Category: alone

6.7.23: You watch

Ruth Kirk
Falco: Pixabay.

This prayer began with a single verse last Tuesday morning, but by end of the day it had grown to four!

Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the LORD our maker, for he is our God. We are the people he watches over, the flock under his care.
(Psalm 95:6-7; NLT). 

1. You watch our rise, Lord,
And our fall;
You lift us up,
And love us all.

2. You know each triumph, gain,
And loss;
You grieve, and help us
Bear our cross.

3. You send our good times,
And our bad;
You comfort us
When we are sad.

4. You share our laughter,
Sickness, tears –
And guide our steps
Through all the years.

You guide me.
(Psalm 73:24; NLT).

References 

Verse 1: They may rise high, but they have no assurance of life (Job 24:22; NLT). 

What is the price of two sparrows – one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it (Matthew 10:29; NLT). 

In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years (Isaiah 63:9; NLT). 

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 117:2; NLT). 

Verse 2:  Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19; NIV). 

Verse 3: I create the light and make the darkness. I send good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things (Isaiah 45:7; NLT).

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us (2 Corinthians 1:4; NLT). 

Verse 4: In all their suffering he also suffered (Isaiah 63:9; NLT).

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NLT).

Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23:6; NIV).

17.5.23: Worship

Ruth Kirk
Image by Joe from Pixabay.

Today’s prayer arrived yesterday, shortly after I woke up:

Be silent before the LORD, all humanity (Zechariah 2:13; NLT). 

I worship you in silence, Lord,
In stillness, and in darkness,
All alone;

Astonished by your majesty,
Your changelessness, your power,
All unknown;

And yet you are so gentle, Lord,
Your love so warm and bright,
So pure and sweet,

And so I dare to worship you,
Repeat your name, rejoice,
And kiss your feet.

A woman in the town who was a sinner found out that Jesus was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house. She brought an alabaster jar of perfume and stood behind him at his feet, weeping, and began to wash his feet with her tears. She wiped his feet with her hair, kissing them and anointing them with the perfume (Luke 7:37-8; CSB).

References 

Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? (Romans 11:33; NLT).

We cannot imagine the power of the Almighty (Job 37:23; NLT).

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle (Isaiah 42:3; NLT).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

21.3.23: In silence

Ruth Kirk
Jozef Israëls – Mijmering (meditation) of ook Ophelia – DM-975-508 – Dordrechts Museum.jpg

Yesterday morning, as I began to pray without words after saying the Lord’s Prayer, today’s blog arrived. I didn’t try to resist, or make it wait, or push it away, though I wanted so much to continue listening, and go deeper:

The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words (Romans 8:26; RSV). 

In silence, Lord, I listen
To your Spirit’s prayers
Within me.

In stillness, Lord, I sense you
In my body, heart,
And mind.

Though I’m alone,
I share your sighs,
Your wordless intercessions.

In my darkness, Lord,
Please give me sight,
For I am blind.

In my darkness you are all –
I seek you, Lord,
And find.

Seek and you will find (Luke 11:9; NIV).

References 

The Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26; AMP). 

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? (1 Corinthians 6:19; NLT). 

Pray in the Holy Spirit (Jude 1:20; RSV). 

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion (Ephesians 6:18; NLT). 

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy (Isaiah 35:5-6; NIV). 

28.2.23: A dream

Ruth Kirk

This what I dreamed today, early in the morning:

I was stressed, anxious, exhausted and alone. It was getting dark, and I was running out of energy in a big city, where I couldn’t find my hotel. The friend I had been with earlier had left me. 

Then I stumbled across an Orthodox service taking place in a large, crypt-like cave which was half underground. I glimpsed many priests inside, standing in rows, wearing beautiful robes.

There were a few casual onlookers outside the crypt. Close by was a long, high wall with a large, stone bas-relief of an icon. I walked past the icon, not immediately realising what it was, but as soon as it registered in my mind, I stepped back a pace or two, and stood in front of it. There, I made the sign of the cross in the Orthodox manner, just as I do when awake.

Then I woke very suddenly, experiencing a moment of pure joy, because I had been a Christian in my dream, just as I have so often asked in prayer (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dov). Next, I quickly noted down everything that had happened, before it began to fade.

When this was done, I started to pray, giving all the experiences and emotions of my dream to God. However, in a flash, I realised that I wasn’t just giving them to God, who already knew all about them, and had sent them. Rather, I was sharing them with God.

Then I grasped that my dream had given me an opportunity to share through first-hand experience just a little of what Jesus experienced and felt at different times during his life on earth. This left me stunned, and, as so often, wondering what might come next.

21.2.23: A direct connection

Ruth Kirk

There is a God in heaven who reveals secrets (Daniel 2:28; NLT). 

A dream

A few days ago, I dreamed I was lost in a city I had never visited before, and where I knew no-one at all. It was dark, and after trying, unsuccessfully, to use a river as an escape route I was wet and cold. I was also afraid, overwhelmed, alone and desperate, very close to panicking.

Revelation

Despite my waking sense of calm acceptance, this dream revealed the emotions present in my unconscious mind after receiving a new diagnosis of Autonomic Dysfunction, accompanied by a very slow heart rate. I was given this diagnosis last Tuesday, and the dream came during the following night.

