earth,
And heaven above,
As all confess
That God is love.

God is love (1 John 4:8; NIV).

References

1. No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the LORD your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory (Isaiah 60:19; NLT).

The city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of day because there is no night there. And all the nations will bring their glory and honor into the city (Revelation 21:23-26; NLT).

This, then, is the message we heard from Jesus and declare to you: God is light, and in God there is no darkness at all (1 John 1:5; TIB).

From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth (Psalm 50:2; NIV).

I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high (Leviticus 26:13; NIV).

2. When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven” (Genesis 28:16-17; NIV).

Then the seventh angel blew his trumpet, and there were loud voices shouting in heaven: The world has now become the Kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he will reign forever and ever (Revelation 11:15; NLT).

Jesus Christ reigns supreme! (Philippians 2:11; TIB).

3. Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated – the world was not worthy of them (Hebrews 11:36-8; NIV).

I heard a loud voice calling from the throne, “Look! God’s Tabernacle is among humankind! God will live with them; they will be God’s people, and God will be fully present among them. The Most High will wipe away every tear from their eyes. And death, mourning, crying and pain will be no more, for the old order has fallen. The One who sat on the throne said, “Look! I’m making everything new!” and added, “Write this, for what I am saying is trustworthy and true” (Revelation 21:3-5; TIB).

The LORD will mediate between nations and will settle international disputes. They will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will no longer fight against nation, nor train for war anymore (Isaiah 2:4; NLT).

4. You won’t be able to say, ‘Here it is!’ or ‘It’s over there!’ For the Kingdom of God is already among you (Luke 17:21; NLT).

Then I saw new heavens and a new earth. The former heavens and the former earth had passed away, and the sea existed no longer. I also saw a new Jerusalem, the holy city, coming down out of heaven from God, beautiful as a bride and groom on their wedding day (Revelation 21:1-2; TIB).

At the name of Jesus every knee will bow - in heaven and on earth and under the earth - and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:10-11; CSB).

Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them (1 John 4:16; NIV).

World-wide justice

April 3, 2022April 8, 2022Ruth Kirk

Don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil.
(1 Peter 2:16; NLT).

Let true justice prevail (Deuteronomy 16:20; NLT).

1. We pray for world-wide justice, Lord:
For shame about the lies we’ve spun;
For confession, and contrition
As we weep for what we’ve done.

2. We pray for widespread mercy, Lord:
For sorrow that we’ve used brute force;
For repentance, and forgiveness
As we face our deep remorse.

3. We pray for global fairness, Lord:
For readiness to love our foe;
For penance, and for reparation
As we pay back all we owe.

4. We pray for perfect wisdom, Lord:
For faith and hope; an end to war;
For reconciliation, truth
And peace on earth, for evermore.

The Lord will mediate between nations and will settle international disputes. They will hammer their swords into ploughshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will no longer fight against nation, nor train for war any more (Isaiah 2:4; NLT).

You have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Every warrior’s boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end (Isaiah 9:4-7; NIV).