Category: unconscious

31.3.23: A dream of unconditional love

Ruth Kirk

Introduction

For several weeks I have been living with a constant, painful sense of dread, which began after a particularly disturbing dream. Last Wednesday I talked this over with a wise, spiritual woman. All that day, I had a headache, which progressed to a migraine by bedtime, leading to a very disturbed night. Early next morning I had a vivid dream about my father, which is a very rare occurrence for me, as we were never close. I have no memories of him asking me about myself, touching, kissing, or embracing me.

The dream

In the dream, my father and I were standing next to a car in a country park. Within the park there was a sports centre, built on top of a steep hill. He wanted to walk there, whereas I needed to continue in the car, as I wasn’t strong enough to climb the hill. We therefore agreed to split up, meeting again shortly at the centre.

The car took me quickly up the hill, but my father didn’t arrive as expected, and I gradually became more and more concerned about him. Aware that he had already suffered two heart attacks, I feared he might have had a third on the hill, and be lying somewhere needing help, or even dead.

Then, at last, he arrived. We hugged tightly for a long time, sharing a deep, reciprocal closeness. While we were hugging, he kept murmuring in my ear gently, quietly and comfortingly. Although I can’t remember what he said, his words and tone of voice were soothing and reassuring.

In the dream, I knew that my mother was dead, but as the hug continued, I felt for the first time ever that this man was my father and my mother, all at once. It was an entirely novel sensation for me, both physically and emotionally. I also experienced love for him, and because of the way he was holding me I was confident that he loved me, too. During our hug I felt safe, loved, satisfied and complete.

Waking up

After waking up, I realised that my dream had given me a first, brief glimpse of God’s unconditional love. This left me stunned. It’s something I have known about intellectually for a long time, but I haven’t truly experienced it before this dream.

As truly as God is our Father, so truly is God our Mother (Julian of Norwich).

He loves us with unfailing love; the LORD‘s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the LORD! (Psalm 117:2; NLT).

14.3.23: Jesus, Paul and Women

Ruth Kirk

Introduction
For many years, I have been very uncomfortable with some aspects of St. Paul’s teaching on women, but had no idea how to write about this issue.

Then, just as I began to pray a few days ago, I suddenly understood a significant difference between Jesus’ attitude towards women in the Gospels, and that of Saint Paul in his letters.

Jesus: timeless and universal
Jesus’ teaching is timeless, universal and eternal. I can’t think of anything he taught that related solely to the times and the society in which he was living. Nor did he teach different rules for women and for men. Rather, he treated everyone in the same way, whilst not one word of his teaching discriminated between the sexes. This fits with the absolute equality of the first creation story in Genesis:

“God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them” (Genesis 1:27-8; NLT).

Paul: time and context
Much of Paul’s teaching, on the other hand, related specifically to the social customs and context of his times. This is particularly true in relation to his attitudes towards women, and his instructions about how Christian women should behave.

Paul’s letters
In his letters, Paul often addressed particular issues arising in specific churches. This is particularly true of his opinions about the roles and behaviour he expected of women. It is therefore important not to apply his pronouncements to all women generally, everywhere and at all times.

A male perspective
Furthermore, Paul wrote from an essentially male perspective, as is often shown by his choice of words. For example, when addressing the church at Corinth, he wrote:

“Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says” (1 Corinthians 14:34; NKJV; my emphasis). 

The phrase “your women” is particularly significant here. Essentially, perhaps unconsciously, his letter is addressing only the male members of the congregation. This is further emphasised by his next sentence:

“And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church” (ibid, v35). 

I don’t know which “law” Paul was referring to, for Jesus never said, or in any way implied, that women should be silent in religious settings, that they should be submissive towards men, or that it was shameful for them to speak at spiritual gatherings.

A glimpse of equality
Despite these significant differences between the teachings of Jesus and Paul, I don’t reject Paul’s teaching as a whole. This is because at his very best he was sometimes able to rise far above his social context and to grasp the essential truth of human equality. So, despite the quotations discussed above, he was also able to state:

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28; BSB). 

Sadly, he was unable to hold on to this profound truth, or to apply it more generally during his ministry. Perhaps he was simply unable to square his own contradictory beliefs.