As soon as I began to pray next morning, I saw that although the overt scenario of my dream bore no resemblance to what is currently happening in my life, the emotions it generated were highly relevant. When awake, I wasn’t feeling these emotions at all. However, during my dream, I experienced them to the full. After jotting them down during the night, and reading them next morning, I could see how closely they related to current events in my life.

Dreams: symbols of past and present realities

Then I saw and understood more generally how the events in my dreams symbolise, reflect and explore what is happening in my life. Until having the dream described above, I had always thought that my dreams revealed buried emotions belonging to past events and traumas, and of course this may still be the case with some dreams. However, last Wednesday God showed me that my dreams also reveal current hidden or suppressed emotions – emotions I don’t experience when awake.

A direct connection to the unconscious mind

This came as a complete surprise. I now see that my dreams offer a much more direct connection to my unconscious mind than I had previously realised. This link is a pearl beyond price to me, so  I’ll be reflecting on it in the days to come, and looking forward to learning more.

God speaks again and again, though people do not recognise it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds (Job 33:14-15; NLT).

Reference

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

21.11.22: Lifeline prayers

Ruth Kirk

Context: Despite coughing and sweating my way through the night with covid, when I woke next day and began to pray, I received some insistent words almost immediately. The four brief, lifeline prayers included in this blog seem to be virtually all I need now, given my new highly isolated and simplified lifestyle:

“Why so dispirited?” I ask myself. “Why so churned up inside? Hope in God!” I know I’ll praise God once again, for you are my Deliverance; you are my God (Psalm 43:5; TIB).

When I feel alone and blue,
With dismal thoughts I can’t subdue,
This is what I say:
I love you, Jesus. 

When I feel ashamed and sad,
Full knowing I’ve done something bad,
This is what I pray:
Forgive me, Jesus.  

When I feel ignored and hurt,
Self-pity turned to high alert,
This is what I sigh:
Forgive them, Jesus. 

When you give, and when you take,
No matter how my heart may break,
This is what I whisper:
Thank you, Jesus. 

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18; NIV).

References 

I love you, LORD, my strength (Psalm 18:1; CSB). 

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21; CSB).

Rosary news

Yesterday afternoon I made a blue and white rosary, but the final stage (the attachment of the crucifix), failed QC. However, one of the best things about learning to make rosaries is the joy of taking them apart so I can re-use the beads for my next attempt.

The devil

Ruth Kirk

Introduction

We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; NIV).

On Monday morning, a friend asked me how I understand Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness, which prompted me to re-read Luke’s familiar story:

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan River. He was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where he was tempted by the devil for forty days (Luke 4:1; NLT). 

During this time, Jesus had to wrestle against the temptations caused by his desperate physical hunger (vv2-4), his desire for earthly power (vv5-8), and his longing to test out his trust in God (vv9-12). 

Discussion

Many people have written extensively about what Jesus experienced in the wilderness, but I would like to focus briefly on the mysterious, alarming figure who tempted him.

An immediate problem is raised by the Greek word “diabolou”, which is often translated as “the devil”. However, this word is actually an adjective, rather than a name or a noun. It means “prone to slander, slanderous, or accusing falsely” (Strong’s Greek). Thus, “the devil” is clearly not a being of any kind. 

I find this interesting and helpful, as I have never seen the “devil” as a being. Rather, I understand the personification of “accusing falsely” as a way of representing Christ’s inner struggles with the temptations to which all human beings are subject. Welling up spontaneously from the unconscious mind, powerful, disturbing desires and impulses can assail us at any time, especially when we are very vulnerable, as was Jesus in the desert. 

Jesus’ understanding of temptation

Jesus came to understand the inner, psychological process of temptation very well, both from personal experience and through observing others. This how he explained it to a crowd one day: 

It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness…

It is interesting to note that there is no suggestion at all here that people are tempted by any kind of external force or being. Rather, Jesus concludes his teaching by stating firmly that:

…All these vile things come from within (Mark 7:20-23; NLT).

Conclusion

As a human being, though also divine, Jesus was subject to temptations, just like us (Hebrews 4:15; NIV), and how strong they must have been during those challenging days alone in the wilderness. He had just experienced one of the high points of his life: hearing God’s approving voice, and receiving the Holy Spirit at his baptism. Then, immediately afterwards, he felt compelled to spend many days alone in the wilderness, facing extreme heat, cold, hunger, thirst, and the constant threat posed by wild animals.

What a strange, challenging experience this must have been, causing him much deep physical and mental suffering, so it’s not surprising that the Gospel-writers’ accounts faithfully reflect the vivid, hallucinatory quality of Jesus’ desert retreat. Perhaps this is what leads so many translators to personify the powerful reality of his inner temptations, by turning them into an external being they called “the devil”. 

Born again (#2 of 2)

Ruth Kirk

Unless you are born again,
you cannot see the Kingdom of God.
(John 3:3; NLT).

Not for deeds that we had done, but by his steadfast love alone, he saved us through a second birth, renewed us by the Spirit’s work,
and poured him out upon us, too.
(Titus 3:5-6; ISV).

Father,
Being born again
Means starting life afresh,
No longer thinking we’re alone,
But trusting, Lord, in you.

Jesus,
Being born again
Means starting life once more,
No longer lost in self alone,
But serving, Lord, like you.

Spirit,
Being born again
Means starting life anew,
No longer facing death alone,
But walking, Lord, with you.

💚

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.
(Ephesians 4:21-4; NLT).

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
(Psalm 23:4; KJV).