A final comparison
For his times, Paul was an amazing, brave, insightful, and often inspired, teacher, but Jesus consistently saw much further and deeper than he ever could. As the gospels repeatedly show, everything Jesus taught applied to women and men equally, as people.

Paul’s teaching, on the other hand, was very different. He accepted the imbalance of power in a highly patriarchal society, where women had very little status, independence, choice, or freedom. He did not challenge this, but, perhaps unconsciously, seemed to take it for granted as the way things had always been, and therefore the way they should continue to be.

Speaking personally
Writing this article has made me appreciate even more just how revolutionary Jesus’ attitudes to women were. I unhesitatingly accept his teaching as applying to me. However, I cannot see Paul’s pronouncements in quite the same way. His letters can be helpful, insightful and even revelatory, but his teaching was deeply rooted in the conventional social context and attitudes of his times, and therefore cannot reasonably be applied to women everywhere, and at all times, as some might claim.

Conclusion
My conclusion is that whilst Paul was often inspired, he wasn’t perfect, and he wasn’t Jesus. For me, this is the essential difference between his teaching, and that of Christ.

21.2.23: A direct connection

Ruth Kirk

There is a God in heaven who reveals secrets (Daniel 2:28; NLT). 

A dream

A few days ago, I dreamed I was lost in a city I had never visited before, and where I knew no-one at all. It was dark, and after trying, unsuccessfully, to use a river as an escape route I was wet and cold. I was also afraid, overwhelmed, alone and desperate, very close to panicking.

Revelation

Despite my waking sense of calm acceptance, this dream revealed the emotions present in my unconscious mind after receiving a new diagnosis of Autonomic Dysfunction, accompanied by a very slow heart rate. I was given this diagnosis last Tuesday, and the dream came during the following night.

As soon as I began to pray next morning, I saw that although the overt scenario of my dream bore no resemblance to what is currently happening in my life, the emotions it generated were highly relevant. When awake, I wasn’t feeling these emotions at all. However, during my dream, I experienced them to the full. After jotting them down during the night, and reading them next morning, I could see how closely they related to current events in my life.

Dreams: symbols of past and present realities

Then I saw and understood more generally how the events in my dreams symbolise, reflect and explore what is happening in my life. Until having the dream described above, I had always thought that my dreams revealed buried emotions belonging to past events and traumas, and of course this may still be the case with some dreams. However, last Wednesday God showed me that my dreams also reveal current hidden or suppressed emotions – emotions I don’t experience when awake.

A direct connection to the unconscious mind

This came as a complete surprise. I now see that my dreams offer a much more direct connection to my unconscious mind than I had previously realised. This link is a pearl beyond price to me, so  I’ll be reflecting on it in the days to come, and looking forward to learning more.

God speaks again and again, though people do not recognise it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds (Job 33:14-15; NLT).

Reference

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

11.2.23: Healing through dreams

Ruth Kirk

God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds (Job 33:14-15; NLT). 

Forgotten dreams

In prayer yesterday, I saw that when I can’t remember a dream, I can be sure that it contained nothing I need to know about or deal with at present. 

The same is also true when I remember a dream, but no significant theme or emotion stands out. After thanking God for these quiet dreams, I simply let them go. Experience shows that any vague fragments I recall will quickly fade from consciousness.

Recurring dreams

Even if I miss or forget something significant, I’m confident that it will emerge repeatedly in my dreams until I’m ready and able to catch hold of what it has to teach me. This is because the contents of my unconscious mind (memories, traumatic experiences, hidden desires, buried emotions etc), are constantly present, even though I’m not conscious of them. They bubble away beyond awareness, constantly influencing all I feel, think, say and do. They affect how I understand and judge my past, how I react to events in the present, and how I approach the future. They help to determine how I experience life, and how I relate to others.

If I had to face all the contents of my unconscious mind at once, I’m sure I they would overwhelm me. I would become very disturbed, and break down. On the other hand, if I tried to avoid facing them altogether, I would be unable to change, grow and move forward in my life.

Gradual healing, through dreams

Given time, I believe that every significant unresolved experience, trauma and emotion buried in my unconscious mind will gradually be revealed in my dreams. This natural process will continue until I have remembered them all, named them, and written them down. This will enable me to face them one at a time, bring them into the light of my prayers, and asking God to heal them. Thus, through dreams, these issues will no longer remain hidden in darkness, until symptoms such as panic, loss of temper, or despair erupt uncontrollably and without warning, apparently from nowhere.

Cause for rejoicing

So when I check my notebook each morning, I rejoice to see what has been harvested from my unconscious mind during the night. Despite no longer remembering the dreams themselves, their major themes have been safely retrieved and made accessible, ready for prayer. This is all I need.

No surprises for God

Of course, there are no surprises for God in all that surfaces; only for me. This is because God already knows the thoughts of my heart and everything about me that is hidden from conscious awareness. With dreams as my way forward, it’s wonderful to know that even my unconscious mind is being healed.

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1; NLT).

References 

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

I am the LORD who heals you (Exodus 15:26; NLT).

9.2.23: Dream themes

Ruth Kirk

Recently, I’ve been exploring my dreams in a new way – an approach which shows me the unresolved emotional issues hidden away in my unconscious mind.

Following what I learned a few days ago (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dph), the next night I began noting down the overall theme, or essence, of each dream. I did this every time I woke, whilst my memories were still fresh.

By the time I was fully awake next morning, I had a list of all the emotions which had surfaced from my unconscious mind into my dreams that night. For the first time ever, I could consciously connect with them, pray about them, and work with them. 

It’s very early days, but the major themes and emotional states I’ve identified so far are: insecurity, anger, losing my temper, lack of confidence, failure and illness.

Having embarked on this inner journey, I have faith that I’ll keep on learning, although it’s impossible to predict what will be revealed next, which is very exciting.

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT). 

The Rosary Hospital 

Having completed the “pretty” rosary I started yesterday, here is a photo of it. I’m hoping to deliver it tomorrow, or on Saturday:

7.2.23: A revelation

Ruth Kirk

Introduction 

As I woke from a particularly disturbing dream yesterday, God gently reminded me that my dreams often relate to unresolved issues in my life (see https://wp.me/p45bCr-dov). Then this insight was taken further, by showing me that dreams offer the possibility of a very special kind of healing: the healing of the unconscious mind. This truth was established long ago by far greater thinkers than me, such as Freud, but yesterday it struck me in an intensely personal way.

The purpose of my dreams 

Dreams make me face and re-experience unresolved issues hidden from awareness in my unconscious mind. Remembering them when I wake enables me to become conscious of what was previously inaccessible. This process re-establishes a connection with everything I have forgotten, suppressed, or repressed during my lifetime. 

Because of my dreams, I can now begin to pray about the contents and conflicts in my unconscious mind, and to ask for healing. It seems extraordinary that I knew nothing about this until it was shown to me yesterday. By paying attention to my dreams, identifying their major themes, and bringing them to God in prayer, I now have an opportunity for all the damage, anger, fear and guilt hidden in my unconscious mind to be healed. 

Recurring dreams

If dreams represent life-events which need healing, it’s easy to see that recurring dreams reveal an insistent need to face repressed issues consciously, to pray about them, and to ask for God’s assistance.

It is therefore perhaps unhelpful to ask for a series of dreams to stop, however unpleasant they are. Rather, I need to ask God to help me face and accept the problematic themes they reveal. Then the related traumatic memories hidden in my unconscious mind can at last begin to emerge for healing.

Getting help

Once I face what is revealed in my dreams, I can pray about it, and, if necessary, ask for help. Ways forward might include discussing the matter with someone I trust, talking to the person concerned (if they are alive), going to confession, or working with a therapist. 

My expectation is that when my disturbing unconscious issues have been resolved, the bad and recurring dreams associated with them will cease. 

Reflection on what I experienced 

Yesterday, as I perceived everything described above, I was in God’s hands, full of awe, though not afraid. For the first time ever I was able to see into my unconscious mind for a short while. It looked like a living, roiling mass of dark grey clouds. Previously, I have only seen its smooth, oily, reflective outer surface – the interface between my conscious and unconscious minds.

My way forward

My dreams bring what is unconscious into consciousness, so I can access, act on, and resolve buried issues during my waking hours. In the light of this, from now on I plan to handle my dreams in a new way:

As soon as I wake, whilst that night’s dreams are still fresh in my mind, I will try to identify and name their themes as honestly and briefly as I can, noting them down.

Then I will thank God for my dreams (including bad dreams and nightmares), and ask God to to help me face, pray about, explore and tackle the memories, experiences, traumas, sins, conflicts or unresolved issues they have revealed.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I thank God for showing me that my dreams can bring the contents of my unconscious mind back into consciousness, so that when I awake, I can deal with the issues they raise. This feels like a very profound opportunity indeed for healing.

Last prayer before sleeping

Lord God,

Thank you for revealing the contents of my unconscious mind through dreams.

Please show me whatever I need to see each night, so I can consciously reconnect with it.

When I wake, please help me to identify and name the theme of each dream, and to thank you for all it reveals.

Please help me to take whatever action is necessary to engage with your healing process.

I am awed that you can do all this, and that you are so determined to heal not just my conscious mind, but my unconscious mind as well. 

I ask this through your dear Son’s name. Amen.

References 

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3; NLT).

O LORD, if you heal me, I will be truly healed (Jeremiah 17:14; NLT).

Stop press

I was able to start putting my plan into action this morning, and to note the major theme of last night’s dream, which was insecurity.

5.2.23: Bad dreams

Ruth Kirk

Introduction

Every night, just before I settle down to sleep, I ask God to help me be a Christian in my dreams, to know Christ’s constant presence there, and even to see his face. I started doing this because for the last six months or so nearly all of my dreams have been vivid, disturbing, distressing and sometimes frightening.

Looking back

I began writing about this issue on the 27th of October 2022. If you would like to look back through this thread, here are the links to some relevant blogs:

27.10.22: Dreams: https://wp.me/p45bCr-cHj

12.11.22: A dream (for E.M.): https://wp.me/p45bCr-cPy

24.11.22: In my dreams: https://wp.me/p45bCr-cVN

6.12.22: In my dreams: https://wp.me/p45bCr-cZ0

9.1.23: Bad dreams: https://wp.me/p45bCr-d5w

Starting to understand 

Yesterday, at last, I started to understand the purpose of these dreams:

Through them I repeatedly face situations, relationships, dilemmas, difficulties and turning-points which are similar in essence to those I have actually experienced during my life. So, as I work through these challenges again and again in my dreams, I have many opportunities to practice dealing with them more effectively.

In the past

In the past, when alarming things happened to me in real life, I simply reacted instinctively, like a cornered animal, unable to think about, or to control, my response.

Depending on the particular circumstances, my behavioural repertoire included getting upset, losing my temper, panicking, running away, anxious avoidance, being filled with dread, and saying nothing to the person concerned.

Sadly, none of these makes for a happy, healthy emotional life. Indeed, they create further issues by exacerbating and perpetuating existing problems. I can say this with complete confidence because I’ve spent my life wrestling with such issues, and struggling to overcome them.

New learning

However, to my delight, I’m now beginning to gain some significant insight into my bad dreams:

Firstly, they help me to connect my psychological issues with the serious damage done to my conscious and unconscious mental development by my mother’s emotional abuse.

Secondly, now aged 70, I observe that at last I’m beginning to react differently to challenging events in my dreams. This suggests that the assertiveness skills and emotional stability I have consciously worked so hard to acquire and develop as an adult are now slowly being integrated into my unconscious mind as well. I attribute this change to the prayer I say each night before sleeping, and thank God for this very significant form of gradual healing – the healing of my bad dreams.

One major theme

One theme that really stands out for me is the difference it makes when I speak out openly, directly and honestly in my dreams, rather than feeling helpless, powerless, silenced, weak and afraid. 

It’s easy to see that the pattern of fear, silence and avoidance, unconsciously developed for the sake of self-preservation during my childhood, has been the underlying cause of my long history of anxiety, depression, panic attacks and phobias, especially the agoraphobia and claustrophobia which have characterised and dominated my life.

Understanding this makes me realise, yet again, that God really does bring good from everything, even, in my case, the mental suffering and ingrained defence mechanisms which result from having a narcissistic, controlling and emotionally abusive mother. 

Conclusion

My guess is that as I become able to deal more skilfully with the difficult situations arising in my dreams, the bad ones will gradually cease. However, even if they continue, their fear factor will be greatly reduced by my responses to them being very different. So yesterday I added a new line to my final prayer of the day:

Lord, 

Please let me know your presence in my dreams. Whatever I experience in my sleep, may I face it with you, and deal with it as a Christian, speaking the truth in love directly, openly, confidently, and honestly.

I ask this through your own dear name. Amen.

STOP PRESS: Last night I had a potentially very distressing dream about being lost in London, exhausted and unable to walk. This is a standard agoraphobic/chronic illness nightmare for me. To my amazement, on waking, I remembered how I was able to ask for help from a stranger, and that although I was fully aware of my situation, I wasn’t afraid. Isn’t that truly amazing?

References

God gave Daniel the special ability to interpret the meanings of visions and dreams (Daniel 1:17; NLT).

God can tell you what it means and set you at ease (Genesis 41:16; NLT).

Keep on seeking, and you will find (Luke 11:9; NLT).

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me (Psalm 23:4; NKJV).

We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15; NLT).

God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28; NLT).

Fun with fermenting

Yesterday I looked carefully at my raisin starter, and found tall, thin filaments of mould growing on it, so, sadly, it had to go into the bin. However, I’m still confidently making my usual yoghurt and buttermilk, so I haven’t given up fermenting altogether.

21.1.23: Understanding ourselves

Ruth Kirk

Last Thursday, whilst praying for those who wage war on other people, I saw that whenever we harm or hurt someone else in any way, our behaviour reveals that we are unconsciously at war with some aspect of ourselves. Then today’s prayer started to flow:

We don’t understand (John 16:18; NLT). 

Lord, please help us to understand ourselves, because:

When we judge others,
We are are unconsciously judging ourselves.

When we don’t forgive others,
We are unconsciously unable to forgive ourselves.

When we hate others,
We unconsciously hate ourselves,

And when we wage war on others,
We are unconsciously at war with ourselves.

Lord, please help us to choose your perfect way, because:

When we learn to accept ourselves,
We will spontaneously accept others.

When we learn to care for ourselves,
We will spontaneously care for others.

When we learn to forgive ourselves,
We will spontaneously forgive others,

And when we learn to love ourselves,
We will spontaneously love others.

Love your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27; NLT).

References 

God’s way is perfect (2 Samuel 22:31; NLT). 

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2; NLT). 

Follow the way of love (1 Corinthians 14:1; NIV).

“You know the way to where I am going.”  “No, we don’t know, Lord,” Thomas said. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:4-6; NLT). 

He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries. Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left (Isaiah 30:19-21; NLT).

The Rosary Hospital 

Yesterday I enjoyed fulfilling a request for a smooth, comfortable Fiat Rosary. It is destined to be worn around the neck, always ready for use, and always ready to bring comfort:

3.12.22: As I wake

Ruth Kirk

Context: As I wake, eyes still closed, I’m in my familiar, warm, dimly-lit inner space, looking down at the dark, still surface of my unconscious mind, repeating, “I love you, Lord; I love you.” 

The face of the deep begins to stir, creating ripples which spread out from the centre until they are lost from my sight in the surrounding darkness. Then I hear myself saying aloud, “Let it be done to me according to thy word”. After this, I lie in silence, amazed and awed.

Eventually, I pick up my iPad, and start to write down what happened. I have a sense that something is coming: a change, a gain, a loss? What might it be? I feel a ripple of apprehension and excitement, which persists throughout the day.

References 

Darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters (Genesis 1:2; NLT). 

An angel of the Lord came from time to time and stirred up the water (John 5:4; NLT). 

I love you, Lord; you are my strength (Psalm 18:1; NLT). 

Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38; KJV). 

Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you” (Matthew 9:29; NIV). 

Then Jesus told the centurion, “Go. As you have believed, let it be done for you” (Matthew 8:13; CSB). 

Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10; RSV).

I want your will to be done, not mine (Luke 22:42; NLT).